PSA-Hoco season

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disclaimer: My kids don't go to a school with hoco I didn't attend such a school either. That aside, why do so many UMC parents try to relieve their own hoco through their children by planing these elaborate ceremonies? Renting a party bus??? Deciding whose house to meet at for pictures??? Excluding kids on purpose??? What do the adults get out of this?

They derive some social status via their kid or at least think they do. Many adults are very invested in their kid being “popular” or “cool” and really enjoy it when they are.

Agree. I think this is from women who peaked in high school devastated that they have a kid totally unlike them, or more like a Carrie revenge and they don’t want their kid to be an outsider like they were and are desperate for popularity. Just let the kids be themselves, they probably don’t care as much as the kids think they do. It’s social media driven.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you tell your daughter to ask her friends what the plan is? Don’t just wait for others to invite.

I don't know about OP but mine has extreme social anxiety, she's working on it with her therapist, and these girls ARE her friends, but she literally can't ask them things like this without panicking, thank goodness her friends are all kind, sweet girls, with kind, sweet parents who know this about her and try to include her in things. I hope your child is nicer and more inclusive than you are.

In the long run, that’s not necessarily helpful. She really needs to practice asking. She can’t always depend on other people‘s mommies reminding them to ask. I’m not saying this is a mean girl mom I have a son who gets left out occasionally because he does not initiate.

I have a kid who asks. Often the person who she asks is fine with it (and that person is her friend) but there is a mean kid in charge that that friend is scared of. And I'm not saying my child is the only child left out. The attitude of the "more the merrier" is not true with some kids. The exclusivity is the whole point and the moms pretending otherwise are dumb or complicit.

Why don’t these kids get together and form their own group? If you know all these kids left out that’s a group right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why this has to be a PSA every fall. Do these kids not think about making friends the rest of the year? If they made more of an effort they wouldn't have to resort to their moms making a desperate plea to not exclude. Where were these lonely kids over the summer? Did they reach out and make plans? Did they try to connect last spring? You can't just show up one time for hoco and then go back and hide under your shell. Friendship goes both ways.

Maybe they tried and were not successful or only starting to develop relationships

So maybe mom can just make plans with her daughter and do something else that night if it’s all just too much or too hard. I never went to homecoming and didn’t even care. This seems manufactured like the parent wants the kid to go so she can get the photos for herself. It’s really not that big of a deal. Go out of town for the weekend and plan something else.

Bingo!. You learn to speak up ! To manage your anxiety or you miss out? what's next she goes to the dance and is too anxious to go in are the other girls supposed to be nice and sit outside with her and miss the party?

[Anonymous]

I have 2 HS DDs. One has already started planning and her group is up to 25 girls and I know they're hoping it stops growing (i.e: they're not going to be inviting any more girls). I can see how this group would be intimidating for a quieter friend to get included in.

The other DD is more shy and probably won't make a plan but will hope to get included at some point by her friends and if not, will quietly accept it isn't her type of thing. I know she'd appreciate a friend reaching out on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you tell your daughter to ask her friends what the plan is? Don’t just wait for others to invite.

I don't know about OP but mine has extreme social anxiety, she's working on it with her therapist, and these girls ARE her friends, but she literally can't ask them things like this without panicking, thank goodness her friends are all kind, sweet girls, with kind, sweet parents who know this about her and try to include her in things. I hope your child is nicer and more inclusive than you are.

In the long run, that’s not necessarily helpful. She really needs to practice asking. She can’t always depend on other people‘s mommies reminding them to ask. I’m not saying this is a mean girl mom I have a son who gets left out occasionally because he does not initiate.

I have a kid who asks. Often the person who she asks is fine with it (and that person is her friend) but there is a mean kid in charge that that friend is scared of. And I'm not saying my child is the only child left out. The attitude of the "more the merrier" is not true with some kids. The exclusivity is the whole point and the moms pretending otherwise are dumb or complicit.

So again why do you want your daughter to hang around kids who don't want her around?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 HS DDs. One has already started planning and her group is up to 25 girls and I know they're hoping it stops growing (i.e: they're not going to be inviting any more girls). I can see how this group would be intimidating for a quieter friend to get included in.

The other DD is more shy and probably won't make a plan but will hope to get included at some point by her friends and if not, will quietly accept it isn't her type of thing. I know she'd appreciate a friend reaching out on this.

Why can’t her sister ask her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you tell your daughter to ask her friends what the plan is? Don’t just wait for others to invite.

I don't know about OP but mine has extreme social anxiety, she's working on it with her therapist, and these girls ARE her friends, but she literally can't ask them things like this without panicking, thank goodness her friends are all kind, sweet girls, with kind, sweet parents who know this about her and try to include her in things. I hope your child is nicer and more inclusive than you are.

In the long run, that’s not necessarily helpful. She really needs to practice asking. She can’t always depend on other people‘s mommies reminding them to ask. I’m not saying this is a mean girl mom I have a son who gets left out occasionally because he does not initiate.

It's not helpful and I say this as someone who was the very shy and anxious girl whose mother was a lot like Op and the other mom's simultaneously making excuses and wanting me to do things. as another pp pointed out a lot of those things i didn't actually want to do. i sure missed out on stuff. but i also figured out by 19 that if I wanted not to miss things i would have to speak up. all op is doing is creating a situation where her daughter has zero life skills and it's much harder to learn in your 20s than when your 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 HS DDs. One has already started planning and her group is up to 25 girls and I know they're hoping it stops growing (i.e: they're not going to be inviting any more girls). I can see how this group would be intimidating for a quieter friend to get included in.

The other DD is more shy and probably won't make a plan but will hope to get included at some point by her friends and if not, will quietly accept it isn't her type of thing. I know she'd appreciate a friend reaching out on this.

Why can’t her sister ask her?

Why would she? They’re presumably in different grades with different friend groups. Older sister probably doesn’t want younger one tagging along and younger one doesn’t want to be the third wheel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you tell your daughter to ask her friends what the plan is? Don’t just wait for others to invite.

I don't know about OP but mine has extreme social anxiety, she's working on it with her therapist, and these girls ARE her friends, but she literally can't ask them things like this without panicking, thank goodness her friends are all kind, sweet girls, with kind, sweet parents who know this about her and try to include her in things. I hope your child is nicer and more inclusive than you are.

In the long run, that’s not necessarily helpful. She really needs to practice asking. She can’t always depend on other people‘s mommies reminding them to ask. I’m not saying this is a mean girl mom I have a son who gets left out occasionally because he does not initiate.

It's not helpful and I say this as someone who was the very shy and anxious girl whose mother was a lot like Op and the other mom's simultaneously making excuses and wanting me to do things. as another pp pointed out a lot of those things i didn't actually want to do. i sure missed out on stuff. but i also figured out by 19 that if I wanted not to miss things i would have to speak up. all op is doing is creating a situation where her daughter has zero life skills and it's much harder to learn in your 20s than when your 14.

Well put. The meddling of these moms is hampering the child’s development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 HS DDs. One has already started planning and her group is up to 25 girls and I know they're hoping it stops growing (i.e: they're not going to be inviting any more girls). I can see how this group would be intimidating for a quieter friend to get included in.

The other DD is more shy and probably won't make a plan but will hope to get included at some point by her friends and if not, will quietly accept it isn't her type of thing. I know she'd appreciate a friend reaching out on this.

Why can’t her sister ask her?

Why would she? They’re presumably in different grades with different friend groups. Older sister probably doesn’t want younger one tagging along and younger one doesn’t want to be the third wheel.

Beggars can’t be choosers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you tell your daughter to ask her friends what the plan is? Don’t just wait for others to invite.

I don't know about OP but mine has extreme social anxiety, she's working on it with her therapist, and these girls ARE her friends, but she literally can't ask them things like this without panicking, thank goodness her friends are all kind, sweet girls, with kind, sweet parents who know this about her and try to include her in things. I hope your child is nicer and more inclusive than you are.

In the long run, that’s not necessarily helpful. She really needs to practice asking. She can’t always depend on other people‘s mommies reminding them to ask. I’m not saying this is a mean girl mom I have a son who gets left out occasionally because he does not initiate.

No, you're not saying this as a mean girl mom, you're saying this as a mean girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you tell your daughter to ask her friends what the plan is? Don’t just wait for others to invite.

I don't know about OP but mine has extreme social anxiety, she's working on it with her therapist, and these girls ARE her friends, but she literally can't ask them things like this without panicking, thank goodness her friends are all kind, sweet girls, with kind, sweet parents who know this about her and try to include her in things. I hope your child is nicer and more inclusive than you are.

In the long run, that’s not necessarily helpful. She really needs to practice asking. She can’t always depend on other people‘s mommies reminding them to ask. I’m not saying this is a mean girl mom I have a son who gets left out occasionally because he does not initiate.

No, you're not saying this as a mean girl mom, you're saying this as a mean girl.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about you tell your daughter to ask her friends what the plan is? Don’t just wait for others to invite.

I don't know about OP but mine has extreme social anxiety, she's working on it with her therapist, and these girls ARE her friends, but she literally can't ask them things like this without panicking, thank goodness her friends are all kind, sweet girls, with kind, sweet parents who know this about her and try to include her in things. I hope your child is nicer and more inclusive than you are.

In the long run, that’s not necessarily helpful. She really needs to practice asking. She can’t always depend on other people‘s mommies reminding them to ask. I’m not saying this is a mean girl mom I have a son who gets left out occasionally because he does not initiate.

It's not helpful and I say this as someone who was the very shy and anxious girl whose mother was a lot like Op and the other mom's simultaneously making excuses and wanting me to do things. as another pp pointed out a lot of those things i didn't actually want to do. i sure missed out on stuff. but i also figured out by 19 that if I wanted not to miss things i would have to speak up. all op is doing is creating a situation where her daughter has zero life skills and it's much harder to learn in your 20s than when your 14.

Well put. The meddling of these moms is hampering the child’s development.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 HS DDs. One has already started planning and her group is up to 25 girls and I know they're hoping it stops growing (i.e: they're not going to be inviting any more girls). I can see how this group would be intimidating for a quieter friend to get included in.

The other DD is more shy and probably won't make a plan but will hope to get included at some point by her friends and if not, will quietly accept it isn't her type of thing. I know she'd appreciate a friend reaching out on this.

Why can’t her sister ask her?

Why would she? They’re presumably in different grades with different friend groups. Older sister probably doesn’t want younger one tagging along and younger one doesn’t want to be the third wheel.

So it's totally fine for sister not to invite her it's not mean girl behavior but for some other girls not inviting her means they are horrid brats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 HS DDs. One has already started planning and her group is up to 25 girls and I know they're hoping it stops growing (i.e: they're not going to be inviting any more girls). I can see how this group would be intimidating for a quieter friend to get included in.

The other DD is more shy and probably won't make a plan but will hope to get included at some point by her friends and if not, will quietly accept it isn't her type of thing. I know she'd appreciate a friend reaching out on this.

Why can’t her sister ask her?

Why would she? They’re presumably in different grades with different friend groups. Older sister probably doesn’t want younger one tagging along and younger one doesn’t want to be the third wheel.

So it's totally fine for sister not to invite her it's not mean girl behavior but for some other girls not inviting her means they are horrid brats.

+1 Interesting. Has the mother spoken to her older daughter and reminded her to be inclusive of her sister?