How much financial help are you really giving your adult children?

[Anonymous]

I think of my children as my legacy in this world. So their success is my success in some ways. I want them to have a happy life and to be able to provide for their children in the same way that we have provided for them. Therefore, it makes sense that we should help them for things that we value, while at the same time prioritizing our own financial health so that we are not dependent on them.

Sharing resources that we currently own is not a big imposition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

Yup, that’s the reality of living in any large metro area with lots of wealth. As a young adult trying to make my way through life I’ve run into a number of people where it was extremely obvious they had some kind of significant help from relatives. They were usually pretty reluctant to admit this but sometimes there’s no denying it like when someone buys a $1.5M house at 25 with less than a year of work experience and a single income that’s probably $150k at most.

Curious how you would want them to tell you this? Like what do you mean 'admit it'?

I can buy much more real estate than my income allows due to family help so I am curious at what point I explain this to people? I don't mind people knowing at all, but it seems awkward to bring it up when nobody asks specifically.

it's nobody's business, unless you are constantly bragging about it.
So yeah, you have family who can help you. Many people do, it's just at varying levels of "help". Unless you brag about it or judge others who cannot do the same things you can, there shoudlnt' be an issue.

And yes, not sure how a normal person brings this up, because it's not needed and bringing it up would be obnoxious and braggarting.

Well, I agree. But other posters are insinuating that it should be brought up in some way since they think those they know in this situation won't 'admit' it.

And those PP are likely trolls or just obnoxious people. Who truly cares how your friends acquire something? I'm just happy they have things they love and get to travel, etc. They are my friends, so why would I be jealous or concerned? Just don't understand that philosophy

[Anonymous]

I’m an adult child who receives 100k annually tax free in gifting from my trust.

My parents are still alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

Yup, that’s the reality of living in any large metro area with lots of wealth. As a young adult trying to make my way through life I’ve run into a number of people where it was extremely obvious they had some kind of significant help from relatives. They were usually pretty reluctant to admit this but sometimes there’s no denying it like when someone buys a $1.5M house at 25 with less than a year of work experience and a single income that’s probably $150k at most.

Curious how you would want them to tell you this? Like what do you mean 'admit it'?

I can buy much more real estate than my income allows due to family help so I am curious at what point I explain this to people? I don't mind people knowing at all, but it seems awkward to bring it up when nobody asks specifically.

it's nobody's business, unless you are constantly bragging about it.
So yeah, you have family who can help you. Many people do, it's just at varying levels of "help". Unless you brag about it or judge others who cannot do the same things you can, there shoudlnt' be an issue.

And yes, not sure how a normal person brings this up, because it's not needed and bringing it up would be obnoxious and braggarting.

Well, I agree. But other posters are insinuating that it should be brought up in some way since they think those they know in this situation won't 'admit' it.

And those PP are likely trolls or just obnoxious people. Who truly cares how your friends acquire something? I'm just happy they have things they love and get to travel, etc. They are my friends, so why would I be jealous or concerned? Just don't understand that philosophy

I think the normalization of generational wealth should be highlighted more because so many young people try to compare themselves to others and keep up with the joneses. There’s nothing wrong with a wealthy parent wanting to financially help their children, but it can cause issues for others when they see someone else living it up with no explanation on how they afford it and then compare with their own lives (which we naturally do as humans). Comparison is the thief of joy but it’s hard not to do it, and knowing someone has way more than you because they lucked out has less of a sting than seeing people outperform you who started at the same level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think of my children as my legacy in this world. So their success is my success in some ways. I want them to have a happy life and to be able to provide for their children in the same way that we have provided for them. Therefore, it makes sense that we should help them for things that we value, while at the same time prioritizing our own financial health so that we are not dependent on them.

Sharing resources that we currently own is not a big imposition.

+1

We all do what we can for our families. For some, that means more than others. But our kids are always our kids, even when fully functioning adults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

Yup, that’s the reality of living in any large metro area with lots of wealth. As a young adult trying to make my way through life I’ve run into a number of people where it was extremely obvious they had some kind of significant help from relatives. They were usually pretty reluctant to admit this but sometimes there’s no denying it like when someone buys a $1.5M house at 25 with less than a year of work experience and a single income that’s probably $150k at most.

Curious how you would want them to tell you this? Like what do you mean 'admit it'?

I can buy much more real estate than my income allows due to family help so I am curious at what point I explain this to people? I don't mind people knowing at all, but it seems awkward to bring it up when nobody asks specifically.

it's nobody's business, unless you are constantly bragging about it.
So yeah, you have family who can help you. Many people do, it's just at varying levels of "help". Unless you brag about it or judge others who cannot do the same things you can, there shoudlnt' be an issue.

And yes, not sure how a normal person brings this up, because it's not needed and bringing it up would be obnoxious and braggarting.

Well, I agree. But other posters are insinuating that it should be brought up in some way since they think those they know in this situation won't 'admit' it.

And those PP are likely trolls or just obnoxious people. Who truly cares how your friends acquire something? I'm just happy they have things they love and get to travel, etc. They are my friends, so why would I be jealous or concerned? Just don't understand that philosophy

I think the normalization of generational wealth should be highlighted more because so many young people try to compare themselves to others and keep up with the joneses. There’s nothing wrong with a wealthy parent wanting to financially help their children, but it can cause issues for others when they see someone else living it up with no explanation on how they afford it and then compare with their own lives (which we naturally do as humans). Comparison is the thief of joy but it’s hard not to do it, and knowing someone has way more than you because they lucked out has less of a sting than seeing people outperform you who started at the same level.

All very true. But it is on a 20 something to manage their own expectations. I've never attempted to "keep up with the joneses" I do my own thing and am financially secure. That has more to do with how you are raised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

Yup, that’s the reality of living in any large metro area with lots of wealth. As a young adult trying to make my way through life I’ve run into a number of people where it was extremely obvious they had some kind of significant help from relatives. They were usually pretty reluctant to admit this but sometimes there’s no denying it like when someone buys a $1.5M house at 25 with less than a year of work experience and a single income that’s probably $150k at most.

Curious how you would want them to tell you this? Like what do you mean 'admit it'?

I can buy much more real estate than my income allows due to family help so I am curious at what point I explain this to people? I don't mind people knowing at all, but it seems awkward to bring it up when nobody asks specifically.

So yeah, you have family who can help you. Many people do, it's just at varying levels of "help". Unless you brag about it or judge others who cannot do the same things you can, there shoudlnt' be an issu

And yes, not sure how a normal person brings this up, because it's not needed and bringing it up would be obnoxious and braggarting.

Well, I agree. But other posters are insinuating that it should be brought up in some way since they think those they know in this situation won't 'admit' it.

And those PP are likely trolls or just obnoxious people. Who truly cares how your friends acquire something? I'm just happy they have things they love and get to travel, etc. They are my friends, so why would I be jealous or concerned? Just don't understand that philosophy

it's nobody's business, unless you are constantly bragging about it.

I think the normalization of generational wealth should be highlighted more because so many young people try to compare themselves to others and keep up with the joneses. There’s nothing wrong with a wealthy parent wanting to financially help their children, but it can cause issues for others when they see someone else living it up with no explanation on how they afford it and then compare with their own lives (which we naturally do as humans). Comparison is the thief of joy but it’s hard not to do it, and knowing someone has way more than you because they lucked out has less of a sting than seeing people outperform you who started at the same level.

This is true - when I moved to DC with my young family and lawyer husband I stayed home for almost 10 years and despite what I thought was a "big income" we felt so poor - old house always had something major that needed to be fixed up and we could never get ahead after paying for schools, activities renovations etc.. We lived comfortable normal "middle class life" but i wondered how some of our friends coasted through hiring decorators, building pools and constantly taking crazy fancy trips while hardly seeming to work - well guess what - their family money was paying for it and it honestly felt better when we made friends just like ourselves, also lawyers, also choosing to stay at home etc. I'm still friends with both kinds of families and I have learned to love and value my life as is (even without a vacation house and country club membership).Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not much because I think it's better not to. Meals out together, flights home, and $100 at birthdays.

Of course, what I'm really providing is a risk backstop. They know if anything truly horrible happened (like say, cancer) I would step in as needed. And this has economic value and peace of mind even if never used or even noticed.

This! adult child in later thirties. Parents paid for my undergrad tuition but have been the place I go between jobs (lived/worked overseas on shorter term contract work) and I know that if something bad happened, they would help me out. I dont want to ask but the reassurance that I have a backup matters.

[Anonymous]

My father has given me about $250k over the last ten years in various ways. We set aside $150k for daughter’s college in the fall (she has scholarships) and have another $100k for her after college graduation. I want to help her have the best start in life. She is very smart, hardworking, frugal and caring. I do not mind. My youngest is an equestrian and we have $200k so far for her future farm. She is saving for the horses and stuff by starting as a stable hand/ show groomer and terrier from 14-18 years old. This is the life she is choosing as an ag girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

How embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

How embarrassing.

If it embarrasses you, don't take the money. It more seems like you are jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an adult child who receives 100k annually tax free in gifting from my trust.

My parents are still alive.

From the principal? No income generated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

How embarrassing.

If it embarrasses you, don't take the money. It more seems like you are jealous.

It’s not jealousy to have a kid that is such a loser at 30+ that they need their parent’s money. Why is it that idiots like you confuse pity with jealousy is baffling to me.

This from someone that has a sizable estate that we will transfer to our kids…but not because they need it just to give their future kids’ braces.

Also, if your kid has to take out a loan just buy a freaking car and at 30 needs you to co-sign for it…that’s f**cking embarrassing and you know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

How embarrassing.

If it embarrasses you, don't take the money. It more seems like you are jealous.

lol. No. Just know how to make my own way! You are raising wimps and that is embarrassing. Carry on! 😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

Yup, that’s the reality of living in any large metro area with lots of wealth. As a young adult trying to make my way through life I’ve run into a number of people where it was extremely obvious they had some kind of significant help from relatives. They were usually pretty reluctant to admit this but sometimes there’s no denying it like when someone buys a $1.5M house at 25 with less than a year of work experience and a single income that’s probably $150k at most.

Curious how you would want them to tell you this? Like what do you mean 'admit it'?

I can buy much more real estate than my income allows due to family help so I am curious at what point I explain this to people? I don't mind people knowing at all, but it seems awkward to bring it up when nobody asks specifically.

it's nobody's business, unless you are constantly bragging about it.
So yeah, you have family who can help you. Many people do, it's just at varying levels of "help". Unless you brag about it or judge others who cannot do the same things you can, there shoudlnt' be an issue.

And yes, not sure how a normal person brings this up, because it's not needed and bringing it up would be obnoxious and braggarting.

Well, I agree. But other posters are insinuating that it should be brought up in some way since they think those they know in this situation won't 'admit' it.

And those PP are likely trolls or just obnoxious people. Who truly cares how your friends acquire something? I'm just happy they have things they love and get to travel, etc. They are my friends, so why would I be jealous or concerned? Just don't understand that philosophy

Exactly. I'm not entitled to financial information of my friends nor should I care.