Aftercare is cruel to kindergarteners

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we were at our kindergarten orientation, I purposefully raised my hand and asked a question about the aftercare. I wanted everyone to know I work and so she'll be in aftercare. I thought of this DCUM conversation and knew every SAHM there would tisk tisk and think I was a horrible mother, and it made me laugh internally.

Really? You "purposefully" raised your hand and asked about aftercare, solely so that you could laugh at the other parents who are judging you? You trolled your kindergarten orientation?

No, they're not judging you for using aftercare.

[Anonymous]

Moms don't have time enough to judge. At least most of them do not. That's really a strange thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three friends whose children are starting kindergarten with my daughter. They will be dropping them off at 7:45 am, and not picking them up until 6 pm!! These poor kids are going to be in aftercare from 2:30 on. Why on earth would you do this to a five year old??

I don't get how they are comfortable only seeing their children about 2-3 hours a day. It would break my heart.

What do others think?

My kid did aftercare in the PM only in K for about 1 hour past the end of school (no before-care because we didn't need it). It was not an issue for her at all. She made friends outside of her classroom and her grade last year because of it. Working parents do what they have to do. You have no right to judge. Just do what we think is best for your own child. What others do is none of your business.

[Anonymous]

This id so stupid. Clearly the children who are in K aftercare have been in daycare their whole lives. They have always been in care until 6. They are used to it!

[Anonymous]

I had one SAH say to me - a working mom, "I'll take over your volunteer duty b/c well, you work and probably won't have the time to devote to the job."

People pass judgment all the time. But you can't let it bother you.

In fact, I kept the job and even IMPROVED the process for handling it. We've since left the school, but the position is still producing results!

So sometimes it's not a time issue - and I mean this with kids, too. It's how wisely you spend your time with others - and on tasks. And I don't think many SAHs are any more creative with their kids or better at parenting them than I am with mine.

I like work; I need childcare. My kids are used to it. They're doing well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has been covered before. Some folks have to work full time and don't really have a choice. .

Sure they do. Downsize, downsize, downsize. You don't need to live in a 3,000 sq ft place, hire help for cleaning and yardwork, wear the best clothes, have an iPhone5, drive an SUV with only one or two kids, use coupons and shop the specials. Cook more, go out to eat once a month or less.

It can easily be done, even in this area. But people here are too set on keeping up their extravagant lifestyles.

Priorities.

I have none of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has been covered before. Some folks have to work full time and don't really have a choice. .

Sure they do. Downsize, downsize, downsize. You don't need to live in a 3,000 sq ft place, hire help for cleaning and yardwork, wear the best clothes, have an iPhone5, drive an SUV with only one or two kids, use coupons and shop the specials. Cook more, go out to eat once a month or less.

It can easily be done, even in this area. But people here are too set on keeping up their extravagant lifestyles.

Priorities.

I have none of those things.

Then you must get them! So that you can get rid of them!

(this is supposed to be a sad joke)

[Anonymous]

Is this just another SAHM/WOHM battle?

It sounds like a knock on working moms. Not sure how kindergarten with aftercare is different from daycare.

I'm a part time working mom who plans to use aftercare for about 1 hour per day. Do you feel bad for me and my child also? I get to use my ivy league education at work. I still plan to participate in the pta and volunteer at the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had one SAH say to me - a working mom, "I'll take over your volunteer duty b/c well, you work and probably won't have the time to devote to the job."

People pass judgment all the time. But you can't let it bother you.

In fact, I kept the job and even IMPROVED the process for handling it. We've since left the school, but the position is still producing results!

So sometimes it's not a time issue - and I mean this with kids, too. It's how wisely you spend your time with others - and on tasks. And I don't think many SAHs are any more creative with their kids or better at parenting them than I am with mine.

I like work; I need childcare. My kids are used to it. They're doing well.

You make an excellent point! DH and I work f/t at careers we LOVE! In talking with many SAHMs over the years I realized that I spend more quality with my kids and we do more family activities than the majority of the SAHMs in my neighborhood. I get a lot of snide comments about how can I possibly have the time to do all that I do. I have a fairly high level position at work, regularly volunteer at the school, am the school coordinator for an afterschool activity and coach one of my DC's team, send in decorated cakes/cupcakes for holidays and school events (it's a hobby but I've even made a few wedding cakes), cook from scratch most of the week, have a clean/organized house, workout 5-6 days/week, and still find time to spend a lot of time with my kids.

I'm very goal-oriented and focused on my priorities. I laugh when the SAHMs talk about how tired they are because they had to get up at 6am one morning for some early event or how they can't "sleep in" now that summer's over. Good for you, OP, but that's just not for me. My kids LOVE aftercare and as a pp stated, complain when I pick them up too early.

We might have a choice to have a SAHP if my DH wanted to stay home but he doesn't. I am not going to stay home because I provide well for my family, I LOVE what I do, I busted my butt to pay for college to be able to do something I love to do. Why would I walk away from that? My kids are well-adjusted, happy, healthy, and provided what we consider a very happy, well-balanced life to model after.

My opinion is that most of the SAHMs either don't have the skills it takes to balance work and home and therefore you stay home (too overwhelmed) or you did not have jobs that made enough money to make it worth working. None of these apply to me. Another smaller category of SAHMs I've met had careers they liked and made decent money, but felt the social pressures of needing to SAH. Several have confided in me that they wish they had kept working now. Once all of the kids get in school f/t they are bored and need more but it's hard to find a job right now when you've been out of the workforce for so many years.

OP, you do realize there are people like me who are NOT insecure of their choices no matter what you say. I just laugh and feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

My opinion is that most of the SAHMs either don't have the skills it takes to balance work and home and therefore you stay home (too overwhelmed) or you did not have jobs that made enough money to make it worth working. None of these apply to me. Another smaller category of SAHMs I've met had careers they liked and made decent money, but felt the social pressures of needing to SAH. Several have confided in me that they wish they had kept working now. Once all of the kids get in school f/t they are bored and need more but it's hard to find a job right now when you've been out of the workforce for so many years.

Arrogance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three friends whose children are starting kindergarten with my daughter. They will be dropping them off at 7:45 am, and not picking them up until 6 pm!! These poor kids are going to be in aftercare from 2:30 on. Why on earth would you do this to a five year old??

I don't get how they are comfortable only seeing their children about 2-3 hours a day. It would break my heart.

What do others think?

Funny that your three friends' children will be hanging out together, socializing, playing, learning, etc... Meanwhile you're going to selfishly keep your kid to yourself and do what? Sit them in front of the TV?

I...I...just couldn't do that to my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

My opinion is that most of the SAHMs either don't have the skills it takes to balance work and home and therefore you stay home (too overwhelmed) or you did not have jobs that made enough money to make it worth working. None of these apply to me. Another smaller category of SAHMs I've met had careers they liked and made decent money, but felt the social pressures of needing to SAH. Several have confided in me that they wish they had kept working now. Once all of the kids get in school f/t they are bored and need more but it's hard to find a job right now when you've been out of the workforce for so many years.

Arrogance.

It's not arrogance. It's my personal observation in my current neighborhood in NVA and my circle of family and friends. I have met very, very few SAHMs who had viable careers before having kids or could handle the balance of a 2 parent working household.

My opinon would be different if the SAHMs in my neighborhood were different, but they aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three friends whose children are starting kindergarten with my daughter. They will be dropping them off at 7:45 am, and not picking them up until 6 pm!! These poor kids are going to be in aftercare from 2:30 on. Why on earth would you do this to a five year old??

I don't get how they are comfortable only seeing their children about 2-3 hours a day. It would break my heart.

What do others think?

Funny that your three friends' children will be hanging out together, socializing, playing, learning, etc... Meanwhile you're going to selfishly keep your kid to yourself and do what? Sit them in front of the TV?

I...I...just couldn't do that to my child.

well said!

[Anonymous]

Stupid conversation. It is a personal decision and there is no right or wrong answer. SAHM shouldn't condemn working moms nor vice versa.

[Anonymous]

My kindergartner only goes to the before-school-care and then I pick her up at the regular time, but now she is asking to go to the after-care too b/c so many of her friends are in it!