At what age does a girl decide she wants to grow up to be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the country, the man is expected to provide for the family. I was watching a documentary about men’s perspective and the US stood out with men not wanting to support their wives financially. Americans also don’t take care of their parents.

o

This rings true for me. My husband is originally from Bangladesh and we met when I was finishing undergrad. I remember he asked me what career I was interested in and I said I didn’t know. He said m, “no worries love you can be a really good stay at home mom.” I laughed at the time, but I have been a SAHM for several years. I don’t think I felt compelled saying that to my boyfriend until I met my now husband. My husband was finishing his masters when we got married. He’s 5 years older. I think this obsession with career vs SAHM is an American thing. I have worked PT on and off and would love to continue doing that but childcare is so tricky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the country, the man is expected to provide for the family. I was watching a documentary about men’s perspective and the US stood out with men not wanting to support their wives financially. Americans also don’t take care of their parents.

o

This rings true for me. My husband is originally from Bangladesh and we met when I was finishing undergrad. I remember he asked me what career I was interested in and I said I didn’t know. He said m, “no worries love you can be a really good stay at home mom.” I laughed at the time, but I have been a SAHM for several years. I don’t think I felt compelled saying that to my boyfriend until I met my now husband. My husband was finishing his masters when we got married. He’s 5 years older. I think this obsession with career vs SAHM is an American thing. I have worked PT on and off and would love to continue doing that but childcare is so tricky.

Sorry about the typos I have a newborn in my arms!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the country, the man is expected to provide for the family. I was watching a documentary about men’s perspective and the US stood out with men not wanting to support their wives financially. Americans also don’t take care of their parents.

o

This rings true for me. My husband is originally from Bangladesh and we met when I was finishing undergrad. I remember he asked me what career I was interested in and I said I didn’t know. He said m, “no worries love you can be a really good stay at home mom.” I laughed at the time, but I have been a SAHM for several years. I don’t think I felt compelled saying that to my boyfriend until I met my now husband. My husband was finishing his masters when we got married. He’s 5 years older. I think this obsession with career vs SAHM is an American thing. I have worked PT on and off and would love to continue doing that but childcare is so tricky.

I often hear that a man is not the plan in America. In America, people seem to treat a marriage as not as forever. Divorce is normal. In my culture, a divorce is very shameful. The person you marry can very well be the most important decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the country, the man is expected to provide for the family. I was watching a documentary about men’s perspective and the US stood out with men not wanting to support their wives financially. Americans also don’t take care of their parents.

o

This rings true for me. My husband is originally from Bangladesh and we met when I was finishing undergrad. I remember he asked me what career I was interested in and I said I didn’t know. He said m, “no worries love you can be a really good stay at home mom.” I laughed at the time, but I have been a SAHM for several years. I don’t think I felt compelled saying that to my boyfriend until I met my now husband. My husband was finishing his masters when we got married. He’s 5 years older. I think this obsession with career vs SAHM is an American thing. I have worked PT on and off and would love to continue doing that but childcare is so tricky.

I often hear that a man is not the plan in America. In America, people seem to treat a marriage as not as forever. Divorce is normal. In my culture, a divorce is very shameful. The person you marry can very well be the most important decision.

I think in America we’re all raised to drink the capitalist, individualistic kool-aid and not question it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious because DD is 5 and has been saying her dream job is to be a SAHM. We're pleased with this but don't know where she got the idea from. I did not stay home, both of her grandmothers still work full-time (though they stayed home for years when their kids were young), and all of our family friends and neighbors are 2 income households. She's had a nanny since birth who she loves, and DH and I have worked from home since she was several months old. Our conclusion is that she must have many friends at school with SAHMs.

Those of you who are SAHMs, at what age did you know you wanted to be one? Those who dreamed of being a SAHM when you were young, did you end up as one? As a child, I didn't dream of being a SAHM, though I wouldn't mind it now.

Brava OP! Another creative way (out of the mouths of babes!) to get women fighting against each other. Viva la patriarchy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the country, the man is expected to provide for the family. I was watching a documentary about men’s perspective and the US stood out with men not wanting to support their wives financially. Americans also don’t take care of their parents.

o

This rings true for me. My husband is originally from Bangladesh and we met when I was finishing undergrad. I remember he asked me what career I was interested in and I said I didn’t know. He said m, “no worries love you can be a really good stay at home mom.” I laughed at the time, but I have been a SAHM for several years. I don’t think I felt compelled saying that to my boyfriend until I met my now husband. My husband was finishing his masters when we got married. He’s 5 years older. I think this obsession with career vs SAHM is an American thing. I have worked PT on and off and would love to continue doing that but childcare is so tricky.

I often hear that a man is not the plan in America. In America, people seem to treat a marriage as not as forever. Divorce is normal. In my culture, a divorce is very shameful. The person you marry can very well be the most important decision.

Divorce shouldn’t be shameful when you have done nothing wrong. My ex decided that parenthood wasn’t for him. It cramped his style. He left and filed for divorce so he could live a life free of the responsibility of kids. Thankfully I was never financially dependent on him or I would’ve been homeless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the country, the man is expected to provide for the family. I was watching a documentary about men’s perspective and the US stood out with men not wanting to support their wives financially. Americans also don’t take care of their parents.

o

This rings true for me. My husband is originally from Bangladesh and we met when I was finishing undergrad. I remember he asked me what career I was interested in and I said I didn’t know. He said m, “no worries love you can be a really good stay at home mom.” I laughed at the time, but I have been a SAHM for several years. I don’t think I felt compelled saying that to my boyfriend until I met my now husband. My husband was finishing his masters when we got married. He’s 5 years older. I think this obsession with career vs SAHM is an American thing. I have worked PT on and off and would love to continue doing that but childcare is so tricky.

I often hear that a man is not the plan in America. In America, people seem to treat a marriage as not as forever. Divorce is normal. In my culture, a divorce is very shameful. The person you marry can very well be the most important decision.

Divorce shouldn’t be shameful when you have done nothing wrong. My ex decided that parenthood wasn’t for him. It cramped his style. He left and filed for divorce so he could live a life free of the responsibility of kids. Thankfully I was never financially dependent on him or I would’ve been homeless.

I would say you made a poor choice in choosing a spouse.

[Anonymous]

In the US, you grow up knowing you can never be a stay at home mom because you need two people working to provide your health insurance and pay bills.

SAHM is just for the elite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the country, the man is expected to provide for the family. I was watching a documentary about men’s perspective and the US stood out with men not wanting to support their wives financially. Americans also don’t take care of their parents.

o

This rings true for me. My husband is originally from Bangladesh and we met when I was finishing undergrad. I remember he asked me what career I was interested in and I said I didn’t know. He said m, “no worries love you can be a really good stay at home mom.” I laughed at the time, but I have been a SAHM for several years. I don’t think I felt compelled saying that to my boyfriend until I met my now husband. My husband was finishing his masters when we got married. He’s 5 years older. I think this obsession with career vs SAHM is an American thing. I have worked PT on and off and would love to continue doing that but childcare is so tricky.

I often hear that a man is not the plan in America. In America, people seem to treat a marriage as not as forever. Divorce is normal. In my culture, a divorce is very shameful. The person you marry can very well be the most important decision.

Divorce shouldn’t be shameful when you have done nothing wrong. My ex decided that parenthood wasn’t for him. It cramped his style. He left and filed for divorce so he could live a life free of the responsibility of kids. Thankfully I was never financially dependent on him or I would’ve been homeless.

I would say you made a poor choice in choosing a spouse.

Yes, how American. Blame the wronged person. Blame the person sticking around and doing the job of two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the US, you grow up knowing you can never be a stay at home mom because you need two people working to provide your health insurance and pay bills.

SAHM is just for the elite.

No, most SAHP are people too poor to afford real childcare. The ones on DCUM represent a very small percentage, most SAHPs wouldn’t make enough money to afford decent prek and therefore can’t “afford” to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're pleased with this? Better make sure when she grows up she's gorgeous with a hot bod so she can marry rich straight out of college, boo.

Or maybe she can just be a nice, well-rounded person that can hopefully one day meet a man who loves and respects her?

Love and respect is only enough if she’s going to pull her own weight financially. If she’s assuming a man will support her she’s going to need to bring something to the table. The financial statistics aren’t great here.

Wow. If you commodify everything in your life and things are only worth their monetary “value,” sure. That’s not most of us.

[Anonymous]

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2014/04/08/7-key-findings-about-stay-at-home-moms/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're pleased with this? Better make sure when she grows up she's gorgeous with a hot bod so she can marry rich straight out of college, boo.

Or maybe she can just be a nice, well-rounded person that can hopefully one day meet a man who loves and respects her?

Love and respect is only enough if she’s going to pull her own weight financially. If she’s assuming a man will support her she’s going to need to bring something to the table. The financial statistics aren’t great here.

Wow. If you commodify everything in your life and things are only worth their monetary “value,” sure. That’s not most of us.

It’s not commodifying anything to realize putting our daughters at the financial mercy of men is a bad decision. You can love and respect the heck out of an abuser, or a cheater, or someone who dies young or loses their job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the US, you grow up knowing you can never be a stay at home mom because you need two people working to provide your health insurance and pay bills.

SAHM is just for the elite.

No, most SAHP are people too poor to afford real childcare. The ones on DCUM represent a very small percentage, most SAHPs wouldn’t make enough money to afford decent prek and therefore can’t “afford” to work.

The poor usually eventually go back to work when kids are school aged unless you are talking about welfare moms.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I didn't read most of this thread and had no idea it got so many comments. When I said I was pleased by the idea, I meant to say I wasn't disappointed. I posted this because I'm in the process of enrolling DD in a private elementary school, and I was thinking how if I could know for a fact that she'd be a SAHM, I would save the money on private school and private university, instead saving it for her as a safety net. But, of course, there's no way to know such things in advance.