At what age does a girl decide she wants to grow up to be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're pleased with this? Why?

OP here. I meant to say that I'd be satisfied with almost any path she chooses.

Problem with this path is that she needs to find someone who will support and take care of her as an adult and never change their mind. That’s a tough life.

It’s really not that tough. Working your ass off at a job you hate (or merely tolerate) for a boss and coworkers who don’t appreciate you, commuting through traffic for a couple hours every day, barely seeing your spouse, barely seeing your kids… now THAT’S a tough life.

Putting up with demanding kids who learn from their father that you are a servant, while your husband bangs the new 20 something at the office can really take a toll. Especially when there is no path to retirement except death. You will always be expected to host, cook, clean, serve, and care for everyone else forever and ever and ever. When your husband retires you job gets harder.

Np. We have a warm home. My kids do chores. DH is a partner. I’m not anyone’s servant.

Hahahahahaha.

You mean he hasn't cheated....yet....

Just wait.

I’m sorry that you are such a bitter person. Someone must have really hurt you.

...and yet you posted this why? To help PP or to make her feel worse? So who is bitter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're pleased with this? Why?

OP here. I meant to say that I'd be satisfied with almost any path she chooses.

Problem with this path is that she needs to find someone who will support and take care of her as an adult and never change their mind. That’s a tough life.

It’s really not that tough. Working your ass off at a job you hate (or merely tolerate) for a boss and coworkers who don’t appreciate you, commuting through traffic for a couple hours every day, barely seeing your spouse, barely seeing your kids… now THAT’S a tough life.

Putting up with demanding kids who learn from their father that you are a servant, while your husband bangs the new 20 something at the office can really take a toll. Especially when there is no path to retirement except death. You will always be expected to host, cook, clean, serve, and care for everyone else forever and ever and ever. When your husband retires you job gets harder.

Np. We have a warm home. My kids do chores. DH is a partner. I’m not anyone’s servant.

Hahahahahaha.

You mean he hasn't cheated....yet....

Just wait.

I’m sorry that you are such a bitter person. Someone must have really hurt you.

...and yet you posted this why? To help PP or to make her feel worse? So who is bitter?

I’m not bitter. I am loving staying home after being burnt out trying to juggle work and kids. I feel lucky that I am able to do this. I know not everyone can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think there is a correlation. I never wanted to have kids but here we are 11 years later.

My cousin grew up with a sahm saying she wanted to be a sahm and she’s a full time pediatrician.

Yea, it’s this.

I always wanted to be a SAHM. Badly. 3 years into it I was losing my mind and now I have a great career.

My sister is the opposite, she was a career woman (physician) and decided to be a SAHM after having kids.

Ultimately people don’t really know what they want until they go out and try it. Very few people stay in the same career the started in because you learn what you like and don’t like. Same sort of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're pleased with this? Why?

OP here. I meant to say that I'd be satisfied with almost any path she chooses.

Problem with this path is that she needs to find someone who will support and take care of her as an adult and never change their mind. That’s a tough life.

It’s really not that tough. Working your ass off at a job you hate (or merely tolerate) for a boss and coworkers who don’t appreciate you, commuting through traffic for a couple hours every day, barely seeing your spouse, barely seeing your kids… now THAT’S a tough life.

Putting up with demanding kids who learn from their father that you are a servant, while your husband bangs the new 20 something at the office can really take a toll. Especially when there is no path to retirement except death. You will always be expected to host, cook, clean, serve, and care for everyone else forever and ever and ever. When your husband retires you job gets harder.

Np. We have a warm home. My kids do chores. DH is a partner. I’m not anyone’s servant.

Hahahahahaha.

You mean he hasn't cheated....yet....

Just wait.

DH is not that type. Even if we were to divorce, I would be fine financially. I would take one of our properties. I have my own money and I would also take half our marital assets. No prenup.

Good for your preparation. Most men don't respect a woman who doesn't work. By most men, I mean all the ones I work with who have SAH spouses who are as happy and secure as you. I see how they talk about you to others, even when they are faithful. They don't respect you. Occasionally they generally don't respect women, period, even if they work.

Wow. You work with a lot of narcissistic jerks. I’m guessing you are either a troll or a lawyer at a big firm? (Is there a difference?)

I haven’t had this experience. I’m a physician and a lot of my colleagues with SAH partners absolutely respect what their partners are doing. One of the neurosurgeons I work with always talks about how he could never do the work his wife is doing raising their five kids. It always kind of makes me laugh because, while I think she’s an awesome lady, there are really a lot of people who can do what she is doing, and a lot fewer people who can do what he is doing. But he is just in awe of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're pleased with this? Why?

OP here. I meant to say that I'd be satisfied with almost any path she chooses.

Problem with this path is that she needs to find someone who will support and take care of her as an adult and never change their mind. That’s a tough life.

It’s really not that tough. Working your ass off at a job you hate (or merely tolerate) for a boss and coworkers who don’t appreciate you, commuting through traffic for a couple hours every day, barely seeing your spouse, barely seeing your kids… now THAT’S a tough life.

Putting up with demanding kids who learn from their father that you are a servant, while your husband bangs the new 20 something at the office can really take a toll. Especially when there is no path to retirement except death. You will always be expected to host, cook, clean, serve, and care for everyone else forever and ever and ever. When your husband retires you job gets harder.

Np. We have a warm home. My kids do chores. DH is a partner. I’m not anyone’s servant.

Hahahahahaha.

You mean he hasn't cheated....yet....

Just wait.

DH is not that type. Even if we were to divorce, I would be fine financially. I would take one of our properties. I have my own money and I would also take half our marital assets. No prenup.

Good for your preparation. Most men don't respect a woman who doesn't work. By most men, I mean all the ones I work with who have SAH spouses who are as happy and secure as you. I see how they talk about you to others, even when they are faithful. They don't respect you. Occasionally they generally don't respect women, period, even if they work.

DP here. You just sound bitter and jealous. And like you care way too much.

[Anonymous]

I wanted to be a paleontologist at age 5.

I grew up to be a SAHM. Choice made at 28.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I never wanted to be a SAHM because I saw what happened when my uncle was killed by a drunk driver. The life insurance money wasn't enough and they had to move, my aunt had to get back to work as a nurse.

So you're going to work because your aunt had to work?

Because relying on someone else for income can be unstable. I learned from this lesson to carry enough life insurance to pay for my house of something happened but also to never put myself in a situation where I can't support myself.

I don’t get it. Your aunt didn’t work; then she did work. What did her period of not working have to do with the tragedy of her husband dying unexpectedly and their lives being upended? Do you think if she had worked continuously that whole time Dad dying wouldn’t have had any financial impact to the family?

DP

Obviously no one cam understand it for you. Clearly your brain is so rotten you don't follow simple logic.

If PP's aunt had a job BEFORE her husband died, she could transfer health insurance to her employer and might have been able to pay the mortgage and help salvage her children's grieving lives. Yes, she would have still been devastated. Her life would have been hard, AND she may have been able to help her family remain stable.

How is this hard to understand for you? Nevermind, I actually do understand how not using your brain can cause it to atrophy.

She wouldn’t have been able to pay the mortgage. Couples who have dual incomes but live on one income are outliers. And she was able to get a job, it just took awhile to increase her income.

Again, they just needed better insurance. (And I don’t care who works and who doesn’t, but this idea that ONLY the families with SAHMs often face catastrophic financial consequences when there is a death in the family is, to be blunt, stupid.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never wanted to be a SAHM because I saw what happened when my uncle was killed by a drunk driver. The life insurance money wasn't enough and they had to move, my aunt had to get back to work as a nurse.

So you're going to work because your aunt had to work?

Because relying on someone else for income can be unstable. I learned from this lesson to carry enough life insurance to pay for my house of something happened but also to never put myself in a situation where I can't support myself.

I don’t get it. Your aunt didn’t work; then she did work. What did her period of not working have to do with the tragedy of her husband dying unexpectedly and their lives being upended? Do you think if she had worked continuously that whole time Dad dying wouldn’t have had any financial impact to the family?

DP

Obviously no one cam understand it for you. Clearly your brain is so rotten you don't follow simple logic.

If PP's aunt had a job BEFORE her husband died, she could transfer health insurance to her employer and might have been able to pay the mortgage and help salvage her children's grieving lives. Yes, she would have still been devastated. Her life would have been hard, AND she may have been able to help her family remain stable.

How is this hard to understand for you? Nevermind, I actually do understand how not using your brain can cause it to atrophy.

She wouldn’t have been able to pay the mortgage. Couples who have dual incomes but live on one income are outliers. And she was able to get a job, it just took awhile to increase her income.

Again, they just needed better insurance. (And I don’t care who works and who doesn’t, but this idea that ONLY the families with SAHMs often face catastrophic financial consequences when there is a death in the family is, to be blunt, stupid.)

No one said that. You just took bizarre offence to pps life choices as some sort of offence to you. It's not about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never wanted to be a SAHM because I saw what happened when my uncle was killed by a drunk driver. The life insurance money wasn't enough and they had to move, my aunt had to get back to work as a nurse.

So you're going to work because your aunt had to work?

Because relying on someone else for income can be unstable. I learned from this lesson to carry enough life insurance to pay for my house of something happened but also to never put myself in a situation where I can't support myself.

I don’t get it. Your aunt didn’t work; then she did work. What did her period of not working have to do with the tragedy of her husband dying unexpectedly and their lives being upended? Do you think if she had worked continuously that whole time Dad dying wouldn’t have had any financial impact to the family?

DP

Obviously no one cam understand it for you. Clearly your brain is so rotten you don't follow simple logic.

If PP's aunt had a job BEFORE her husband died, she could transfer health insurance to her employer and might have been able to pay the mortgage and help salvage her children's grieving lives. Yes, she would have still been devastated. Her life would have been hard, AND she may have been able to help her family remain stable.

How is this hard to understand for you? Nevermind, I actually do understand how not using your brain can cause it to atrophy.

She wouldn’t have been able to pay the mortgage. Couples who have dual incomes but live on one income are outliers. And she was able to get a job, it just took awhile to increase her income.

Again, they just needed better insurance. (And I don’t care who works and who doesn’t, but this idea that ONLY the families with SAHMs often face catastrophic financial consequences when there is a death in the family is, to be blunt, stupid.)

No one said that. You just took bizarre offence to pps life choices as some sort of offence to you. It's not about you.

No, that’s exactly what you and another PP are arguing. If only auntie had never stopped working, other than being sad the whole family would have been FINE and experienced NO CHANGE to their living situation.

I don’t take offense at your life choices but I do take offense at your stupidity (and backtracking)…

[Anonymous]

Kids change their minds all the time, come on now.

I didn't want to be a SAHM til I had a baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never wanted to be a SAHM because I saw what happened when my uncle was killed by a drunk driver. The life insurance money wasn't enough and they had to move, my aunt had to get back to work as a nurse.

So you're going to work because your aunt had to work?

Because relying on someone else for income can be unstable. I learned from this lesson to carry enough life insurance to pay for my house of something happened but also to never put myself in a situation where I can't support myself.

I don’t get it. Your aunt didn’t work; then she did work. What did her period of not working have to do with the tragedy of her husband dying unexpectedly and their lives being upended? Do you think if she had worked continuously that whole time Dad dying wouldn’t have had any financial impact to the family?

DP

Obviously no one cam understand it for you. Clearly your brain is so rotten you don't follow simple logic.

If PP's aunt had a job BEFORE her husband died, she could transfer health insurance to her employer and might have been able to pay the mortgage and help salvage her children's grieving lives. Yes, she would have still been devastated. Her life would have been hard, AND she may have been able to help her family remain stable.

How is this hard to understand for you? Nevermind, I actually do understand how not using your brain can cause it to atrophy.

She wouldn’t have been able to pay the mortgage. Couples who have dual incomes but live on one income are outliers. And she was able to get a job, it just took awhile to increase her income.

Again, they just needed better insurance. (And I don’t care who works and who doesn’t, but this idea that ONLY the families with SAHMs often face catastrophic financial consequences when there is a death in the family is, to be blunt, stupid.)

No one said that. You just took bizarre offence to pps life choices as some sort of offence to you. It's not about you.

No, that’s exactly what you and another PP are arguing. If only auntie had never stopped working, other than being sad the whole family would have been FINE and experienced NO CHANGE to their living situation.

I don’t take offense at your life choices but I do take offense at your stupidity (and backtracking)…

PP saw a situation play out in her life, and made different choices to feel safer. Why are you offended by that? Does everyone need to make the same choices as you? Do you run a dictatorship we dont know about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think there is a correlation. I never wanted to have kids but here we are 11 years later.

My cousin grew up with a sahm saying she wanted to be a sahm and she’s a full time pediatrician.

Yea, it’s this.

I always wanted to be a SAHM. Badly. 3 years into it I was losing my mind and now I have a great career.

My sister is the opposite, she was a career woman (physician) and decided to be a SAHM after having kids.

Ultimately people don’t really know what they want until they go out and try it. Very few people stay in the same career the started in because you learn what you like and don’t like. Same sort of thing.

I never in a million years thought I would be a SAHM. I didn’t care for kids. I thought SAHMs were lazy or bad at their jobs. Then I had a baby and wanted to spend every minute with him. I hated going back to work. I don’t think DH and I talked about logistics but I was very local about my career being my everything. Thankfully, DH is very supportive of my being home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never wanted to be a SAHM because I saw what happened when my uncle was killed by a drunk driver. The life insurance money wasn't enough and they had to move, my aunt had to get back to work as a nurse.

So you're going to work because your aunt had to work?

Because relying on someone else for income can be unstable. I learned from this lesson to carry enough life insurance to pay for my house of something happened but also to never put myself in a situation where I can't support myself.

I don’t get it. Your aunt didn’t work; then she did work. What did her period of not working have to do with the tragedy of her husband dying unexpectedly and their lives being upended? Do you think if she had worked continuously that whole time Dad dying wouldn’t have had any financial impact to the family?

DP

Obviously no one cam understand it for you. Clearly your brain is so rotten you don't follow simple logic.

If PP's aunt had a job BEFORE her husband died, she could transfer health insurance to her employer and might have been able to pay the mortgage and help salvage her children's grieving lives. Yes, she would have still been devastated. Her life would have been hard, AND she may have been able to help her family remain stable.

How is this hard to understand for you? Nevermind, I actually do understand how not using your brain can cause it to atrophy.

She wouldn’t have been able to pay the mortgage. Couples who have dual incomes but live on one income are outliers. And she was able to get a job, it just took awhile to increase her income.

Again, they just needed better insurance. (And I don’t care who works and who doesn’t, but this idea that ONLY the families with SAHMs often face catastrophic financial consequences when there is a death in the family is, to be blunt, stupid.)

No one said that. You just took bizarre offence to pps life choices as some sort of offence to you. It's not about you.

No, that’s exactly what you and another PP are arguing. If only auntie had never stopped working, other than being sad the whole family would have been FINE and experienced NO CHANGE to their living situation.

I don’t take offense at your life choices but I do take offense at your stupidity (and backtracking)…

PP saw a situation play out in her life, and made different choices to feel safer. Why are you offended by that? Does everyone need to make the same choices as you? Do you run a dictatorship we dont know about?

Why are you insisting that anyone is “offended” by her story? Pointing out that she has extrapolated (poorly) from a data set of one doesn’t imply offense.

You are extremely odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never wanted to be a SAHM because I saw what happened when my uncle was killed by a drunk driver. The life insurance money wasn't enough and they had to move, my aunt had to get back to work as a nurse.

So you're going to work because your aunt had to work?

Because relying on someone else for income can be unstable. I learned from this lesson to carry enough life insurance to pay for my house of something happened but also to never put myself in a situation where I can't support myself.

I don’t get it. Your aunt didn’t work; then she did work. What did her period of not working have to do with the tragedy of her husband dying unexpectedly and their lives being upended? Do you think if she had worked continuously that whole time Dad dying wouldn’t have had any financial impact to the family?

DP

Obviously no one cam understand it for you. Clearly your brain is so rotten you don't follow simple logic.

If PP's aunt had a job BEFORE her husband died, she could transfer health insurance to her employer and might have been able to pay the mortgage and help salvage her children's grieving lives. Yes, she would have still been devastated. Her life would have been hard, AND she may have been able to help her family remain stable.

How is this hard to understand for you? Nevermind, I actually do understand how not using your brain can cause it to atrophy.

She wouldn’t have been able to pay the mortgage. Couples who have dual incomes but live on one income are outliers. And she was able to get a job, it just took awhile to increase her income.

Again, they just needed better insurance. (And I don’t care who works and who doesn’t, but this idea that ONLY the families with SAHMs often face catastrophic financial consequences when there is a death in the family is, to be blunt, stupid.)

No one said that. You just took bizarre offence to pps life choices as some sort of offence to you. It's not about you.

No, that’s exactly what you and another PP are arguing. If only auntie had never stopped working, other than being sad the whole family would have been FINE and experienced NO CHANGE to their living situation.

I don’t take offense at your life choices but I do take offense at your stupidity (and backtracking)…

PP saw a situation play out in her life, and made different choices to feel safer. Why are you offended by that? Does everyone need to make the same choices as you? Do you run a dictatorship we dont know about?

Why are you insisting that anyone is “offended” by her story? Pointing out that she has extrapolated (poorly) from a data set of one doesn’t imply offense.

You are extremely odd.

No one is offended. Pp or other pps are simply pointing out that when a spouse dies, it can have a financially devastating impact on the family whether the mother is working or not.

DH has a very large life insurance policy. We have a lot of assets. Our retirement and kids college fully funded. Our family would be fine financially if DH ever passed away even though I don’t work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're pleased with this? Why?

OP here. I meant to say that I'd be satisfied with almost any path she chooses.

Problem with this path is that she needs to find someone who will support and take care of her as an adult and never change their mind. That’s a tough life.

It’s really not that tough. Working your ass off at a job you hate (or merely tolerate) for a boss and coworkers who don’t appreciate you, commuting through traffic for a couple hours every day, barely seeing your spouse, barely seeing your kids… now THAT’S a tough life.

Putting up with demanding kids who learn from their father that you are a servant, while your husband bangs the new 20 something at the office can really take a toll. Especially when there is no path to retirement except death. You will always be expected to host, cook, clean, serve, and care for everyone else forever and ever and ever. When your husband retires you job gets harder.

Np. We have a warm home. My kids do chores. DH is a partner. I’m not anyone’s servant.

Hahahahahaha.

You mean he hasn't cheated....yet....

Just wait.

DH is not that type. Even if we were to divorce, I would be fine financially. I would take one of our properties. I have my own money and I would also take half our marital assets. No prenup.

Good for your preparation. Most men don't respect a woman who doesn't work. By most men, I mean all the ones I work with who have SAH spouses who are as happy and secure as you. I see how they talk about you to others, even when they are faithful. They don't respect you. Occasionally they generally don't respect women, period, even if they work.

Wow. You work with a lot of narcissistic jerks. I’m guessing you are either a troll or a lawyer at a big firm? (Is there a difference?)

I haven’t had this experience. I’m a physician and a lot of my colleagues with SAH partners absolutely respect what their partners are doing. One of the neurosurgeons I work with always talks about how he could never do the work his wife is doing raising their five kids. It always kind of makes me laugh because, while I think she’s an awesome lady, there are really a lot of people who can do what she is doing, and a lot fewer people who can do what he is doing. But he is just in awe of her.

I’m a DP but this is born out in data— men surveyed who have SAH wives overwhelmingly say they do not want their daughters to be SAHPs. So it’s good enough for you but it’s not good enough for their kids. Pretty grim.