Mom and brother don’t want most of trip to be just them alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mum and I went to Bali together and didn’t even think to invite my brother and his wife. Honestly, having them there would have ruined the trip. My mum said hanging out with my brother is like spending time with a potted plant. Of course we love him, but no way would we want to go on holiday with him or his wife! My mum and I are fun, like shopping, reading by the pool, going on day trips, etc. My brother would probably play video games all day or fight with his wife. No thank you!!! I think my sister in law was miffed, but I really didn’t care because we didn’t want them there.

Sounds like you will have no problem being the sole caretaker of your mom once she’s old enough to need elder care. After all, she doesn’t want to be around the wet blanket.

My mum has enough money to hire help. I’m sorry, but no one wants to holiday with a wet blanket or a potted plant. Maybe op is a nervous Nellie and not a great traveller? No. You don’t get to invite yourself on a trip and then get mad that you aren't wanted. My mum and I didn’t want my brother and his wife there because 1) they’re no fun and 2) they’d expect free childcare all day long. No thank you!!!!

Hahaha. My grandmother is rich. There is no other way to say it. She refuses to hire help or move into an expensive nursing home. They tried hiring actual nurses and they quit it my GM paid them to leave.

She expects my mom (who still works FT) and her oldest son to take care of her. She treated her oldest son the best of all her kids. Her 3 other children who were treated like your brother refuse to help much. They will do a little because they were helped a little. You get what you give. Good luck taking care of your mum! Enjoy changing the diapers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your mom in other ways made your brother her "partner"? Would his wife be surprised by this turn of events?

They sound enmeshed.

+1 your mom made your brother the man on her side. Not healthy

[Anonymous]

Ask the brother about it, not accusatory, but factual.
If he says it’s true, he can kick rocks!
How da FUQ can you do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your mom in other ways made your brother her "partner"? Would his wife be surprised by this turn of events?

They sound enmeshed.

+1 your mom made your brother the man on her side. Not healthy

+1

The are codependent, OP. That is messed up. Be glad you are not them!

[Anonymous]

OP, I am truly confused as to why you are not calling up you brother and asking for the explanation. What is the downside? I don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One possibility I haven’t seen mentioned:

1) They started talking about an Ireland trip, OP assumed they meant as a replacement for the cancelled group trip from 3 years ago; they were thinking of it as a new thing.

2) OP assumed she was included and they were like “Okay, that could be fun too.”

3) As they all started to discuss the trip, little comments from OP gradually made it clear to them that she was imagining/excited about a very different trip than they were hoping for. As an example, they have been talking between the two of them of doing a farm stay that includes rustic traditional fare for breakfast and dinner! How authentic! OP mentions to one of them that she was looking at hotels and found one with a McDonalds next door and wouldn’t it be great to have familiar food as a backup if they can’t find anything normal to eat?

4) Eventually, they realize that they have to either do a very different trip to Ireland with OP or fess up that this was originally supposed to be a gift trip just the two of them. They feel horrible for letting the whole thing drag on so they offer to spend part of the trip with her doing stuff she enjoys before they go off and do their thing. They cross their fingers that she won’t be too hurt.

Oh FFS. People on DCUM will grasp at any straw to make the OP at fault. You think they excluded her because the OP wanted to go to Irish McDonalds? What?? Even if this ridiculous scenario is somehow true, it doesn't make the mom and brother any less of an a****le. There was absolutely no reason to cut her out and then string her along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am truly confused as to why you are not calling up you brother and asking for the explanation. What is the downside? I don't get it.

It sounds like OP has all the information she needs. This is what her mom told her that her brother wanted, and by saying that, the mom has implicitly acknowledged that this is what she wants. The degree to which the brother actually wants this is kind of irrelevant.

Sorry, OP, that must really hurt. I wonder if you’ve felt this chill from them before, or if it’s just now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am truly confused as to why you are not calling up you brother and asking for the explanation. What is the downside? I don't get it.

It sounds like OP has all the information she needs. This is what her mom told her that her brother wanted, and by saying that, the mom has implicitly acknowledged that this is what she wants. The degree to which the brother actually wants this is kind of irrelevant.

Sorry, OP, that must really hurt. I wonder if you’ve felt this chill from them before, or if it’s just now.

Seems OP is just starting to finally see/admit the dysfunctional parent/sibling for what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am truly confused as to why you are not calling up you brother and asking for the explanation. What is the downside? I don't get it.

It sounds like OP has all the information she needs. This is what her mom told her that her brother wanted, and by saying that, the mom has implicitly acknowledged that this is what she wants. The degree to which the brother actually wants this is kind of irrelevant.

Sorry, OP, that must really hurt. I wonder if you’ve felt this chill from them before, or if it’s just now.

Seems OP is just starting to finally see/admit the dysfunctional parent/sibling for what it is.

That’s a tough one to admit.

[Anonymous]

Did you invite yourself on the trip, OP? Or did they invite you explicitly? Did your mom tell you that she and Jared were going to Ireland, and you said, “great I am in!” Or was it “would you like to go with us to Ireland?” from both parties?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you invite yourself on the trip, OP? Or did they invite you explicitly? Did your mom tell you that she and Jared were going to Ireland, and you said, “great I am in!” Or was it “would you like to go with us to Ireland?” from both parties?

Doesn’t matter. They have been discussing the trip for a long time as a group. There was a time to address this and that was a year ago.

Also who TF excludes a child from a vacation with another child? I can’t imagine my mother doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mum and I went to Bali together and didn’t even think to invite my brother and his wife. Honestly, having them there would have ruined the trip. My mum said hanging out with my brother is like spending time with a potted plant. Of course we love him, but no way would we want to go on holiday with him or his wife! My mum and I are fun, like shopping, reading by the pool, going on day trips, etc. My brother would probably play video games all day or fight with his wife. No thank you!!! I think my sister in law was miffed, but I really didn’t care because we didn’t want them there.

Your mother is awful and created the mess that is your family.

Why does everyone need to be invited? My mum and I wanted to travel to Bali and have fun, not deal with people who aren’t well travelled (my brother never leaves the country) and complain about food (SIL has a very limited diet) and are just generally high maintenance. We didn’t do the trip to exclude them on purpose, we literally didn’t even think of inviting them. The trip was about us! Not everyone gets a prize, and not everyone is invited to everything. Get over it!!!

You and your mom will have a great time together and when you're bored you can make insulting comments about your brother and sil. They're such losers - we all get it. What a great mom you have.