Aftercare is cruel to kindergarteners

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're starting kindergarten next week & will be in SACC. My kid has been in daycare since 3 months. All the mothers at the daycare are working moms. Once we start K are there going to be a lot of SAHMs passing judgment on WOHMs? And vice versa?

no. was in the same situation, two kids in daycare 8 hours a day since 2.5 months. first child is now in 3grade, second starting pre-K. tons of kids go to aftercare programs, because the parents work or because they like the activities and playing with their friends. nobody usually passes judgment on anybody else (and if they do, frankly who cares?). OP was just a troll and frankly I was surprised it was fed so much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ouch...

I'm a single mother, that recently moved here from abroad, as I accepted a job offer in DC.

I'm also foreigner and not very familiar with the US habits.

My DS will be attending a school, which provides extended care until 6 pm. I was Now debating if would be a good idea to sign him up. The thing is...I don't have a lot of choices...either he will attend extended care, either I will hire a part time nanny.

I come from a country where the extended day care is until 8 pm, due to the way the counttry and work is organized. I know...terrible, and I'm sure no kid get enough sleep, but...it's our reality.

My doubt was...would he be ok, is it normal to be in extended day care or will he be by himself? This is a traditional Roman Catholic school...

Shall I get the nanny? But being without siblings, I believe this may be even worst...

Please advice....

another foreigner here. if the program is good, then sign him up. he will make friends and spend time playing with them. if the program is just a parking place, then find something else. my kids' school has two great programs, and tons of kids go there every day. once my visiting father showed up at the after care at 4 to "save" his poor grandchild and my daughter kicked him out, telling him to come back not earlier than 5 because she had no intention to stop playing to go home.

[Anonymous]

One thing to remember is that with before and after care you are not relying on one person, which can be helpful. On the other hand, a nanny will be there even on days when before and after care are not in session. It's definitely a trade-off but I would say try the before and after care and if it doesn't work, go for a nanny. It is harder to go the other way--that is, from nanny to before and after care.

[Anonymous]

20:35 Unfortunately that is sometimes the case. I wouldn't say a lot, but there are definitely some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're starting kindergarten next week & will be in SACC. My kid has been in daycare since 3 months. All the mothers at the daycare are working moms. Once we start K are there going to be a lot of SAHMs passing judgment on WOHMs? And vice versa?

no. was in the same situation, two kids in daycare 8 hours a day since 2.5 months. first child is now in 3grade, second starting pre-K. tons of kids go to aftercare programs, because the parents work or because they like the activities and playing with their friends. nobody usually passes judgment on anybody else (and if they do, frankly who cares?). OP was just a troll and frankly I was surprised it was fed so much

We are starting daycare too and DD will be in the a.m. "extended day" program. She has been in daycare for 3 years prior to this. I too am a little worried to all of a sudden being in a mixed peer group (DD *and* I), so to speak, of SAHM families and WOHM families, for the first time. Up until now we have been in a nice cozy network of all WOHMs when we all have been supportive of each other! All of a sudden, I am coming up against inconvenient things like "coffee for new families!" . . .. at 8:30 a.m. in the morning "after drop-off" -- umm, thanks, who can go to this? Not I. And other things like this. It is amazing how daycare manages to keep us all informed, social, build community, etc. . .without all these "extras" which seem to come with the territory once you are in a school environment which is, largely, organized by SAHs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're starting kindergarten next week & will be in SACC. My kid has been in daycare since 3 months. All the mothers at the daycare are working moms. Once we start K are there going to be a lot of SAHMs passing judgment on WOHMs? And vice versa?

no. was in the same situation, two kids in daycare 8 hours a day since 2.5 months. first child is now in 3grade, second starting pre-K. tons of kids go to aftercare programs, because the parents work or because they like the activities and playing with their friends. nobody usually passes judgment on anybody else (and if they do, frankly who cares?). OP was just a troll and frankly I was surprised it was fed so much

We are starting KINDERGARTEN too and DD will be in the a.m. "extended day" program. She has been in daycare for 3 years prior to this. I too am a little worried to all of a sudden being in a mixed peer group (DD *and* I), so to speak, of SAHM families and WOHM families, for the first time. Up until now we have been in a nice cozy network of all WOHMs when we all have been supportive of each other! All of a sudden, I am coming up against inconvenient things like "coffee for new families!" . . .. at 8:30 a.m. in the morning "after drop-off" -- umm, thanks, who can go to this? Not I. And other things like this. It is amazing how daycare manages to keep us all informed, social, build community, etc. . .without all these "extras" which seem to come with the territory once you are in a school environment which is, largely, organized by SAHs.

Oops! Pls see correction up above in all caps.

[Anonymous]

The things I see are subtle. Like SAHM's deciding not to befriend moms who work. Room parent meetings at 2:00 in the afternoon. Stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The things I see are subtle. Like SAHM's deciding not to befriend moms who work. Room parent meetings at 2:00 in the afternoon. Stuff like that.

Well ... if SAHMs are going to put in more labor at schools (which only makes sense) then I for one don't begrudge them having meetings at 2pm! If they're doing the work, they get to organize it. That's one of the big values of SAHM that never gets adequately recognized: the ability to participate more fully in the community. I WOHM and probably will forever, but I'm not kidding myself that I'll be able to be as involved a parent as a SAHM would be. Of course I'm sure there are also SAHMs who do nothing and WOHM who are supermoms who do it all ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well maybe I won't win mom of the year for this but my kid is happier on the days she goes to daycare and she sleeps better too. I'm pretty sure I would suck at staying at home - I would go mad and DD would be bored and unstimulated. For me, it's not about economics. It's about what works for the personalities in my family. I could afford to stay home. I choose not to.

+1

[Anonymous]

I personally don't think anyone gets a pass at not volunteering just because they work. Everyone can do something. The WOHM's who are actually very involved in the PTA at our school and meetings are often in the evening. The SAHM's run the parties with meetings at 2:00.

[Anonymous]

Here is one issue with aftercare. It's fine when kids are younger and don't have much homework. But as they get older and have more homework and are required to read quietly for 20-30 minutes a night, aftercare isn't the greatest. The staff usually asks if they have homework but kids say "I'll do it at home" or "I don't have any" and the staff takes the kids' word for it, instead of pushing, going through the bookbag, etc. Also some kids need more intense hand-holding type of assistance that staff can't adequately provide. The problem comes in when you pick the kids up at aftercare around 5-6ish, and the homework isn't done yet.

Afternoon activities like sports usually start around 5-6 too, so then there's a scramble to do pickup, figure out dinner, get out the door for activities, and still do an hour or more of homework. Homework really picks up around 4th grade, in my experience.

Keeping this in mind, aftercare is great in the early years, and great for self-motivated kids who will actually do all of their homework before getting picking up, or kids that don't need help. But for other kids, it might be better to have them come home, establish the habit of doing homework right after school instead of playing, and then doing evening activities. It might be worth it to have a college-age sitter or try to adjust work schedules where a parent goes in really early and is home after school by around 3rd grade. Kids still need supervision and homework help through 8th grade but aftercare usually ends at 5th or 6th.

Just my opinions based on personal experience. Daycare and early school years were easier in a lot of ways.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but you're saying aftercare isn't great for older kids because of logistics for the parents. OP is complaining about kindergarteners being overwhelmed and possibly even damaged by being in aftercare.

[Anonymous]

When we were at our kindergarten orientation, I purposefully raised my hand and asked a question about the aftercare. I wanted everyone to know I work and so she'll be in aftercare. I thought of this DCUM conversation and knew every SAHM there would tisk tisk and think I was a horrible mother, and it made me laugh internally.

[Anonymous]

I realized this week that if I pick my kindergartener up from after care before 5pm, she tells me I picked her up "too early". And she keeps asking if she can go to before care, because the kids in her class that do so are in the classroom before her (she takes the bus). So I'm not worried in the least!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realized this week that if I pick my kindergartener up from after care before 5pm, she tells me I picked her up "too early". And she keeps asking if she can go to before care, because the kids in her class that do so are in the classroom before her (she takes the bus). So I'm not worried in the least!

My DD does this too!