How would you react if your college DD scolded you publicly because you asked her to hang out one night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was rude, though you were rude to make a sarcastic remark. There is something about the way OP had been writing that makes me think she uses a lot of guilt and manipulation in her relationship with her daughter

Are you people ESL? Sarcasm is in jest; humor. How does a mom making a sarcastic lighthearted comment to an adult daughter warrant a daughter reminding the mom this is the last place she’d rather be? That is a mask-off comment. The daughter is a spoiled disrespectful self-centered brat and looks at mom and dad as pay pigs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was rude, though you were rude to make a sarcastic remark. There is something about the way OP had been writing that makes me think she uses a lot of guilt and manipulation in her relationship with her daughter

Are you people ESL? Sarcasm is in jest; humor. How does a mom making a sarcastic lighthearted comment to an adult daughter warrant a daughter reminding the mom this is the last place she’d rather be? That is a mask-off comment. The daughter is a spoiled disrespectful self-centered brat and looks at mom and dad as pay pigs.

Maybe. But we have to know what the mom’s sarcastic comment was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sense is you're resentful that you're funding her life and also funding her travels and she's choosing to spend them without you - Thanksgiving, winter break at bfs, vacation w bf. I get it but you can simply not fund these things. To some extent you can also say no. I get that doesn't work as they get older and have their own money but nothing wrong w saying WE expect to see you during the holidays + not funding her Thanksgiving and winter break w bf. You won't be able to stop her if she comes up w the money to go but at least it won't be this lingering resentment of - we pay all this $ and don't even get to see you for holidays, so now you owe us this trip to great uncle.

I agree with this.

And you really have got to drop trying to drag another adult to visit great uncle whoever. This is the time to start transitioning toward a parent to adult child relationship. Respect boundaries, don’t force your desires on others instead find common ground where you enjoy each others company. The days of forcing kids to visit aunt Ida are over. I guarantee you that very soon when she is a young working adult, she is not going to burn all her PTO and budget flying somewhere for cousin Wilma’s wedding. She isn’t going to great Uncle Hubert’s funeral in Nebraska. You need to start getting over this now.

Holy hell! She also WILL be spending her PTO and budget to go visit her boyfriend and whatever she chooses, and not the parents paying (god I hope not). The parents ARE paying now, so a little respect and honoring their wishes at this time is absolutely not too much to ask for.

You have reading comprehension problems. Neither poster agreed with paying to visit the boyfriend. Frankly, this sounds weird. In fact they were pointing out that it is damaging to offer to pay for something and resent it. If you want for some reason to pay for your kid to see their boyfriend over Thanksgiving then that is your choice. You shouldn’t do it if you will resent it or if you have unstated strings attached. Nothing poisons a relationship more than strings. Don’t do this.

[Anonymous]

Final game of the season and you picked that night to try to make her go see your elderly uncle? Would you not assume she would be wanting to socialize with her team and friends that night of all nights? Sounds like you were kind of looking for a fight.

Very poor planning on OP's part, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Final game of the season and you picked that night to try to make her go see your elderly uncle? Would you not assume she would be wanting to socialize with her team and friends that night of all nights? Sounds like you were kind of looking for a fight.

Very poor planning on OP's part, IMO.

Gotta agree with this take, it was thoughtless to choose this night and then treat it like it was NBD. Separately, your DD sound pretty entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d say something.
Along the lines that it was hurtful. She should know.

100 percent. Tell her she was rude and disrespectful. What is wrong with people not correcting this??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this just typical 'soiling the nest' talk you'd let it slide or would this really hurt you?

Flew across the country to DD's college to see her last sporting event of the season. Asked her in advance to spend Friday night through Saturday morning with me for dinner and to visit elderly family member (my uncle) via train. Things were going well, then after a slightly sarcastic comment, DD snapped, "You're lucky I'm here. I'm a college student. I'm giving up my Friday night to do this with you."

If it's relevant, we pay for her room, board, tuition, all of her bills, car when home, all of her flights including a flight to spend with her boyfriend over Thanksgiving break instead of your family, which she told me about a few hours the above scolding. She's a very strong student-athlete, had a summer internship last summer and already has one for summer 2026.

OMG the money is not relevant

What did you raise a POS. She is an athlete, so what? You failed at parenting her.

Why are you paying for a flight to see her BF? She's over 18, that is nota school function. When I said the money isn't relevant I meant school monies/

[Anonymous]

She’s used to having sex with her boyfriend and staying over every night. She’s prob freaking out that being away for a single night might give her boyfriend an opportunity to cheat on her. She’s an insecure brat and taking it out on her mother.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t cut off her funding, but I probably would have turned around, gone home, and not answered calls for a few days

[Anonymous]

I fund my college kids pretty heavily but I would never ever hang that over their heads to get them to comply. And I certainly wouldn't threaten them with it over a rude remark. My skin is much thicker than that.

I would simply say, "I am sorry you feel that way. Next time please let me know so it doesn't get to this point." Then she will probably feel bad but also know better next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is spoiled and rude.

+1000. My mum would have slapped me across the face.

Well that would be bizarre and abusive

Abusive? Rich coddled brats grow up to be a-hole college kids because they were never spanked or slapped when mouthy. They in turn walk all over their pushover parents. One good slap in their teens by a mom would fix such disrespect.

My mom slapped me as a child and I’ll never forget the cruelty of it.

It’s a complete overreaction. To me, it indicates you are a poor communicator and your emotions are unchecked.

[Anonymous]

She loves you and feels comfortable being her honest self. It hurts but give her grace and try to help her navigate feeling excited about thanksgiving with boyfriend and probably feeling a bit guilty and missing you all too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was rude, though you were rude to make a sarcastic remark. There is something about the way OP had been writing that makes me think she uses a lot of guilt and manipulation in her relationship with her daughter

Are you people ESL? Sarcasm is in jest; humor. How does a mom making a sarcastic lighthearted comment to an adult daughter warrant a daughter reminding the mom this is the last place she’d rather be? That is a mask-off comment. The daughter is a spoiled disrespectful self-centered brat and looks at mom and dad as pay pigs.

The daughter learned her communication skills and sarcasm from her mother. Sarcasm is lazy.

[Anonymous]

Everyone is overthinking this.
She’s a self absorbed 18-19 year old - like 95% of 18-19 year olds.
Yes, it was a bit rude. But normal for her age.
A simple “ouch. Glad you could squeeze me in (sarcastically)” would suffice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s disrespectful to her parents.
No more privileges or extras.
No more flights to see boyfriend.

+1. We don’t tolerate this kind of behavior in our family. Our kids knew better than to pull this kind of crap. Where is your DH on this,OP? You need to address now, together.