How do people in this area afford divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am 18 months into leaving. Here are action steps you can take:

-you are paying nanny rates for 3 in daycare. Switch to an in-home daycare. It should be around $3,200/month for three. An au pair will be even cheaper if you do somehow have the space.

-Daycare years will pass. First one will move to public then two then three. You are in the most expensive year(s) right now. It will subside gradually.

-Cut any extras immediately- kid activities, netflix, disney, gym, whatever. These things add up.

-Get yourself a new job. Stay at your job until you find something even better, but any raise is a plus. I was making $83k before I left. I was shooting for at least $100k. It took me 6 months but I landed a job for $130k and I can breathe so much easier.

-Get a second stream of income. My neighbor does laundry for people at $30/load. Picks it up from their house, does it at her house while she works from home, folds it while her kids are sleeping, drops it back off. She is bringing in $1500/m while she works from home. I flip things on Poshmark and bring in about $1000-1200/m.

-Sell things. I sold my wedding rings, pelaton, some furniture, kids old clothes and toys, my nice coffee maker, anything I had laying around that I didn't need. I have $4k cash hidden from that.

-Of the bills you do need to keep- what can be cheaper? Can you find cheaper phone ($25 mint mobile works great), internet, car insurance, health insurance, home owners or renters insurance, etc.

Lastly, I know you don't want to be financially dependent on him, but in addition to the child support and possible monthly maintaince he will owe you, he will also have to pay his share of kids things. At $115k to $450k, he makes 4x what you do. He will owe 80% to your 20%. A $4200/m childcare bill? You'll pay $840. Also, the more you have the kids, the more CS he will owe you. It's all based on a formula.

You will be ok. I do not regret leaving for a second. I am happy and safe and thriving and absolutely love the little life I have now. It is so incredibly freeing and the feeling of pure joy has not disapated at all yet.

I can't believe anyone would pay $30/load of laundry. That's absolutely insane. There are laundromats that wash and fold for substantially less!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you are staying because you feel you can emotionally protect the kids better if you are there all the time? I can run interference between DH and them, manage things, etc. it is tough, but I would not want them with him without me for 3-4 days a week. Nor would I want them exposed to his emotionally manipulative family without me. They can be a lot, and difficult to figure out, and I am exhausted when we come home from trips from the emotional and mental load, but I would fear them being in this environment without me.

I left and it’s the best thing I did for me and my kids. They get to be in a happy, healthy home half the time. They get to see that you don’t put up with abuse, so they’re less likely to repeat the cycle. They’re thriving and are kind, sweet kids.