Not inviting kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s crazy to me that you are making your brother’s day about you and implying your parents should put your wishes and desires above yours on HIS special day (that you said you’re upset your parents seem to support his decision to have a child free event). Of course they would support him in this type of decision given it’s his and his wife’s special day- my siblings and I have different views and I would very much expect my parents to support them in this type of decision. I have three very young kids and I would not want to take them to this type of event most likely (I like others would leave them home with my husband or a friend for as long as possible for the local event and would skip the destination wedding). I enjoy weddings with kids- but it definitely changes the dynamic more than a pretty guest. The conversations all trend towards kids and comments about their cuteness rather than other things. I respect that some people prefer child free weddings. Also, I say this as nicely as possible, but given how you’re reacting to your brother making this decision, perhaps he’s worried if your kids are at the events there will be other things that upset you relating to the kids (people were too loud for the kids, there wasn’t appropriate food or seating for the toddler, there wasn’t somewhere private for you to nurse, etc.) and he just doesn’t want to have to deal with these types of complaints at the event.

Now I've really heard it all. It's not even that kids are disruptive with crying but good forbid someone enjoys seeing the child and takes their thoughts off the bride for a minute??

[Anonymous]

My 2 cents. I do not think your brother is targeting you. It's cold and flu season. Why do you even want to bring a newborn around a bunch of people who will want to fuss over the baby? To be honest, I don't even understand wanting to bring a newborn and a 2-year-old to a formal dinner in the first place. I think it's rude that you asked for a concession for your baby. They don't want kids there; why do you want to force their hand?

If it were me, I'd leave the kids home with my husband and leave a bottle of pumped milk. I introduced bottles to my breastfed babies around 2 months. If you wait too long, you might struggle with bottle refusal. I'd stay for a few hours and be sure to be back home for the next feeding.

I would not attend the destination wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are going way too far by thinking this is directed at you in any way and seeing your parents as taking his side is crazy. A local event at a restaurant is really pretty manageable to navigate if you want to, so it’s not crazy foryour brother as a childless adult to think this is fine. You just don’t want to make it work because you don’t like him that much and don’t want to deal with it.

You don’t have to go to the destination wedding. That’s totally fine. If someone gives you a hard time about that then you can complain.

I'm not sure how this wedding could be easier for OP. A dinner locally? A short court house wedding? How much simpler could this all be? Infants don't need to be a part of this.

+100

[Anonymous]

Kids make weddings so joyful and spontaneous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was pretty aware that my nephew was going through bottle refusal around 3 to 4 months and I'm wouldn't have thought to ask my brother to leave his kid home.

Look, I'm just saying siblings with good relationships would likely talk this out. I also really didn't want my sis in law to feel left out from a family event.

Yep, exactly. 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was pretty aware that my nephew was going through bottle refusal around 3 to 4 months and I'm wouldn't have thought to ask my brother to leave his kid home.

Look, I'm just saying siblings with good relationships would likely talk this out. I also really didn't want my sis in law to feel left out from a family event.

Op's brother does not appear thoughtful or to value a relationship with her though.

You seem more considerate.

[Anonymous]

If your 3 month old is still nursing every 2 hours or so then I would skip the dinner. You are going to need to leave in the middle and I would avoid any family drama that may cause.

Are you invited to the courthouse part or not?

[Anonymous]

Is your brother a narcissist? Two weddings including a destination one...not wanting kids to steal the attention...making it nearly impossible for you to attend as a mother nursing a very young infant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your brother a narcissist? Two weddings including a destination one...not wanting kids to steal the attention...making it nearly impossible for you to attend as a mother nursing a very young infant.

A 15 person dinner after a court house wedding isn't exactly a lavish affair. It's pretty basic to figure out the legal side before the wedding they really want abroad. Some cultures invite half the village and the party goes on for days. This is nothing like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your brother a narcissist? Two weddings including a destination one...not wanting kids to steal the attention...making it nearly impossible for you to attend as a mother nursing a very young infant.

A 15 person dinner after a court house wedding isn't exactly a lavish affair. It's pretty basic to figure out the legal side before the wedding they really want abroad. Some cultures invite half the village and the party goes on for days. This is nothing like that.

Interesting to have such inflexible policy on his sister's kids at a not exactly lavish affair though.

[Anonymous]

Skip all the events. Send a card and a $50 gift card to Amazon. Sign all 4 names on the card. Done.

[Anonymous]

I've never heard of not allowing a nursing mother to bring her 3 month old baby. That is especially unusual, difficult, and unkind. Many babies aren't taking a bottle or on schedule yet.

The no to a 2 year old isn't news but for a newborn....in his own family. That's a deeper level of being a bad host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your brother a narcissist? Two weddings including a destination one...not wanting kids to steal the attention...making it nearly impossible for you to attend as a mother nursing a very young infant.

A 15 person dinner after a court house wedding isn't exactly a lavish affair. It's pretty basic to figure out the legal side before the wedding they really want abroad. Some cultures invite half the village and the party goes on for days. This is nothing like that.

Interesting to have such inflexible policy on his sister's kids at a not exactly lavish affair though.

If he gives an inch then she will want it to be at a restaurant closer to her home, not during nap time or bed time, with an appropriate kid menu, etc etc. it’s one meal she can figure it out or just not go for her brother’s wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your brother a narcissist? Two weddings including a destination one...not wanting kids to steal the attention...making it nearly impossible for you to attend as a mother nursing a very young infant.

A 15 person dinner after a court house wedding isn't exactly a lavish affair. It's pretty basic to figure out the legal side before the wedding they really want abroad. Some cultures invite half the village and the party goes on for days. This is nothing like that.

Interesting to have such inflexible policy on his sister's kids at a not exactly lavish affair though.

If he gives an inch then she will want it to be at a restaurant closer to her home, not during nap time or bed time, with an appropriate kid menu, etc etc. it’s one meal she can figure it out or just not go for her brother’s wedding.

That's quite a paranoid leap. Do you also think he's going through the whole process of getting married in another country for the sole purpose of keeping her kids away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your brother a narcissist? Two weddings including a destination one...not wanting kids to steal the attention...making it nearly impossible for you to attend as a mother nursing a very young infant.

A 15 person dinner after a court house wedding isn't exactly a lavish affair. It's pretty basic to figure out the legal side before the wedding they really want abroad. Some cultures invite half the village and the party goes on for days. This is nothing like that.

Interesting to have such inflexible policy on his sister's kids at a not exactly lavish affair though.

If he gives an inch then she will want it to be at a restaurant closer to her home, not during nap time or bed time, with an appropriate kid menu, etc etc. it’s one meal she can figure it out or just not go for her brother’s wedding.

That's quite a paranoid leap. Do you also think he's going through the whole process of getting married in another country for the sole purpose of keeping her kids away?

OP seems to feel that way.