PSA-Hoco season

[Anonymous]

OP how big is your kids school? My kids school has 700 kids per grade. There is really no way for my kids to have any idea of someone is being left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 HS DDs. One has already started planning and her group is up to 25 girls and I know they're hoping it stops growing (i.e: they're not going to be inviting any more girls). I can see how this group would be intimidating for a quieter friend to get included in.

The other DD is more shy and probably won't make a plan but will hope to get included at some point by her friends and if not, will quietly accept it isn't her type of thing. I know she'd appreciate a friend reaching out on this.

Why can’t her sister ask her?

Why would she? They’re presumably in different grades with different friend groups. Older sister probably doesn’t want younger one tagging along and younger one doesn’t want to be the third wheel.

So it's totally fine for sister not to invite her it's not mean girl behavior but for some other girls not inviting her means they are horrid brats.

No it’s not mean girl is normal adolescent behavior. This mean girl crap is out of hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP how big is your kids school? My kids school has 700 kids per grade. There is really no way for my kids to have any idea of someone is being left out.

It isn't about left out by the general populace. It is about friends leaving out their actual friends because no one feels comfortable speaking up and saying "my friend has no group, can we include her".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how big is your kids school? My kids school has 700 kids per grade. There is really no way for my kids to have any idea of someone is being left out.

It isn't about left out by the general populace. It is about friends leaving out their actual friends because no one feels comfortable speaking up and saying "my friend has no group, can we include her".

I would argue they aren't actual friends then and it would be better for your daughter not to hang around this group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 HS DDs. One has already started planning and her group is up to 25 girls and I know they're hoping it stops growing (i.e: they're not going to be inviting any more girls). I can see how this group would be intimidating for a quieter friend to get included in.

The other DD is more shy and probably won't make a plan but will hope to get included at some point by her friends and if not, will quietly accept it isn't her type of thing. I know she'd appreciate a friend reaching out on this.

Why can’t her sister ask her?

Why would she? They’re presumably in different grades with different friend groups. Older sister probably doesn’t want younger one tagging along and younger one doesn’t want to be the third wheel.

So it's totally fine for sister not to invite her it's not mean girl behavior but for some other girls not inviting her means they are horrid brats.

+1 Interesting. Has the mother spoken to her older daughter and reminded her to be inclusive of her sister?

Mhm. Perhaps she should worry about her own daughters and " encouraging kindness," in them instead of others or better extend the same grace she has towards other teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 HS DDs. One has already started planning and her group is up to 25 girls and I know they're hoping it stops growing (i.e: they're not going to be inviting any more girls). I can see how this group would be intimidating for a quieter friend to get included in.

The other DD is more shy and probably won't make a plan but will hope to get included at some point by her friends and if not, will quietly accept it isn't her type of thing. I know she'd appreciate a friend reaching out on this.

Why can’t her sister ask her?

Why would she? They’re presumably in different grades with different friend groups. Older sister probably doesn’t want younger one tagging along and younger one doesn’t want to be the third wheel.

Why do you assume all that? Dysfunctional sibling relarionships aren't the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how big is your kids school? My kids school has 700 kids per grade. There is really no way for my kids to have any idea of someone is being left out.

It isn't about left out by the general populace. It is about friends leaving out their actual friends because no one feels comfortable speaking up and saying "my friend has no group, can we include her".

I would argue they aren't actual friends then and it would be better for your daughter not to hang around this group.

But sometimes this is the closest thing someone has to a friend group. Not everyone has an endless supply of friendship possibilities.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

[Anonymous]

I say this as a parent of kids who have been left out (no more room in the vehicle/restaurant) of hoco plans:

Other kids are not responsible for any of our kids. Do I expect there to be a sufficient-room issue or sufficient-table space issue so that my kid can go? No. If my kid is worried about it, my kid can step up and offer to make the plans upfront for a group. If your kid is incredibly shy, that will obviously have an impact on her socially. My kid one year did all the planning and eventually, the group got so large they could find no restaurants to go to and everytime someone was added, my kid had to contact the restaurant and increase the group size. If your kid wants to take that on…great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how big is your kids school? My kids school has 700 kids per grade. There is really no way for my kids to have any idea of someone is being left out.

It isn't about left out by the general populace. It is about friends leaving out their actual friends because no one feels comfortable speaking up and saying "my friend has no group, can we include her".

If your kid has friends but no "group", then why doesn't he or she ask a friend what they are doing for hoco? That seems like a good life skill to practice in high school. My kids are likely going to assume that their friends who are not going with them are going with another group. Their lives are busy and they are not focused on hoco so they are honestly not giving it much thought at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how big is your kids school? My kids school has 700 kids per grade. There is really no way for my kids to have any idea of someone is being left out.

It isn't about left out by the general populace. It is about friends leaving out their actual friends because no one feels comfortable speaking up and saying "my friend has no group, can we include her".

I would argue they aren't actual friends then and it would be better for your daughter not to hang around this group.

But sometimes this is the closest thing someone has to a friend group. Not everyone has an endless supply of friendship possibilities.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

Or you can accept that these girls don't want to be friends with your daughter. That your daughter isn't part of the ," in crowd" and help her target people who are real friends who will be happy to hang out with her and not conveniently " forget her" 14 year olds really don't need to be reminded by mom to invite so and so they know who they want to spend time with and it's not fun being the girl who got the pity invite. And no I'm not a mean girl mom. I was your daughter and life got so much better when I started trying to focus on the people who wanted to be around me. There's probably another girl or guy who's on the outskirts too maybe she should look for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 HS DDs. One has already started planning and her group is up to 25 girls and I know they're hoping it stops growing (i.e: they're not going to be inviting any more girls). I can see how this group would be intimidating for a quieter friend to get included in.

The other DD is more shy and probably won't make a plan but will hope to get included at some point by her friends and if not, will quietly accept it isn't her type of thing. I know she'd appreciate a friend reaching out on this.

Why can’t her sister ask her?

Why would she? They’re presumably in different grades with different friend groups. Older sister probably doesn’t want younger one tagging along and younger one doesn’t want to be the third wheel.

Why do you assume all that? Dysfunctional sibling relarionships aren't the norm.

I am the mom of the 2 HS DDs. I find it interesting that everyone assumed it is the younger one that needs the invite. It is quite the opposite. The sisters are very close but older DD (junior) doesn't have any interest in tagging on freshman DDs plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how big is your kids school? My kids school has 700 kids per grade. There is really no way for my kids to have any idea of someone is being left out.

It isn't about left out by the general populace. It is about friends leaving out their actual friends because no one feels comfortable speaking up and saying "my friend has no group, can we include her".

I would argue they aren't actual friends then and it would be better for your daughter not to hang around this group.

But sometimes this is the closest thing someone has to a friend group. Not everyone has an endless supply of friendship possibilities.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

This! I am appalled at how unkind so many of you are. And it isn't an issue of being "actual" friends or not, it is about not knowing how to navigate sensitive social waters. Hence the need for parental tips and tricks. Smh!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 HS DDs. One has already started planning and her group is up to 25 girls and I know they're hoping it stops growing (i.e: they're not going to be inviting any more girls). I can see how this group would be intimidating for a quieter friend to get included in.

The other DD is more shy and probably won't make a plan but will hope to get included at some point by her friends and if not, will quietly accept it isn't her type of thing. I know she'd appreciate a friend reaching out on this.

Why can’t her sister ask her?

Why would she? They’re presumably in different grades with different friend groups. Older sister probably doesn’t want younger one tagging along and younger one doesn’t want to be the third wheel.

Why do you assume all that? Dysfunctional sibling relarionships aren't the norm.

I am the mom of the 2 HS DDs. I find it interesting that everyone assumed it is the younger one that needs the invite. It is quite the opposite. The sisters are very close but older DD (junior) doesn't have any interest in tagging on freshman DDs plans.

So, other girls who may not be that close to the sister have the onus to remember her and include her but one's own sister gets a pass because the sisters may not be in the same friend group? Regardless of age shouldn't the kindness start at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 HS DDs. One has already started planning and her group is up to 25 girls and I know they're hoping it stops growing (i.e: they're not going to be inviting any more girls). I can see how this group would be intimidating for a quieter friend to get included in.

The other DD is more shy and probably won't make a plan but will hope to get included at some point by her friends and if not, will quietly accept it isn't her type of thing. I know she'd appreciate a friend reaching out on this.

Why can’t her sister ask her?

Why would she? They’re presumably in different grades with different friend groups. Older sister probably doesn’t want younger one tagging along and younger one doesn’t want to be the third wheel.

Why do you assume all that? Dysfunctional sibling relarionships aren't the norm.

I am the mom of the 2 HS DDs. I find it interesting that everyone assumed it is the younger one that needs the invite. It is quite the opposite. The sisters are very close but older DD (junior) doesn't have any interest in tagging on freshman DDs plans.

Probably because by junior year parents have stepped out of social life. Anyway it sounds like big sis is fine with either not going to homecoming or participating in a capacity that suits her. No need for you to do anything mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP how big is your kids school? My kids school has 700 kids per grade. There is really no way for my kids to have any idea of someone is being left out.

It isn't about left out by the general populace. It is about friends leaving out their actual friends because no one feels comfortable speaking up and saying "my friend has no group, can we include her".

I would argue they aren't actual friends then and it would be better for your daughter not to hang around this group.

But sometimes this is the closest thing someone has to a friend group. Not everyone has an endless supply of friendship possibilities.

In a world where you can be anything, be kind.

This! I am appalled at how unkind so many of you are. And it isn't an issue of being "actual" friends or not, it is about not knowing how to navigate sensitive social waters. Hence the need for parental tips and tricks. Smh!

Part of social skills is knowing who your friends are and accepting some people don't want you around. Part of navigating social waters is advocating for yourself. Stop trying to parent other kids and focus on your own
Maybe if you had done better at this earlier your 14 year old could figure out how to make plans for a dance on her own.