Aftercare is cruel to kindergarteners

[Anonymous]

OP,

You could have phrased your post with less judgment, but I mostly agree with you. I'm a working Mom and my daughter started preschool last year. My husband and I adjusted our schedules so that we could both pick her up twice a week and my Mom/Dad picked her up on Fridays. It worked great until my Dad got sick. So we moved to aftercare.

On the one hand, I like it in warm weather because she got to go out and spend free time with her school friends. On the other, I didn't like that she spent 9 hours at school (we usually picked her up around 5:15). And I really didn't like it when the weather was not good, so those 2 hours were spent indoors.

This year she's in pre-K and we will not do after-care. I just don't like keeping her there so long and I don't want to pay for the luxury of her staying only an hour (the amount of time I'm comfortable with her staying in aftercare). I also don't like that the "quality" of care changes in aftercare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pick my child up promptly to spend all that quality time together and my child is envious of the kids who stay in aftercare and get to play with their friends longer....go figure. Every family is unique.

Exactly. I work FT and pick my kid up from preschool aftercare at 4:30. He is usually crabby because they go to the gym shortly after that and I am cutting in on his play time. The last thing he wants to do is sit in his car seat while we pick up dad from work and fight traffic to get home. He's happy once we get there, but that preschool is his social circle and it is hard for him to leave it. Of course now some self-righteous SAHM will say that I should be home all day orchestrating every moment of his life, planning playdates and music classes and library outings, so. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has been covered before. Some folks have to work full time and don't really have a choice. .

Sure they do. Downsize, downsize, downsize. You don't need to live in a 3,000 sq ft place, hire help for cleaning and yardwork, wear the best clothes, have an iPhone5, drive an SUV with only one or two kids, use coupons and shop the specials. Cook more, go out to eat once a month or less.

It can easily be done, even in this area. But people here are too set on keeping up their extravagant lifestyles.

Priorities.

I know this is going to shock you, but many of us have to work full time to pay the bills for our very MODEST lifestyle. Modest = small, older 1500 sq foot house in okay nieghborhood, older cars, contributing standard amounts to retirements / 529s, and very few, if any, vacations. It's called being middle class and not middle class earning $250K and moaning that you can't afford private school. DH and I work hard for the $100K we bring in jointly every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure i buy the argument (for most 2-parent families, at least) that people "have no choice" but to put their kids in aftercare or else their kids would be unfed, unclothed, etc. unless you are a really, really high earner, quality aftercare programs for 2 or more kids is going to eat up almost all of your salary. So you aren't really making a ton of profit anyway. Plus, your kids would prefer to be with you. Stay home if you can.

Um, no. But thanks for the unsolicited advice!

Aftercare, even quality aftercare, is a few hundred a month. That's not going to eat up all of someone's salary, even if they aren't a "really, really high earner." Not to mention, there are other benefits outside of salary that people get while working. And some families can't afford to lose the benefits. I also disagree that "your kids would prefer to be with you." Yes, kids do want time and attention from their parents, but it doesn't have to be all day, every day. Social interaction is good for children. That's why when kids get past 2, SAHM (or good ones at least) try to arrange play dates or attend other events so that their kids are able to socialize with other kids. How is that different from daycare/aftercare? Part of the time, the kids nap. Part of the time, the kids eat and do activities. the rest of the time, they play with other kids. It's not like the kid is sitting alone in a room with a tv pining away for mommy. A lot of daycare and aftercare programs keep kids engaged. they don't suffer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

You could have phrased your post with less judgment, but I mostly agree with you. I'm a working Mom and my daughter started preschool last year. My husband and I adjusted our schedules so that we could both pick her up twice a week and my Mom/Dad picked her up on Fridays. It worked great until my Dad got sick. So we moved to aftercare.

On the one hand, I like it in warm weather because she got to go out and spend free time with her school friends. On the other, I didn't like that she spent 9 hours at school (we usually picked her up around 5:15). And I really didn't like it when the weather was not good, so those 2 hours were spent indoors.

This year she's in pre-K and we will not do after-care. I just don't like keeping her there so long and I don't want to pay for the luxury of her staying only an hour (the amount of time I'm comfortable with her staying in aftercare). I also don't like that the "quality" of care changes in aftercare.

During bad weather, wouldn't those 2 hours be spent indoors with you? Or would you just send her out in the rain/snow/freezing cold anyway? You really have some misplaced mommy guilt if this is what upset you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Money = food, housing, utilities and other necessities. Since you are such a great person, maybe you can volunteer to watch the kids in their absence.

+1

[Anonymous]

I was just talking to a SAHM of teens (she teaches rec center classes during school hours) and she told me that she actually feels it's more important for her to be a SAHM now than it was when her kids were my age (2 and 3). I really hope we can continue to afford me SAH as the kids get older. I have a PhD, so maybe I can find some part-time flexible consulting work for during school hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I pick my child up promptly to spend all that quality time together and my child is envious of the kids who stay in aftercare and get to play with their friends longer....go figure. Every family is unique.

Right?!? My DD says to me in the mornings, "Pick me up LATE today, Mommy, b/c I want a lot of playtime." Being with her friends is FUN compared to going home with boring ol' Mommy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just talking to a SAHM of teens (she teaches rec center classes during school hours) and she told me that she actually feels it's more important for her to be a SAHM now than it was when her kids were my age (2 and 3). I really hope we can continue to afford me SAH as the kids get older. I have a PhD, so maybe I can find some part-time flexible consulting work for during school hours.

Can I just ask why on earth you got a PhD if your intent was to be a SAHM for 20 years? Where I come from, you maybe get a BA if this is your life goal, but you certainly don't spend 10+ years and go into debt for a PhD you will never use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was just talking to a SAHM of teens (she teaches rec center classes during school hours) and she told me that she actually feels it's more important for her to be a SAHM now than it was when her kids were my age (2 and 3). I really hope we can continue to afford me SAH as the kids get older. I have a PhD, so maybe I can find some part-time flexible consulting work for during school hours.

My mom (who raised 6 kids) has said this many times to us as well. I really want to be home for the after-school hours once my DD gets up into MS and HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

You could have phrased your post with less judgment, but I mostly agree with you. I'm a working Mom and my daughter started preschool last year. My husband and I adjusted our schedules so that we could both pick her up twice a week and my Mom/Dad picked her up on Fridays. It worked great until my Dad got sick. So we moved to aftercare.

On the one hand, I like it in warm weather because she got to go out and spend free time with her school friends. On the other, I didn't like that she spent 9 hours at school (we usually picked her up around 5:15). And I really didn't like it when the weather was not good, so those 2 hours were spent indoors.

This year she's in pre-K and we will not do after-care. I just don't like keeping her there so long and I don't want to pay for the luxury of her staying only an hour (the amount of time I'm comfortable with her staying in aftercare). I also don't like that the "quality" of care changes in aftercare.

During bad weather, wouldn't those 2 hours be spent indoors with you? Or would you just send her out in the rain/snow/freezing cold anyway? You really have some misplaced mommy guilt if this is what upset you.

No mommy-guilt and not sure why you had to phrase your comment in such a combative way. While I love her school, the side where aftercare is held looks a bit gloomy. And indoor play at school is usually spent watching a movie, doing an activity, etc. While great, my DD doesn't like those days in aftercare. She loves it when they get to go outside and play on the field and/or on the playground.

[Anonymous]

My kids love aftercare. They go on field trips, swimming, take gymnastics, Spanish, and music classes.

We skipped aftercare for a year because we thought an afterschool nanny might be a better route, but they begged for aftercare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was just talking to a SAHM of teens (she teaches rec center classes during school hours) and she told me that she actually feels it's more important for her to be a SAHM now than it was when her kids were my age (2 and 3). I really hope we can continue to afford me SAH as the kids get older. I have a PhD, so maybe I can find some part-time flexible consulting work for during school hours.

Can I just ask why on earth you got a PhD if your intent was to be a SAHM for 20 years? Where I come from, you maybe get a BA if this is your life goal, but you certainly don't spend 10+ years and go into debt for a PhD you will never use.

I don't get this either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three friends whose children are starting kindergarten with my daughter. They will be dropping them off at 7:45 am, and not picking them up until 6 pm!! These poor kids are going to be in aftercare from 2:30 on. Why on earth would you do this to a five year old??

I don't get how they are comfortable only seeing their children about 2-3 hours a day. It would break my heart.

What do others think?

I admit I didn't read all the posts but

I agree with this. And I am working mom who use daycare since my child was an infant.

It was the reason that we sold a larger home out further and moved closer in to a small house. My child in K would have actually been in before care starting at 7 am and I would not have been picked up until 6:30pm. Way too long and way longer than she was ever in daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

You could have phrased your post with less judgment, but I mostly agree with you. I'm a working Mom and my daughter started preschool last year. My husband and I adjusted our schedules so that we could both pick her up twice a week and my Mom/Dad picked her up on Fridays. It worked great until my Dad got sick. So we moved to aftercare.

On the one hand, I like it in warm weather because she got to go out and spend free time with her school friends. On the other, I didn't like that she spent 9 hours at school (we usually picked her up around 5:15). And I really didn't like it when the weather was not good, so those 2 hours were spent indoors.

This year she's in pre-K and we will not do after-care. I just don't like keeping her there so long and I don't want to pay for the luxury of her staying only an hour (the amount of time I'm comfortable with her staying in aftercare). I also don't like that the "quality" of care changes in aftercare.

During bad weather, wouldn't those 2 hours be spent indoors with you? Or would you just send her out in the rain/snow/freezing cold anyway? You really have some misplaced mommy guilt if this is what upset you.

EXACTLY.

The thing is, obviously the quality of "aftercare" programs vary by school. Hell, even within a specific school, the quality probably varies by day. Is it great for kids to be parked in front of a TV with a dozen other kids at their school watching Dora the Explorer from 3-6? Probably not, in my opinion, but it also won't completely destroy them forever if they are living otherwise fulfilling lives. Most adults I know waste 3+ hours a day on things that are probably not good for them. Is it great for kids to have extra dance class, or supplemental languages, or arts, or whatever? We can disagree on whether it's healthy for kids ages 3-6 to be scheduled that much in general, but I know a lot of kids who really enjoy the things they do and learn in aftercare, when it's actually an enrichment program, rather than a glorified parking lot.