"Died unexpectedly" in obit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I guess seeing someone retire early from a very lucrative position at such an early age makes me wonder if "retired" = "fired" because of a some mental or addiction problem, followed by suicide or OD soon thereafter.

OP, I am trying to be kind, but you need a hobby, a job or both. You have a way too overactive imagination and your imagination conjures a lot of fiction when you don't know something that really isn't your business to know.

I've known several people who retired early from lucrative positions because they didn't really like to work and didn't like what they did. So, many of them set a mental target and when they got to a certain amount of money, they retired to live the life they wanted to live and not work themselves to death. Same with a bunch of people who started businesses that they loved. They waited until the business reached a certain value and they groomed someone to take over the business and they sold the company and left while they were still young enough to enjoy the wealth that they had built. Very common.

And died unexpectedly used to mean suicide or OD, but that was like last century. If you are still assuming that, your probably old.

I'm 40, which means I remember "last century" pretty well. As do a lot of us. Died unexpectedly without any cause of death in a younger person was a typically used to politely avoid mentioning suicide or overdoes. Things might be slightly different now, first of all, there's far fewer obituaries, but even in the obituaries I come across it's still usually made clear in other ways that an unexpected younger death was not due to overdoses or a suicide. "Died unexpectedly while playing basketball," for example.

Your last line makes me think you're quite young? Maybe that's why you don't fully grasp wanting to know cause of death is hardly morbid or offensive. And why we had certain phrases about certain types of death to be polite and respectful even if everyone really knew what happened. Like the old fashioned "hunting accident."

No, I'm older than you are. I'm 58 and was in college when you were born.

It's positively archaic to make assumption about "died unexpectedly". While it used to be code for suicide or OD (yes, I remember when), but now it is code for "please respect our privacy" which is more and more common. I haven't seen it used to mean suicide or OD since about 1997, hence my comment about "last century". I probably remember is a lot better than you do as I was 35 by the time the last century ended instead of a mere 17.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to know the cause of death, from those who are willing to disclose it. What's rude and immature is when someone asks you to respect their privacy, trying to gossip and find out what they don't want to disclose. If you really cared for the survivors of the deceased, then you would be more respectful. They may be having a hard time coping with the death, especially an unexpected one, and the gossip and innuendo from people trying to ascertain details is just causing more pain and grief. Yes, it is offensive and it is also insensitive and cruel to pry.

Yes, there is nothing wrong with trying to find out from those who are willing to provide the information. Stick to gossiping about them.

[Anonymous]

^ PP who posted immediately before you. I agree that it is completely wrong to pry. It's also human nature to want to know why someone died young. Unfortunately, a lot of people lack tact and decency, so they're likely to pry because they really want to know.

[Anonymous]

I'm the 58 PP above. I mentioned this thread to my spouse who said that the reason they did not even send an obit for either my MIL or BIL who both died in the last 5 years was because they didn't want to give any information and because obits are a major source of data mining for identity theft. I agree with my spouse that obits are a thing of the past. People should stop posting them entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The obituary writers want you to know that they didn't know in advance that he would die. Beyond that, it's a private matter.

I would say this.

The person could have passed from natural causes or suicide - from the wording in the obituary it sounds like the family wants to keep the cause of death private at this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The obituary writers want you to know that they didn't know in advance that he would die. Beyond that, it's a private matter.

I would say this.

The person could have passed from natural causes or suicide - from the wording in the obituary it sounds like the family wants to keep the cause of death private at this time.

+1

I don’t think it’s always appropriate to air someone’s health data to the world, especially in an unexpected event. One of my dear friends passed of a massive coronary event in a public place despite none of those closest to him (friends and family) knowing he had heart disease. Perhaps he didn’t know, perhaps he did. His death was “swift and unexpected” with no mention of a heart attack in a public washroom.

To me, the wording is an extra cue that the family may need extra compassion and help - they have had no notice, no chance to close that relationship or start to grieve the loss of their loved one ahead of time, and details for the funeral and estate /family life may require more attention. A family that has had someone with a chronic disease is more likely to have a more “clean” transition (although still a difficult one).

[Anonymous]

Suddenly always means drugs or suicide.