School refusal after suspension

[Anonymous]

There has to be more to the story. I think if you want good advice, you might have to be more forthcoming. I understand that you wouldn’t want to be because it could out you, but I have a feeling there’s a lot more going on here .

[Anonymous]

If you're staying in the public school for next year, right now request an evaluation for special education needs, or a functional behavioral assessment.
Clearly your son needs more support to be successful in the classroom if he's had issues at two different schools now.
It takes a *lot* to get suspended in elementary school - there's more to the story than he just shoved a kid.

[Anonymous]

What happened to the kid who tripped him and he lost his tooth? Was it just an accident?

[Anonymous]

Did you fight the suspension? I would be angry if a kid tripped my kid and he managed a tooth and then the same kid harassed my kid with no consequences while my kid got a suspension. Was it a hard shove? Did the other kid get hurt?

[Anonymous]

^sorry meant to type DAMAGED a tooth

[Anonymous]

What I left out was that we had a neuropsych eval done in 3rd, thinking maybe he had ASD. He doesn't - but he did test gifted. Smart, nerdy, shy, and unathletic was a nightmare in this particular cohort, so we felt justified in putting him in public. We were told this was the best choice for him academically.

Unfortunately, his public wouldn't accept his wisc results and required the cogat for placement, which he bombed, so he's not receiving any kind of academic enrichment here. Long story short, he resents us for promising a challenge and wants to go back to his private (where the bullying was BAD but never "loose a tooth bad). He never had behavioral issues there minus crying over the bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you fight the suspension? I would be angry if a kid tripped my kid and he managed a tooth and then the same kid harassed my kid with no consequences while my kid got a suspension. Was it a hard shove? Did the other kid get hurt?

We were furious, but the other kid did get suspended, and we thought that was enough to curb his behavior.

No, the other kid didn't get hurt when DS shoved him. They've just tightened discipline in the past few years, so touching another kid like he did is an automatic two days out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I left out was that we had a neuropsych eval done in 3rd, thinking maybe he had ASD. He doesn't - but he did test gifted. Smart, nerdy, shy, and unathletic was a nightmare in this particular cohort, so we felt justified in putting him in public. We were told this was the best choice for him academically.

Unfortunately, his public wouldn't accept his wisc results and required the cogat for placement, which he bombed, so he's not receiving any kind of academic enrichment here. Long story short, he resents us for promising a challenge and wants to go back to his private (where the bullying was BAD but never "loose a tooth bad). He never had behavioral issues there minus crying over the bullying.

Who did the neuropsych? They can vary tremendously in quality.

I am not blaming the victim -- there is no excuse for bullying -- but there is a reason he is repeatedly a magnet for bullies and it's not that he's "too smart." Until/unless you and he figure that out, this will keep happening. I suggest working with a therapist with lots of experience working with autistic children, even if he doesn't check all the boxes for autism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I left out was that we had a neuropsych eval done in 3rd, thinking maybe he had ASD. He doesn't - but he did test gifted. Smart, nerdy, shy, and unathletic was a nightmare in this particular cohort, so we felt justified in putting him in public. We were told this was the best choice for him academically.

Unfortunately, his public wouldn't accept his wisc results and required the cogat for placement, which he bombed, so he's not receiving any kind of academic enrichment here. Long story short, he resents us for promising a challenge and wants to go back to his private (where the bullying was BAD but never "loose a tooth bad). He never had behavioral issues there minus crying over the bullying.

Lots of kids are bright in public without enrichment. Why is this kid being bullied at multiple schools and why is he so violent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I left out was that we had a neuropsych eval done in 3rd, thinking maybe he had ASD. He doesn't - but he did test gifted. Smart, nerdy, shy, and unathletic was a nightmare in this particular cohort, so we felt justified in putting him in public. We were told this was the best choice for him academically.

Unfortunately, his public wouldn't accept his wisc results and required the cogat for placement, which he bombed, so he's not receiving any kind of academic enrichment here. Long story short, he resents us for promising a challenge and wants to go back to his private (where the bullying was BAD but never "loose a tooth bad). He never had behavioral issues there minus crying over the bullying.

Who did the neuropsych? They can vary tremendously in quality.

I am not blaming the victim -- there is no excuse for bullying -- but there is a reason he is repeatedly a magnet for bullies and it's not that he's "too smart." Until/unless you and he figure that out, this will keep happening. I suggest working with a therapist with lots of experience working with autistic children, even if he doesn't check all the boxes for autism.

We're not local anymore, so I don't think the name helps.

And no, it's not that he's too smart. Like I said, it's a combination of shy, smart, and unathletic that was a bad combination in this particular cohort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I left out was that we had a neuropsych eval done in 3rd, thinking maybe he had ASD. He doesn't - but he did test gifted. Smart, nerdy, shy, and unathletic was a nightmare in this particular cohort, so we felt justified in putting him in public. We were told this was the best choice for him academically.

Unfortunately, his public wouldn't accept his wisc results and required the cogat for placement, which he bombed, so he's not receiving any kind of academic enrichment here. Long story short, he resents us for promising a challenge and wants to go back to his private (where the bullying was BAD but never "loose a tooth bad). He never had behavioral issues there minus crying over the bullying.

Lots of kids are bright in public without enrichment. Why is this kid being bullied at multiple schools and why is he so violent.

I don't know. He hadn't shown any signs of violence when we had the neuropsych eval done, so we weren't able to raise that concern then. He doesn't play video games, period (something he's teased about), so it's not something he picked up there. I don't know where he got the idea that shoving someone was ok - I would have rather he'd let himself be tripped again and lost another tooth, as horrible as that sounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I left out was that we had a neuropsych eval done in 3rd, thinking maybe he had ASD. He doesn't - but he did test gifted. Smart, nerdy, shy, and unathletic was a nightmare in this particular cohort, so we felt justified in putting him in public. We were told this was the best choice for him academically.

Unfortunately, his public wouldn't accept his wisc results and required the cogat for placement, which he bombed, so he's not receiving any kind of academic enrichment here. Long story short, he resents us for promising a challenge and wants to go back to his private (where the bullying was BAD but never "loose a tooth bad). He never had behavioral issues there minus crying over the bullying.

My suggestion -- go back to his old private, and sign him up for a martial arts, and get him a therapist. Your kid needs some internal resources here, and changing schools a third time is not going to solve the problem. This problem will follow him, unless he changes.

I too have a nerdy kid, though he is outgoing. He has been doing martial arts since 3rd grade and it's transformative. He is strong and confident and there is no bullying.

[Anonymous]

(martial arts will also teach him how to defend himself, and give him better reflexes.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I left out was that we had a neuropsych eval done in 3rd, thinking maybe he had ASD. He doesn't - but he did test gifted. Smart, nerdy, shy, and unathletic was a nightmare in this particular cohort, so we felt justified in putting him in public. We were told this was the best choice for him academically.

Unfortunately, his public wouldn't accept his wisc results and required the cogat for placement, which he bombed, so he's not receiving any kind of academic enrichment here. Long story short, he resents us for promising a challenge and wants to go back to his private (where the bullying was BAD but never "loose a tooth bad). He never had behavioral issues there minus crying over the bullying.

My suggestion -- go back to his old private, and sign him up for a martial arts, and get him a therapist. Your kid needs some internal resources here, and changing schools a third time is not going to solve the problem. This problem will follow him, unless he changes.

I too have a nerdy kid, though he is outgoing. He has been doing martial arts since 3rd grade and it's transformative. He is strong and confident and there is no bullying.

Teaching a violent child more ways to hurt someone is a terrible idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you fight the suspension? I would be angry if a kid tripped my kid and he managed a tooth and then the same kid harassed my kid with no consequences while my kid got a suspension. Was it a hard shove? Did the other kid get hurt?

We were furious, but the other kid did get suspended, and we thought that was enough to curb his behavior.

No, the other kid didn't get hurt when DS shoved him. They've just tightened discipline in the past few years, so touching another kid like he did is an automatic two days out.

I'd be doing formal bullying complaints against every student who bullied my kid. Depending on how the principal and teacher are treating it, I would do one to the county against each of them too.