"Died unexpectedly" in obit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicide or OD 90% of the time. If it was a natural 'suddenly' (ie stroke or heart attack) it's usually spelled out to avoid the implications of the aforementioned causes.

This. If it's a heart attack, the obit will say heart attack

Not necessarily. My father died in expectantly at 74. He just didn't wake up. We don't know how he died and didn't need to explore whether it was a heart attack or a stoke, though either are likely.
Do I really owe YOU an explanation?

No one is taking about “at 74,” but then, you already knew that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I guess seeing someone retire early from a very lucrative position at such an early age makes me wonder if "retired" = "fired" because of a some mental or addiction problem, followed by suicide or OD soon thereafter.

This is disgusting. You are officially a bad person, OP. Try to retrain all of the emotional energy you’re spending on this to thinking about this person’s life and sending comforting thoughts to their family.

don't attack them, that's just their take, different to your own

Don’t bother. That PP is hysterical about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicide or OD 90% of the time. If it was a natural 'suddenly' (ie stroke or heart attack) it's usually spelled out to avoid the implications of the aforementioned causes.

This. If it's a heart attack, the obit will say heart attack

Not always. I know of two people who died of a heart attack and one obituary said “unexpectedly” and one said “after a sudden illness.”

You know what they say about those who ASSume. Look at you, true to form.

May I ask why you are so hostile?

It is human curiosity to inquire how people died. When I read "died unexpectedly" I do think overdoses. Obits go out of their way to avoid mentioning overdoses whereas for other deaths they're usually upfront. Including suicides ("took his life."

I write obituaries as part of my job. You are wrong. Plain and simple, you are wrong. Just like there is no wrong or right way to grieve, there is no wrong or right way for a family to decide what to share and what not to share in an obituary, nor is there a wrong way for a grieving family to find the word choices that work for them. I have written the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” and I have read the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” when I was a friend or close family member who knew the cause of death:
-Heart attack
-Horrible ATV accident
-Aneurysm
-Hit in the head by a tree branch
-Undiagnosed congenital heart defect, and the family didn’t want to wait for autopsy report before moving forward with funeral
-Child who accidentally choked at home
-Yes, accidental overdose
-Yes, suicide

You are incorrect to ASSume. Of course curiosity is natural—we all feel it. Kind, intelligent, respectful people go beyond their base instincts and act in a civilized manner, which is to say they do not feel entitled to private family information, they do not feel entitled to invade privacy of the family and of the deceased, and they do not dishonor the family and the deceased by gossiping and speculating. Those who gossip and speculate and spread rumors and false information and conspiracy theories are absolute garbage.

YOU are the one calling people ASSes and garbage for merely associating overdoses with died unexpectedly. It's a question that is understandable as obituaries, which I have been reading for nearly 40 years now, usually are clear on the cause of deaths, although I'll also say that in recent years that seems to be changing.

But I'll also echo the question, why the hostility? The rest of your post belies a certain anxiety and paranoia. Asking on an ANONYMOUS message forum if "died unexpectedly" is code for an overdose or suicide is not disrespectful. The rest of your post with its meaningless blather about respect or dishonoring has nothing to do with OP's question. You may have had a point if someone was planning to knock on the deceased's family's door and ask if the death was a drug overdose. But quietly conversing with neighbors or in the background about the cause of death is hardly "garbage."

you are the one who is strangely angry about this, the PP was actually quite professional. no matter how much you want it to be so, a few magic words in an obituary are not keys to one knowing the cause of death

[Anonymous]

With my relative's suicide the obituary said, "died [this date], suddenly." It tells people all that they need to know . . . that it was unexpected and that the cause is private and not something you should ask about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicide or OD 90% of the time. If it was a natural 'suddenly' (ie stroke or heart attack) it's usually spelled out to avoid the implications of the aforementioned causes.

This. If it's a heart attack, the obit will say heart attack

Not always. I know of two people who died of a heart attack and one obituary said “unexpectedly” and one said “after a sudden illness.”

You know what they say about those who ASSume. Look at you, true to form.

May I ask why you are so hostile?

It is human curiosity to inquire how people died. When I read "died unexpectedly" I do think overdoses. Obits go out of their way to avoid mentioning overdoses whereas for other deaths they're usually upfront. Including suicides ("took his life."

I write obituaries as part of my job. You are wrong. Plain and simple, you are wrong. Just like there is no wrong or right way to grieve, there is no wrong or right way for a family to decide what to share and what not to share in an obituary, nor is there a wrong way for a grieving family to find the word choices that work for them. I have written the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” and I have read the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” when I was a friend or close family member who knew the cause of death:
-Heart attack
-Horrible ATV accident
-Aneurysm
-Hit in the head by a tree branch
-Undiagnosed congenital heart defect, and the family didn’t want to wait for autopsy report before moving forward with funeral
-Child who accidentally choked at home
-Yes, accidental overdose
-Yes, suicide

You are incorrect to ASSume. Of course curiosity is natural—we all feel it. Kind, intelligent, respectful people go beyond their base instincts and act in a civilized manner, which is to say they do not feel entitled to private family information, they do not feel entitled to invade privacy of the family and of the deceased, and they do not dishonor the family and the deceased by gossiping and speculating. Those who gossip and speculate and spread rumors and false information and conspiracy theories are absolute garbage.

YOU are the one calling people ASSes and garbage for merely associating overdoses with died unexpectedly. It's a question that is understandable as obituaries, which I have been reading for nearly 40 years now, usually are clear on the cause of deaths, although I'll also say that in recent years that seems to be changing.

But I'll also echo the question, why the hostility? The rest of your post belies a certain anxiety and paranoia. Asking on an ANONYMOUS message forum if "died unexpectedly" is code for an overdose or suicide is not disrespectful. The rest of your post with its meaningless blather about respect or dishonoring has nothing to do with OP's question. You may have had a point if someone was planning to knock on the deceased's family's door and ask if the death was a drug overdose. But quietly conversing with neighbors or in the background about the cause of death is hardly "garbage."

you are the one who is strangely angry about this, the PP was actually quite professional. no matter how much you want it to be so, a few magic words in an obituary are not keys to one knowing the cause of death

Dunno. It was a certain poster who first called people names. Using capitalized letters. And used words like garbage for even daring to speculate what the cause of death could be.

I'm not sure why some people so strongly feel the cause of death is nobody's business. No one on here is saying anything about harassing family members for the cause of death. But it is a human curiosity to know how and why people pass away. Which is why that information tends to be shared, even if quietly and discreetly for the more unfortunate and unexpected deaths like suicide and overdoses. I agree with the PP comment about being on the spectrum if you believe so strongly that you need to dictate what we must think in our own minds while simultaneously telling us to also not take an interest in other people. The whole idea that it's offensive to know if someone's father died unexpectedly of a heart attack is rather odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicide or OD 90% of the time. If it was a natural 'suddenly' (ie stroke or heart attack) it's usually spelled out to avoid the implications of the aforementioned causes.

This. If it's a heart attack, the obit will say heart attack

Not always. I know of two people who died of a heart attack and one obituary said “unexpectedly” and one said “after a sudden illness.”

You know what they say about those who ASSume. Look at you, true to form.

May I ask why you are so hostile?

It is human curiosity to inquire how people died. When I read "died unexpectedly" I do think overdoses. Obits go out of their way to avoid mentioning overdoses whereas for other deaths they're usually upfront. Including suicides ("took his life."

I write obituaries as part of my job. You are wrong. Plain and simple, you are wrong. Just like there is no wrong or right way to grieve, there is no wrong or right way for a family to decide what to share and what not to share in an obituary, nor is there a wrong way for a grieving family to find the word choices that work for them. I have written the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” and I have read the following as “died unexpectedly/died suddenly,” when I was a friend or close family member who knew the cause of death:
-Heart attack
-Horrible ATV accident
-Aneurysm
-Hit in the head by a tree branch
-Undiagnosed congenital heart defect, and the family didn’t want to wait for autopsy report before moving forward with funeral
-Child who accidentally choked at home
-Yes, accidental overdose
-Yes, suicide

You are incorrect to ASSume. Of course curiosity is natural—we all feel it. Kind, intelligent, respectful people go beyond their base instincts and act in a civilized manner, which is to say they do not feel entitled to private family information, they do not feel entitled to invade privacy of the family and of the deceased, and they do not dishonor the family and the deceased by gossiping and speculating. Those who gossip and speculate and spread rumors and false information and conspiracy theories are absolute garbage.

YOU are the one calling people ASSes and garbage for merely associating overdoses with died unexpectedly. It's a question that is understandable as obituaries, which I have been reading for nearly 40 years now, usually are clear on the cause of deaths, although I'll also say that in recent years that seems to be changing.

But I'll also echo the question, why the hostility? The rest of your post belies a certain anxiety and paranoia. Asking on an ANONYMOUS message forum if "died unexpectedly" is code for an overdose or suicide is not disrespectful. The rest of your post with its meaningless blather about respect or dishonoring has nothing to do with OP's question. You may have had a point if someone was planning to knock on the deceased's family's door and ask if the death was a drug overdose. But quietly conversing with neighbors or in the background about the cause of death is hardly "garbage."

you are the one who is strangely angry about this, the PP was actually quite professional. no matter how much you want it to be so, a few magic words in an obituary are not keys to one knowing the cause of death

Dunno. It was a certain poster who first called people names. Using capitalized letters. And used words like garbage for even daring to speculate what the cause of death could be.

I'm not sure why some people so strongly feel the cause of death is nobody's business. No one on here is saying anything about harassing family members for the cause of death. But it is a human curiosity to know how and why people pass away. Which is why that information tends to be shared, even if quietly and discreetly for the more unfortunate and unexpected deaths like suicide and overdoses. I agree with the PP comment about being on the spectrum if you believe so strongly that you need to dictate what we must think in our own minds while simultaneously telling us to also not take an interest in other people. The whole idea that it's offensive to know if someone's father died unexpectedly of a heart attack is rather odd.

you can wonder wonder wonder and have all the curiosity you want but that doesn't mean that you will be able to draw blood from a rock and discern info from an obit that is not there; also, you will not be able to declare that people make obits more specific. This is why your emotion about this seem irrational

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicide or OD 90% of the time. If it was a natural 'suddenly' (ie stroke or heart attack) it's usually spelled out to avoid the implications of the aforementioned causes.

Nope. A friend's aunt died last week by choking to death in her home. She was eating and was alone. It was unexpected. Period. MYOB.

And if they don’t want people whispering about if she had a drug problem or not, they should say she died suddenly of natural causes.

NP. Let the whispers commence. And then let the weeding of the “friends” and trusted family commence. Feel free to show your true colors. We will move accordingly. Trash will reveal itself.

DP, but you’re sooooo oversensitive about this. Take a pill.

No they are the right amount of sensitive. If people gossip about the friend's aunt's cause of death, the family can decide not to socialize with those people ever again. This is the cost, sometimes, for not minding the business that pays you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I guess seeing someone retire early from a very lucrative position at such an early age makes me wonder if "retired" = "fired" because of a some mental or addiction problem, followed by suicide or OD soon thereafter.

My dad died of a heart attack when he was 47 and he died ‘unexpectedly’ and ‘suddenly’. Clearly you’ve never lost anyone you love or you’re just a self involved uncaring person, otherwise you’d understand it’s NONE of your business. If the deceased cared about you, their family would have told you, but they didn’t. You don’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I guess seeing someone retire early from a very lucrative position at such an early age makes me wonder if "retired" = "fired" because of a some mental or addiction problem, followed by suicide or OD soon thereafter.

You have an interesting bias in life. I would assume that the person was diagnosed with something terminal and decided to make his remaining time as meaningful as possible while he could, but the disease progressed much faster than expected.

This is OP. I guess I remember this person as somewhat insecure and competitive and reminds me of a similar person I knew who did actually die of suicide and had a very similar personality.

I wish only bad things for you, op. You are grostesque.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I guess seeing someone retire early from a very lucrative position at such an early age makes me wonder if "retired" = "fired" because of a some mental or addiction problem, followed by suicide or OD soon thereafter.

My dad died of a heart attack when he was 47 and he died ‘unexpectedly’ and ‘suddenly’. Clearly you’ve never lost anyone you love or you’re just a self involved uncaring person, otherwise you’d understand it’s NONE of your business. If the deceased cared about you, their family would have told you, but they didn’t. You don’t matter.

This is not always true. Sometimes family keeps cause of death private even from those who are close friends of deceased. I had a close friend die suddenly and unexpectedly at age 25. Her family has never disclosed her cause of death…we were given various possible reasons (she fell, she had a brain aneurysm, she ODed) but no one ever said precisely what it was and I don’t think they ever will. I have always wondered if it actually was suicide and her family doesn’t want to say that or if she truly did just fall in the shower and die as we were told. Anyway, I had known her 20 years and we talked daily. But as much as I do want to know C.O.D. I respect that her family doesn’t have to share that w me.

[Anonymous]

A neighbor passed away during the pandemic (cancer) but no one knew they were sick. When they passed, word got out, but their child made it clear to my child that the parent didn't want anyone to know they were sick. I don't believe they published the cause and the obit was very vague as a result. Some people are very private and sometimes their survivors honor that. Is it difficult or burdensome or awkward? Sure. But it is what it is, and who are we to judge until we are in that position. I would not make assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suicide or OD 90% of the time. If it was a natural 'suddenly' (ie stroke or heart attack) it's usually spelled out to avoid the implications of the aforementioned causes.

Is this a regional thing? I'm midwestern, I'm 69, and cause of death was never stated in obits most of my life. Now that newspapers no longer write obits (basically just a death notice) obits are written (and paid for) by family, and it is more common to see that they had fought a battle with cancer and also (less common, but a change in the last 20 years) that they died by suicide. Or that they were called to Heaven (those obits always include baptismal information).

[Anonymous]

And if they don’t want people whispering about if she had a drug problem or not, they should say she died suddenly of natural causes.

Well, gee, they should also make sure nobody is whispering about a perfect homicide either.

I mean, when people die from ODs, it's usually not that unexpected.

I don't have to defend the reason someone in my family died no matter what you think, and I don't give a crap what you're whispering about. You sound like someone who wants the straight dope so YOU can be the gossiper who corrects other gossipers.

[Anonymous]

It always means suicide or OD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It always means suicide or OD.

Nope, can also mean a heart attack.

I wish families would wise up and just put the cause of death in the obituary, to save themselves from lots of gossip.