Bullying at NCS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bullying? I'll say. The upper school has a private club, similar to Skull and Bones, called the "Hotties and the Notties." The Notties can apply for admission at the beginning of the month and if they've changed their clothing or behavior they might be accepted. They are then on probation for a twelve month period and if at any time during that period they are caught talking to a "Nottie" or displaying behavior, not wearing Lilly or Tory, they can be expelled or have to start the process over again. It's brutal.

Oh please. Not only is that totally dorky it is also from a movie. You are an idiot.

I do think it's dorky but why do people miss satire?

[Anonymous]

Danpeg wrote:NCS mom here and I have to counter much of the misinformation previously posted. My daughter's experience at NCS has been overwhelmingly positive. At drop off she is regularly greeted by the other kids. Students collaborate on work assignments enthusiastically. Replies to FB posts are good natured and texts are light hearted. It's my daughter's impression that the mean girl is the one to be quickly ostracized. The girls would never accept abuse because they have too much empathy for the demands they all face. The girls value and admire each other for the many different qualities each girl brings to the community.
Having previously attended a school with uniforms (prison outfits)I can assure you these girls are sufficiently capable of dressing themselves

I'm an NCS mom who has posted on this thread. I am glad your daughter is having such a positive experience. But our experience was not "misinformation." It was real. I can count on one hand the number of girls from my DD';s class who were affirmatively happy with the place by about 11th grade.

I have to laugh at the line about how the girls would never accept abuse. In my DD's experience that was precisely the defining point of why it was such an unhappy place -- the girls regularly witnessed all sorts of abuse and never intervened. Empathy? I can't think of a single instance in which empathy was demonstrated for a girl in my DD';s class, by anyone.

[Anonymous]

Why don't the people having such a terrible experience at NCS just leave? I took my daughter out of a private all girls high school and never regretted it for a second. Why would a parent pay for their child suffer through this? For elite college admissions? Because their local school is no good? Because all of their mom friends are there?? Because they are invited to parent socials with the most important people in the most important city in the world??? What gives???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't the people having such a terrible experience at NCS just leave? I took my daughter out of a private all girls high school and never regretted it for a second. Why would a parent pay for their child suffer through this? For elite college admissions? Because their local school is no good? Because all of their mom friends are there?? Because they are invited to parent socials with the most important people in the most important city in the world??? What gives???

Maybe because for most people, the experience is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Danpeg wrote:NCS mom here and I have to counter much of the misinformation previously posted. My daughter's experience at NCS has been overwhelmingly positive. At drop off she is regularly greeted by the other kids. Students collaborate on work assignments enthusiastically. Replies to FB posts are good natured and texts are light hearted. It's my daughter's impression that the mean girl is the one to be quickly ostracized. The girls would never accept abuse because they have too much empathy for the demands they all face. The girls value and admire each other for the many different qualities each girl brings to the community.
Having previously attended a school with uniforms (prison outfits)I can assure you these girls are sufficiently capable of dressing themselves

I'm an NCS mom who has posted on this thread. I am glad your daughter is having such a positive experience. But our experience was not "misinformation." It was real. I can count on one hand the number of girls from my DD';s class who were affirmatively happy with the place by about 11th grade.

I have to laugh at the line about how the girls would never accept abuse. In my DD's experience that was precisely the defining point of why it was such an unhappy place -- the girls regularly witnessed all sorts of abuse and never intervened. Empathy? I can't think of a single instance in which empathy was demonstrated for a girl in my DD';s class, by anyone.

I would agree that NCS's culture lacks empathy.

If a girl is being ostracized/abused she soon becomes isolated from the pack, everyone else fears that they may be next. Only a few girls in my DD's year felt any sense of sisterhood going through the upper school experience. You're pretty much on your own there. After graduation, I learned from other moms and my dd's friends, several of the "happy" girls were medicating themselves through the experience with alcohol, abortions, and drugs.

[Anonymous]

Could anyone in the middle school please elaborate on current situation?

[Anonymous]

Seventh grade has a messy situation that the school is trying to manage. At least three girls being ostracized as PP mentions above. Definitely pack leaders and, yes, Queen Bees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seventh grade has a messy situation that the school is trying to manage. At least three girls being ostracized as PP mentions above. Definitely pack leaders and, yes, Queen Bees.

How does the school "manage" this? You can't force friendships, right?

[Anonymous]

There's a difference between forcing friendships and encouraging girls to be kind, take responsibility for their own behavior, have an ability to work together and treat each other with respect.

[Anonymous]

The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree.

[Anonymous]

I have a current 7th grader who is quite happy at NCS. I am familiar with the situation as described and I think the 3 girls at different times were no longer welcomed in the poplular group because the girls in that group felt that those 3 girls were not being nice. Sort of ironic because that popular group often displays that queen bee exclusive behavior. I think the school and the counselor are being very proactive about dealing with this issue. There was a middle school chapel dedicated to it and the counseler has been having conversations about kindness. I also think that there has been an outpouring from other 7th grade girls to forgive and embrace the 3 girls realizing that everyone makes mistakes and they should be forgiven not shunned. That popular group is slowing becoming the not so popular group. I think this is par for the course in middle school and especially among girls (unfortunately).

[Anonymous]

I think they're ready to bolt and I don't blame them. Most of "that group" is not going away nor are a few other apples that have the same core. Sad for the other nice girls in the class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they're ready to bolt and I don't blame them. Most of "that group" is not going away nor are a few other apples that have the same core. Sad for the other nice girls in the class.

Are any current 7th grade girls not returning next year? If so, do they take off the wait list, or can one apply now for any unexpected openings?

[Anonymous]

God, this school is riddled with problems! Just when I conclude it's just my DD's "bad class", I hear of yet another troublesome class. Just how many "bad classes" will it take for the top administration to step in? Or for prospective parents to get the picture and stop applying until the culture improves? What's apparent to me is that the kind of parents who have heard of its reputation (and who hasn't?) and apply in spite of it are too hyper competitive to care.

I've spoken to a lot of moms over the years, and not a single one says they would send their daughters again if they could do over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they're ready to bolt and I don't blame them. Most of "that group" is not going away nor are a few other apples that have the same core. Sad for the other nice girls in the class.

Are any current 7th grade girls not returning next year? If so, do they take off the wait list, or can one apply now for any unexpected openings?

Possibly although school is strongly encouraging them to stay. If they don't leave this year, several will leave for high school.