How much financial help are you really giving your adult children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

How embarrassing.

If it embarrasses you, don't take the money. It more seems like you are jealous.

lol. No. Just know how to make my own way! You are raising wimps and that is embarrassing. Carry on! 😁

Agree. I think that they know their kids could never make it without them which is probably true. Again, how embarrassing. Oh well.lol

[Anonymous]

We give away a 3% chunk of our income to charity, 3% to our aging parents and about 10% to our adult children in different ways. However, with retirement looming, we'll have to be less generous in coming years once salary stops and we've to live off of savings.

[Anonymous]

Well they're going to get $10M each one way or another. Should I be worried that this will embarrass them in front of their friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well they're going to get $10M each one way or another. Should I be worried that this will embarrass them in front of their friends?

so embarrassing lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well they're going to get $10M each one way or another. Should I be worried that this will embarrass them in front of their friends?

so embarrassing lol

So envious lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

Yup, that’s the reality of living in any large metro area with lots of wealth. As a young adult trying to make my way through life I’ve run into a number of people where it was extremely obvious they had some kind of significant help from relatives. They were usually pretty reluctant to admit this but sometimes there’s no denying it like when someone buys a $1.5M house at 25 with less than a year of work experience and a single income that’s probably $150k at most.

Curious how you would want them to tell you this? Like what do you mean 'admit it'?

I can buy much more real estate than my income allows due to family help so I am curious at what point I explain this to people? I don't mind people knowing at all, but it seems awkward to bring it up when nobody asks specifically.

it's nobody's business, unless you are constantly bragging about it.
So yeah, you have family who can help you. Many people do, it's just at varying levels of "help". Unless you brag about it or judge others who cannot do the same things you can, there shoudlnt' be an issue.

And yes, not sure how a normal person brings this up, because it's not needed and bringing it up would be obnoxious and braggarting.

Well, I agree. But other posters are insinuating that it should be brought up in some way since they think those they know in this situation won't 'admit' it.

And those PP are likely trolls or just obnoxious people. Who truly cares how your friends acquire something? I'm just happy they have things they love and get to travel, etc. They are my friends, so why would I be jealous or concerned? Just don't understand that philosophy

I think the normalization of generational wealth should be highlighted more because so many young people try to compare themselves to others and keep up with the joneses. There’s nothing wrong with a wealthy parent wanting to financially help their children, but it can cause issues for others when they see someone else living it up with no explanation on how they afford it and then compare with their own lives (which we naturally do as humans). Comparison is the thief of joy but it’s hard not to do it, and knowing someone has way more than you because they lucked out has less of a sting than seeing people outperform you who started at the same level.

All very true. But it is on a 20 something to manage their own expectations. I've never attempted to "keep up with the joneses" I do my own thing and am financially secure. That has more to do with how you are raised.

+1. My father never tried to keep up with the Joneses and was satisfied with what he had been able to achieve on his own. My mother always compared her life to her friends and was disappointed that we weren't living like multimillionaires. They died multimillionaires with a paid-off house in Hawaii and two paid-off Mercedes. I wish they had spent more on themselves but, as children of the Great Depression, frugality felt comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

How embarrassing.

If it embarrasses you, don't take the money. It more seems like you are jealous.

It’s not jealousy to have a kid that is such a loser at 30+ that they need their parent’s money. Why is it that idiots like you confuse pity with jealousy is baffling to me.

This from someone that has a sizable estate that we will transfer to our kids…but not because they need it just to give their future kids’ braces.

Also, if your kid has to take out a loan just buy a freaking car and at 30 needs you to co-sign for it…that’s f**cking embarrassing and you know that.

DP

Pity/jealousy whatever. Not worth getting energized about. My parents are wealthy and now after many years of struggling I am too. I wish they didn't enjoy watching me suffer and would have extended some help. I experienced hunger, lack of health care, etc due to a health problem. All I heard from them was "ill pray for you. I'm sorry you're going through that." Financial help would have made me respect them.
Once my medical problem was under control, i got a job and worked my way to 1%..I'm helping my kids in every way I can. You just never know what the future holds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well they're going to get $10M each one way or another. Should I be worried that this will embarrass them in front of their friends?

DP

Lies, pies, thighs.

It's so easy to me a multimillionaire on an anonymous forum. So many people are!! Much more that actual numbers would suggest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

How embarrassing.

If it embarrasses you, don't take the money. It more seems like you are jealous.

It’s not jealousy to have a kid that is such a loser at 30+ that they need their parent’s money. Why is it that idiots like you confuse pity with jealousy is baffling to me.

This from someone that has a sizable estate that we will transfer to our kids…but not because they need it just to give their future kids’ braces.

Also, if your kid has to take out a loan just buy a freaking car and at 30 needs you to co-sign for it…that’s f**cking embarrassing and you know that.

DP

Pity/jealousy whatever. Not worth getting energized about. My parents are wealthy and now after many years of struggling I am too. I wish they didn't enjoy watching me suffer and would have extended some help. I experienced hunger, lack of health care, etc due to a health problem. All I heard from them was "ill pray for you. I'm sorry you're going through that." Financial help would have made me respect them.
Once my medical problem was under control, i got a job and worked my way to 1%..I'm helping my kids in every way I can. You just never know what the future holds.

Sounds like you never would have remotely worked your way to the 1% if they had given you tons of money earlier.

Not sure the moral of the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

How embarrassing.

If it embarrasses you, don't take the money. It more seems like you are jealous.

It’s not jealousy to have a kid that is such a loser at 30+ that they need their parent’s money. Why is it that idiots like you confuse pity with jealousy is baffling to me.

This from someone that has a sizable estate that we will transfer to our kids…but not because they need it just to give their future kids’ braces.

Also, if your kid has to take out a loan just buy a freaking car and at 30 needs you to co-sign for it…that’s f**cking embarrassing and you know that.

my 26yo is fully independent and pays for their lifestyle themselves and has since college graduation. Our gifts simply supplement their savings largely, oh and we get to see them more because we pay for their flights to visit and pay for them to join us on some vacations. So yeah, they simply have a fully funded retirement at an early age.
You do you, we prefer to begin transferring to our kids while it matters most, and while it helps spend down our estate without estate tax/gift tax concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

How embarrassing.

If it embarrasses you, don't take the money. It more seems like you are jealous.

It’s not jealousy to have a kid that is such a loser at 30+ that they need their parent’s money. Why is it that idiots like you confuse pity with jealousy is baffling to me.

This from someone that has a sizable estate that we will transfer to our kids…but not because they need it just to give their future kids’ braces.

Also, if your kid has to take out a loan just buy a freaking car and at 30 needs you to co-sign for it…that’s f**cking embarrassing and you know that.

DP

Pity/jealousy whatever. Not worth getting energized about. My parents are wealthy and now after many years of struggling I am too. I wish they didn't enjoy watching me suffer and would have extended some help. I experienced hunger, lack of health care, etc due to a health problem. All I heard from them was "ill pray for you. I'm sorry you're going through that." Financial help would have made me respect them.
Once my medical problem was under control, i got a job and worked my way to 1%..I'm helping my kids in every way I can. You just never know what the future holds.

I'm truly sorry you have such crappy parents!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

How embarrassing.

If it embarrasses you, don't take the money. It more seems like you are jealous.

It’s not jealousy to have a kid that is such a loser at 30+ that they need their parent’s money. Why is it that idiots like you confuse pity with jealousy is baffling to me.

This from someone that has a sizable estate that we will transfer to our kids…but not because they need it just to give their future kids’ braces.

Also, if your kid has to take out a loan just buy a freaking car and at 30 needs you to co-sign for it…that’s f**cking embarrassing and you know that.

my 26yo is fully independent and pays for their lifestyle themselves and has since college graduation. Our gifts simply supplement their savings largely, oh and we get to see them more because we pay for their flights to visit and pay for them to join us on some vacations. So yeah, they simply have a fully funded retirement at an early age.
You do you, we prefer to begin transferring to our kids while it matters most, and while it helps spend down our estate without estate tax/gift tax concerns.

Sounds like we are both doing the same thing...so not understanding the "you do you" comment.

Your kid is not so pathetic that they need you to co-sign a car loan at 30.

It's a distinction between giving your $$$s to a child that is a good financial steward and will grow the pie (by either making a bunch of $$$s themselves or living well below their means) vs. a kid that "needs" the money and is likely to have less for their kids and the grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know people (30 plus) whose parents are paying for their down payment, co signing mortgages, paying for their grandkids braces, daycare, vacations, ivf, co signing on cars etc. a lot of these people would never admit to how much parental help they are getting despite having “good” jobs.

How embarrassing.

If it embarrasses you, don't take the money. It more seems like you are jealous.

It’s not jealousy to have a kid that is such a loser at 30+ that they need their parent’s money. Why is it that idiots like you confuse pity with jealousy is baffling to me.

This from someone that has a sizable estate that we will transfer to our kids…but not because they need it just to give their future kids’ braces.

Also, if your kid has to take out a loan just buy a freaking car and at 30 needs you to co-sign for it…that’s f**cking embarrassing and you know that.

DP

Pity/jealousy whatever. Not worth getting energized about. My parents are wealthy and now after many years of struggling I am too. I wish they didn't enjoy watching me suffer and would have extended some help. I experienced hunger, lack of health care, etc due to a health problem. All I heard from them was "ill pray for you. I'm sorry you're going through that." Financial help would have made me respect them.
Once my medical problem was under control, i got a job and worked my way to 1%..I'm helping my kids in every way I can. You just never know what the future holds.

I'm truly sorry you have such crappy parents!

+1 sounds like my parents, my mother in particular enjoys the struggles that I went through

[Anonymous]

I didn't read the thread, but wanted to post this:

NONE.

My children are independent of me, and they are doing well. If they depended on me for money, they would not be doing well. I have plenty of money to share with them when I'm dead. In the meantime, they get zip from me while they build their own lives.

Shame on you parents who fund your adult children, who will be dependent and entitled forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't read the thread, but wanted to post this:

NONE.

My children are independent of me, and they are doing well. If they depended on me for money, they would not be doing well. I have plenty of money to share with them when I'm dead. In the meantime, they get zip from me while they build their own lives.

Shame on you parents who fund your adult children, who will be dependent and entitled forever.

Ok. I'll bite. (Another NP who has not read the tread.)

My kids are doing well. One of them has a job, another one is in grad school. We do not support them financially in the sense that they don't have a monthly allowance. That being said, I want to see my children use their inheritance. It's purely selfish of me. So, we helped our son with a downpayment on his condo. He pays the mortgage and is responsible for maintenance, etc. But this will help him build wealth, rather than helping build his landlord's wealth. We pay for them to join us on our family vacation once a year. Again, I am doing for myself in the first instance. Do they depend on us? No. But do we help? Sure. Why not. I don't need to see my children struggle the way I did. They are good kids. They are hard working. And, yes, they are very fortunate.