How do people in this area afford divorce?

[Anonymous]

OP you will be okay. My ex wife is doing fine she bought a new house. The amount I'm giving her on child support is enough to cover 60% of her mortgage.

Me on the other hand I am in a sh**y apartment. It's a big lie that child support is supposed to maintain the same standard of living in both homes.

Child support increases the income of the recipient and decrease the income and quality of life of the payee.

So OP take advantage of the system. Ask for Max child support make him pay healthcare extra curricular etc. the system is set up to be in your favor. Take advantage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you will be okay. My ex wife is doing fine she bought a new house. The amount I'm giving her on child support is enough to cover 60% of her mortgage.

Me on the other hand I am in a sh**y apartment. It's a big lie that child support is supposed to maintain the same standard of living in both homes.

Child support increases the income of the recipient and decrease the income and quality of life of the payee.

So OP take advantage of the system. Ask for Max child support make him pay healthcare extra curricular etc. the system is set up to be in your favor. Take advantage.

This really wildly depends. Ran the calculator for myself recently and was surprised how low it was for me (probably because I earn almost as much as spouse).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you will be okay. My ex wife is doing fine she bought a new house. The amount I'm giving her on child support is enough to cover 60% of her mortgage.

Me on the other hand I am in a sh**y apartment. It's a big lie that child support is supposed to maintain the same standard of living in both homes.

Child support increases the income of the recipient and decrease the income and quality of life of the payee.

So OP take advantage of the system. Ask for Max child support make him pay healthcare extra curricular etc. the system is set up to be in your favor. Take advantage.

This really wildly depends. Ran the calculator for myself recently and was surprised how low it was for me (probably because I earn almost as much as spouse).

This. It often benefits the lower income spouse.

[Anonymous]

OP - I hate to say it because it’s a hard reality, but abuse is NOT worth it. It’s actually more expensive in the long run on so many levels, take a look at the long term health outcomes of abuse and how much health treatments cost. Your children will thank you, but quietly prepare and even a 1 bedroom or 2 bedroom apartment is better than abuse. Also, you will qualify for more benefits as a single parent (including subsidized housing). Will add you to my prayers.

[Anonymous]

Subsidized income on that salary? Doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Your QOL goes down. A lot. And probably permanently. I’m not saying this to discourage you, but it’s just the fact, and not just in this area.

You actually don’t need 3 bedrooms. That’s a level of QOL that not all families enjoy.

I think you fail to account for how much one’s mental health and overall well being can return/thrive when free of an abusive or addiction laden marriage.

I’m not failing to account for it, I’m explaining how you afford it. Which is by cutting back on QOL things like the # of bedrooms that feels “necessary.”

But you’re not accounting for the long term financial benefit of health and safety and wellbeing. So when you say ones QOL goes down, “probably permanently” I think you’re being pretty bold. I think staying alive and healthy is a lot better than staying in a 4 br home with an abuser. So I’d weigh that into my decision of what I could afford, were I mathing this for myself.

You’re trying to read in something I’m not saying. I won’t speculate as to why, but it’s very obvious what you’re trying to make me have said is not what I said.

You wrote- plainly that OP would “probably permanently” have a decreased QOL. I think that’s an awful, discouraging message to give any woman in an abusive situation- especially one who is in an “escalating” abuse situation.

Oh come on. BSing someone about their finances is not discouraging! A person in this kind of situation needs real talk so that they can make good decisions. Not cheerleading and rosy scenarios. Yes, divorce is often a permanent QOL decrease. It was for both of my parents. And that's fine. It was worth it. Two homes are more expensive than one and it's not some awful message. It's reality.

[Anonymous]

You don't need three bedrooms for three kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your QOL goes down. A lot. And probably permanently. I’m not saying this to discourage you, but it’s just the fact, and not just in this area.

You actually don’t need 3 bedrooms. That’s a level of QOL that not all families enjoy.

I think you fail to account for how much one’s mental health and overall well being can return/thrive when free of an abusive or addiction laden marriage.

I’m not failing to account for it, I’m explaining how you afford it. Which is by cutting back on QOL things like the # of bedrooms that feels “necessary.”

But you’re not accounting for the long term financial benefit of health and safety and wellbeing. So when you say ones QOL goes down, “probably permanently” I think you’re being pretty bold. I think staying alive and healthy is a lot better than staying in a 4 br home with an abuser. So I’d weigh that into my decision of what I could afford, were I mathing this for myself.

You’re trying to read in something I’m not saying. I won’t speculate as to why, but it’s very obvious what you’re trying to make me have said is not what I said.

You wrote- plainly that OP would “probably permanently” have a decreased QOL. I think that’s an awful, discouraging message to give any woman in an abusive situation- especially one who is in an “escalating” abuse situation.

Well I have data to support the permanent part, but you seem to be confusing QOL (which in the context of this discussion means zip codes and number of bedrooms) with happiness. You can reduce your QOL and still end up happier.

[Anonymous]

You figure out a combination of school, housing and commute with reasonable compromise. There are 3 bedroom apartments in Ballston that would be affordable for example.

[Anonymous]

OP, PP here who said abuse is not worth the long term cost. My mom left with me and SIX kids. We lived in a 1 bedroom apartment, then upgraded to a 3 bedroom, and then the judge gave us our house back. We were exponentially better for her leaving. Children need and want to see thier kids safe. We also worked much harder for college scholarships. We are all successful adults now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Spouse makes $450k, but bc of his abuse I don’t want to rely on him for necessities like a mortgage. I’m sure he’ll be ordered to pay child support.

Can I really not move 30 minutes away? I’d have to to be able to afford something.

Yes, they can as long as the other parent can get the kids to school during their time.

[Anonymous]

If you live in Montgomery County, there are moderately priced apartments. My DD just starting out is looking into them as she can’t afford to move out of our home otherwise. Some are in N Bethesda and look quite nice. There’s a chart somewhere that shows the maximum income based on family size. The more people the higher the income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make $115k. Daycare alone is $4200 a month, our mortgage is $5500 - clearly would have to sell but even a much smaller house/less desirable schools is nearly that amount. With three kids need at least 3 bedrooms. I can’t see how it’s feasible. Abusive relationship, have been sticking it out but it’s getting worse.

OP there's a different option if the abuse leaves you in fear of bodily injury or is physical. A protective or restraining order can get you sole use of your house and car, bills paid, and custody of the kids. If there's not actual physical abuse now, don't wait until there is. Document every threat, record every rant.

If it's merely emotional/financial that doesn't make it OK, but means that a protective order or restraining order will be hard to get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made 2x what you do.

No, kids don’t need their own bedroom, wtf.

Stop being a martyr, get your sh*t together and leave.

It’s not crazy to need 2 bedrooms for the kids. OP may have pubescent kids and show me how a 15 year old girl can share a room with a 13 year old boy in a healthy way.

Cube shelf divider down the middle of the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your QOL goes down. A lot. And probably permanently. I’m not saying this to discourage you, but it’s just the fact, and not just in this area.

You actually don’t need 3 bedrooms. That’s a level of QOL that not all families enjoy.

I think you fail to account for how much one’s mental health and overall well being can return/thrive when free of an abusive or addiction laden marriage.

I’m not failing to account for it, I’m explaining how you afford it. Which is by cutting back on QOL things like the # of bedrooms that feels “necessary.”

But you’re not accounting for the long term financial benefit of health and safety and wellbeing. So when you say ones QOL goes down, “probably permanently” I think you’re being pretty bold. I think staying alive and healthy is a lot better than staying in a 4 br home with an abuser. So I’d weigh that into my decision of what I could afford, were I mathing this for myself.

You’re trying to read in something I’m not saying. I won’t speculate as to why, but it’s very obvious what you’re trying to make me have said is not what I said.

You wrote- plainly that OP would “probably permanently” have a decreased QOL. I think that’s an awful, discouraging message to give any woman in an abusive situation- especially one who is in an “escalating” abuse situation.

Well I have data to support the permanent part, but you seem to be confusing QOL (which in the context of this discussion means zip codes and number of bedrooms) with happiness. You can reduce your QOL and still end up happier.

Actually I think you’re confusing quality of life with standard of living (SOL). My happiness and freedom from abuse is integral to my quality of life.

How many bedrooms I have to clean isn’t.