How worried to be about birth defects with advanced maternal age?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your age is not the issue - you are still young. The issue is that you now have two kids and so the toll and impact of something going wrong with the third would be more difficult to manage. The stakes are higher now and that can’t be changed. He has a lower tolerance for the potential impact of something going wrong. I don’t think you can change that with data. I think you can just both talk through your hopes and fears and see where it gets you.

this. the problem is not your age, which is relatively young, the problem is that there is always risk of undetectable defect or pregnancy complication. this can happen whether you are 20 or 30. it could have happened with your previous children as well, but didn't. you were lucky. do you want to roll the dice again? this is the question you are facing, not the impact of age, which does exist but it's still small at 36-37.

[Anonymous]

35 is not old. Women have been having perfectly healthy babies into their early 40s for eons.

[Anonymous]

Get pregnant and test all chromosomes + micro array with a CVS test in the 11th week. That is if you are pro choice. If you wouldn’t terminate, then call it a day and enjoy your two kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 37 and the fetus tested positive for Down syndrome, the genetic disorder caused when abnormal cell division results in extra genetic material from chromosome 21. Although chances are very low, I was one of those due to advanced maternal age. It happens.

It happened to me at age 37 (I terminated). I had two healthy subsequent pregnancies, latest of which at 43. Life is a crapshoot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get an amnio and end the pregnancy if there’s a problem.

Not everyone is this cavalier about ending the life of their fully formed fetus.

According to stats, 1 in 3 women will have an abortion by age 45.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 37 and the fetus tested positive for Down syndrome, the genetic disorder caused when abnormal cell division results in extra genetic material from chromosome 21. Although chances are very low, I was one of those due to advanced maternal age. It happens.

It happened to me at age 37 (I terminated). I had two healthy subsequent pregnancies, latest of which at 43. Life is a crapshoot.

It also happened toe. I terminated. Odds are low. Very low, but it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 37. Chances are low, but my fetus had a genetic abnormality. I had to terminate. Even though the chances see 2-3%, I unfortunately was that 2-3%. It does happen. It’s devastating.

I was 38 with my Down pregnancy, which I terminated. I had two healthy pregnancy after that, at 40 and 44 (accident!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be more concerned about your husband being a “no” than birth defects. If he doesn’t want a third, then there should be no third.

And what about my dream, my entire life, to have three children? Just curious why people like you always insist that his wishes should win out over mine.

FWIW he is also wishy washy at best but basically just thinks it sounds hard. Meanwhile, I feel like three children is my destiny, a feeling I've had my entire life.

The "no" vote always wins. If this was a dealbreaker for you, you should have picked a different DH. Did you not discuss these things?! If you've had this feeling your "entire life" SURELY this was discussed and agreed to, no? Plenty of guys out there who would be fine with 5, should've gone for one of those.

I agree, and also if 3 kids was your life dream (weird), you should have started sooner instead of waiting so late. I don’t think it’s fair to force a child upon someone who doesn’t want one. No means No. When it comes to offspring with your spouse who will also be responsible for raising them, either you’re both on the same page or not. Unanimous decision.

Quite frankly you sound a bit selfish and unrealistic. If you do decide to move forward with having another child against your husband’s wishes, be prepared for more stress, resentment and possible divorce down the line, and raising all 3 on your own.

[Anonymous]

Just do the screenings, testings, and make sure you have the right to terminate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was 37. Chances are low, but my fetus had a genetic abnormality. I had to terminate. Even though the chances see 2-3%, I unfortunately was that 2-3%. It does happen. It’s devastating.

I was 38 with my Down pregnancy, which I terminated. I had two healthy pregnancy after that, at 40 and 44 (accident!)

Wow, how did those pregnancies go, particularly at 44? I'm 40 and considering TTC #2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be more concerned about your husband being a “no” than birth defects. If he doesn’t want a third, then there should be no third.

And what about my dream, my entire life, to have three children? Just curious why people like you always insist that his wishes should win out over mine.

FWIW he is also wishy washy at best but basically just thinks it sounds hard. Meanwhile, I feel like three children is my destiny, a feeling I've had my entire life.

The "no" vote always wins. If this was a dealbreaker for you, you should have picked a different DH. Did you not discuss these things?! If you've had this feeling your "entire life" SURELY this was discussed and agreed to, no? Plenty of guys out there who would be fine with 5, should've gone for one of those.

I agree, and also if 3 kids was your life dream (weird), you should have started sooner instead of waiting so late. I don’t think it’s fair to force a child upon someone who doesn’t want one. No means No. When it comes to offspring with your spouse who will also be responsible for raising them, either you’re both on the same page or not. Unanimous decision.

Quite frankly you sound a bit selfish and unrealistic. If you do decide to move forward with having another child against your husband’s wishes, be prepared for more stress, resentment and possible divorce down the line, and raising all 3 on your own.

This is such an unfair characterization of OP’s post and comments.

[Anonymous]

35 is not that old. I was told (don't know if this is true) that it's used as the cutoff for AMA because when amnio was first developed, that's where the risk curve for DS and the risk curve for amnio triggering a miscarriage converged, but we have different screening tools now.

That said I'm pregnant with my last at 36 and I'm irrationally terrified that there's something wrong with the baby, or there will be a birth injury, or something. Not due to actual data, just me being anxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your age is not the issue - you are still young. The issue is that you now have two kids and so the toll and impact of something going wrong with the third would be more difficult to manage. The stakes are higher now and that can’t be changed. He has a lower tolerance for the potential impact of something going wrong. I don’t think you can change that with data. I think you can just both talk through your hopes and fears and see where it gets you.

I think this is right. 36 is not old enough to dramatically increase the chance of something going wrong genetically. However, adding a third kid when you have a happy family is always a risk, and maybe that's what he is trying to articulate.

[Anonymous]

I had healthy kids with uncomplicated pregnancies and deliveries at 36 and 40. We never thought about a third because we knew we would just be stretched too thin. If you have a lot of support and flexibility and you really want a third, I’d say go for it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two beautiful children that I had at ages 31 and 33. I am 35 now and my husband and I are arguing over whether to have a third. I desperately want one more, but he leans no (with the door still open enough to give me hope), and one of his reasons is that he's so worried about the risk of a baby with something wrong with it (chromosomal, special needs, birth defect etc). He says it's a prospect he can't even bear, especially because of how unfair that would be to the older two.

I would like to give him data or reassurance, but I can't deny that the fear seeps into me, too, not to mention how guilty I'd feel if something did happen after he was so open about his fear.

Can anyone share resources for this, or know off-hand what the general risks would be? By the time this baby would be born we would be 36 (almost 37) and 37 (DH). We have no family history of health issues. We did genetic testing and are clear. We have two healthy, full term, normal weight babies with healthy noneventful pregnancies.

Thank you!

I don’t think 36 is an age to have really high concerns, to be honest.

I had my kids at 33 and 35. That said, I personally constantly worried about things like that and with every pregnancy is the chance for the unknown. We had two healthy children and pregnancies and decided I didn’t want to tempt fate and stopped with that. One big consideration for us was that we didn’t have family support and a spouse that traveled frequently for work so a child with severe special needs would be extremely difficult. I also never really felt called for a third so it wasn’t a hard decision. I don’t think you’re really taking a big risk by having a third at that age personally.