He doesn’t want to see me after I disclosed health results

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

TESTING FOR MEN IS NOT STANDARD OF CARE.

Say it louder for the ones in the back!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s why sane people want sti results before having sex. And it’s to weed out the disease-ridden.

I kinda agree. If you know your partner has been sexually active with multiple partners, I'd want an STD result before I sleep with him. I did this with DH before we had sex for the first time.

It was a thing not that long ago for people to get AIDS testing before they had sex with a new partner.

A friend of my has an STD. She got it from a guy who had been sleeping around. She disclosed this to her then BF before they started having sex. They are now married with two kids.

The incidence of STD is pretty high, and a lot of people probably don't even know they have it.

Aside from that other poster’s rudeness and shaming, there is no test for male HPV so what are women supposed to do? Condoms aren’t 100% against HPV.

I understand. My point is that because you don't know, you should at least test for what you can.

Condoms aren't foolproof for STDs or pregnancy, and adults should know this, which is why it's even more important to get tested for STDs regularly unless you are in a serious monogamous relationship, and you know neither of you have STDs that you know of.

TESTING FOR MEN IS NOT STANDARD OF CARE.

Indeed. So, they should ask for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s why sane people want sti results before having sex. And it’s to weed out the disease-ridden.

I kinda agree. If you know your partner has been sexually active with multiple partners, I'd want an STD result before I sleep with him. I did this with DH before we had sex for the first time.

It was a thing not that long ago for people to get AIDS testing before they had sex with a new partner.

A friend of my has an STD. She got it from a guy who had been sleeping around. She disclosed this to her then BF before they started having sex. They are now married with two kids.

The incidence of STD is pretty high, and a lot of people probably don't even know they have it.

Aside from that other poster’s rudeness and shaming, there is no test for male HPV so what are women supposed to do? Condoms aren’t 100% against HPV.

I understand. My point is that because you don't know, you should at least test for what you can.

Condoms aren't foolproof for STDs or pregnancy, and adults should know this, which is why it's even more important to get tested for STDs regularly unless you are in a serious monogamous relationship, and you know neither of you have STDs that you know of.

TESTING FOR MEN IS NOT STANDARD OF CARE.

Indeed. So, they should ask for it.

There is no reliable test for men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s why sane people want sti results before having sex. And it’s to weed out the disease-ridden.

I kinda agree. If you know your partner has been sexually active with multiple partners, I'd want an STD result before I sleep with him. I did this with DH before we had sex for the first time.

It was a thing not that long ago for people to get AIDS testing before they had sex with a new partner.

A friend of my has an STD. She got it from a guy who had been sleeping around. She disclosed this to her then BF before they started having sex. They are now married with two kids.

The incidence of STD is pretty high, and a lot of people probably don't even know they have it.

Aside from that other poster’s rudeness and shaming, there is no test for male HPV so what are women supposed to do? Condoms aren’t 100% against HPV.

I understand. My point is that because you don't know, you should at least test for what you can.

Condoms aren't foolproof for STDs or pregnancy, and adults should know this, which is why it's even more important to get tested for STDs regularly unless you are in a serious monogamous relationship, and you know neither of you have STDs that you know of.

TESTING FOR MEN IS NOT STANDARD OF CARE.

Indeed. So, they should ask for it.

That's not what "standard of care" means.

[Anonymous]

There is no approved test for HPV for men so even if they ask for it one is not available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s why sane people want sti results before having sex. And it’s to weed out the disease-ridden.

I kinda agree. If you know your partner has been sexually active with multiple partners, I'd want an STD result before I sleep with him. I did this with DH before we had sex for the first time.

It was a thing not that long ago for people to get AIDS testing before they had sex with a new partner.

A friend of my has an STD. She got it from a guy who had been sleeping around. She disclosed this to her then BF before they started having sex. They are now married with two kids.

The incidence of STD is pretty high, and a lot of people probably don't even know they have it.

Aside from that other poster’s rudeness and shaming, there is no test for male HPV so what are women supposed to do? Condoms aren’t 100% against HPV.

I understand. My point is that because you don't know, you should at least test for what you can.

Condoms aren't foolproof for STDs or pregnancy, and adults should know this, which is why it's even more important to get tested for STDs regularly unless you are in a serious monogamous relationship, and you know neither of you have STDs that you know of.

TESTING FOR MEN IS NOT STANDARD OF CARE.

Indeed. So, they should ask for it.

That's not what "standard of care" means.

YES IT IS, AMONG OTHER THINGS.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why so many comments suggesting he probably gave it to her? They've only been dating a few months. It can take a couple of months after exposure to get a postive result. It could be she got exposed before him, and it is just now surfacing. Or maybe he did give it to her. We don't know. There is no evidence either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused. Don't we all have HPV vaccine?

Not all of us, especially mid 40s and up.

Additionally, the vaccine doesn't guard against all strains - so you can still get some strains of HPV.

What Types of HPV Vaccines Are There?
Three HPV vaccines—9-valent HPV vaccine (Gardasil 9, 9vHPV), quadrivalent HPV vaccine (Gardasil, 4vHPV), and bivalent HPV vaccine (Cervarix, 2vHPV)—have been licensed by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA). All three HPV vaccines protect against HPV types 16 and 18 that cause most HPV cancers.

Since late 2016, only Gardasil-9 (9vHPV) is distributed in the United States. This vaccine protects against nine HPV types (6, 11, 16, 18, 31, 33, 45, 52, and 58).

From the CDC website: https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vpd/hpv/public/index.html#:~:text=All%20three%20HPV%20vaccines%20protect,%2C%2052%2C%20and%2058).

FWIW, there are more than 150 strains of HPV, and 40 of them affect the genitals. So, that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why so many comments suggesting he probably gave it to her? They've only been dating a few months. It can take a couple of months after exposure to get a postive result. It could be she got exposed before him, and it is just now surfacing. Or maybe he did give it to her. We don't know. There is no evidence either way.

I think because he’s cutting off contact like he’s blaming her when it just as easily could have been him who passed it.

[Anonymous]

I feel you, OP. Every time I disclose my STD to my partners, they always get weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why so many comments suggesting he probably gave it to her? They've only been dating a few months. It can take a couple of months after exposure to get a postive result. It could be she got exposed before him, and it is just now surfacing. Or maybe he did give it to her. We don't know. There is no evidence either way.

We don’t know and can’t know, but it’s a high probability he’s a carrier for low risk strains nonetheless. That’s why it’s basically a non issue.

[Anonymous]

So he had a clean bill of health to start too?

Lets be honest, sounds like he's been f-ing around and gave it to you. Not a huge loss for you here! Tell him that HE is the only one who could have given it to you and YOU are done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why so many comments suggesting he probably gave it to her? They've only been dating a few months. It can take a couple of months after exposure to get a postive result. It could be she got exposed before him, and it is just now surfacing. Or maybe he did give it to her. We don't know. There is no evidence either way.

We don’t know and can’t know, but it’s a high probability he’s a carrier for low risk strains nonetheless. That’s why it’s basically a non issue.

Right, could have been either of them but he’s acting like she’s damaged and needs to be avoided when he could have passed it and likely already has/ had it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he had a clean bill of health to start too?

Let’s be honest, sounds like he's been f-ing around and gave it to you. Not a huge loss for you here! Tell him that HE is the only one who could have given it to you and YOU are done.

OP here—I’m not looking to assign blame as we are both adults and there’s no way to know who transmitted it. I just feel bad the way he’s treating me, that he doesn’t want to even see me, like I did a bad thing. I wanted to be responsible so I do my testing periodically and I disclosed to him because I felt he has the right to know. No good deed goes unpunished. I can understand his response but he seems to think he can ditch me and then pick me back up when/ if he feels I’m acceptable again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought they only screened for high risk types. If you’re not having symptoms (warts, which isn’t the same kind that causes cancer), how do you even know you have HPV?

Have you been intimate with him before?

An annual Pap smear screens for HPV.

That’s not true. HPV is a separate test. But my point is more nuanced than that there are high risk strains and low risk strains. High risk causes cancer. Low risk can cause warts.
There may also be low risk kinds that don’t cause warts, I am not sure. The point is, I know that my doctor only test for high-risk strains. I think it is odd that the original poster was tested for low risk strains. She has since followed up and says that the report only said negative for high-risk strains and did not say anything for low risk strains. Someone on the phone just told her she was positive for low risk strains. That doesn’t really make any sense. I think she needs to follow up with the doctor and make sure she has received the full medical records because the story is not making sense. Either this is a troll, or whoever talk to her on the phone didn’t really know what she was talking about.

NP. I’m no expert but I have some personal experience.

A Pap smear screens for cervical changes, which indicate the presence of HPV. A blood test confirms whether there’s HPV. When I got my blood test 5 years ago, they only reported whether you were positive or negative for the high risk (aka cancer causing) strains. I think it was strains 16, 18 and one more? If you tested positive for HPV but negative for those strains, you were told you had a “low risk” strain. I think back then, there were so many strains that they didn’t bother figuring out which exact low risk strain you had (ie they didn’t identify the specific strain number). Maybe the technology has improved since then.

Whenever I have gotten tested for HPV it is a cervicals swab. I get a Pap smear and then I get a separate HPV test. I’ve never heard of a blood test for HPV.