What’s with people getting angry that kids are in carseats longer?

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen a lot of anger and animosity from (mostly) older folks regarding current guidelines for child passenger safety.

My 3.5-year-old is rear-facing carseat and my 7-year-old is in a backed booster with a harness. For some reason my father and father-in-law are extremely bothered by this. When I told my dad that both boys will be in some type of booster in the back seat until they’re 4’11” or 12 (whichever comes first) his head spun and he let out a guttural groan like he had been punched in the stomach.

We follow the recommendations of the NHTSA, CDC’s Child Passenger Safety and our pediatricians office. I don’t see a reason not to? My kids have never complained. They are always comfortable. They’re petite for their age and aren’t prone to car sickness so thank God I don’t have to worry about queasiness with the rear facing. They both will fall asleep in the car if the drive is longer than 30 minutes and so I don’t have to worry about them slumping over. Their peers are in similar carseats and booster seats and the older has never mentioned being embarrassed. Why not? Car accidents and guns are the two leading cause of deaths for children under 16 and I really have very little control about either but if I can give my children a decreased chance of serious injury or death in the event of a car accident why not?

So many older people seem to have survivors bias about it all.

“Back in my day we just sat in the back of the car and we turned out fine!” Well, I’m sure many didn’t and I don’t think car fatalities were nearly as common in the 1950s.

Same thing with helmets. Drives my dad crazy! “You never wore a helmet growing up and you were fine!”

Yeah. Thank God I didn’t crash and hit my head. I wouldn’t be having this conversation with you because I could’ve had a TBI. My kids gonna wear a helmet. Why on earth would they not? So they can look cooler to a bunch of 65-year-old men?

And I’ve seen ads for carseats and booster seats on social media and the comments are similar (yes, I know Facebook comments are always going to be the worst humanity has to offer). But there are so many people actually ANGRY that a 8-year-old is in a booster. Like angry and throwing out wild theories, “they’re trying to make our kids soft!” “This is why men can’t be men anymore!!” Just true insanity.

Why on earth does decreasing the chances of your kid being seriously injured or killed seem to trigger an entire generation?

[Anonymous]

Good points, but I'd like to somewhat refute your implication that this is a flaw of old people. Your example of your father and FIL are simple anecdotes that don't extrapolate to other old people. Here's my anecdotal data:

When my son was a baby in the 1970s my mother insisted on buying us a car seat even though many people did not use them at all then. She was in her 50s.

Later when she was in her 80s she would sit on the front porch and get upset that the neighbors were allowing their young kids to ride bikes without helmets. She would yell at the kids "Your parents don't love you!" which I thought was a bit extreme but it worked, the parents got the kids some helmets and made them wear them.

[Anonymous]

My kids RF til 4 and didn’t sit in a backless booster til age 8. So I think most would say I’m pretty strict about car seat safety. But I don’t feel the need to defend/justify my choice or preach about it to others. I don’t discuss it w people unless they ask. And my dad and FIL would not even know and have never asked. I have to think you’re the type to be preachy about your decisions, especially parenting decisions for your people to react by groaning and giving you a hard time.

How does this even come up in conversation? You said it doesn’t bother your kids so I doubt they talk about it.

[Anonymous]

I have yet to see an 11 year old in a high back booster. Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

I don't get it given I thought the laws were changed to RF till at least 2. We RF till age 4/outgrew the seat. But, this has been good practice, as you are doing it for at least 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have yet to see an 11 year old in a high back booster. Good luck with that.

Ours was in a booster till 11 or so till they fit properly. No big deal. Its called parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have yet to see an 11 year old in a high back booster. Good luck with that.

Ours was in a booster till 11 or so till they fit properly. No big deal. Its called parenting.

Until 11 or at 11? But you do you. I still have never seen an 11 year old in a high back booster. Not just a booster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have yet to see an 11 year old in a high back booster. Good luck with that.

Ours was in a booster till 11 or so till they fit properly. No big deal. Its called parenting.

They were in a high back booster til 11?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids RF til 4 and didn’t sit in a backless booster til age 8. So I think most would say I’m pretty strict about car seat safety. But I don’t feel the need to defend/justify my choice or preach about it to others. I don’t discuss it w people unless they ask. And my dad and FIL would not even know and have never asked. I have to think you’re the type to be preachy about your decisions, especially parenting decisions for your people to react by groaning and giving you a hard time.

How does this even come up in conversation? You said it doesn’t bother your kids so I doubt they talk about it.

I don’t preach about it. I’m not sure where it was implied that I did?

How did the topic come up? Well, when my we visit my in-laws or parents or when they my kids will be in their vehicle. They both live close by and sometimes they have my children in their care and yes, in their car. My stepmother and MIL seem to have zero issues and will happily let me install our extra seats in their car but everyone my dad will make a comment and it just gets old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have yet to see an 11 year old in a high back booster. Good luck with that.

I didn’t say my 11-year-old will be in a backed booster. I said my 7-year-old is and both my kids will be in boosters until they are at the correct age/height for the seatbelt to not hit them across the neck. I’m sure in the next few years my youngest will get the backed booster and my oldest will graduate to the regular CostCo booster.

[Anonymous]

I think your single anecdote is not representing the entire population. Most people really don't care what type of seat your kid sits in as long as you don't lecture them about it.

Fwiw my 8 year old is tall enough to sit with feet touching the ground and seat belt fitting properly in one of our cars. So he does. In the other thr seats are higher I guess and he uses a backless booster. I just mention it because its not a one size fits all rule. Kids are different and cars are different and I guess parents perception of risk is different too. And that's all fine. Just do the best you can with your kids and don't worry about others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good points, but I'd like to somewhat refute your implication that this is a flaw of old people. Your example of your father and FIL are simple anecdotes that don't extrapolate to other old people. Here's my anecdotal data:

When my son was a baby in the 1970s my mother insisted on buying us a car seat even though many people did not use them at all then. She was in her 50s.

Later when she was in her 80s she would sit on the front porch and get upset that the neighbors were allowing their young kids to ride bikes without helmets. She would yell at the kids "Your parents don't love you!" which I thought was a bit extreme but it worked, the parents got the kids some helmets and made them wear them.

You are right. It really seems to be mostly older men. My stepmom and MIL don’t seem to have an issue.

I wonder if they (my dad & FIL) would be as bothered if I had girls. Is it a “manliness” issue? Like real masculine little boys don’t need helmets or car harnesses? It’s very strange.

They adore my sons and I know they’d never want them hurt so I don’t know why this is such an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have yet to see an 11 year old in a high back booster. Good luck with that.

I didn’t say my 11-year-old will be in a backed booster. I said my 7-year-old is and both my kids will be in boosters until they are at the correct age/height for the seatbelt to not hit them across the neck. I’m sure in the next few years my youngest will get the backed booster and my oldest will graduate to the regular CostCo booster.

You said "some kind of booster" which obviously includes a high back one. Your kid is 7. Just you wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your single anecdote is not representing the entire population. Most people really don't care what type of seat your kid sits in as long as you don't lecture them about it.

Fwiw my 8 year old is tall enough to sit with feet touching the ground and seat belt fitting properly in one of our cars. So he does. In the other thr seats are higher I guess and he uses a backless booster. I just mention it because its not a one size fits all rule. Kids are different and cars are different and I guess parents perception of risk is different too. And that's all fine. Just do the best you can with your kids and don't worry about others.

Possibly. It’s definitely my personal experience with older men in my family and so I bet I just happen to see the attitude more “in the wild”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have yet to see an 11 year old in a high back booster. Good luck with that.

Ours was in a booster till 11 or so till they fit properly. No big deal. Its called parenting.

They were in a high back booster til 11?

Ours were in till about 8-9 depending on the car/if they fit in which seat and then a low back booster till about 11 till they fit properly in a seat belt. Some kids are more comfortable in a HBB but at a minimum till they fit properly they should be in a booster.

We kept our kids harnessed till about 6-7.