Blindsided

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The marriage was at best on cruise control. Two big careers, three daughters and he may have felt like the odd man out. Daily he’s with a late 30s woman likely smart and attractive and he begins to see a happier path. Did your friend put all of her attention on her job and daughters?

At the risk of drawing ire- so much this.

Men are simple creatures. There is simply no way she didn't see her husband was unhappy with a 'ho hum' marriage. Did she try to keep him close, happy and loved? Or did she just let him drift away to another woman who was eager to sleep with him, see him smile, listen to his thoughts....

Stop the bullshit
Marriage is a commitment every day
Love is a choice not a feeling.
Stop trying to blame the woman for the man’s failings and indiscretions.

[Anonymous]

We had a great marriage. I thought so. All our friends thought so. Family thought so. And we have four great kids together.
But he chose to leave for his ugly coworker, mistress anyway, and shun future parental responsibilities

Watch out smug ladies. You could wake up tomorrow and find yourself in the same situation. Or you could try to have some sympathy when her husband single-handedly destroys a family due to his selfishness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I genuinely think a lot of middle-aged men wildly underestimate how embarrassing it looks to blow up a multi-decade family.

You are not just leaving a wife. You are permanently altering your children’s lives.

You are splitting holidays. Creating two homes. Reducing stability. Weakening trust. Changing the emotional texture of childhood itself. Your kids now have to adapt to transitions, divided traditions, logistical stress, and the grief of watching their family fracture.

And for what, exactly? Validation? Excitement? Novelty? Escape from responsibility? A fantasy that a different woman or different life will fix something internal?

Also, it just looks bad…

A man abandoning a long-term partner and destabilizing his family in midlife rarely comes across as profound or evolved. Most of the time it reads as cliché. Like someone chasing self-reinvention at the expense of the people who built a life with him. Gross.

Irreparably harming your family /the people you are supposed to love the most is one of the worst things a person can do in life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I genuinely think a lot of middle-aged men wildly underestimate how embarrassing it looks to blow up a multi-decade family.

You are not just leaving a wife. You are permanently altering your children’s lives.

You are splitting holidays. Creating two homes. Reducing stability. Weakening trust. Changing the emotional texture of childhood itself. Your kids now have to adapt to transitions, divided traditions, logistical stress, and the grief of watching their family fracture.

And for what, exactly? Validation? Excitement? Novelty? Escape from responsibility? A fantasy that a different woman or different life will fix something internal?

Also, it just looks bad…

A man abandoning a long-term partner and destabilizing his family in midlife rarely comes across as profound or evolved. Most of the time it reads as cliché. Like someone chasing self-reinvention at the expense of the people who built a life with him. Gross.

Eh, the best part about being middle-aged is no longer having to GAF about what other people think. And people have a right to be happy.

Do these people who have a right to be happy include the children he chose to have? What about the future children with his second wife? What happens when he is tired of her too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give that man a break.
He fell in love with a colleague. He doesn’t love his wife anymore.
You don’t control who you fall in love with. What should he do? Ignore his feelings and live a miserable life with someone he no longer loves?
He made the right decision for both of them. I bet that she doesn’t love him either.

He made the right decision for himself.

No, it's the right decision for her as well. Do you want her to stay with a man who doesn't love her anymore?

If kids are under age 20 and in the picture, yes.

DP

This is nonsense. It’s 2026 and women don’t have to suffer in silence anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give that man a break.
He fell in love with a colleague. He doesn’t love his wife anymore.
You don’t control who you fall in love with. What should he do? Ignore his feelings and live a miserable life with someone he no longer loves?
He made the right decision for both of them. I bet that she doesn’t love him either.

He made the right decision for himself.

No, it's the right decision for her as well. Do you want her to stay with a man who doesn't love her anymore?

If kids are under age 20 and in the picture, yes.

DP

This is nonsense. It’s 2026 and women don’t have to suffer in silence anymore.

But children do, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give that man a break.
He fell in love with a colleague. He doesn’t love his wife anymore.
You don’t control who you fall in love with. What should he do? Ignore his feelings and live a miserable life with someone he no longer loves?
He made the right decision for both of them. I bet that she doesn’t love him either.

He made the right decision for himself.

No, it's the right decision for her as well. Do you want her to stay with a man who doesn't love her anymore?

If kids are under age 20 and in the picture, yes.

DP

This is nonsense. It’s 2026 and women don’t have to suffer in silence anymore.

But children do, right?

Living with parents who have a loveless (or disdainful) marriage is very damaging.

They do not learn wfat to look for in their own future partner.

It is much better for them to see a happy role model, who has self esteem and knows how to set boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give that man a break.
He fell in love with a colleague. He doesn’t love his wife anymore.
You don’t control who you fall in love with. What should he do? Ignore his feelings and live a miserable life with someone he no longer loves?
He made the right decision for both of them. I bet that she doesn’t love him either.

He made the right decision for himself.

No, it's the right decision for her as well. Do you want her to stay with a man who doesn't love her anymore?

If kids are under age 20 and in the picture, yes.

DP

This is nonsense. It’s 2026 and women don’t have to suffer in silence anymore.

But children do, right?

Living with parents who have a loveless (or disdainful) marriage is very damaging.

They do not learn wfat to look for in their own future partner.

It is much better for them to see a happy role model, who has self esteem and knows how to set boundaries.

It teaches them that a partner is a temporary entertainment for their genitals until the next shiny new toy comes along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give that man a break.
He fell in love with a colleague. He doesn’t love his wife anymore.
You don’t control who you fall in love with. What should he do? Ignore his feelings and live a miserable life with someone he no longer loves?
He made the right decision for both of them. I bet that she doesn’t love him either.

He made the right decision for himself.

No, it's the right decision for her as well. Do you want her to stay with a man who doesn't love her anymore?

If kids are under age 20 and in the picture, yes.

DP

This is nonsense. It’s 2026 and women don’t have to suffer in silence anymore.

But children do, right?

Living with parents who have a loveless (or disdainful) marriage is very damaging.

They do not learn wfat to look for in their own future partner.

It is much better for them to see a happy role model, who has self esteem and knows how to set boundaries.

Ummm ditching your wife and 3 teens with no notice for your much younger colleague (and then trying to guilt your wife into not asking for what she deserves in the divorce) is not a “happy role model.” I definitely do not think people should stay in bad marriages for the sake of the kids, but this is not the way to leave. Keep it in your pants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give that man a break.
He fell in love with a colleague. He doesn’t love his wife anymore.
You don’t control who you fall in love with. What should he do? Ignore his feelings and live a miserable life with someone he no longer loves?
He made the right decision for both of them. I bet that she doesn’t love him either.

He made the right decision for himself.

No, it's the right decision for her as well. Do you want her to stay with a man who doesn't love her anymore?

If kids are under age 20 and in the picture, yes.

DP

This is nonsense. It’s 2026 and women don’t have to suffer in silence anymore.

But children do, right?

Living with parents who have a loveless (or disdainful) marriage is very damaging.

They do not learn wfat to look for in their own future partner.

It is much better for them to see a happy role model, who has self esteem and knows how to set boundaries.

It teaches them that a partner is a temporary entertainment for their genitals until the next shiny new toy comes along.

They need to know some men hold such values, so they can avoid them (and not be blindsided).

Otherwise, they may go blithely into a set up that leaves them totally vulnerable, financially and emotionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give that man a break.
He fell in love with a colleague. He doesn’t love his wife anymore.
You don’t control who you fall in love with. What should he do? Ignore his feelings and live a miserable life with someone he no longer loves?
He made the right decision for both of them. I bet that she doesn’t love him either.

He made the right decision for himself.

No, it's the right decision for her as well. Do you want her to stay with a man who doesn't love her anymore?

If kids are under age 20 and in the picture, yes.

DP

This is nonsense. It’s 2026 and women don’t have to suffer in silence anymore.

But children do, right?

Living with parents who have a loveless (or disdainful) marriage is very damaging.

They do not learn wfat to look for in their own future partner.

It is much better for them to see a happy role model, who has self esteem and knows how to set boundaries.

Ummm ditching your wife and 3 teens with no notice for your much younger colleague (and then trying to guilt your wife into not asking for what she deserves in the divorce) is not a “happy role model.” I definitely do not think people should stay in bad marriages for the sake of the kids, but this is not the way to leave. Keep it in your pants.

My post was about why wronged spouses should not stick it out for the sake of the children.

Not at all meant to justify those who betray their marital commitments.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a ho hum marriage and I assume there's a not small chance this will happen to me. I sort of just hope he picks someone nice and I look forward to not cleaning up after him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"What about child support, if he’s 70% of the high income each year, then what?

And the sweat equity.c how does that carve up at their firms after 20 years of supporting everyone?"

In my divorce, his income was 60% of our joint income and mine was 40%. He had to "pay" about $450/month to account for his higher income. Same for the college expense ratio that we each were responsible for.

I can't tell what you're asking about sweat equity.

Are you in VA or MD?

[Anonymous]

It can happen anytime. Marriage takes two people to start and only one person to end it. I had a dark laugh at the DH asking not to make it a fuss for their DDs. Mine said he wanted a collaborative divorce and to work together on it in the same email in which he announced that he had already filed but didn’t know when or how I would be served.

In my experience they’ll say anything and everything to create a narrative that sidesteps their responsibility for their own decision.

My takeaway from the stories I’ve heard from others is that any man can and might do this at any time. The only thing you can do to protect yourself as a woman is pre-nup, post-nup, and never agree to move away from a city where your career can thrive and/or where you will always be near family and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The marriage was at best on cruise control. Two big careers, three daughters and he may have felt like the odd man out. Daily he’s with a late 30s woman likely smart and attractive and he begins to see a happier path. Did your friend put all of her attention on her job and daughters?

At the risk of drawing ire- so much this.

Men are simple creatures. There is simply no way she didn't see her husband was unhappy with a 'ho hum' marriage. Did she try to keep him close, happy and loved? Or did she just let him drift away to another woman who was eager to sleep with him, see him smile, listen to his thoughts....

Stop the bullshit
Marriage is a commitment every day
Love is a choice not a feeling.
Stop trying to blame the woman for the man’s failings and indiscretions.

Stop the BS.
Love cannot be made to order. Love is not a choice.
The choice you can make is follow your heart and go for what you love and be happy, or suppress your feelings and be miserable.