Reply to "Died unexpectedly" in obit

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][twitter][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Suicide or OD 90% of the time. If it was a natural 'suddenly' (ie stroke or heart attack) it's usually spelled out to avoid the implications of the aforementioned causes.[/quote]

This. If it's a heart attack, the obit will say heart attack[/quote]

Not always. I know of two people who died of a heart attack and one obituary said “unexpectedly” and one said “after a sudden illness.”

You know what they say about those who ASSume. Look at you, true to form.[/quote]

May I ask why you are so hostile?

It is human curiosity to inquire how people died. When I read "died unexpectedly" I do think overdoses. Obits go out of their way to avoid mentioning overdoses whereas for other deaths they're usually upfront. Including suicides ("took his life." [/quote]

I write obituaries as part of my job. You are wrong. Plain and simple, you are wrong. Just like there is no wrong or right way to grieve, there is no wrong or right way for a family to decide what to share and what not to share in an obituary, nor is there a wrong way for a grieving family to find the word choices that work for them. I have written the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” and I have read the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” when I was a friend or close family member who knew the cause of death:
-Heart attack
-Horrible ATV accident
-Aneurysm 
-Hit in the head by a tree branch
-Undiagnosed congenital heart defect, and the family didn’t want to wait for autopsy report before moving forward with funeral
-Child who accidentally choked at home 
-Yes, accidental overdose 
-Yes, suicide

You are incorrect to ASSume. Of course curiosity is natural—we all feel it. Kind, intelligent, respectful people go beyond their base instincts and act in a civilized manner, which is to say they do not feel entitled to private family information, they do not feel entitled to invade privacy of the family and of the deceased, and they do not dishonor the family and the deceased by gossiping and speculating. Those who gossip and speculate and spread rumors and false information and conspiracy theories are absolute garbage. [/quote]

YOU are the one calling people ASSes and garbage for merely associating overdoses with died unexpectedly. It's a question that is understandable as obituaries, which I have been reading for nearly 40 years now, usually are clear on the cause of deaths, although I'll also say that in recent years that seems to be changing.

But I'll also echo the question, why the hostility? The rest of your post belies a certain anxiety and paranoia. Asking on an ANONYMOUS message forum if "died unexpectedly" is code for an overdose or suicide is not disrespectful. The rest of your post with its meaningless blather about respect or dishonoring has nothing to do with OP's question. You may have had a point if someone was planning to knock on the deceased's family's door and ask if the death was a drug overdose. But quietly conversing with neighbors or in the background about the cause of death is hardly "garbage." 
[/quote]

You really don’t seem to grasp that you aren’t owed a cause of death, even though that is “usually clear” from the obituaries you have read.

And yes, it is disrespectful to ask for confirmation of your bias that “unexpected” is usually code for suicide. Again, you are not owed any cause of death, but you seem hell-bent on asserting that yes it is usually suicide, even though multiple people on here—not just me—have told you repeatedly that we personally know people who did not die by suicide, and their deaths were described as unexpected in your obituaries. Why can’t you admit that your assumption was wrong, when multiple posters have told you from lived experience that your assumption is wrong.[/quote]

I find your attitude weird. There are various people, not just me, who have said that when we see an undefined death we do wonder if it was a suicide or overdose. Why does it bother you so much for us to wonder this? Suicides and overdoes are both unfortunately not uncommon, and are both tragedies. And sometimes it is nice to know what the cause of death was before we accidentally say something to the wrong person connected to the deceased. It works both ways. Not only in the way you're thinking.

As it is, my father is dying and when the time comes I'd have no problems with people asking me what caused his death. He is human. We all die. Life goes on for the living. I'm not shaming and judging or trying to impose a fake morality on others just for having a natural human curiosity in how someone passed away. But you are effectively telling people we can't have an interest in what happened to other people. [/quote]

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