Advice needed: Sister-in-law’s touring dozens of no-name colleges with student-athlete daughter

[Anonymous]

This doesn’t make any sense, OP. A UVA qualified kid will get loads of merit aid. My neighbor’s kid plays their sport at Lake Forest College (a school you probably consider a no-name loser), and they gave the kid a merit package that made it cheaper than UVA,W&M, etc. The kid LOVES playing the sport, team friends, etc. All around great experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my niece can continue to play her sport in college. The issue is two-fold. Her daughter is simply good not great at her sport (which her parents refuse to accept) and the family is only middle class. They have no college savings, so debt will fuel this. Is it sports obsessed parents’ egos that refuse to let it go? They can’t admit ten years of sports efforts simply conclude in 12th grade?

Is there any way to convince them they’re about to make a terrible financial decision? The family is going to end up with a lot of debt, their daughter will likely quit the sport once she can do what she wants, and likely, the daughter hates the no-name private college where she knows nobody. Isn’t that how this usually plays out?

You have described - exactly - my daughter's best friend. Her parents are deeply in dept sending her to a private school so she can continue playing her sport. It really boggles the mind.

[Anonymous]

That’s your nieces problem - not yours. My brother sent his kids to a mediocre boarding school they couldn’t easily afford when they live in Philly with great, cheaper privates. I didn’t say anything about it. Plus I went to a LAC (not even a SLAC) and the jocks outperformed the general student body financially thirty years out. Americans love sports.

[Anonymous]

....none of your business.

If they ask for advice give it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:....none of your business.

If they ask for advice give it.

Normally I would say this is true, but given how ignorant OP is, she should not give advice even if asked.

[Anonymous]

Is the sport tennis ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is ABSOLUTELY none of your business. But sure insert your opinions. I’m sure that will do wonders for the family relationship. Butt the F out.

Let me add that your idea of "no-name" means nothing. Perhaps you haven't heard of Colby? Bates? Swarthmore?

Those you rattled off are not no-name, obviously. I am referring to truly obscure regional liberal arts colleges. Colleges that may not exist in 10 years.

Please name a few of the schools. Serious question as some no-name small schools are interesting & worthwhile for various reasons.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand you care about your niece, but you seem to care about her in a way that isn’t especially curious — about what your niece wants and why, or about the college process circa 2023.

What if you reframed your post as a set of questions: can a lesser-known private college incur less debt than UVA? Are there reasons a kid might not choose the most “prestigious” college? What are those reasons? What value might playing a D3 sport offer a kid beyond the ability to play after college? What are some non-typical, but wholly successful, paths to a nursing career?

Just for a bit, set down all that you “know” with certainty and engage in some open-minded inquiry. The answers might surprise you (and even if they don’t, you might preserve your relationship with your beloved niece better than you would by meeting her with judgement and certainty).

[Anonymous]

My son is passionate about his sport and he was out with injury for his entire junior year. He has desperately missed it and REALLY wants to play in college.

We are on the same page as him: academics come first. He is a high stat--unweighted 4.0/4.5 at a private school; 35 ACT one sitting, all 5s on every AP taken, etc.

He is exploring the teams in the group of 8-10 colleges he is applying because of program/academics. A couple of these schools there is absolutely no way he would get a spot on the team, especially after missing last year of play--but also caliber/play history. Some of the others, he has had some interest from coaches.

We play the game "if you got into X but couldn't play on the college team (one of his favorite schools), but got into Y and you got a spot on the D3 team- which would you choose? The one with the sport always wins out for him. We are okay with this because we are talking about colleges w/in the same caliber.

We also play "if you got a full ride to play D1 at (insert small college with 90% admit rate and questionable athletics): he vehemently says no way. We are in agreement.

But OP, this really none of your business. It's their family decision. Keep quiet and express happiness for whatever she chooses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my niece can continue to play her sport in college. The issue is two-fold. Her daughter is simply good not great at her sport (which her parents refuse to accept) and the family is only middle class. They have no college savings, so debt will fuel this. Is it sports obsessed parents’ egos that refuse to let it go? They can’t admit ten years of sports efforts simply conclude in 12th grade?

Is there any way to convince them they’re about to make a terrible financial decision? The family is going to end up with a lot of debt, their daughter will likely quit the sport once she can do what she wants, and likely, the daughter hates the no-name private college where she knows nobody. Isn’t that how this usually plays out?

Sure easy answer here, stay out of this entirely. Not your business at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my niece can continue to play her sport in college. The issue is two-fold. Her daughter is simply good not great at her sport (which her parents refuse to accept) and the family is only middle class. They have no college savings, so debt will fuel this. Is it sports obsessed parents’ egos that refuse to let it go? They can’t admit ten years of sports efforts simply conclude in 12th grade?

Is there any way to convince them they’re about to make a terrible financial decision? The family is going to end up with a lot of debt, their daughter will likely quit the sport once she can do what she wants, and likely, the daughter hates the no-name private college where she knows nobody. Isn’t that how this usually plays out?

You have described - exactly - my daughter's best friend. Her parents are deeply in dept sending her to a private school so she can continue playing her sport. It really boggles the mind.

There are probably other reasons the kid goes to private school but lots of kids do way better in one environment than another (public v private).

I have come to appreciate sports. I come from a total non-sports family. My parents aren't from the U.S. and only had daughters - and daughters, back then, in the home country, did not do sports. I had three kids and two played several varsity sports in high school and one played in college. There is a lot of discipline and camraderie and support on a sports team. Sometimes, what matters in life and in education is for a kid to find their tribe, and sports can be their tribe.

If they're not fantastic at their sport and not fantastic at academics, a small, regional college may be the perfect answer. I have seen plenty of people go on to have succesful lives and find their niche after graduating from smaller, regional colleges.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, this isn’t all that unusual. As you say, this scenario is doomed, but the dream for some dies hard. Even if the kid gets a scholarship, she’s spending four years “earning” a worthless degree from a no-name school. What’s the value of that “education”? Near zero. But, people make dumb decisions everyday; it’s just that some are more consequential than others.

[Anonymous]

My decent athlete got academic scholarships to small LACs that brought the price down to $13,000/year and to $25,000/year. If the family does not have much saved for college, this might be why they are seeking this route. We sought this path out just in case it was needed.

In my kid’s case, the LACs ended up cheaper than the state school.

My kid is fed up preferring the state school.

OP, I might butt out of their lives here unless they ask for advice because—for research—we visited a lot of schools in junior year and none made the cut from Cornell to SUNY Binghamton.

[Anonymous]

Ugh.

My kid ended up choosing the state school not “fed up.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my niece can continue to play her sport in college. The issue is two-fold. Her daughter is simply good not great at her sport (which her parents refuse to accept) and the family is only middle class. They have no college savings, so debt will fuel this. Is it sports obsessed parents’ egos that refuse to let it go? They can’t admit ten years of sports efforts simply conclude in 12th grade?

Is there any way to convince them they’re about to make a terrible financial decision? The family is going to end up with a lot of debt, their daughter will likely quit the sport once she can do what she wants, and likely, the daughter hates the no-name private college where she knows nobody. Isn’t that how this usually plays out?

You have described - exactly - my daughter's best friend. Her parents are deeply in dept sending her to a private school so she can continue playing her sport. It really boggles the mind.

There are probably other reasons the kid goes to private school but lots of kids do way better in one environment than another (public v private).

I have come to appreciate sports. I come from a total non-sports family. My parents aren't from the U.S. and only had daughters - and daughters, back then, in the home country, did not do sports. I had three kids and two played several varsity sports in high school and one played in college. There is a lot of discipline and camraderie and support on a sports team. Sometimes, what matters in life and in education is for a kid to find their tribe, and sports can be their tribe.

If they're not fantastic at their sport and not fantastic at academics, a small, regional college may be the perfect answer. I have seen plenty of people go on to have succesful lives and find their niche after graduating from smaller, regional colleges.

PP here. Sure, all of this is true. But when parents can’t *afford* that small, regional private school (that is giving no merit aid), going into debt to send their kid there is doing no one any favors.

And before the usual suspects pipe up - of course I haven’t said anything at all to these parents. They’re good friends of ours and in fact, THEY are the ones who have brought up this subject several times. We just try to stay neutral - but of course we can discuss on an anonymous message board.