How worried to be about birth defects with advanced maternal age?

[Anonymous]

As others have said, it’s important to be on the same page as your partner with respect to how you would respond to a prenatal diagnosis. I had two daughters at 32 and 34, both healthy. Conceived a third immediately at 36 but learned at 12 weeks that there was a problem, possibly genetic but in any event likely to result in fetal demise at some point. We decided to TFMR. It was really hard but we both felt it was the right decision. About six months later we conceived our third daughter, who is a healthy 15 month old.

We did all the genetic counseling and non-invasive prenatal testing, healthy lifestyle, etc. There aren’t guarantees. I’m glad we kept trying, though, because our baby is such a joyful addition.

[Anonymous]

Do the problems of advanced maternal age stem from the egg or carrying? If you froze eggs or embryos at a younger age, does that negate the issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It can happen at any age. It’s a risk you take. Once you have a kid, something can happen even if they are born healthy. Having a child is like having your heart live outside your body. It’s a major loss of control over your own well being because things CAN happen to your kid and that will affect you deeply.

You DH simply doesn’t want a third child. I think it’s important to consider his wishes very seriously. I know a few people whose marriages nearly crumbled after #3 came along. If you both want a third, I think risks are very low at your age. But you should do it because you’re both fully on board.

Yeah… I was going to say it sounds like your DH is averse to a third child generally speaking, I would have great pause because of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this entire thread scares me so much - i'm 30 and not planning on TTC for another few years. just another thing to worry about.

There’s a very strong incentive among the MRA community to insist women over 30 should be “scared” — it keeps women with bad men.

None of the scaremongers are pointing out how many of their doomsday predictions are detectable at a point in pregnancy early enough for termination.

[Anonymous]

You can never rule out having a child with special needs, no matter what your age. I had a healthy pregnancy baby at age 39, but a friend had a premature baby with severe CP at age 35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your age is not the issue - you are still young. The issue is that you now have two kids and so the toll and impact of something going wrong with the third would be more difficult to manage. The stakes are higher now and that can’t be changed. He has a lower tolerance for the potential impact of something going wrong. I don’t think you can change that with data. I think you can just both talk through your hopes and fears and see where it gets you.

I agree with this, and I had a healthy baby with no issues at 37. But she was my first (and only).

The risks are statistically low but your risk tolerance is lower because you have two kids already.

Also, one of the concerns is just "special needs." You don't even know if that's a genetic issue. Your existing kids are very young and one or both might have special needs.

I would take your husband's reservations seriously not because I think the risk is very high (again, it's statistically quite low, especially with a history of healthy pregnancies), but because I think the real issue is not whether or not you can have a healthy baby at 36, but whether your family is set up to accept the risk. You have not hit the tougher parenting years yet (I promise you, you haven't) and if he has reservations now, you need to listen.

Do not have a third child if both parents are no 100% on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can never rule out having a child with special needs, no matter what your age. I had a healthy pregnancy baby at age 39, but a friend had a premature baby with severe CP at age 35.

This. For example, OP go take a look at Teen Mom. Over the seasons. It’s not always age that can cause birth defects or illness genetically, it can happen to any one at any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be concerned and monitor closely don't listen to the people on here they think they can defy science

Special Ed teacher here. A child may not have serious defects, but I am in a district that has older parents and many children have developmental issues that are attributable to advance age of sperm and ova.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this entire thread scares me so much - i'm 30 and not planning on TTC for another few years. just another thing to worry about.

Don’t listen to the chicken littles. Women have been having babies past age 35 for all of history. There is no door that slams shut at age 35.

This isn't fair. You can't gaurentee to her that everything will be fine. I'm totally infertile, miscarrying every normal pregnancy since 36 and I have 2 kids. It's not f&cking fair when you are that person and it's been your fear your entire life to be totally infertile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was 36 when I had a Down syndrome pregnancy. It was a devastating diagnosis to get, but after doing some research and speaking with a genetics counselor, we decided to continue the pregnancy. My husband and I were both 37 when the baby was born. Although our son is delayed and we have a lot of medical appointments and therapies, I don't regret our decision to have him. He is a happy little boy who has brought so much joy to our lives. Yes, I worry about his future, but we have legal and financial arrangements in place that will hopefully allow him to lead a comfortable life after we're gone without becoming a burden to his brother.

However, the issue isn't whether you want your child to have a disability (no one does) or whether you could handle a disability if one happened (you could), but different levels of risk tolerance between you and your husband. You are very unlikely to be in the same situation as me (less than 1%), but it's not impossible. If you decide to proceed with trying for another child, you and your husband need to have a discussion about worse-case scenarios and how you would handle them. If you can't agree, then the answer is no, unfortunately.

The last paragraph is your answer. Understand, too, that as you hit middle age, you perhaps are going to be glad to be farther along with parenting if you stick with two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:this entire thread scares me so much - i'm 30 and not planning on TTC for another few years. just another thing to worry about.

Don’t listen to the chicken littles. Women have been having babies past age 35 for all of history. There is no door that slams shut at age 35.

This isn't fair. You can't gaurentee to her that everything will be fine. I'm totally infertile, miscarrying every normal pregnancy since 36 and I have 2 kids. It's not f&cking fair when you are that person and it's been your fear your entire life to be totally infertile.

Before you listen to this side, I recommend genetic counseling. Listen to their briefing and then decide.

[Anonymous]

Look at the age-related data, but remember that these are population averages. Your own fertility history, heath status, and family history factor in heavily and will change the odds FOR YOU.

[Anonymous]

Let me explain this in baby terms for your idiot husband.

Let’s say at 34 there is a one in a million chance your kid is born autistic.

At 35 a doctor will tell you your odds of having and autistic kid has doubled as it is now two in one million.

That’s like buying two lottery tickets and your chances to win has doubled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two beautiful children that I had at ages 31 and 33. I am 35 now and my husband and I are arguing over whether to have a third. I desperately want one more, but he leans no (with the door still open enough to give me hope), and one of his reasons is that he's so worried about the risk of a baby with something wrong with it (chromosomal, special needs, birth defect etc). He says it's a prospect he can't even bear, especially because of how unfair that would be to the older two.

I would like to give him data or reassurance, but I can't deny that the fear seeps into me, too, not to mention how guilty I'd feel if something did happen after he was so open about his fear.

Can anyone share resources for this, or know off-hand what the general risks would be? By the time this baby would be born we would be 36 (almost 37) and 37 (DH). We have no family history of health issues. We did genetic testing and are clear. We have two healthy, full term, normal weight babies with healthy noneventful pregnancies.

Thank you!

To be honest, kids suck lot of energy and resources, stick with what you have. You are twice blessed, why take unnecessary risks?

This

[Anonymous]

I’d be more concerned about your husband being a “no” than birth defects. If he doesn’t want a third, then there should be no third.