"Died unexpectedly" in obit

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicide or OD 90% of the time. If it was a natural 'suddenly' (ie stroke or heart attack) it's usually spelled out to avoid the implications of the aforementioned causes.

This. If it's a heart attack, the obit will say heart attack

Not always. I know of two people who died of a heart attack and one obituary said “unexpectedly” and one said “after a sudden illness.”

You know what they say about those who ASSume. Look at you, true to form.

May I ask why you are so hostile?

It is human curiosity to inquire how people died. When I read "died unexpectedly" I do think overdoses. Obits go out of their way to avoid mentioning overdoses whereas for other deaths they're usually upfront. Including suicides ("took his life."

I write obituaries as part of my job. You are wrong. Plain and simple, you are wrong. Just like there is no wrong or right way to grieve, there is no wrong or right way for a family to decide what to share and what not to share in an obituary, nor is there a wrong way for a grieving family to find the word choices that work for them. I have written the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” and I have read the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” when I was a friend or close family member who knew the cause of death:
-Heart attack
-Horrible ATV accident
-Aneurysm
-Hit in the head by a tree branch
-Undiagnosed congenital heart defect, and the family didn’t want to wait for autopsy report before moving forward with funeral
-Child who accidentally choked at home
-Yes, accidental overdose
-Yes, suicide

You are incorrect to ASSume. Of course curiosity is natural—we all feel it. Kind, intelligent, respectful people go beyond their base instincts and act in a civilized manner, which is to say they do not feel entitled to private family information, they do not feel entitled to invade privacy of the family and of the deceased, and they do not dishonor the family and the deceased by gossiping and speculating. Those who gossip and speculate and spread rumors and false information and conspiracy theories are absolute garbage.

YOU are the one calling people ASSes and garbage for merely associating overdoses with died unexpectedly. It's a question that is understandable as obituaries, which I have been reading for nearly 40 years now, usually are clear on the cause of deaths, although I'll also say that in recent years that seems to be changing.

But I'll also echo the question, why the hostility? The rest of your post belies a certain anxiety and paranoia. Asking on an ANONYMOUS message forum if "died unexpectedly" is code for an overdose or suicide is not disrespectful. The rest of your post with its meaningless blather about respect or dishonoring has nothing to do with OP's question. You may have had a point if someone was planning to knock on the deceased's family's door and ask if the death was a drug overdose. But quietly conversing with neighbors or in the background about the cause of death is hardly "garbage."

You really don’t seem to grasp that you aren’t owed a cause of death, even though that is “usually clear” from the obituaries you have read.

And yes, it is disrespectful to ask for confirmation of your bias that “unexpected” is usually code for suicide. Again, you are not owed any cause of death, but you seem hell-bent on asserting that yes it is usually suicide, even though multiple people on here—not just me—have told you repeatedly that we personally know people who did not die by suicide, and their deaths were described as unexpected in your obituaries. Why can’t you admit that your assumption was wrong, when multiple posters have told you from lived experience that your assumption is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my recently retired colleagues died just two weeks ago. The spouse called our company to advise the big boss of the very sudden death. We had all just visited with and worked alongside this coworker several days prior to the death. So, it was sudden.

Family published an obituary. No cause of death listed. I attended the funeral service. A few people have asked if we know a cause of death because so shockingly sudden. No, we do not and likely never will. Not suicide. Not car accident. I think-think-died in sleep.

You can rule out suicide and car accident- how?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicide or OD 90% of the time. If it was a natural 'suddenly' (ie stroke or heart attack) it's usually spelled out to avoid the implications of the aforementioned causes.

This. If it's a heart attack, the obit will say heart attack

Not always. I know of two people who died of a heart attack and one obituary said “unexpectedly” and one said “after a sudden illness.”

You know what they say about those who ASSume. Look at you, true to form.

May I ask why you are so hostile?

It is human curiosity to inquire how people died. When I read "died unexpectedly" I do think overdoses. Obits go out of their way to avoid mentioning overdoses whereas for other deaths they're usually upfront. Including suicides ("took his life."

I write obituaries as part of my job. You are wrong. Plain and simple, you are wrong. Just like there is no wrong or right way to grieve, there is no wrong or right way for a family to decide what to share and what not to share in an obituary, nor is there a wrong way for a grieving family to find the word choices that work for them. I have written the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” and I have read the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” when I was a friend or close family member who knew the cause of death:
-Heart attack
-Horrible ATV accident
-Aneurysm
-Hit in the head by a tree branch
-Undiagnosed congenital heart defect, and the family didn’t want to wait for autopsy report before moving forward with funeral
-Child who accidentally choked at home
-Yes, accidental overdose
-Yes, suicide

You are incorrect to ASSume. Of course curiosity is natural—we all feel it. Kind, intelligent, respectful people go beyond their base instincts and act in a civilized manner, which is to say they do not feel entitled to private family information, they do not feel entitled to invade privacy of the family and of the deceased, and they do not dishonor the family and the deceased by gossiping and speculating. Those who gossip and speculate and spread rumors and false information and conspiracy theories are absolute garbage.

You are a sock puppet who has now posted 7 times in this thread pretending to be others. Next of kin writes obits, not other people. Nice try, loser.

Suicide- I guarnatee.

I have posted three times in this thread; this is now the fourth. A fact you can verify with Jeff. Go on, I’ll wait. Put up or shut up.

And yes dear, professional writers do, in fact, write obituaries. I’ve written obituaries for industry websites, newspapers, trade publications, and alumni magazines. You do realize that famous and influential people have obituaries that appear in notable outlets, correct? We’re done here.

I see I struck a nerve and now that you're called out, you are running and hiding.

DP. You are making an a$$ out of yourself. There are professionals who write obituaries.

Well, I'm a DP and I agree 100% with him. Obit 'author' has a major stick up her you know what and for some odd reason thinks she owns the topic. She doesn't. And I'm enjoying her repeated responses while flailing. A nerve was most certainly struck.

How do you know it's a him? Unless it is you, sock puppeter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It means that he was not expected to die at that time, and that the cause of death is none of your business.

+ 1.

This is very much not your business, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I almost died at work the other day — I aspirated food. I bet my obit would say that I “died unexpectedly”. Thank goodness I’m still alive! 🙏

I am sincerely glad, too! That’s really scary, PP. Glad you are OK.

If you had died and you were my family member, we would have put “died unexpectedly” or perhaps “died in an accident.” We would not be a unfortunate encounter with a sandwich to be what people focused on when they heard of your death, and thought about you later on.

Ah! A caveat. Yes, an 'accident', is completely different. But that is not what has been discussed. If I heard that an otherwise healthy person between 20-60 dies unexpectedly and without any mention of cause- people, understand that, statistically, it is almost surely suicide.

Dying due to choking is not dying in an accident.
There are so many ways to die that are unexpected, not accidents, and not suicide.

Uh, the family could certainly call that an accident. Or “died accidentally.” They can use whatever words they want.

They could, but I think of accidents as things like falling, getting hit by a branch, or a car accident. I'd say choking is exactly the kind of thing one would use "unexpected" for.

Because one should expect a tree to fall on them?

Did I say that?

You did. You put choking in the 'unexpected' basket and, then, put getting hit by a falling tree in the 'expected' basket.

Did you not know you did that?

No, I did not. You are pretending that "accident" is a direct antonym of "expected". Referring to getting hit by a branch as an accident does not mean that one expects to be hit by a tree branch, just like the term "car accident" does not mean that one expects to have a collision while driving. I said that getting hit by a falling tree is an accident. I did not, as you claim, put in a "the expected basket" because, again, "accident" is not the direct opposite of "expected". And "accident" is not synonymous with "unexpected". Heart attacks are unexpected and not accidents. So are aneurisms. So are a lot of things. I would personally put choking in that category. If my loved one died by choking, I would probably say they died unexpectedly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicide or OD 90% of the time. If it was a natural 'suddenly' (ie stroke or heart attack) it's usually spelled out to avoid the implications of the aforementioned causes.

This. If it's a heart attack, the obit will say heart attack

Not always. I know of two people who died of a heart attack and one obituary said “unexpectedly” and one said “after a sudden illness.”

You know what they say about those who ASSume. Look at you, true to form.

May I ask why you are so hostile?

It is human curiosity to inquire how people died. When I read "died unexpectedly" I do think overdoses. Obits go out of their way to avoid mentioning overdoses whereas for other deaths they're usually upfront. Including suicides ("took his life."

I write obituaries as part of my job. You are wrong. Plain and simple, you are wrong. Just like there is no wrong or right way to grieve, there is no wrong or right way for a family to decide what to share and what not to share in an obituary, nor is there a wrong way for a grieving family to find the word choices that work for them. I have written the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” and I have read the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” when I was a friend or close family member who knew the cause of death:
-Heart attack
-Horrible ATV accident
-Aneurysm
-Hit in the head by a tree branch
-Undiagnosed congenital heart defect, and the family didn’t want to wait for autopsy report before moving forward with funeral
-Child who accidentally choked at home
-Yes, accidental overdose
-Yes, suicide

You are incorrect to ASSume. Of course curiosity is natural—we all feel it. Kind, intelligent, respectful people go beyond their base instincts and act in a civilized manner, which is to say they do not feel entitled to private family information, they do not feel entitled to invade privacy of the family and of the deceased, and they do not dishonor the family and the deceased by gossiping and speculating. Those who gossip and speculate and spread rumors and false information and conspiracy theories are absolute garbage.

YOU are the one calling people ASSes and garbage for merely associating overdoses with died unexpectedly. It's a question that is understandable as obituaries, which I have been reading for nearly 40 years now, usually are clear on the cause of deaths, although I'll also say that in recent years that seems to be changing.

But I'll also echo the question, why the hostility? The rest of your post belies a certain anxiety and paranoia. Asking on an ANONYMOUS message forum if "died unexpectedly" is code for an overdose or suicide is not disrespectful. The rest of your post with its meaningless blather about respect or dishonoring has nothing to do with OP's question. You may have had a point if someone was planning to knock on the deceased's family's door and ask if the death was a drug overdose. But quietly conversing with neighbors or in the background about the cause of death is hardly "garbage."

You really don’t seem to grasp that you aren’t owed a cause of death, even though that is “usually clear” from the obituaries you have read.

And yes, it is disrespectful to ask for confirmation of your bias that “unexpected” is usually code for suicide. Again, you are not owed any cause of death, but you seem hell-bent on asserting that yes it is usually suicide, even though multiple people on here—not just me—have told you repeatedly that we personally know people who did not die by suicide, and their deaths were described as unexpected in your obituaries. Why can’t you admit that your assumption was wrong, when multiple posters have told you from lived experience that your assumption is wrong.

I find your attitude weird. There are various people, not just me, who have said that when we see an undefined death we do wonder if it was a suicide or overdose. Why does it bother you so much for us to wonder this? Suicides and overdoes are both unfortunately not uncommon, and are both tragedies. And sometimes it is nice to know what the cause of death was before we accidentally say something to the wrong person connected to the deceased. It works both ways. Not only in the way you're thinking.

As it is, my father is dying and when the time comes I'd have no problems with people asking me what caused his death. He is human. We all die. Life goes on for the living. I'm not shaming and judging or trying to impose a fake morality on others just for having a natural human curiosity in how someone passed away. But you are effectively telling people we can't have an interest in what happened to other people.

[Anonymous]

It could also be a car accident or another tyoe or accidental death. I wouldn’t read too deeply into the wording. Some people just don’t want to disclose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I almost died at work the other day — I aspirated food. I bet my obit would say that I “died unexpectedly”. Thank goodness I’m still alive! 🙏

I am sincerely glad, too! That’s really scary, PP. Glad you are OK.

If you had died and you were my family member, we would have put “died unexpectedly” or perhaps “died in an accident.” We would not be a unfortunate encounter with a sandwich to be what people focused on when they heard of your death, and thought about you later on.

Ah! A caveat. Yes, an 'accident', is completely different. But that is not what has been discussed. If I heard that an otherwise healthy person between 20-60 dies unexpectedly and without any mention of cause- people, understand that, statistically, it is almost surely suicide.

Dying due to choking is not dying in an accident.
There are so many ways to die that are unexpected, not accidents, and not suicide.

Uh, the family could certainly call that an accident. Or “died accidentally.” They can use whatever words they want.

They could, but I think of accidents as things like falling, getting hit by a branch, or a car accident. I'd say choking is exactly the kind of thing one would use "unexpected" for.

Because one should expect a tree to fall on them?

Did I say that?

You did. You put choking in the 'unexpected' basket and, then, put getting hit by a falling tree in the 'expected' basket.

Did you not know you did that?

No, I did not. You are pretending that "accident" is a direct antonym of "expected". Referring to getting hit by a branch as an accident does not mean that one expects to be hit by a tree branch, just like the term "car accident" does not mean that one expects to have a collision while driving. I said that getting hit by a falling tree is an accident. I did not, as you claim, put in a "the expected basket" because, again, "accident" is not the direct opposite of "expected". And "accident" is not synonymous with "unexpected". Heart attacks are unexpected and not accidents. So are aneurisms. So are a lot of things. I would personally put choking in that category. If my loved one died by choking, I would probably say they died unexpectedly.

DP. Then do that, write whatever you want in your own family’s obituary. Understand that other people are going to write what they want to share, and it’s none of your business.

[Anonymous]

I am one who always wants to know why someone died, especially under the age of 80. Lots of heart attacks are called, though, when it isn't really clear what may have caused it. What is interesting is that Covid has complicated things. People are dying of clots and heart attacks not realizing Covid can cause those, so cause of death is actually obscured. Also, there are so many anti vaxxers who label all these unexpected deaths as vaccine accidents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I guess seeing someone retire early from a very lucrative position at such an early age makes me wonder if "retired" = "fired" because of a some mental or addiction problem, followed by suicide or OD soon thereafter.

You have an interesting bias in life. I would assume that the person was diagnosed with something terminal and decided to make his remaining time as meaningful as possible while he could, but the disease progressed much faster than expected.

This is OP. I guess I remember this person as somewhat insecure and competitive and reminds me of a similar person I knew who did actually die of suicide and had a very similar personality.

You are an awful person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one who always wants to know why someone died, especially under the age of 80. Lots of heart attacks are called, though, when it isn't really clear what may have caused it. What is interesting is that Covid has complicated things. People are dying of clots and heart attacks not realizing Covid can cause those, so cause of death is actually obscured. Also, there are so many anti vaxxers who label all these unexpected deaths as vaccine accidents.

Then satisfy your curiosity with the loads of data available to you from health and government resources. And when you come across an obituary, respect the deceased and the family and don’t start speculation and rumors of overdoses and suicide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a recent "died unexpectedly" who died of a heart attack.

This was 7/8/23 in the DMV in case we're thinking of the same person. It sounds like the obit should have been more specific.

No, it shouldn’t have. It is up to the family—and in some cases, the deceased who has made his or her wishes known beforehand—how much information to share, and in what way.

If you are close family or friends, if you are “inner circle,” you will know how someone died. If you are not, you may know months or years later, when someone in the inner circle chooses to share more. If not, you will have to content yourself with what is actually relevant to you: someone you know died, and you are welcome to read the obituary and reflect upon their life. If the funeral, visitation or other celebration of life are open to the public or you are invited, you are welcome to attend and pay your respects.

You are not entitled to a cause of death. Ever. Just like you aren’t entitled to know about people’s physical or mental health conditions while they are living.

Some people are private. Some families are private. People Are Different From You.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Uncle Dan died 'unexpectedly.' When I was older I learned that he sat in his Skylark in the garage at his house in Erie and left the engine running.

My husband’s uncle did that on the morning of his court appearance for his third DUI. The obituary just said he died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A person I used to work with years ago died at 51. The obituary simply says that he "died unexpectedly". Nothing else is added. I also know he "retired" early less than two months before his death. The obituary does not mention any natural causes or anything else. What does it possibly mean?

OP was this a guy from New Jersey who was living in Connecticut?

[Anonymous]

OP and others who want to know, why aren’t you just calling the family members and asking how they died?