School refusal after suspension

[Anonymous]

I think there must be more to this story. I have a kid with emotional regulation issues and he has never been suspended although he has pushed. Something is off about your side of the story. Also really rare to be bullied in two different environments. Are you sure youre getting all the details?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he needs an IEP. I would start the process immediately. It will protect him from further discipline for behavior he clearly cannot control.

An IEP won’t keep you from discipline for violent behavior.

It actually will in DCPS.

I can assure you that is not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And while I appreciate everyone's comments on the bullying, I'm really more concerned about the school refusal at this point. DS is humiliated by the suspension, by the fact no one seems willing to forget about it, and he's terrified this other child will hurt him again. He went to school today, but he cried all the way there.

We've had meetings (DH is involved). The principal insists DS is taking things harder than he should. His therapist is working with him, but DS is so afraid his classmates will find out he needed therapy and use that to bully him further that he doesn't participate well.

You need to present a clear and united front that DS goes to school, crying or not. Your son sounds very anxious and you cannot over accomodate otherwise he’ll end up refusing all school.

He's not anxious, he has a justifiable fear of physical injury.

Look, the other kid tripped him - he didn’t actually threaten him with a gun. It’s not great and should be addressed, but you do not let your kid stay home because he is “scared.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did he bomb the Cogat? If you're going to move him again, you need to get him into appropriately challenging classes, and it sounds like there's some kind of disconnect between his testing performance & his school performance. Cogat & WISC both test roughly the same thing, so a bombed Cogat with good WISC testing would be a bit of a red flag that something is going on. (Did he intentionally bomb thinking he'd go back to private school? Does he have some kind of undiagnosed LD that could explain the social struggles as well?)

Since we'd told him that public was a better place for him academically, I 100% suspect the former.

He is using every method at his disposal to tell you this school is killing him. Please listen to him. You are his mother. Isn't the school year almost over? Homeschool him for the rest of the year and put him in a different private for the fall.

omg. no. go meet with a psychologist who specializes in school refusal. this is a pattern for this kid. homeschooling is a terrible solution. between the ones saying to file a lawsuit and the ones saying to homeschool, no wonder your kids cannot cope with adversity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is not your son's behavior or that he's supposedly violent , OP. The last time someone stuck his foot out like that your son ended up LOSING A TOOTH. His reaction to give a bit of a shove to the next person who did it is pretty understandable. He was responding to literal violence. The suspension was about CYA and optics for the school. You don't need to withhold any opportunities from your son.

The problem is that your poor son has raging untreated anxiety that has, for whatever reasons, made him a target for bullying wherever he goes. Just help him!

The second problem is that it sounds like he has no interests or friends. You need to help with that too.

+100.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And while I appreciate everyone's comments on the bullying, I'm really more concerned about the school refusal at this point. DS is humiliated by the suspension, by the fact no one seems willing to forget about it, and he's terrified this other child will hurt him again. He went to school today, but he cried all the way there.

We've had meetings (DH is involved). The principal insists DS is taking things harder than he should. His therapist is working with him, but DS is so afraid his classmates will find out he needed therapy and use that to bully him further that he doesn't participate well.

You need to present a clear and united front that DS goes to school, crying or not. Your son sounds very anxious and you cannot over accomodate otherwise he’ll end up refusing all school.

He's not anxious, he has a justifiable fear of physical injury.

Look, the other kid tripped him - he didn’t actually threaten him with a gun. It’s not great and should be addressed, but you do not let your kid stay home because he is “scared.”

He got his adult tooth knocked out of his head. If you tripped an adult in a bar and knocked their tooth out, would you be surprised if the cops came and you got a free ride to the police station? This kid is being subjected to physical violence and society pretends it is ok because the setting is free childcare. That kid has a legitimate fear of being violently assaulted and it is unreasonable to expect him to brush it off, especially when he is being forced back into that environment against his will. The term anxiety implies a fear out of proportion to the situation, which is absolutely not the case here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did he bomb the Cogat? If you're going to move him again, you need to get him into appropriately challenging classes, and it sounds like there's some kind of disconnect between his testing performance & his school performance. Cogat & WISC both test roughly the same thing, so a bombed Cogat with good WISC testing would be a bit of a red flag that something is going on. (Did he intentionally bomb thinking he'd go back to private school? Does he have some kind of undiagnosed LD that could explain the social struggles as well?)

Since we'd told him that public was a better place for him academically, I 100% suspect the former.

He is using every method at his disposal to tell you this school is killing him. Please listen to him. You are his mother. Isn't the school year almost over? Homeschool him for the rest of the year and put him in a different private for the fall.

omg. no. go meet with a psychologist who specializes in school refusal. this is a pattern for this kid. homeschooling is a terrible solution. between the ones saying to file a lawsuit and the ones saying to homeschool, no wonder your kids cannot cope with adversity.

My new 7 year old kid did a mile hike Saturday without whining, then a 2.5 hour math enrichment program where he is preparing for a competition, followed Sunday by 2.5 hour bikecamp where his training wheels were taken off for the first time. Speak for your kid, not mine.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t matter if the tripping kid didn’t intend to hurt him. The fact is that falling and losing an adult tooth (especially after being bullied at his old school for 2 years!) could have been very traumatic and be giving her DS anxiety about attending school. It’s an awful situation. I do think DS should be encouraged socially in any way he can be, not punished for the push. Not saying the push was ok, but between you and me I think it was justified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he needs an IEP. I would start the process immediately. It will protect him from further discipline for behavior he clearly cannot control.

An IEP won’t keep you from discipline for violent behavior.

It actually will in DCPS.

I can assure you that is not true.

Not 100% of the time. But some of the time? Absolutely.

[Anonymous]

Does he have some friends (in or out of school)? Have you seen him interact with other kids on playdates and such?

It sounds like he’s not trying to blend in and that will make you a target unless you’re naturally cool. (Not a nice thing about human nature, but it’s true.) He’s dressing differently than everyone else and probably knows none of the slang or cultural references. If his old school had a uniform and he’s cut off from social media, he probably also has no idea about the significance of clothing choices and what kind of message he’s putting out by wearing stodgy/upright clothing. He probably needs some help to learn “fly under the radar” a bit more.

He’s trying desperately to be included, and maybe doesn’t understand which social groups he has the best bet of joining. It sounds like his old school was too small to have many different cliques/cultures, and he probably doesn’t know how to read where he fits in in his new school.

I think he needs some help from you to find his people. Let him play video games, watch some more shows, get involved in clubs. It does sound like he needs to know nerd culture to find his people, and he needs to know how to recognize and start a conversation with other nerdy folks with nerdy interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And while I appreciate everyone's comments on the bullying, I'm really more concerned about the school refusal at this point. DS is humiliated by the suspension, by the fact no one seems willing to forget about it, and he's terrified this other child will hurt him again. He went to school today, but he cried all the way there.

We've had meetings (DH is involved). The principal insists DS is taking things harder than he should. His therapist is working with him, but DS is so afraid his classmates will find out he needed therapy and use that to bully him further that he doesn't participate well.

You need to present a clear and united front that DS goes to school, crying or not. Your son sounds very anxious and you cannot over accomodate otherwise he’ll end up refusing all school.

He's not anxious, he has a justifiable fear of physical injury.

Look, the other kid tripped him - he didn’t actually threaten him with a gun. It’s not great and should be addressed, but you do not let your kid stay home because he is “scared.”

Right, threatening with a gun doesn't actually cause physical injuries like he recieved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And while I appreciate everyone's comments on the bullying, I'm really more concerned about the school refusal at this point. DS is humiliated by the suspension, by the fact no one seems willing to forget about it, and he's terrified this other child will hurt him again. He went to school today, but he cried all the way there.

We've had meetings (DH is involved). The principal insists DS is taking things harder than he should. His therapist is working with him, but DS is so afraid his classmates will find out he needed therapy and use that to bully him further that he doesn't participate well.

You need to present a clear and united front that DS goes to school, crying or not. Your son sounds very anxious and you cannot over accomodate otherwise he’ll end up refusing all school.

He's not anxious, he has a justifiable fear of physical injury.

Look, the other kid tripped him - he didn’t actually threaten him with a gun. It’s not great and should be addressed, but you do not let your kid stay home because he is “scared.”

He got his adult tooth knocked out of his head. If you tripped an adult in a bar and knocked their tooth out, would you be surprised if the cops came and you got a free ride to the police station? This kid is being subjected to physical violence and society pretends it is ok because the setting is free childcare. That kid has a legitimate fear of being violently assaulted and it is unreasonable to expect him to brush it off, especially when he is being forced back into that environment against his will. The term anxiety implies a fear out of proportion to the situation, which is absolutely not the case here.

They aren’t adults in a bar fight. They are 10 year olds. And yes, 10 year olds need to brush stuff off. If you magnify the drama of this then the kid will respond in kind, with drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And while I appreciate everyone's comments on the bullying, I'm really more concerned about the school refusal at this point. DS is humiliated by the suspension, by the fact no one seems willing to forget about it, and he's terrified this other child will hurt him again. He went to school today, but he cried all the way there.

We've had meetings (DH is involved). The principal insists DS is taking things harder than he should. His therapist is working with him, but DS is so afraid his classmates will find out he needed therapy and use that to bully him further that he doesn't participate well.

You need to present a clear and united front that DS goes to school, crying or not. Your son sounds very anxious and you cannot over accomodate otherwise he’ll end up refusing all school.

He's not anxious, he has a justifiable fear of physical injury.

Look, the other kid tripped him - he didn’t actually threaten him with a gun. It’s not great and should be addressed, but you do not let your kid stay home because he is “scared.”

Right, threatening with a gun doesn't actually cause physical injuries like he recieved.

Good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did he bomb the Cogat? If you're going to move him again, you need to get him into appropriately challenging classes, and it sounds like there's some kind of disconnect between his testing performance & his school performance. Cogat & WISC both test roughly the same thing, so a bombed Cogat with good WISC testing would be a bit of a red flag that something is going on. (Did he intentionally bomb thinking he'd go back to private school? Does he have some kind of undiagnosed LD that could explain the social struggles as well?)

Since we'd told him that public was a better place for him academically, I 100% suspect the former.

He is using every method at his disposal to tell you this school is killing him. Please listen to him. You are his mother. Isn't the school year almost over? Homeschool him for the rest of the year and put him in a different private for the fall.

omg. no. go meet with a psychologist who specializes in school refusal. this is a pattern for this kid. homeschooling is a terrible solution. between the ones saying to file a lawsuit and the ones saying to homeschool, no wonder your kids cannot cope with adversity.

My new 7 year old kid did a mile hike Saturday without whining, then a 2.5 hour math enrichment program where he is preparing for a competition, followed Sunday by 2.5 hour bikecamp where his training wheels were taken off for the first time. Speak for your kid, not mine.

Sounds like an overly controlled and parent-directed kid. Yes, checks out. parents who put their 2nd grader into math competitions also threaten to file assault complaints for schoolyard stuff, with predictable results for kid’s psyche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And while I appreciate everyone's comments on the bullying, I'm really more concerned about the school refusal at this point. DS is humiliated by the suspension, by the fact no one seems willing to forget about it, and he's terrified this other child will hurt him again. He went to school today, but he cried all the way there.

We've had meetings (DH is involved). The principal insists DS is taking things harder than he should. His therapist is working with him, but DS is so afraid his classmates will find out he needed therapy and use that to bully him further that he doesn't participate well.

You need to present a clear and united front that DS goes to school, crying or not. Your son sounds very anxious and you cannot over accomodate otherwise he’ll end up refusing all school.

He's not anxious, he has a justifiable fear of physical injury.

Look, the other kid tripped him - he didn’t actually threaten him with a gun. It’s not great and should be addressed, but you do not let your kid stay home because he is “scared.”

Right, threatening with a gun doesn't actually cause physical injuries like he recieved.

well folks here’s the answer - the way to get a great case of school refusal is to freak out and tell your kid that being tripped by a 10 year old is the same as having a gun pulled on them, sue the kid, file a police report, then pull your kid from school to homeschool so they don’t commit suicide.

geez, do you even hear yourselves??