BIL pissed that we won't be at his wedding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Traveling to Australia on four weeks notice is. not. reasonable.

Agree!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Thanks for all opinions, whether supportive or critical. Believe me, most of your POVs had already been swirling around in my head to try to come to a resolution that would make the least number of people unhappy.

To answer some questions, my son is not in the military - apologies if my use of the term posting order misled you, but I come from a military family and some terminology just sticks. His job does require short deployments (there I go again!) overseas.

I also apologise for the perceived snark. I like my BIL and his fiancee, but BIL has always gone for "drama", so in some ways springing a 4-week notice of a wedding on the other side of the world should have not come as a surprise. In normal circumstances we would have loved to have jetted off for the wedding, but it just seems a shame that in this instance the plans my DH relished putting together for me, especially our little family reunion, will have to be rethought and somehow reworked.

I am also saddened by how my BIL obviously influenced my FIL. We see FIL regularly and have a good relationship with him. My DH is a good and attentive son to him, whereas BIL is on the other side of the world and therefore has minimal involvement in FIL's care. For FIL to "take sides" against DH came as a shock to him, especially as FIL is not going to the wedding anyway.

And, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I now have the uncomfortable feeling of an element of misogyny within the family (BIL, FIL), where women should take second place to men (as in my celebrations being dismissed, and the fiancee's dreams of a cathedral wedding not being followed through).

Are you seriously saying FIL is being influenced about sides regarding a wedding and a birthday??? I know this is a second wedding but a wedding is a once in a lifetime event. Son’s wedding is much greater than DIL’s birthday.

I would move heaven and earth to go to my child’s wedding. DIL’s birthday?? Come on. Are you serious???

Re-read this sentence you just wrote.

She feels strongly both ways about the sentence she wrote

[Anonymous]

There are so many people doing virtual attendance at destination weddings these days. I would hire a local wedding planner to set this up so FIL and your DH can experience this together in the same room, locally and virtually. Or there are websites where you can hire a tech geek. It would make FIL so happy to be watching virtually and you will be the heroes instead of the scapegoats.

[Anonymous]

This is all so messy .. For noooo reason.

[Anonymous]

Absurd to expect people to be able to travel to Australia with short notice.

Time and money.

30 hr trip one way. With stops. Minimum of $1,500/per person.

Need a min of one week off work. But would want more.

[Anonymous]

For working people, and parents with minor kid, 4 weeks notice is laughable. Rude. Entitled. Even if you were all living in Australia already.

Some people may be able to change their plans and attend. But that doesn't change the fact that BIL is very, very selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with a restaurant reservation. Geez, I hate the nasty do annyytthhing for family posters that ignore all the relevant info to demand attendance. Pound sand people!

OP’s son will only be in town briefly before being posted overseas! OP’s brother has already made travel plans to attend. Her other children may have made travel plans. They have a vacation planned and booked in advance for the following week.

In no world does an idiot announcing a wedding (let alone overseas), in four weeks mean that all those people cancel their plans, eat the costs of travel reservations and pay top dollar to get flights to Australia at the last minute.

This is what I kept thinking too. It’s not about dinner, it’s about multiple other people canceling travel plans. I’m sorry, but with adult kids, my nuclear family is a higher priority to me than one of my siblings short notice second weddings literally halfway around the world. Travel and hotel and other arrangements to Australia will cost a fortune on such short notice. I don’t know if OP works but that’s short notice to take enough time off of work to justify the travel to Australia.

+1000. I can't believe people are giving OP a hard time because she isn't dropping everything to go to a wedding on the other side of the world with 4 weeks notice. I've never been invited to a wedding with less than 6 weeks notice even if it was around the corner! Honestly, I would have assumed he didn't really want people to come with such short notice. Truly obnoxious.

We are giving OP a hard time because her post is unnecessarily judgemental and snarky. She already knows she could simply say “sorry we already have immovable plans” but she proceeded to blab on about how important her birthday is, her kids are, a band, dinner reservations, BIL being on his 2nd marriage (gasp), not getting married in a cathedral, some BS about the bride thinking her wedding was important years ago and then not hurrying up and getting married on OPs “appropriate” timeline….. if OP wasn’t such a jackass in her original post she wouldn’t be getting this reaction.

[Anonymous]

This thread about a grown woman who is pissed off that her BIL’s wedding conflicts with a birthday party she’s throwing for herself is still active?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the answer depends on whether your DH wants to go to the wedding. If he is fine missing it, then you should send your regrets and move on. They made a last minute decision that works from them, but doesn't work for your family.

If your DH wants to go, then I think he should go solo, after your dinner party.

This.

[Anonymous]

Four weeks notice for a wedding is ridiculous. Most people have plans far in advance. Four weeks notice for a wedding in Australia is obnoxious - I assume they did not really expect people to attend, and then once some dsaid yes, they let it go to thier heads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has nothing to do with a restaurant reservation. Geez, I hate the nasty do annyytthhing for family posters that ignore all the relevant info to demand attendance. Pound sand people!

OP’s son will only be in town briefly before being posted overseas! OP’s brother has already made travel plans to attend. Her other children may have made travel plans. They have a vacation planned and booked in advance for the following week.

In no world does an idiot announcing a wedding (let alone overseas), in four weeks mean that all those people cancel their plans, eat the costs of travel reservations and pay top dollar to get flights to Australia at the last minute.

This is what I kept thinking too. It’s not about dinner, it’s about multiple other people canceling travel plans. I’m sorry, but with adult kids, my nuclear family is a higher priority to me than one of my siblings short notice second weddings literally halfway around the world. Travel and hotel and other arrangements to Australia will cost a fortune on such short notice. I don’t know if OP works but that’s short notice to take enough time off of work to justify the travel to Australia.

+1000. I can't believe people are giving OP a hard time because she isn't dropping everything to go to a wedding on the other side of the world with 4 weeks notice. I've never been invited to a wedding with less than 6 weeks notice even if it was around the corner! Honestly, I would have assumed he didn't really want people to come with such short notice. Truly obnoxious.

We are giving OP a hard time because her post is unnecessarily judgemental and snarky. She already knows she could simply say “sorry we already have immovable plans” but she proceeded to blab on about how important her birthday is, her kids are, a band, dinner reservations, BIL being on his 2nd marriage (gasp), not getting married in a cathedral, some BS about the bride thinking her wedding was important years ago and then not hurrying up and getting married on OPs “appropriate” timeline….. if OP wasn’t such a jackass in her original post she wouldn’t be getting this reaction.

I did not read any of it as judgey, beyond the fact that that OP is legitimately annoyed and that BIL is legitimately the AH in this situation. I'd be irritated as well, PP, and if I wrote about it on DCUM, I'd be a lot more acerbic than OP!!!

The cathedral bit is lovely, though.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t go and wouldn’t think twice about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread about a grown woman who is pissed off that her BIL’s wedding conflicts with a birthday party she’s throwing for herself is still active?

Isn’t DCUM always braying about how an invitation is not a summons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Thanks for all opinions, whether supportive or critical. Believe me, most of your POVs had already been swirling around in my head to try to come to a resolution that would make the least number of people unhappy.

To answer some questions, my son is not in the military - apologies if my use of the term posting order misled you, but I come from a military family and some terminology just sticks. His job does require short deployments (there I go again!) overseas.

I also apologise for the perceived snark. I like my BIL and his fiancee, but BIL has always gone for "drama", so in some ways springing a 4-week notice of a wedding on the other side of the world should have not come as a surprise. In normal circumstances we would have loved to have jetted off for the wedding, but it just seems a shame that in this instance the plans my DH relished putting together for me, especially our little family reunion, will have to be rethought and somehow reworked.

I am also saddened by how my BIL obviously influenced my FIL. We see FIL regularly and have a good relationship with him. My DH is a good and attentive son to him, whereas BIL is on the other side of the world and therefore has minimal involvement in FIL's care. For FIL to "take sides" against DH came as a shock to him, especially as FIL is not going to the wedding anyway.

And, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I now have the uncomfortable feeling of an element of misogyny within the family (BIL, FIL), where women should take second place to men (as in my celebrations being dismissed, and the fiancee's dreams of a cathedral wedding not being followed through).

Stop. I am a woman and calling you out for acting like a princess. I would never expect my children to fly in for my birthday and for anyone in my family to celebrate anyone’s birthday over anyone’s wedding. DH wasn’t even home on my birthday this year. I told him it was ridiculous to reschedule a work meeting and I’m as adult who didn’t need anything special. I went out to eat with one kid, since my other also had to work that evening. And that is fine!

[Anonymous]

You seem really selfish