Why can’t men just…be better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in an affluent area. The guys around me seem good. I have two sons. Both are good looking, smart and athletic. All their friends are all good looking and will probably be good catches one day.

DH earns a seven figure income. His work is full of decent men. DH and I both attended top colleges and grad schools, both full of great men. The wives of these men are usually attractive and smart.

Dating is like musical chairs. One day you may not have a match if all the chairs get taken.

OMG, woman! Seriously, you don’t get it. “Good looking”, “smart”, “athletic”, “attractive” - your emphasis is all wrong and on the wrong things. You’re probably raising sexist a-holes. How about “caring”, “supportive”, “loving”, “kind”, “good decision makers”, “empathetic” - these qualities are in short supply, especially in men. There are plenty of successful men who would throw a friend under a bus to benefit themselves and then treat their women like commodities to be collected - women’s job it to cook clean and look after him, right?

So I have a unicorn of a husband who is an excellent provider, doting father and a strong role model for my boys. He is kind, supportive and trustworthy. I know I am lucky.

Good for you. Do only look at his provider masculine qualities and describe them when you talk about him? Nope “excellent provider” “strong” “for boys”. . . If women don’t want to marry your son or if they end up divorced some of that’s on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in an affluent area. The guys around me seem good. I have two sons. Both are good looking, smart and athletic. All their friends are all good looking and will probably be good catches one day.

DH earns a seven figure income. His work is full of decent men. DH and I both attended top colleges and grad schools, both full of great men. The wives of these men are usually attractive and smart.

Dating is like musical chairs. One day you may not have a match if all the chairs get taken.

OMG, woman! Seriously, you don’t get it. “Good looking”, “smart”, “athletic”, “attractive” - your emphasis is all wrong and on the wrong things. You’re probably raising sexist a-holes. How about “caring”, “supportive”, “loving”, “kind”, “good decision makers”, “empathetic” - these qualities are in short supply, especially in men. There are plenty of successful men who would throw a friend under a bus to benefit themselves and then treat their women like commodities to be collected - women’s job it to cook clean and look after him, right?

So I have a unicorn of a husband who is an excellent provider, doting father and a strong role model for my boys. He is kind, supportive and trustworthy. I know I am lucky.

Good for you. Do only look at his provider masculine qualities and describe them when you talk about him? Nope “excellent provider” “strong” “for boys”. . . If women don’t want to marry your son or if they end up divorced some of that’s on you.

They can’t see past mom’s sexism as they’ve been steeped in it. Lemme guess SAHM who comes to DCUM to brag about husband’s income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep bashing men while enjoying all the modern amenities, the vast majority of which were created by men.

Lol

Actually if you look into it, they all had a mom or wife doing their work at work and at home.

Elon now has outgrown that model and hires a tribe of assistants

+1
But Elon isn’t someone to be looked up to. He only uses women as breeding devices.

[Anonymous]

Plenty of good men to go around but they are not perfect. Women have less tolerance and negotiation early in the relationship. This has its pros/cons. I feel like a lot of the women are dismissing potential matches because one thing pissed them off aka "red flag" culture.

[Anonymous]

OP you forgot "be emotionally available and a good partner, not helper, to their wives."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the men I know are employed and functional.

Functional at work or at home/in society?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many relationship forum threads seem to devolve into the notion that “good” men (employed, functional) are rare - and I think we can all agree on that. That being the case, why can’t men just…improve themselves? Dress better, aim higher, work harder, get out there? What is stopping them??

Seriously?!

It because women keep rewarding their behavior by being with them. If women become more choosy then they will improve. Also, we need to raise our sons better.

It isn’t so much rewarding behavior as it is matching like for like. You hook up with a dud if you are a dud. For women, it is just more subtle, but so many of them are just completely broken underneath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We live in an affluent area. The guys around me seem good. I have two sons. Both are good looking, smart and athletic. All their friends are all good looking and will probably be good catches one day.

DH earns a seven figure income. His work is full of decent men. DH and I both attended top colleges and grad schools, both full of great men. The wives of these men are usually attractive and smart.

Dating is like musical chairs. One day you may not have a match if all the chairs get taken.

OMG, woman! Seriously, you don’t get it. “Good looking”, “smart”, “athletic”, “attractive” - your emphasis is all wrong and on the wrong things. You’re probably raising sexist a-holes. How about “caring”, “supportive”, “loving”, “kind”, “good decision makers”, “empathetic” - these qualities are in short supply, especially in men. There are plenty of successful men who would throw a friend under a bus to benefit themselves and then treat their women like commodities to be collected - women’s job it to cook clean and look after him, right?

So I have a unicorn of a husband who is an excellent provider, doting father and a strong role model for my boys. He is kind, supportive and trustworthy. I know I am lucky.

Good for you. Do only look at his provider masculine qualities and describe them when you talk about him? Nope “excellent provider” “strong” “for boys”. . . If women don’t want to marry your son or if they end up divorced some of that’s on you.

People on the internet are so weird. I don’t even know why I bother to respond.

Be a high value woman and you can marry a high value man and have stable good kids who may also one day be good husbands and dads one day.

I just recently watched something about how important it is to have a strong father for a daughter. It makes the girl feel safe and have high self esteem. My daughter is so loved and a total daddy’s girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of good men to go around but they are not perfect. Women have less tolerance and negotiation early in the relationship. This has its pros/cons. I feel like a lot of the women are dismissing potential matches because one thing pissed them off aka "red flag" culture.

You're suggesting women ignore red flags? Getouttahere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree about genes and peacetime. All those ADHD men out there who would have run off to war and gotten themselves killed are now at home, making kids, and now we are ending up with girls born with ADHD, which shouldn’t be happening at all!! How on earth is a family supposed to function if the mom has ADHD? Insanity.

The mom doesn't think there's anything wrong with her kids who also have ASD/ADHD, because they are just like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of good men to go around but they are not perfect. Women have less tolerance and negotiation early in the relationship. This has its pros/cons. I feel like a lot of the women are dismissing potential matches because one thing pissed them off aka "red flag" culture.

You're suggesting women ignore red flags? Getouttahere.

"We are all different', was repeated over and over again. Nobody said the difference is actually some kind of SN or trauma. This is not just liking different colors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of good men to go around but they are not perfect. Women have less tolerance and negotiation early in the relationship. This has its pros/cons. I feel like a lot of the women are dismissing potential matches because one thing pissed them off aka "red flag" culture.

You're suggesting women ignore red flags? Getouttahere.

Not at all. I think both sexes should be willing to have more patience and an open mind. Nobody should ignore true red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree about genes and peacetime. All those ADHD men out there who would have run off to war and gotten themselves killed are now at home, making kids, and now we are ending up with girls born with ADHD, which shouldn’t be happening at all!! How on earth is a family supposed to function if the mom has ADHD? Insanity.

What the ableist eff is this? I'm a single mom with ADHD and my household runs just fine, thanks. It's not the life-ending excuse or perpetual mediocrity pass y'all seem to make it. People with ADHD can develop habits and strategies that make it manageable. People who use it as a crutch, or expect others to put up with their bs "because they have ADHD" aren't suffering from ADHD. They're exhibiting a crippling case of ASS (Adult Selfishness Syndrome/Adult Stupidity Syndrome)

ADHD men were good at hunting, exploring, waging war. There's a reason it hasn't disappeared from the gene pool as it has its uses to society.

[Anonymous]

Did the other thread get deleted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women's self improvement does not increase their partner satisfaction outcomes, in fact it maybe inverse correlated because they naturally have higher standards.

Men frequently sacrifice their happiness for their family. Women often sacrifice their family for their happiness. That's what I think of when I hear prattle about "self-improvement."

So many divorces happen when some therapist tells a woman to "self-actualize." She goes out and "improves" herself. Meanwhile, the husband is grinding away, providing for his family. Then they divorce and she discovers he actually WASN'T the source of her unhappiness.

Happens all the time.

😂😂😂. Who are we talking about here? Santa Claus??? 😂😂😂. Or like a figment of your imagination?

That’s the MRA “prattle” poster. He pops up in this forum on the regular. Ignore.

I'm no MRA guy, although prattle is a fantastic word, especially to dismiss crazy woman rants. I will push back on the rampant misandry on this site, though. As should everyone. It's toxic and has no place here in a parenting forum.

Parenting?

What’s that? I just do whatever my husband does and leave the TV on from 3-9pm daily.