I hate being stuck at $230k HHI and feel poor AF

[Anonymous]

We're at 260k with two kids. We're doing well, but a huge part of that is buying at a sub-optimal but still fine time in terms of home costs and interest rates. We're at 3k/mo all in with insurance and taxes. And we don't max retirement, though we do contribute.

[Anonymous]

Lots of people have 2.xx% mortgages from the pandemic era - their reality is different!

You’re spending too much on food and clothes.

Don’t over-improve your house, ie don’t put money into it that you won’t be able to recoup when selling. You didn’t need the steps to Last Forever, even on a personal-ethics level—the chance a subsequent buyer is just going to rip it out and do their own thing is pretty high in this area. Look up the KBB trade-in value of your car, and understand at what point you should stop paying $$$$ to repair it.

Disagree with PPs telling you to sell your house and rent an apartment. Don’t downsize to a condo or townhouse either. SFH is where it’s at in this area in terms of making your housing make money for you; everyone knows condos and THs do not appreciate the way SFHs do.

I also say keep maxing out your 401k; you’re doing it for yourself in an effort to prevent yourself from feeling this way, or worse, when you’re retired. You do need to set up a net worth spreadsheet though where you can look at all your numbers (home equity, investment and retirement accounts etc) and feel good about everything you’ve done.

Seems you answered your question yourself in the thread - you feel poor bc of an unlucky string of early setbacks. You’re doing a great job making up ground now. Unfollow/remove trendy spendy people from your life, and delve into a new hobby with your DH that you both find fulfilling. Simplify your food and clothing expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your budget? You bring home probably around $10,000 or $11,000 a month, right? And pay, what, $3000 or $3500 towards your mortgage? Where does the rest of it go?

I wish it were this month per month. After taxes health care and 401k max, $230k is trash income. Like I said, I make about $150k and after taxes, 401k healthcare and all of the deductions, I'm only pulling $5000 per mo. My spouse who makes $72k and who contributes only 13% only pulls home about $3500 per mo after contributions, tax, and other deductions. Total take home is about $8500 per mo. Mortgage is $3100 for a $560k loan at 2.87% interest. Internet 80, gas + electric =$200-300, entertainment on streaming apps = $50, groceries = $500-600 per mo..other crap for gas, clothes etc. Not even counting. Then when you get hit with surprise car and hkuse repairs I just get crushed. I feel so stupidly poor on this salary. How the hell do American families making less than $100k survive? The median hhi is well below $100k, so clearly people with families are doing it. I'm also dumbfounded by the savings levels and invesmtnet levels by people on this forum purportedly to be single moms making $140-170k who claim claim to have $50k in emergency savings, $700k in retirement, and $100k saved for college. Yeah sure, do you ever have a home repair, major car repair, or need a new car? I just can't believe these #s on this forum.

$5000/month take home seems too low for your income. I make 50% more than you but bring home more than twice as much per month after same deductions. Granted I have two dependents but still. Is your health insurance extra expensive?

They’re putting like 30% of their income
Into retirement savings and complaining they don’t have enough take home income

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your budget? You bring home probably around $10,000 or $11,000 a month, right? And pay, what, $3000 or $3500 towards your mortgage? Where does the rest of it go?

I wish it were this month per month. After taxes health care and 401k max, $230k is trash income. Like I said, I make about $150k and after taxes, 401k healthcare and all of the deductions, I'm only pulling $5000 per mo. My spouse who makes $72k and who contributes only 13% only pulls home about $3500 per mo after contributions, tax, and other deductions. Total take home is about $8500 per mo. Mortgage is $3100 for a $560k loan at 2.87% interest. Internet 80, gas + electric =$200-300, entertainment on streaming apps = $50, groceries = $500-600 per mo..other crap for gas, clothes etc. Not even counting. Then when you get hit with surprise car and hkuse repairs I just get crushed. I feel so stupidly poor on this salary. How the hell do American families making less than $100k survive? The median hhi is well below $100k, so clearly people with families are doing it. I'm also dumbfounded by the savings levels and invesmtnet levels by people on this forum purportedly to be single moms making $140-170k who claim claim to have $50k in emergency savings, $700k in retirement, and $100k saved for college. Yeah sure, do you ever have a home repair, major car repair, or need a new car? I just can't believe these #s on this forum.

$5000/month take home seems too low for your income. I make 50% more than you but bring home more than twice as much per month after same deductions. Granted I have two dependents but still. Is your health insurance extra expensive?

I'm literally looking at my pay stub right now. After $866 per paycheck, which is the amount required to max out a 401k this year under a biweekly paycheck, minus state taxes, minus health, minus eye, everything else ... My take home pay before paying any bills is $2478 on the dot. I don't know why people think $150k is some kind of decent salary. After taxes it is peanuts.

No, it’s not peanuts. You’re saving 1700 a month before that money comes home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your budget? You bring home probably around $10,000 or $11,000 a month, right? And pay, what, $3000 or $3500 towards your mortgage? Where does the rest of it go?

I wish it were this month per month. After taxes health care and 401k max, $230k is trash income. Like I said, I make about $150k and after taxes, 401k healthcare and all of the deductions, I'm only pulling $5000 per mo. My spouse who makes $72k and who contributes only 13% only pulls home about $3500 per mo after contributions, tax, and other deductions. Total take home is about $8500 per mo. Mortgage is $3100 for a $560k loan at 2.87% interest. Internet 80, gas + electric =$200-300, entertainment on streaming apps = $50, groceries = $500-600 per mo..other crap for gas, clothes etc. Not even counting. Then when you get hit with surprise car and hkuse repairs I just get crushed. I feel so stupidly poor on this salary. How the hell do American families making less than $100k survive? The median hhi is well below $100k, so clearly people with families are doing it. I'm also dumbfounded by the savings levels and invesmtnet levels by people on this forum purportedly to be single moms making $140-170k who claim claim to have $50k in emergency savings, $700k in retirement, and $100k saved for college. Yeah sure, do you ever have a home repair, major car repair, or need a new car? I just can't believe these #s on this forum.

You're only spending half your take home. Unless you have another $4k/month in expenses, I'm not sure why you say you don't have any money.

$8500 per mo.take home.

-$3100 mortgage
-$300 gas + electric
-$80 internet
-$100 cell phone
-$600-800 groceries
-$125 gas
-$150 car insurance

=-$5000 before counting for any health problems, car repair, clothes, health care, savings, weddings, parties, and other emergency expenses.

If you need more than 3500 a month for clothes, parties, and other such emergencies, I can’t help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your budget? You bring home probably around $10,000 or $11,000 a month, right? And pay, what, $3000 or $3500 towards your mortgage? Where does the rest of it go?

I wish it were this month per month. After taxes health care and 401k max, $230k is trash income. Like I said, I make about $150k and after taxes, 401k healthcare and all of the deductions, I'm only pulling $5000 per mo. My spouse who makes $72k and who contributes only 13% only pulls home about $3500 per mo after contributions, tax, and other deductions. Total take home is about $8500 per mo. Mortgage is $3100 for a $560k loan at 2.87% interest. Internet 80, gas + electric =$200-300, entertainment on streaming apps = $50, groceries = $500-600 per mo..other crap for gas, clothes etc. Not even counting. Then when you get hit with surprise car and hkuse repairs I just get crushed. I feel so stupidly poor on this salary. How the hell do American families making less than $100k survive? The median hhi is well below $100k, so clearly people with families are doing it. I'm also dumbfounded by the savings levels and invesmtnet levels by people on this forum purportedly to be single moms making $140-170k who claim claim to have $50k in emergency savings, $700k in retirement, and $100k saved for college. Yeah sure, do you ever have a home repair, major car repair, or need a new car? I just can't believe these #s on this forum.

$5000/month take home seems too low for your income. I make 50% more than you but bring home more than twice as much per month after same deductions. Granted I have two dependents but still. Is your health insurance extra expensive?

They’re putting like 30% of their income
Into retirement savings and complaining they don’t have enough take home income

This!


They are saving too much long term.

If they did want the rest of us do and have an emergency fund, they wouldn't feel poor.

Geez. It's not rocket science.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make 150k and my spouse around 75k. After yearly bonuses, we pull in about 230k. It sucks. I constantly, constantly feel like we still have to watch our spending and can never relax and spend without worrying. Every time the car or house needs to be fixed, I cringe. Every time I go to the grocery store, I cringe spending $120.

We do not have an insane mortgage. We took out $540k, which is only 2.4x our income....not absurd. A lot of pain is self inflicted....I max out my 401k while my spouse puts away 13%. Yet I constantly feel stretched and feel like we live paycheck to paycheck too much. We have zero kids. I'm reading this forum and seeing people making $150k or so claiming they have $60k in saving for emergencies $700k+ in retirements, and no problems upgrading their house or paying for repairs. Wtf? How is this possible?

If we make this much and feel terrible about finances God help the rest of Americans and their median HHIs below $70k. Basically, no one is saving anything for retirement? I can't imagine needing a $1800 in car repairs and making $70k hhi.

Wow, I’m not sure what you’re doing wrong. We make $225k, have our kid in an excellent private school (full pay) and feel rich.

This year has been bad. We had to spend $10k installing brand new brick steps because the stairs to our house were terrible, crumbling, and.had a bad foundation. Right exact at the same.time, a bad storm ruined our fence and we had to replace 100' for about $4k. Simultaneously, our 2016 Mazda needed a lot of maintenance and required about $4000 in repairs etc. Just non-stop hit after hit. But I still feel ridiculously poor making $230k hhi from simply encountering a home an auto repair.

If we struggle this bad, how the hell does rest of America live?

At your income and no kids your savings should cover 20-30k easy.

And why don’t you have savings. Are you buying high end cars (what are your car notes), designer clothing, house keeper weekly, booze, gym memberships? You mentioned groceries costing $125. How often are you buying groceries that cost $125–weekly? Biweekly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make 150k and my spouse around 75k. After yearly bonuses, we pull in about 230k. It sucks. I constantly, constantly feel like we still have to watch our spending and can never relax and spend without worrying. Every time the car or house needs to be fixed, I cringe. Every time I go to the grocery store, I cringe spending $120.

We do not have an insane mortgage. We took out $540k, which is only 2.4x our income....not absurd. A lot of pain is self inflicted....I max out my 401k while my spouse puts away 13%. Yet I constantly feel stretched and feel like we live paycheck to paycheck too much. We have zero kids. I'm reading this forum and seeing people making $150k or so claiming they have $60k in saving for emergencies $700k+ in retirements, and no problems upgrading their house or paying for repairs. Wtf? How is this possible?

If we make this much and feel terrible about finances God help the rest of Americans and their median HHIs below $70k. Basically, no one is saving anything for retirement? I can't imagine needing a $1800 in car repairs and making $70k hhi.

You are trying to live a life that you can’t afford. You’re trying to keep up with people who have higher incomes. $120 at the grocery store would not make most people cringe. You’re doing something wrong, reassess and let go of material items that you’re purchasing to try and keep up with rich people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make 150k and my spouse around 75k. After yearly bonuses, we pull in about 230k. It sucks. I constantly, constantly feel like we still have to watch our spending and can never relax and spend without worrying. Every time the car or house needs to be fixed, I cringe. Every time I go to the grocery store, I cringe spending $120.

We do not have an insane mortgage. We took out $540k, which is only 2.4x our income....not absurd. A lot of pain is self inflicted....I max out my 401k while my spouse puts away 13%. Yet I constantly feel stretched and feel like we live paycheck to paycheck too much. We have zero kids. I'm reading this forum and seeing people making $150k or so claiming they have $60k in saving for emergencies $700k+ in retirements, and no problems upgrading their house or paying for repairs. Wtf? How is this possible?

If we make this much and feel terrible about finances God help the rest of Americans and their median HHIs below $70k. Basically, no one is saving anything for retirement? I can't imagine needing a $1800 in car repairs and making $70k hhi.

Wow, I’m not sure what you’re doing wrong. We make $225k, have our kid in an excellent private school (full pay) and feel rich.

This year has been bad. We had to spend $10k installing brand new brick steps because the stairs to our house were terrible, crumbling, and.had a bad foundation. Right exact at the same.time, a bad storm ruined our fence and we had to replace 100' for about $4k. Simultaneously, our 2016 Mazda needed a lot of maintenance and required about $4000 in repairs etc. Just non-stop hit after hit. But I still feel ridiculously poor making $230k hhi from simply encountering a home an auto repair.

If we struggle this bad, how the hell does rest of America live?

At your income and no kids your savings should cover 20-30k easy.

And why don’t you have savings. Are you buying high end cars (what are your car notes), designer clothing, house keeper weekly, booze, gym memberships? You mentioned groceries costing $125. How often are you buying groceries that cost $125–weekly? Biweekly?

OP said in a later post that they spent $4k fixing a Mazda w 110k miles on it. But also the “groceries” # keeps creeping up, it’s at $800/mo now, which sounds like a lot for 2 single 40 yos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make 150k and my spouse around 75k. After yearly bonuses, we pull in about 230k. It sucks. I constantly, constantly feel like we still have to watch our spending and can never relax and spend without worrying. Every time the car or house needs to be fixed, I cringe. Every time I go to the grocery store, I cringe spending $120.

We do not have an insane mortgage. We took out $540k, which is only 2.4x our income....not absurd. A lot of pain is self inflicted....I max out my 401k while my spouse puts away 13%. Yet I constantly feel stretched and feel like we live paycheck to paycheck too much. We have zero kids. I'm reading this forum and seeing people making $150k or so claiming they have $60k in saving for emergencies $700k+ in retirements, and no problems upgrading their house or paying for repairs. Wtf? How is this possible?

If we make this much and feel terrible about finances God help the rest of Americans and their median HHIs below $70k. Basically, no one is saving anything for retirement? I can't imagine needing a $1800 in car repairs and making $70k hhi.

You are trying to live a life that you can’t afford. You’re trying to keep up with people who have higher incomes. $120 at the grocery store would not make most people cringe. You’re doing something wrong, reassess and let go of material items that you’re purchasing to try and keep up with rich people.

Agree but as I just noted above, OP now says theyre spending $800/mo on groceries. I don’t know if that includes booze and expensive red meat and premium coffee, or a juicing habit, supplements that are mostly filled, and all-organic even though that’s not necessary….but bit seems like a lot. Maybe they’re the types who buy and boil two whole chickens to make their own stock and then toss the meat lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's your budget? You bring home probably around $10,000 or $11,000 a month, right? And pay, what, $3000 or $3500 towards your mortgage? Where does the rest of it go?

I wish it were this month per month. After taxes health care and 401k max, $230k is trash income. Like I said, I make about $150k and after taxes, 401k healthcare and all of the deductions, I'm only pulling $5000 per mo. My spouse who makes $72k and who contributes only 13% only pulls home about $3500 per mo after contributions, tax, and other deductions. Total take home is about $8500 per mo. Mortgage is $3100 for a $560k loan at 2.87% interest. Internet 80, gas + electric =$200-300, entertainment on streaming apps = $50, groceries = $500-600 per mo..other crap for gas, clothes etc. Not even counting. Then when you get hit with surprise car and hkuse repairs I just get crushed. I feel so stupidly poor on this salary. How the hell do American families making less than $100k survive? The median hhi is well below $100k, so clearly people with families are doing it. I'm also dumbfounded by the savings levels and invesmtnet levels by people on this forum purportedly to be single moms making $140-170k who claim claim to have $50k in emergency savings, $700k in retirement, and $100k saved for college. Yeah sure, do you ever have a home repair, major car repair, or need a new car? I just can't believe these #s on this forum.

You're only spending half your take home. Unless you have another $4k/month in expenses, I'm not sure why you say you don't have any money.

$8500 per mo.take home.

-$3100 mortgage
-$300 gas + electric
-$80 internet
-$100 cell phone
-$600-800 groceries
-$125 gas
-$150 car insurance

=-$5000 before counting for any health problems, car repair, clothes, health care, savings, weddings, parties, and other emergency expenses.

If you need more than 3500 a month for clothes, parties, and other such emergencies, I can’t help you.

You’re spending too much on groceries and gas and gas/electric. Turn the lights out when you leave each room and lights out when you leave home. Thermostat to high of 70 max winter. If you have car notes you should really have car repair. You’ve got $3000 unaccounted for. Do a budget. How much are you really spending and on what? Are you ordering Uber eats and take out or restaurant food.

Something is off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make 150k and my spouse around 75k. After yearly bonuses, we pull in about 230k. It sucks. I constantly, constantly feel like we still have to watch our spending and can never relax and spend without worrying. Every time the car or house needs to be fixed, I cringe. Every time I go to the grocery store, I cringe spending $120.

We do not have an insane mortgage. We took out $540k, which is only 2.4x our income....not absurd. A lot of pain is self inflicted....I max out my 401k while my spouse puts away 13%. Yet I constantly feel stretched and feel like we live paycheck to paycheck too much. We have zero kids. I'm reading this forum and seeing people making $150k or so claiming they have $60k in saving for emergencies $700k+ in retirements, and no problems upgrading their house or paying for repairs. Wtf? How is this possible?

If we make this much and feel terrible about finances God help the rest of Americans and their median HHIs below $70k. Basically, no one is saving anything for retirement? I can't imagine needing a $1800 in car repairs and making $70k hhi.

You are trying to live a life that you can’t afford. You’re trying to keep up with people who have higher incomes. $120 at the grocery store would not make most people cringe. You’re doing something wrong, reassess and let go of material items that you’re purchasing to try and keep up with rich people.

What are you eating, grass? $125 per week on groceries is absolutely nothing. I spent $50 today on some apples, veggies, flour, yogurts, and butter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave DC. I didn't start to feel comfortable in the DC area til we crested 700k.

Yep, this is the way. It was around that threshold for us in too although we eclipsed that mark about 5 years ago and are well over a million now. I’m a CEO and my wife is a surgeon.

Crazy to me how many poors are out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just asked for suggestions on how to save money. We make about $440K in an average year. We don't really monitor our spending closely, but I thought we lived an average lifestyle. No fancy restaurants, no extravagant vacations, no private schools, etc., yet we still don't have much left in our bank account. We don't own a house. Now, I'm worried about how to pay for my three kids' college, especially if they want to attend a private or out-of-state school. Maybe inflation is killing us all. It seems like only the top 1% can live comfortably now.

Please google YNAB. It’s a budgeting software. It will get your budget in shape in no time. You will start saving a lot of money, and it’s fun to use. I wish I found it earlier!

[Anonymous]

That’s alot on groceries ..