What’s with people getting angry that kids are in carseats longer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen a lot of anger and animosity from (mostly) older folks regarding current guidelines for child passenger safety.

My 3.5-year-old is rear-facing carseat and my 7-year-old is in a backed booster with a harness. For some reason my father and father-in-law are extremely bothered by this. When I told my dad that both boys will be in some type of booster in the back seat until they’re 4’11” or 12 (whichever comes first) his head spun and he let out a guttural groan like he had been punched in the stomach.

We follow the recommendations of the NHTSA, CDC’s Child Passenger Safety and our pediatricians office. I don’t see a reason not to? My kids have never complained. They are always comfortable. They’re petite for their age and aren’t prone to car sickness so thank God I don’t have to worry about queasiness with the rear facing. They both will fall asleep in the car if the drive is longer than 30 minutes and so I don’t have to worry about them slumping over. Their peers are in similar carseats and booster seats and the older has never mentioned being embarrassed. Why not? Car accidents and guns are the two leading cause of deaths for children under 16 and I really have very little control about either but if I can give my children a decreased chance of serious injury or death in the event of a car accident why not?

So many older people seem to have survivors bias about it all.

“Back in my day we just sat in the back of the car and we turned out fine!” Well, I’m sure many didn’t and I don’t think car fatalities were nearly as common in the 1950s.

Same thing with helmets. Drives my dad crazy! “You never wore a helmet growing up and you were fine!”

Yeah. Thank God I didn’t crash and hit my head. I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you because I could’ve had a TBI. My kids gonna wear a helmet. Why on earth would they not? So they can look cooler to a bunch of 65-year-old men?

And I’ve seen ads for carseats and booster seats on social media and the comments are similar (yes, I know Facebook comments are always going to be the worst humanity has to offer). But there are so many people actually ANGRY that a 8-year-old is in a booster. Like angry and throwing out wild theories, “they’re trying to make our kids soft!” “This is why men can’t be men anymore!!” Just true insanity.

Why on earth does decreasing the chances of your kid being seriously injured or killed seem to trigger an entire generation?

Don't defend yourself to them. Your child can grow to be a man without going through the windshield of a car to prove how tough he is.

Just laugh and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh people like you always tend to make it a hassle in some way.

Also the booster thing until kids are [insert some age older than 8 here] - I always wonder if you actually even know what the booster is for or if you just think it's some kind of parenting gold start to collect. Boosters are not in anyway life saving devices. The seat belt is the life saving device. So if your child has to go in a car without a booster seat, they are not missing out on the life saving part.

I know, I know, you are going to provide links to articles that quote studies you have never, and will never read. Yes, the booster positions a child better but shocker the booster doesn't guarantee the seat belt stays in the right position. Kids move around, the seat belt path for some boosters is almost the exact same as without and so on. I have seen almost zero parents use the attachment for the backless booster seats that is supposed to go on the seat belt shoulder strap by the way to make the belt fit better.

They just love their 5'4" 12 year old who weighs 110 more than you love your kids, ok? Those kids will still in those boosters when they learn to drive because you can never be too safe. They don't need facts or data. Just feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are weird. We threw away the boosters by 4th grade.
No one sits in them. Carpool, nope, sports teams, nope.

Agree. I don’t know anyone (literally at all) in my real life who used them past about 2nd/3rd grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh people like you always tend to make it a hassle in some way.

Also the booster thing until kids are [insert some age older than 8 here] - I always wonder if you actually even know what the booster is for or if you just think it's some kind of parenting gold start to collect. Boosters are not in anyway life saving devices. The seat belt is the life saving device. So if your child has to go in a car without a booster seat, they are not missing out on the life saving part.

I know, I know, you are going to provide links to articles that quote studies you have never, and will never read. Yes, the booster positions a child better but shocker the booster doesn't guarantee the seat belt stays in the right position. Kids move around, the seat belt path for some boosters is almost the exact same as without and so on. I have seen almost zero parents use the attachment for the backless booster seats that is supposed to go on the seat belt shoulder strap by the way to make the belt fit better.

We take this sort of thing seriously. What happens if the belt is across your child's neck, is at worst decapitation or at least injury to your child's cervical vertebrae.
If your child can't be trusted to sit appropriately in their seat, they should be in a 5 point harness.
But I think by the time most kids get out of the harness, they can be made to sit properly a majority of the time. I would absolutely punish my kids to get compliance. We also use all the features of the booster for a good fit. Just because you know many people who are not using it properly, doesn't mean it's not needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are weird. We threw away the boosters by 4th grade.
No one sits in them. Carpool, nope, sports teams, nope.

Agree. I don’t know anyone (literally at all) in my real life who used them past about 2nd/3rd grade.

That your circle then. What does that have to do with the rest of us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are weird. We threw away the boosters by 4th grade.
No one sits in them. Carpool, nope, sports teams, nope.

Agree. I don’t know anyone (literally at all) in my real life who used them past about 2nd/3rd grade.

That your circle then. What does that have to do with the rest of us?

You mean your circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are weird. We threw away the boosters by 4th grade.
No one sits in them. Carpool, nope, sports teams, nope.

Agree. I don’t know anyone (literally at all) in my real life who used them past about 2nd/3rd grade.

That your circle then. What does that have to do with the rest of us?

You mean your circle.

Oh no

My circle is made up of a bunch of engineers. I don't know what people who haven't learned physics do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have yet to see an 11 year old in a high back booster. Good luck with that.

My 11 year old is 53 inches tall and we haven't removed our high back boosters from the car yet.

This is very very small. My 11 year old is always in the front row of group pictures, never the absolute shortest but one of them, and he is 58/59 inches.

53 inches would probably be about 5th percentile.
You do know how that works, yes? These kids do exist. I have one of them-almost 12 and 54 inches. I’m barely 5 foot myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids RF til 4 and didn’t sit in a backless booster til age 8. So I think most would say I’m pretty strict about car seat safety. But I don’t feel the need to defend/justify my choice or preach about it to others. I don’t discuss it w people unless they ask. And my dad and FIL would not even know and have never asked. I have to think you’re the type to be preachy about your decisions, especially parenting decisions for your people to react by groaning and giving you a hard time.

How does this even come up in conversation? You said it doesn’t bother your kids so I doubt they talk about it.

What a load of nonsense you just typed. They see it when they’re in the car.

[Anonymous]

I expect a lot of this depends on your situation. As is often the case with parenting choices, your circumstances dictate a lot of it, and people have a tendency to argue about it as though everyone has the exact same circumstances, but of course they don't. And you see people on here saying "well everyone I know does X" and of course -- everyone you know probably has fairly similar experiences to you.

We live in the city, have one car, drive occasionally but not daily, and have younger kids (under 10). We very rarely give other kids rides because most people, including us, get to most kid-centric events without a car. Outside of us and our parents, the only other car our kids have ridden is the one belonging to our best family friends, who have same age kids.

Since we don't drive a ton, but when we do it's likely to be on a freeway and a longer distance, we take car safety really seriously. My oldest (9) is in a backless booster but this is very recent, younger child is still in a high back booster (7) and we assume will stay there for a while. I have never heard either kid complain about their carseat/booster, worry that their peers are not in them anymore (it is my impression they mostly are, but again, people don't drive a ton), and because we only drive a couple times a week, we don't find it onerous to deal with the car seats when we do.

I anticipate that a family with a different lifestyle, driving frequency, and peer group, might make other choices. That is fine.

I think it's weird that people are judgmental or assume we are insanely conservative because of our carseat choices. I don't get the judgement either way. There are some minimum legal requirements, some expert recommendations, and then families have to make their own choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol. I have a toddler and I agree with your FIL and father. I mean good lord life has risk. You’re going to make your 4th grader use a booster? I’d have been suicidal, for real.

Then you have severe preexisting mental health problems and should be psychiatrically hospitalized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are annoyed by you (aka "angry kids are in carsest longer") b/c you come across as sanctimonious in your post so I imagine in real life you're really over the top in your parenting ways.

dwiw, my kids RF until 2, booster until 7/8, front seat at 12.
My kids are on the taller and heavier side of average. Maybe your kids are skin and bones and therefore can't be safely restrained with regular seatbelts .

You don’t sound mature enough to be a parent. How sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mom in my late 40s, and my kids were in car seats/boosters longer than their peers. But i do wonder from a pure public policy perspective if all this long term boostering makes sense. The reality is that car seats and boosters aren’t cheap and they seem to be used as a litmus test to show that poor people/people of color are “bad” parents that in some cases are BREAKING THE LAW. I also wonder how much there is a quiet car seat lobby driving all this.

I totally believe all the numbers about safety, but there are lots of things that would be safer that don’t get enacted into laws that are then used to tax poor people essentially who cannot afford them. But I also own my own business and have to run background checks on people that are hourly wage people. The amount of non-moving violations that are used against poor people because they cannot afford to get a headlight fixed, fix a seatbelt, etc, then they cannot pay the fine and then they get arrested when the cannot pay fines is just unbelievable.

There are lots of ways to get a free booster seat. This link is for DC, but every state in the US has programs like this: https://ddot.dc.gov/page/car-safety-seat-program

Going through the program is more work than buying it yourself. The forties mom has a very valid point.

Excuses, excuses. Either kids’ safety is important or it isn’t.

[Anonymous]

I know a 27 year old who turned her kids as soon as possible and uses boosters for a limited time. She put them in car seats in winter coats.

My 22 year old thinks it's ludicrous to have kids sit with their legs folded or up the back of the seat.

These aren't the only 2.

Put your kids in the car and ignore your father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol. I have a toddler and I agree with your FIL and father. I mean good lord life has risk. You’re going to make your 4th grader use a booster? I’d have been suicidal, for real.

Then you have severe preexisting mental health problems and should be psychiatrically hospitalized.

Yay, it’s the wine mom witching hour