DS upset about loans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spend your winter holiday wrapping gifts at Wider Circle together. Hopefully he will get over his bitterness if he spends some time wrapping gifts for families who can’t afford to buy gifts.

What does this have to do with anything. Op is pretending they are not wealthy and set this kid up.

Set them up? They’re paying $70,000 for crying out loud! Kid could go to 99% of colleges, he chose the 1% that would put him in debt. Play stupid games and you know what kinda of prizes you’ll get!

No. OP agreed to it, and she's supposed to be the parent in this relationship. An 18 year old cannot be expected to realize how hard it is to work AND study at the same time.

I fault the parent more than the kid here, simply because the parent is supposed to have more life experience and wisdom to foresee all the issues that might arise, while the 18 year old brain cannot.

This
Be a parent- know your kid-and know how a 17 year old brain thinks developmentally

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, so where does he go from here?

He has two choices:

1. continue on and owe like $80K when he graduates from undergrad

2. transfer to a cheaper school.

Thems the choices.

My niece had a similar dilemma several years ago - $60K/ year, college gave them $20K per year, but their parents could only afford $20K per year. So, she would've had to take out $20K/year loan. She would've had $80K by the time she graduated.

She decided to go to the in state flagship, HS 2.0, and she is ever so grateful she did. Her friends went to an expensive college, and they all ended up working in the same field. While her friends were stressed with paying off loans, she was saving to buy a condo. She is 100% sure she made the right choice to go to the cheaper school.

State flagship vs privates beyond T30 ?
Any day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman at his top choice, costing $92k/year. It’s a very good school and we’re happy he’s there. He knew from the start we could only contribute $72k each year and he’d have to work for the rest and take loans. He knew this and was nervous about it but went ahead. Now that he’s at school he seems to feel duped. He has only met full ride kids who don’t pay a dime, or wealthy kids who don’t have to work or borrow. All of those kids have more money and time than him to go out, get take out, shop. His low income fullride roommate gets Starbucks and takeout every day. He feels really upset that we as parents somehow failed him because we can “afford” to pay the whole bill but don’t. (Of course we can’t afford to pay the full bill without compromising our retirement or tightening our belts to the point of absurdity. We already live frugally). We are going to have a serious chat with him about this but has anyone been in this situation? Any advice?

If it is a T20 private you should tighten the belt further or take a small loan from retirement to help. These schools are worth the sacrifice. You likely have more free time to get a side gig than your kid.
If he is at an ivy and maybe some other T20, the TA pay rate for undergrad TA can be 3k-4k a semester. Undergrad research is usually less, more like 2k for 8-10hr per week for a semester. RA positions can be 5-6k per year but is time intensive. The combination of jobs he would need to get the $ he needs would add up to 25 hrs a week. Top schools even in humanities majors have tons of work expected outside of class. Engineering would be near impossible at a top school with 25 hrs/week of work.
There are paid summer options that are much easier to get if from a top school, though netting more than 3k in a summer after living expenses is hard unless he can find a paid internship near home. However these may not be the best for his resume. Summers are needed to maximize the resume for top jobs, law, med, phD.

Bottom line: get the delta lower, pay 82k for him per year which leaves a reasonable 10k for him, he can do student loans for some and work for the rest yet still have flexibility to pick the best resume building summer jobs and keep work to 10h/week during the semester.

[Anonymous]

My kid might have been accepted at Georgetown or Notre Dame, and would have LOVED it there, but knew those schools were COMPLETELY out of our budget range.

So, she got into UVA via ED, and loves it there. Zero aid, still a big sacrifice for us, but nowhere near 90K per year! VT would have been the next option, unless a OOS would have matched in-state tuition.

Many of my kid’s friends are super wealthy from the NE. She sees it, but knows our limitations. She works her rear off during breaks to afford a few luxuries here and there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spend your winter holiday wrapping gifts at Wider Circle together. Hopefully he will get over his bitterness if he spends some time wrapping gifts for families who can’t afford to buy gifts.

What does this have to do with anything. Op is pretending they are not wealthy and set this kid up.

Set them up? They’re paying $70,000 for crying out loud! Kid could go to 99% of colleges, he chose the 1% that would put him in debt. Play stupid games and you know what kinda of prizes you’ll get!

No. OP agreed to it, and she's supposed to be the parent in this relationship. An 18 year old cannot be expected to realize how hard it is to work AND study at the same time.

I fault the parent more than the kid here, simply because the parent is supposed to have more life experience and wisdom to foresee all the issues that might arise, while the 18 year old brain cannot.

I think the nature of DS's complaints are obnoxious ("why aren't you richer?"), but I also think OP made a very poor parenting decision. PP is correct that DS really had no way of knowing what he was getting himself into. OP should have known better. This option shouldn't have been on the table in the first place. Borrowing up to the federal limits and working to cover spending money is reasonable. More than that is a very hard row. Graduating with $80k in loans? Absolutely not. Surely there were more affordable options on DS's list, and he should have been told that he needed to choose one of those.

I would be firm about my financial situation and what I can afford, but also very sympathetic about the financial situation he is in and openly apologetic that I had helped put him there, and I would help him consider his options, including strongly encouraging him to think about transferring.

[Anonymous]

To those who keep saying DS will have $80k in loans, where are you getting that figure from? He is also working so the $20k annual gap is only partially covered by debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, so where does he go from here?

He has two choices:

1. continue on and owe like $80K when he graduates from undergrad

2. transfer to a cheaper school.

Thems the choices.

My niece had a similar dilemma several years ago - $60K/ year, college gave them $20K per year, but their parents could only afford $20K per year. So, she would've had to take out $20K/year loan. She would've had $80K by the time she graduated.

She decided to go to the in state flagship, HS 2.0, and she is ever so grateful she did. Her friends went to an expensive college, and they all ended up working in the same field. While her friends were stressed with paying off loans, she was saving to buy a condo. She is 100% sure she made the right choice to go to the cheaper school.

State flagship vs privates beyond T30 ?
Any day!

+1
I made the same choice and don’t look back. For me, it was freedom from the financial dependence on my parents- their money always comes with strings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman at his top choice, costing $92k/year. It’s a very good school and we’re happy he’s there. He knew from the start we could only contribute $72k each year and he’d have to work for the rest and take loans. He knew this and was nervous about it but went ahead. Now that he’s at school he seems to feel duped. He has only met full ride kids who don’t pay a dime, or wealthy kids who don’t have to work or borrow. All of those kids have more money and time than him to go out, get take out, shop. His low income fullride roommate gets Starbucks and takeout every day. He feels really upset that we as parents somehow failed him because we can “afford” to pay the whole bill but don’t. (Of course we can’t afford to pay the full bill without compromising our retirement or tightening our belts to the point of absurdity. We already live frugally). We are going to have a serious chat with him about this but has anyone been in this situation? Any advice?

If it is a T20 private you should tighten the belt further or take a small loan from retirement to help. These schools are worth the sacrifice. You likely have more free time to get a side gig than your kid.
If he is at an ivy and maybe some other T20, the TA pay rate for undergrad TA can be 3k-4k a semester. Undergrad research is usually less, more like 2k for 8-10hr per week for a semester. RA positions can be 5-6k per year but is time intensive. The combination of jobs he would need to get the $ he needs would add up to 25 hrs a week. Top schools even in humanities majors have tons of work expected outside of class. Engineering would be near impossible at a top school with 25 hrs/week of work.
There are paid summer options that are much easier to get if from a top school, though netting more than 3k in a summer after living expenses is hard unless he can find a paid internship near home. However these may not be the best for his resume. Summers are needed to maximize the resume for top jobs, law, med, phD.

Bottom line: get the delta lower, pay 82k for him per year which leaves a reasonable 10k for him, he can do student loans for some and work for the rest yet still have flexibility to pick the best resume building summer jobs and keep work to 10h/week during the semester.

Or take a loan ( say home equity) and deduct , equivalently, from future inheritance that he may acquire … win win 🥇

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it is a T20 private you should tighten the belt further or take a small loan from retirement to help. These schools are worth the sacrifice. You likely have more free time to get a side gig than your kid.
If he is at an ivy and maybe some other T20, the TA pay rate for undergrad TA can be 3k-4k a semester. Undergrad research is usually less, more like 2k for 8-10hr per week for a semester. RA positions can be 5-6k per year but is time intensive. The combination of jobs he would need to get the $ he needs would add up to 25 hrs a week. Top schools even in humanities majors have tons of work expected outside of class. Engineering would be near impossible at a top school with 25 hrs/week of work.
There are paid summer options that are much easier to get if from a top school, though netting more than 3k in a summer after living expenses is hard unless he can find a paid internship near home. However these may not be the best for his resume. Summers are needed to maximize the resume for top jobs, law, med, phD.
Bottom line: get the delta lower, pay 82k for him per year which leaves a reasonable 10k for him, he can do student loans for some and work for the rest yet still have flexibility to pick the best resume building summer jobs and keep work to 10h/week during the semester.

+1 This is the best advice so far. Your kid is realizing the harsh reality that life isn’t fair, especially for those donut hole families. Sit down and really hash out what you can expect from him, time and energy wise, and how much debt he feels is reasonable to accrue. My kid made $5k over the summer lifeguarding but that’s just a small dent in the overwhelming cost of higher ed. Decide together if he wants to stick it out or transfer.

[Anonymous]

Offer to help him transfer to an in-state public where he can be full pay and get Starbucks every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spend your winter holiday wrapping gifts at Wider Circle together. Hopefully he will get over his bitterness if he spends some time wrapping gifts for families who can’t afford to buy gifts.

What does this have to do with anything. Op is pretending they are not wealthy and set this kid up.

Set them up? They’re paying $70,000 for crying out loud! Kid could go to 99% of colleges, he chose the 1% that would put him in debt. Play stupid games and you know what kinda of prizes you’ll get!

No. OP agreed to it, and she's supposed to be the parent in this relationship. An 18 year old cannot be expected to realize how hard it is to work AND study at the same time.

I fault the parent more than the kid here, simply because the parent is supposed to have more life experience and wisdom to foresee all the issues that might arise, while the 18 year old brain cannot.

I think the nature of DS's complaints are obnoxious ("why aren't you richer?"), but I also think OP made a very poor parenting decision. PP is correct that DS really had no way of knowing what he was getting himself into. OP should have known better. This option shouldn't have been on the table in the first place. Borrowing up to the federal limits and working to cover spending money is reasonable. More than that is a very hard row. Graduating with $80k in loans? Absolutely not. Surely there were more affordable options on DS's list, and he should have been told that he needed to choose one of those.

I would be firm about my financial situation and what I can afford, but also very sympathetic about the financial situation he is in and openly apologetic that I had helped put him there, and I would help him consider his options, including strongly encouraging him to think about transferring.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Offer to help him transfer to an in-state public where he can be full pay and get Starbucks every day.

Doesn’t even have to go to public school, just a cheaper private.

[Anonymous]

Remind him in 10 years that Starbucks every day was his top priority and why he went to a cheaper school.

[Anonymous]

Obvious troll—posts rage bait, then doesn't come back

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PPs that OP is almost certainly a troll.

If not, then OP, the lesson to be taught to the 18-year-old in this situation is to avoid dumb financial decisions. The expensive school never have been presented as an option in the first place.

What I suspect: OP's own financial prowess isn't all that great and now they are passing that lack of wisdom onto the child, who is now learning the hard way.