Advice needed: Sister-in-law’s touring dozens of no-name colleges with student-athlete daughter

[Anonymous]

As long as the school has a nursing program the "name" is irrelevant. And many of these "no-name colleges" will offer merit aid to make the price comparable to your public universities so if she can get the college experience she wants there at a similar price, that's great. We pay about the same price as most VA public Us for my DD to go to an OOS small college that a lot of people haven't heard of but it has a great program for what she wants to do.

Why do you assume "the daughter hates the no-name private college where she knows nobody"? One of my kid's top considerations in choosing a college was that it be a place where "she knows nobody."

[Anonymous]

At the very least the kid will get the same aid package that any other student would get. At best schools find way so that recruited athletes can afford to attend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So my niece can continue to play her sport in college. The issue is two-fold. Her daughter is simply good not great at her sport (which her parents refuse to accept) and the family is only middle class. They have no college savings, so debt will fuel this. Is it sports obsessed parents’ egos that refuse to let it go? They can’t admit ten years of sports efforts simply conclude in 12th grade?

Is there any way to convince them they’re about to make a terrible financial decision? The family is going to end up with a lot of debt, their daughter will likely quit the sport once she can do what she wants, and likely, the daughter hates the no-name private college where she knows nobody. Isn’t that how this usually plays out?

If you are so knowledgeable about this sport and about her ability level, then you should know that many kids play for D3 schools through great financial packages. And have great experiences at those schools. I know a few myself. Clearly, you have no idea what you are speaking of. Don't embarrass yourself by bringing up this nonsense to your SIL.

[Anonymous]

I was able to continue my sport at a D3 private college. It was actually a new sport - my track coach was friends with the cross country coach and they convinced me to give it a shot.

It was not the “best” school I was accepted at, but it was the best combination of academics and financial aid. I did get injured and gave up competitive running my sophomore year - but I am still a lifelong runner just as my neighbors are adult women in their 40s who coach elementary rec soccer, play in a pick/up field hockey league, coach Girls on the Run, and get together to play tennis. If an athlete is going to a D3 school to play a sport, they already know they won’t play on a National level or play after college. However I know many people who continued their HS sports into college and grad school either as D3 athletes, intramural team members, or adult league participants - just for a love of the sport and the community.

Having the discipline of practices and the oversight of a coach was EXACTLY what I needed to transition from HS to college. I didn’t drink alcohol until late spring my freshman year because I had early morning practices and Saturday x country or indoor track meets. It gave me an instant community of upperclass women. It forced me to be disciplined with my study time.

Later in my late 20s I was diagnosed with ADHD - and the depression I suffered when I was injured sophomore year and wasn’t exercising regularly suddenly made sense. Without the structure of the sport and the physical exercise, I probably would have flunked out my freshman year. When I hit that wall sophomore year I was established enough on campus that I knew how to ask for help academically and medically.

If she’s giving up a scholarship to a good state school just to play the sport, maybe it’s not the best choice. If she’s choosing among options and favoring ones where she can play, it might be a great choice for reasons well beyond sport. I hope your niece can make the right choice for her without her parents pushing her for the wrong reasons - but please also recognize sometimes parents have a better sense of what the kid “needs” than the 17/18yr old. I could never have articulated any of my experience or understood what I needed at 17-25 yrs old. I don’t know that my parents would have laid it out as plainly either. But they knew me and had a gut sense of where I would thrive and I am glad they steered me in a way that worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My student-athlete niece wants to become a nurse. Isn’t the best place to do that if you’re middle class the best public university you can get into, not a random obscure private college? Public universities also have thriving intramural and club teams, right?

As long as the nursing program has a good pass rate for the NCLEX, whether or not the school is the best public you can get into or an obscure private college is irrelevant. I agree that the sports shouldn't override a good nursing program but it's not unreasonable to consider the total college experience along with cost. And private schools often can match the price of public schools for a student they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As long as the school has a nursing program the "name" is irrelevant. And many of these "no-name colleges" will offer merit aid to make the price comparable to your public universities so if she can get the college experience she wants there at a similar price, that's great. We pay about the same price as most VA public Us for my DD to go to an OOS small college that a lot of people haven't heard of but it has a great program for what she wants to do.

Why do you assume "the daughter hates the no-name private college where she knows nobody"? One of my kid's top considerations in choosing a college was that it be a place where "she knows nobody."

Same. My kid surprised me when he said he didn't want to go to the "popular" schools where everyone else was going.

[Anonymous]

My sister failed out of our big state school for nursing. Twice. A great support network like a sports team might have been better and cheaper all along. She’s now taking a 3rd try at community college now instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You actually don’t need any advice. Not your kid, not your finances. Stay out of it.

It’s our family. And my husband and I have degrees from four universities and far more resources and even we wouldn’t do something so financially reckless. It feels like they are being swindled and are too caught up in making sure she plays a sport in college. I don’t want to see this wreck their finances, their marriage, put my niece in a mountain of debt, and make it so my niece ends up transferring colleges because she only went to the obscure private for a sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My student-athlete niece wants to become a nurse. Isn’t the best place to do that if you’re middle class the best public university you can get into, not a random obscure private college? Public universities also have thriving intramural and club teams, right?

As long as the nursing program has a good pass rate for the NCLEX, whether or not the school is the best public you can get into or an obscure private college is irrelevant. I agree that the sports shouldn't override a good nursing program but it's not unreasonable to consider the total college experience along with cost. And private schools often can match the price of public schools for a student they want.

Yes, regional private tuition is fake and they give everyone “scholarships” to dupe them into attending.

[Anonymous]

Say nothing OP. Small no name colleges sometimes give scholarships for athletes.

If your niece wants to, she can quit the sport, lose the money, and get one year of basic classes out of the way before she transfers. Or, the school works out for her. Neither are your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You actually don’t need any advice. Not your kid, not your finances. Stay out of it.

It’s our family. And my husband and I have degrees from four universities and far more resources and even we wouldn’t do something so financially reckless. It feels like they are being swindled and are too caught up in making sure she plays a sport in college. I don’t want to see this wreck their finances, their marriage, put my niece in a mountain of debt, and make it so my niece ends up transferring colleges because she only went to the obscure private for a sport.

You really have no idea if they are being financially reckless. Maybe they are but maybe not, depends on where the cost ends up coming out. If you actually want to be helpful vs. judgmental, you might share the book "The Price You Pay For College." Read it yourself (assuming you have younger kids and you want to understand how things have changed) and then pass it along to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my niece can continue to play her sport in college. The issue is two-fold. Her daughter is simply good not great at her sport (which her parents refuse to accept) and the family is only middle class. They have no college savings, so debt will fuel this. Is it sports obsessed parents’ egos that refuse to let it go? They can’t admit ten years of sports efforts simply conclude in 12th grade?

Is there any way to convince them they’re about to make a terrible financial decision? The family is going to end up with a lot of debt, their daughter will likely quit the sport once she can do what she wants, and likely, the daughter hates the no-name private college where she knows nobody. Isn’t that how this usually plays out?

If you are so knowledgeable about this sport and about her ability level, then you should know that many kids play for D3 schools through great financial packages. And have great experiences at those schools. I know a few myself. Clearly, you have no idea what you are speaking of. Don't embarrass yourself by bringing up this nonsense to your SIL.

Why are you using the strange phrasing “great financial packages”? You know there are no sports scholarships at d3. And you know there is no free lunch. They dupe these student-athlete parents into attending with fake scholarship discounts and end up costing gullible middle class families a boatload of money and loans. And most kids quit the sport. And often the kids transfer out. It’s setting a middle class kid up for disaster to go to some random school solely to continue a sport. There are far more resources for such a student at a selective state university.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You actually don’t need any advice. Not your kid, not your finances. Stay out of it.

It’s our family. And my husband and I have degrees from four universities and far more resources and even we wouldn’t do something so financially reckless. It feels like they are being swindled and are too caught up in making sure she plays a sport in college. I don’t want to see this wreck their finances, their marriage, put my niece in a mountain of debt, and make it so my niece ends up transferring colleges because she only went to the obscure private for a sport.

It's not your kid, not your money, not your business. Period. You don't seem to understand that. You clearly have a very low opinion of them based on your posts (and a very high opinion of yourself). Focus on your own family and let them decide what's best for theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is ABSOLUTELY none of your business. But sure insert your opinions. I’m sure that will do wonders for the family relationship. Butt the F out.

Let me add that your idea of "no-name" means nothing. Perhaps you haven't heard of Colby? Bates? Swarthmore?

Those you rattled off are not no-name, obviously. I am referring to truly obscure regional liberal arts colleges. Colleges that may not exist in 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You actually don’t need any advice. Not your kid, not your finances. Stay out of it.

It’s our family. And my husband and I have degrees from four universities and far more resources and even we wouldn’t do something so financially reckless. It feels like they are being swindled and are too caught up in making sure she plays a sport in college. I don’t want to see this wreck their finances, their marriage, put my niece in a mountain of debt, and make it so my niece ends up transferring colleges because she only went to the obscure private for a sport.

Since you’re so close to this family talk to your niece at your regular get together!