I hate being stuck at $230k HHI and feel poor AF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP -

$140,000 income for a single person is not filthy stinking rich, but by your own reporting, it is very, very, very comfortable.

Your are MAXING OUR your retirement, plus you have EXTRA investments, however small you feel them to be, PLUS you own a home and can comfortably pay the mortgage and utilities AND still buy food, and afford a modest vacation, and you can finance a car...I mean, when you think that over 50% of all households in the US have absolutely NOTHING saved for retirement at all, can you see that you are note exactly struggling?

In short, to have a middle class lifestyle you need an UMC income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sympathetic to OP. I'm single and make slightly less (140k) and after maxing out 401k and various little deductibles for health insurance I take home pretty much 2500 per paycheck. That's 5k a month. Out of which 1800 goes to mortgage and 300 to a car payment (second hand with a four year loan, nothing fancy, one year left). That leaves me with 2900 each month to live on. I spend, a minimum, 1,000 to live and that's groceries, gas, little expenses. I have a barebones internet package that is just internet, no TV and a phone plan. Between that and utilities that's probably another 250 a month averaging it out with variations in utilities across the year. I keep my house pretty cool in the winter and pretty warm in the summer (68 winter and 76-68 summer). And then there's always something that comes up, a minor plumbing repair, a vet appointment, car servicing, car insurance twice a year, you name it. Average it to at least another 250/month in misc expenses. That leaves me with 1400 a month in potential savings. In reality, it's closer to 1, probably 1200 a month on average.

It allows me to take a decent vacation but otherwise I never eat out, rarely buy new clothes, never go to concerts, and am always keeping a close eye on spending. Because there's also always something, like a repair to the slate roof - that's a few thousand dollars. I have to start thinking about replacing the car someday, where's that money going to come from. I'm not socking away large amounts of savings each year. I do save a bit on top of the 401k but I'm dreading the day I get smacked with a 20k repair bill for god knows what or unexpected dental care that isn't covered to the full by my insurance. I do have investment funds outside the 401k but yes, I do not feel rich, let alone the upper middle class some of you would be shrieking at me.

And yes, I have no idea how families survive on even 150k when I feel like I'm just staying afloat.

How did you afford a house on that income, pp? Are you in dc? Your mortgage is less than my apt rent.

[Anonymous]

I think that OP feels poor because her DH makes half her income.

It is a paucity mentality that comes from not marrying a good provider for a DH. Also, no kids is fine, but, if they do have kids, the mom may not be able to work or take time off because she is the bread-winner.

OP feels poor because she is in a catch-22 situation. I bet she cannot even get out of this marriage because she will have to pay alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that OP feels poor because her DH makes half her income.

It is a paucity mentality that comes from not marrying a good provider for a DH. Also, no kids is fine, but, if they do have kids, the mom may not be able to work or take time off because she is the bread-winner.

OP feels poor because she is in a catch-22 situation. I bet she cannot even get out of this marriage because she will have to pay alimony.

There is something to this. I mean, if no kids I think it's less of a big deal. But I have always outearned my DH and it became a real issue when we had a kid because he doesn't pull his weight with childcare but he also makes way less so he's not helping to outsource any of it either. It results in a LOT of resentment because if I'm going to be the breadwinner by a lot, at the very least I expect him to make it easier for me to do my job by contributing more at home. Instead he sets his job up to be as inflexible as possible (I do drop off and pick up on my own three days a week because he claims he has to be in the office by 8am on days he's in the office, and his commute is further so he's never home in time for pick up either) and is totally checked out on a lot of kid-centric tasks like school, camp, and activities.

We actually had a pretty egalitarian marriage before kids and therefore the income imbalance didn't bother me, but I really underestimated how much of the parenting would fall to me by default, and how little he'd do to counteract that. So now I look at his income and it annoys me because I'm exhausted all the time, do so much more at home and with our kid, and yet he fights me tooth and nail on anything that might make my life easier (house cleaners, additional childcare, meal kits, etc.) because he claims we "can't afford it."

Whatever, people on here will tell me "you married him" and I did, but I also think this is a broader problem about men not doing their fair share and it's why, if I had it to do over again, I'd look for a partner who earned as much if not more than me because then when he didn't help at home or with kids, at least I could remind myself that he was an equal partner or even the breadwinner financially, and that's a meaningful contribution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that OP feels poor because her DH makes half her income.

It is a paucity mentality that comes from not marrying a good provider for a DH. Also, no kids is fine, but, if they do have kids, the mom may not be able to work or take time off because she is the bread-winner.

OP feels poor because she is in a catch-22 situation. I bet she cannot even get out of this marriage because she will have to pay alimony.

There is something to this. I mean, if no kids I think it's less of a big deal. But I have always outearned my DH and it became a real issue when we had a kid because he doesn't pull his weight with childcare but he also makes way less so he's not helping to outsource any of it either. It results in a LOT of resentment because if I'm going to be the breadwinner by a lot, at the very least I expect him to make it easier for me to do my job by contributing more at home. Instead he sets his job up to be as inflexible as possible (I do drop off and pick up on my own three days a week because he claims he has to be in the office by 8am on days he's in the office, and his commute is further so he's never home in time for pick up either) and is totally checked out on a lot of kid-centric tasks like school, camp, and activities.

We actually had a pretty egalitarian marriage before kids and therefore the income imbalance didn't bother me, but I really underestimated how much of the parenting would fall to me by default, and how little he'd do to counteract that. So now I look at his income and it annoys me because I'm exhausted all the time, do so much more at home and with our kid, and yet he fights me tooth and nail on anything that might make my life easier (house cleaners, additional childcare, meal kits, etc.) because he claims we "can't afford it."

Whatever, people on here will tell me "you married him" and I did, but I also think this is a broader problem about men not doing their fair share and it's why, if I had it to do over again, I'd look for a partner who earned as much if not more than me because then when he didn't help at home or with kids, at least I could remind myself that he was an equal partner or even the breadwinner financially, and that's a meaningful contribution.

I am a sahm married to a good earner.

As a wohm I was making 1/4 of what my DH was making. Childcare and household planning and logistics inevitably fell on me because in-spite of my DH being a very involved family man (he cooks), he was myopic in terms of what was needed for a smooth running home and for the best interests of the kids. And since I was a lowly paid worker bee at work, I did not have the flexibility to take off at work or wfh as he did. He had to put in his share of parent duty.

My DH at first threw money at the problem - cleaners, cook, landscaper etc. But, they also need to be managed. Eventually, even with all of that, there was work to be done at home and things ere stressful. Also, he (and I) had a vision for how life would go for our kids and that was not happening even with childcare. Finally, he begged me to be at home and I told him that I needed all the outsourcing that was in place and more. And I was never going back to work ever again in this life. Once, I had my financial security in place - I became a sahm.

Although I had always wanted a career, and it hurt a lot to give up my dream, I did feel immense satisfaction for my time with my kids and that became my new dream. I also have made the most of my situation and I would say that I am happy and fulfilled.

I tell my DD to plan wisely so that she can have a career, get married to a high earner and live close to us so that I can help. I intend to do the same for my future DIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that OP feels poor because her DH makes half her income.

It is a paucity mentality that comes from not marrying a good provider for a DH. Also, no kids is fine, but, if they do have kids, the mom may not be able to work or take time off because she is the bread-winner.

OP feels poor because she is in a catch-22 situation. I bet she cannot even get out of this marriage because she will have to pay alimony.

NP but this is such a stupid attitude. I make over twice as much as my husband (we both make about $20K more than OP and her husband each). We have two kids and DH works from home full-time which gives us SO MUCH flexibility with the kids. If DH made more money, he'd probably have to work more hours and we'd never see him. I much prefer our current scenario. OP is just dumb and doesn't know how to manage her money. This has nothing to do with her husband (unless he's a big spender and the reason they aren't saving).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This year has been bad. We had to spend $10k installing brand new brick steps because the stairs to our house were terrible, crumbling, and.had a bad foundation. Right exact at the same.time, a bad storm ruined our fence and we had to replace 100' for about $4k. Simultaneously, our 2016 Mazda needed a lot of maintenance and required about $4000 in repairs etc. Just non-stop hit after hit.

The $10,000 repair for new brick steps was a surprise I am sure. Did you have anything already budgeted for home repair?

Was $10,000 the cheapest repair you could do? Did you get a few quotes? I would think that rebuilding new steps to like a porch would be more like $5000-$7000 and I wonder how good you are at finding the cheapest acceptable options. The same thing for the $4000 for 100 ' of fence. Did you get three quotes first?

What was wrong with your Mazda? Are you going to the dealer or to a local mechanic? Are you getting fleeced basically?

$10k for the steps was quite fair. It was a massive job. The mason we hired was excellent. Yes, I got multiple quotes. I didn't go with the cheapest job because we also wanted quality work that would last forever. He had to dig like 5-8 feet down in order to get below the frost line and build a brand new foundation. The stairs were damaged because it had a bad foundation..he did incredible, beautiful work.

The fence was also from multiple quotes. We actually got a good deal on the 100' of fencing. Other places were quoting way higher. They built it from scratch. Good quality job.

The Mazda needed all new suspension, spark plugs, brakes, etc. etc. They ended up finding issues like cracked control arms and needed to replace struts. ... basically a complete overhaul. It added up quick with all of the other maintenance. It has 110k miles, so much of the repairs and maintenance are due to the age of the car. And I've been going to the same mechanic for 10+ years..he's never ripped me off.

OK. So with a car with 110,000 miles, you could definitely expect you will need to save for repairs. You need to send $200-$400 every month. Repairs should be zero surprise.

The $10,000 steps- I guess that was necessary. Yes at $230,000 income level a $10,000 repair will hurt! (Our HHI is $170,000 so I understand) still how much do you already set aside for home maintenance? You need to do that.

Not OP but OP never said that they didn't have money to pay for the home and car repairs. They paid for it. It's just that these expenses eat up a lot of money and $230k is a lot of money as people think.

I know, but that's a planning problem. Car repair and house maintenance are not emergencies that hit out of the blue, they should be planned for. Yes, if they happen all int the same month, it is hard to find the cash to cover it at that moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that OP feels poor because her DH makes half her income.

It is a paucity mentality that comes from not marrying a good provider for a DH. Also, no kids is fine, but, if they do have kids, the mom may not be able to work or take time off because she is the bread-winner.

OP feels poor because she is in a catch-22 situation. I bet she cannot even get out of this marriage because she will have to pay alimony.

There is something to this. I mean, if no kids I think it's less of a big deal. But I have always outearned my DH and it became a real issue when we had a kid because he doesn't pull his weight with childcare but he also makes way less so he's not helping to outsource any of it either. It results in a LOT of resentment because if I'm going to be the breadwinner by a lot, at the very least I expect him to make it easier for me to do my job by contributing more at home. Instead he sets his job up to be as inflexible as possible (I do drop off and pick up on my own three days a week because he claims he has to be in the office by 8am on days he's in the office, and his commute is further so he's never home in time for pick up either) and is totally checked out on a lot of kid-centric tasks like school, camp, and activities.

We actually had a pretty egalitarian marriage before kids and therefore the income imbalance didn't bother me, but I really underestimated how much of the parenting would fall to me by default, and how little he'd do to counteract that. So now I look at his income and it annoys me because I'm exhausted all the time, do so much more at home and with our kid, and yet he fights me tooth and nail on anything that might make my life easier (house cleaners, additional childcare, meal kits, etc.) because he claims we "can't afford it."

Whatever, people on here will tell me "you married him" and I did, but I also think this is a broader problem about men not doing their fair share and it's why, if I had it to do over again, I'd look for a partner who earned as much if not more than me because then when he didn't help at home or with kids, at least I could remind myself that he was an equal partner or even the breadwinner financially, and that's a meaningful contribution.

I am a sahm married to a good earner.

As a wohm I was making 1/4 of what my DH was making. Childcare and household planning and logistics inevitably fell on me because in-spite of my DH being a very involved family man (he cooks), he was myopic in terms of what was needed for a smooth running home and for the best interests of the kids. And since I was a lowly paid worker bee at work, I did not have the flexibility to take off at work or wfh as he did. He had to put in his share of parent duty.

My DH at first threw money at the problem - cleaners, cook, landscaper etc. But, they also need to be managed. Eventually, even with all of that, there was work to be done at home and things ere stressful. Also, he (and I) had a vision for how life would go for our kids and that was not happening even with childcare. Finally, he begged me to be at home and I told him that I needed all the outsourcing that was in place and more. And I was never going back to work ever again in this life. Once, I had my financial security in place - I became a sahm.

Although I had always wanted a career, and it hurt a lot to give up my dream, I did feel immense satisfaction for my time with my kids and that became my new dream. I also have made the most of my situation and I would say that I am happy and fulfilled.

I tell my DD to plan wisely so that she can have a career, get married to a high earner and live close to us so that I can help. I intend to do the same for my future DIL.

Heh I'm sure your future DIL can't wait to hear your advice about how she should live close to you for her own good. Your daughter probably loves that advice, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP -

$140,000 income for a single person is not filthy stinking rich, but by your own reporting, it is very, very, very comfortable.

Your are MAXING OUR your retirement, plus you have EXTRA investments, however small you feel them to be, PLUS you own a home and can comfortably pay the mortgage and utilities AND still buy food, and afford a modest vacation, and you can finance a car...I mean, when you think that over 50% of all households in the US have absolutely NOTHING saved for retirement at all, can you see that you are note exactly struggling?

In short, to have a middle class lifestyle you need an UMC income.

I don't think most truly middle class people in the US are maxing out retirement every year. They may have a job with a pension, and they may send some money to a retirement account, like $200-$400 or so. But they aren't saving $1800/month.

Here are some middle class lifestyle budgets:

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/10/03/your-money/middle-class-income.html

OP is living an upper middle class lifestyle, on an income level that is pretty low for Upper Middle Class. If OP wants to live a middle class lifestyle, stop saving so much for retirement, and it will feel luxurious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP -

$140,000 income for a single person is not filthy stinking rich, but by your own reporting, it is very, very, very comfortable.

Your are MAXING OUR your retirement, plus you have EXTRA investments, however small you feel them to be, PLUS you own a home and can comfortably pay the mortgage and utilities AND still buy food, and afford a modest vacation, and you can finance a car...I mean, when you think that over 50% of all households in the US have absolutely NOTHING saved for retirement at all, can you see that you are note exactly struggling?

In short, to have a middle class lifestyle you need an UMC income.

I don't think most truly middle class people in the US are maxing out retirement every year. They may have a job with a pension, and they may send some money to a retirement account, like $200-$400 or so. But they aren't saving $1800/month.

Here are some middle class lifestyle budgets:

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2019/10/03/your-money/middle-class-income.html

OP is living an upper middle class lifestyle, on an income level that is pretty low for Upper Middle Class. If OP wants to live a middle class lifestyle, stop saving so much for retirement, and it will feel luxurious!

Tend to agree with this - I work at a financial agencies where many of my peers make 200-225k. Some have SAHWs and young kids at home. Some have spouses in 70k jobs. I’ve worked there long enough to just hear talk and peers talk about this - most do not max out their 401k to the IRS max. Most put in up to the agency max and have always done just that - so if 16k is being put away per year rather than 22.5k they’re fine with that. Those with kids also aren’t funding big 529s - it’s more like $200-400/mo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that OP feels poor because her DH makes half her income.

It is a paucity mentality that comes from not marrying a good provider for a DH. Also, no kids is fine, but, if they do have kids, the mom may not be able to work or take time off because she is the bread-winner.

OP feels poor because she is in a catch-22 situation. I bet she cannot even get out of this marriage because she will have to pay alimony.

NP but this is such a stupid attitude. I make over twice as much as my husband (we both make about $20K more than OP and her husband each). We have two kids and DH works from home full-time which gives us SO MUCH flexibility with the kids. If DH made more money, he'd probably have to work more hours and we'd never see him. I much prefer our current scenario. OP is just dumb and doesn't know how to manage her money. This has nothing to do with her husband (unless he's a big spender and the reason they aren't saving).

Do you have blinders on or are you stupid and dumb? Or are you humble bragging? Your DH is at home. You make $40K more than OP. You already have 2 kids and your DH is working from home and that gives you a lot of flexibility.

That is not the reality of OP. Her DH is not working from home. He is not available to provide her flexibility. There is no reason to think that by making less money her DH can work from home like your husband. Your example is not replicable. OP has the entire hard journey of pregnancy, birth, and the care of young children ahead of her if she choose to even have kids.

She is more stuck at $230k HHI than you are at $270K HHI with 2 kids and an at-home spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that OP feels poor because her DH makes half her income.

It is a paucity mentality that comes from not marrying a good provider for a DH. Also, no kids is fine, but, if they do have kids, the mom may not be able to work or take time off because she is the bread-winner.

OP feels poor because she is in a catch-22 situation. I bet she cannot even get out of this marriage because she will have to pay alimony.

There is something to this. I mean, if no kids I think it's less of a big deal. But I have always outearned my DH and it became a real issue when we had a kid because he doesn't pull his weight with childcare but he also makes way less so he's not helping to outsource any of it either. It results in a LOT of resentment because if I'm going to be the breadwinner by a lot, at the very least I expect him to make it easier for me to do my job by contributing more at home. Instead he sets his job up to be as inflexible as possible (I do drop off and pick up on my own three days a week because he claims he has to be in the office by 8am on days he's in the office, and his commute is further so he's never home in time for pick up either) and is totally checked out on a lot of kid-centric tasks like school, camp, and activities.

We actually had a pretty egalitarian marriage before kids and therefore the income imbalance didn't bother me, but I really underestimated how much of the parenting would fall to me by default, and how little he'd do to counteract that. So now I look at his income and it annoys me because I'm exhausted all the time, do so much more at home and with our kid, and yet he fights me tooth and nail on anything that might make my life easier (house cleaners, additional childcare, meal kits, etc.) because he claims we "can't afford it."

Whatever, people on here will tell me "you married him" and I did, but I also think this is a broader problem about men not doing their fair share and it's why, if I had it to do over again, I'd look for a partner who earned as much if not more than me because then when he didn't help at home or with kids, at least I could remind myself that he was an equal partner or even the breadwinner financially, and that's a meaningful contribution.

I am a sahm married to a good earner.

As a wohm I was making 1/4 of what my DH was making. Childcare and household planning and logistics inevitably fell on me because in-spite of my DH being a very involved family man (he cooks), he was myopic in terms of what was needed for a smooth running home and for the best interests of the kids. And since I was a lowly paid worker bee at work, I did not have the flexibility to take off at work or wfh as he did. He had to put in his share of parent duty.

My DH at first threw money at the problem - cleaners, cook, landscaper etc. But, they also need to be managed. Eventually, even with all of that, there was work to be done at home and things ere stressful. Also, he (and I) had a vision for how life would go for our kids and that was not happening even with childcare. Finally, he begged me to be at home and I told him that I needed all the outsourcing that was in place and more. And I was never going back to work ever again in this life. Once, I had my financial security in place - I became a sahm.

Although I had always wanted a career, and it hurt a lot to give up my dream, I did feel immense satisfaction for my time with my kids and that became my new dream. I also have made the most of my situation and I would say that I am happy and fulfilled.

I tell my DD to plan wisely so that she can have a career, get married to a high earner and live close to us so that I can help. I intend to do the same for my future DIL.

Heh I'm sure your future DIL can't wait to hear your advice about how she should live close to you for her own good. Your daughter probably loves that advice, too.

Hopefully, ds will marry a girl from our culture and not someone from the culture of DCUM DILs. If he does he too will have wpp. You cannot protect your kids from all idiocy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP -

$140,000 income for a single person is not filthy stinking rich, but by your own reporting, it is very, very, very comfortable.

Your are MAXING OUR your retirement, plus you have EXTRA investments, however small you feel them to be, PLUS you own a home and can comfortably pay the mortgage and utilities AND still buy food, and afford a modest vacation, and you can finance a car...I mean, when you think that over 50% of all households in the US have absolutely NOTHING saved for retirement at all, can you see that you are note exactly struggling?

In short, to have a middle class lifestyle you need an UMC income.

stop saving so much for retirement, and it will feel luxurious!

We make similar to OP and put a lot into our retirement too. Two reasons for this are it’s never a bad idea to save for retirement and if we didn’t max our retirement accounts, we would get killed on taxes.

With a similar salary as OP, we don’t feel poor, but I can sympathize that life sure is expensive. Home repair, car trouble, new appliance, kid’s college fund…etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that OP feels poor because her DH makes half her income.

It is a paucity mentality that comes from not marrying a good provider for a DH. Also, no kids is fine, but, if they do have kids, the mom may not be able to work or take time off because she is the bread-winner.

OP feels poor because she is in a catch-22 situation. I bet she cannot even get out of this marriage because she will have to pay alimony.

There is something to this. I mean, if no kids I think it's less of a big deal. But I have always outearned my DH and it became a real issue when we had a kid because he doesn't pull his weight with childcare but he also makes way less so he's not helping to outsource any of it either. It results in a LOT of resentment because if I'm going to be the breadwinner by a lot, at the very least I expect him to make it easier for me to do my job by contributing more at home. Instead he sets his job up to be as inflexible as possible (I do drop off and pick up on my own three days a week because he claims he has to be in the office by 8am on days he's in the office, and his commute is further so he's never home in time for pick up either) and is totally checked out on a lot of kid-centric tasks like school, camp, and activities.

We actually had a pretty egalitarian marriage before kids and therefore the income imbalance didn't bother me, but I really underestimated how much of the parenting would fall to me by default, and how little he'd do to counteract that. So now I look at his income and it annoys me because I'm exhausted all the time, do so much more at home and with our kid, and yet he fights me tooth and nail on anything that might make my life easier (house cleaners, additional childcare, meal kits, etc.) because he claims we "can't afford it."

Whatever, people on here will tell me "you married him" and I did, but I also think this is a broader problem about men not doing their fair share and it's why, if I had it to do over again, I'd look for a partner who earned as much if not more than me because then when he didn't help at home or with kids, at least I could remind myself that he was an equal partner or even the breadwinner financially, and that's a meaningful contribution.

I am a sahm married to a good earner.

As a wohm I was making 1/4 of what my DH was making. Childcare and household planning and logistics inevitably fell on me because in-spite of my DH being a very involved family man (he cooks), he was myopic in terms of what was needed for a smooth running home and for the best interests of the kids. And since I was a lowly paid worker bee at work, I did not have the flexibility to take off at work or wfh as he did. He had to put in his share of parent duty.

My DH at first threw money at the problem - cleaners, cook, landscaper etc. But, they also need to be managed. Eventually, even with all of that, there was work to be done at home and things ere stressful. Also, he (and I) had a vision for how life would go for our kids and that was not happening even with childcare. Finally, he begged me to be at home and I told him that I needed all the outsourcing that was in place and more. And I was never going back to work ever again in this life. Once, I had my financial security in place - I became a sahm.

Although I had always wanted a career, and it hurt a lot to give up my dream, I did feel immense satisfaction for my time with my kids and that became my new dream. I also have made the most of my situation and I would say that I am happy and fulfilled.

I tell my DD to plan wisely so that she can have a career, get married to a high earner and live close to us so that I can help. I intend to do the same for my future DIL.

Heh I'm sure your future DIL can't wait to hear your advice about how she should live close to you for her own good. Your daughter probably loves that advice, too.

Hopefully, ds will marry a girl from our culture and not someone from the culture of DCUM DILs. If he does he too will have wpp. You cannot protect your kids from all idiocy.

Get with the times lady. I come from a very conservative culture and young women getting married now can’t stand their MIL’s and do everything in their power to live far away from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that OP feels poor because her DH makes half her income.

It is a paucity mentality that comes from not marrying a good provider for a DH. Also, no kids is fine, but, if they do have kids, the mom may not be able to work or take time off because she is the bread-winner.

OP feels poor because she is in a catch-22 situation. I bet she cannot even get out of this marriage because she will have to pay alimony.

NP but this is such a stupid attitude. I make over twice as much as my husband (we both make about $20K more than OP and her husband each). We have two kids and DH works from home full-time which gives us SO MUCH flexibility with the kids. If DH made more money, he'd probably have to work more hours and we'd never see him. I much prefer our current scenario. OP is just dumb and doesn't know how to manage her money. This has nothing to do with her husband (unless he's a big spender and the reason they aren't saving).

Do you have blinders on or are you stupid and dumb? Or are you humble bragging? Your DH is at home. You make $40K more than OP. You already have 2 kids and your DH is working from home and that gives you a lot of flexibility.

That is not the reality of OP. Her DH is not working from home. He is not available to provide her flexibility. There is no reason to think that by making less money her DH can work from home like your husband. Your example is not replicable. OP has the entire hard journey of pregnancy, birth, and the care of young children ahead of her if she choose to even have kids.

She is more stuck at $230k HHI than you are at $270K HHI with 2 kids and an at-home spouse.

There's a big difference between working from home and being a stay at home parent, PP.

Anyway, OP is a troll. You guys are going crazy over a troll post.