DH can’t handle being a parent

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Also, caring for an infant is not "being a parent". If he is picking up all the other slack right now and letting you be the primary infant carer, it doesn't mean he sucks as a parent. Newborns are newborns for a matter of months. Not every great parent is great at every stage, and this one is REALLY short.

I strongly disagree with your statement. Parenting is caring for your child. The rest is being a capable adult.

Keeping a baby alive isn't parenting. But keep arguing with everyone, OP.

+1. By all accounts my mom could not deal with having a newborn. The anxiety took over and she was paralyzed. She refused to do night feedings and seldom held me.

She was also a great mom. It's just that one short stage that overwhelmed her.

She was actually a pretty shitty mom during that period. As is OP’s husband right now. What if both parents took this attitude? The baby would die.

What if the moon was made of cheese? If thing were different they’d be different.

Some of the people on this board are terrible at giving grace and I hope never need any.

To the infant, as long as someone feeds and cares for them, the rest is immaterial - it can be mom, dad, great aunt Gretchen or whoever. It will be fine.

Stop with the giving grace bullshit. Where’s the grace for a woman who just pushed a human being out of her body and wants some effing support from her husband?

Also, please give OP Gretchen’s number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - what is your goal? To get DH to participate? You can either try to gently encourage which you are not interested in or have a fight which may help or not but is going to lead to more resentment for both of you.

Your only other options are either accept what’s going on or decide this is not worth it and divorce.

It looks like you want someone to wave a magic wand and have DH become a wonderful father. That’s not going to happen. The options you have are only about what you can do and feel, not what you can make him do or feel.

Actually I would peace out and take the baby to my mother’s. Ask him if he prefers life on his own. If he does, you have your answer and should divorce. If he wants you back, ask him what he will do specifically to help with HIS CHILD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. Having a new baby is so hard. the weight of responsibility when it's just you is so crushing.

We just had a baby ten weeks ago and for the first maybe eight weeks my husband was a bit useless at handling the baby. He was super fussy and cried all the time and husband didn't know how to soothe him. He even referred to him as "Satan baby" lol. As baby grew older and bigger, my husband became more confident at handling him. I hope this will be the same for you. Just show the husband what you do to soothe the baby, how to rock the baby, etc. he will get more confident with time.

Why does she have to show the husband what to do? I’m a mom and I didn’t magically know all that when my baby was born. I learned it thru effort, trial and error, reading books, watching videos, asking friends, etc.

A man has a brain and he can figure out how to take care of a baby if he wants to. I did not have a baby just to get another child for a husband.

OP, pack a bag, pump some milk and leave DC with Dad for 12 hours every other day until he figures it out.

This x 1000

Having a vagina doesn't mean you know more.

Off topic but I hate when people reduce people to their genitalia. Being a woman and, a mother, and having God-given female instincts and strengths is so much more than having a vagina/not having a penis. As if a penis and vagina are the only things that make men and women different. Gross.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s SO early. He has anxiety—not everyone knows how to take care of an infant. The fact that he’s doing so much else IS a help to you. When the baby is a little sturdier I bet he will be fine. We aren’t all good at everything. What is one thing he is comfortable doing with the baby? Is it burping? Is it shushing back to sleep when wakes up briefly. One step at a time then add more. I know you’re exhausted and hormonal—trust me I know! Just send him to get you all the things you need so YOU can keep hydrated and well fed! I promise it will get better.

Nothing. He won’t change a diaper, get him dressed, give a bath, put him to sleep, burp, or anything else. He will only hold him if he is seated and immediately calls me to get him when he cries. He won’t walk around or hold him without being seated.

Your husand absolutely should be able to do what you shared above.

Being new or the babys size isn’t a fair excuse to opt out of those tasks.

I've already shared.

This is what I’m saying but posters are acting like I’m the problem because I want my husband to be an involved dad and share parenting responsibilities.

I’m team you OP 🖤
How you’re feeling is accurate
You alone shouldn’t be made to learn or do those tasks solo… especially as first time parents.



You’re both learning as you go.

So what's your solution for OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He seems afraid to hold him unless he is seated.

What changed from when he held newborns prior to having his own?