Big law attorneys who complain about the lifestyle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What irritates me is believing that making a choice to do something means you aren't allowed to complain about it. Becoming a parent, going to a rigorous school, getting married, taking a low-paying job, living close to family, etc. are all valid choices and they also have valid downsides. I get that it's a little off-putting to complain about a job that puts in in the top 1% of earners, but that objection is unrelated to the choice to take the job.

You have to choose your audience.

Everyone can complain about the aspects of their lives that are hard. But THINK about the person you are talking to before doing so.

Do you think it is appropriate for an UMC person to complain to their nanny or housekeeper, who is making maybe 40-60k yr in a labor intensive job, about their work? Especially if that nanny/housekeeper can see that this is someone who has a lot of flexibility to work remotely, lives in a nice house, can afford lots of nice electronics and clothes and high quality food? No, that's incredibly rude and poor form.

As a lawyer, would you complain to the paralegals or assistants in your office about how hard your job is and how many hours you work, knowing that not only do they make significantly less than you, but they also often suffer the same consequences of a difficult business that you do? They might not work exactly the same hours and don't have the same level of responsibility so not quite as much stress, but they are working hard on the exact same projects as you, in an often high stress environment. Is that the correct audience for you to complain about the challenges of your job? No, it absolutely is not.

Well guess what, the mom from down the street who chose to leave Big Law for a much lower paying legal career is ALSO not the right audience.

The truth is that the more money you make and have, the more selective you need to be about complaining. It is a downside of wealthy, but guess what? You have a ton of resources and can use them to find people to complain to. You can complain to your spouse, you can hire a therapist or life coach, you can develop relationships with colleagues on your level that enable you to vent about these aspects of the job. But no, you cannot complain about how demanding your very high paying job is to people who make much, much less than you and don't have the kind of relationship with you that obligates them to a very high level of empathy/tolerance of complaining. And that includes friends in very different economic situations. Grow up and accept this. Very few people owe you their time and bottomless empathy just because you have a very stressful, demanding job.

You are swinging against arguments nobody is making here. I know you're trying to make a point with your hyperbole here but not one person said anybody is *owed* empathy at all. I'm well aware of ring theory and the idea that complaining about golden handcuffs to your assistant is remotely like complaining to somebody who used to have a high-paying job and still an enviable standard of living is ridiculous. That's making yourself out to be some kind of victim that you are not.

Also, I've actually never complained about having a high-paying job because I've never had one, and I'd bet money I'll never earn what OP makes now.

Literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy because of their feelings of being trapped in Big Law, and complained that people are not working hard enough to understand where they are coming from. But they are not owed that empathy and, more to the point, will not get it. If you make a lot of money, other people do not care if your job is hard. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What irritates me is believing that making a choice to do something means you aren't allowed to complain about it. Becoming a parent, going to a rigorous school, getting married, taking a low-paying job, living close to family, etc. are all valid choices and they also have valid downsides. I get that it's a little off-putting to complain about a job that puts in in the top 1% of earners, but that objection is unrelated to the choice to take the job.

You have to choose your audience.

Everyone can complain about the aspects of their lives that are hard. But THINK about the person you are talking to before doing so.

Do you think it is appropriate for an UMC person to complain to their nanny or housekeeper, who is making maybe 40-60k yr in a labor intensive job, about their work? Especially if that nanny/housekeeper can see that this is someone who has a lot of flexibility to work remotely, lives in a nice house, can afford lots of nice electronics and clothes and high quality food? No, that's incredibly rude and poor form.

As a lawyer, would you complain to the paralegals or assistants in your office about how hard your job is and how many hours you work, knowing that not only do they make significantly less than you, but they also often suffer the same consequences of a difficult business that you do? They might not work exactly the same hours and don't have the same level of responsibility so not quite as much stress, but they are working hard on the exact same projects as you, in an often high stress environment. Is that the correct audience for you to complain about the challenges of your job? No, it absolutely is not.

Well guess what, the mom from down the street who chose to leave Big Law for a much lower paying legal career is ALSO not the right audience.

The truth is that the more money you make and have, the more selective you need to be about complaining. It is a downside of wealthy, but guess what? You have a ton of resources and can use them to find people to complain to. You can complain to your spouse, you can hire a therapist or life coach, you can develop relationships with colleagues on your level that enable you to vent about these aspects of the job. But no, you cannot complain about how demanding your very high paying job is to people who make much, much less than you and don't have the kind of relationship with you that obligates them to a very high level of empathy/tolerance of complaining. And that includes friends in very different economic situations. Grow up and accept this. Very few people owe you their time and bottomless empathy just because you have a very stressful, demanding job.

You are swinging against arguments nobody is making here. I know you're trying to make a point with your hyperbole here but not one person said anybody is *owed* empathy at all. I'm well aware of ring theory and the idea that complaining about golden handcuffs to your assistant is remotely like complaining to somebody who used to have a high-paying job and still an enviable standard of living is ridiculous. That's making yourself out to be some kind of victim that you are not.

Also, I've actually never complained about having a high-paying job because I've never had one, and I'd bet money I'll never earn what OP makes now.

Literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy because of their feelings of being trapped in Big Law, and complained that people are not working hard enough to understand where they are coming from. But they are not owed that empathy and, more to the point, will not get it. If you make a lot of money, other people do not care if your job is hard. The end.

Nope, nobody said they were owed empathy. That did not happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What irritates me is believing that making a choice to do something means you aren't allowed to complain about it. Becoming a parent, going to a rigorous school, getting married, taking a low-paying job, living close to family, etc. are all valid choices and they also have valid downsides. I get that it's a little off-putting to complain about a job that puts in in the top 1% of earners, but that objection is unrelated to the choice to take the job.

You have to choose your audience.

Everyone can complain about the aspects of their lives that are hard. But THINK about the person you are talking to before doing so.

Do you think it is appropriate for an UMC person to complain to their nanny or housekeeper, who is making maybe 40-60k yr in a labor intensive job, about their work? Especially if that nanny/housekeeper can see that this is someone who has a lot of flexibility to work remotely, lives in a nice house, can afford lots of nice electronics and clothes and high quality food? No, that's incredibly rude and poor form.

As a lawyer, would you complain to the paralegals or assistants in your office about how hard your job is and how many hours you work, knowing that not only do they make significantly less than you, but they also often suffer the same consequences of a difficult business that you do? They might not work exactly the same hours and don't have the same level of responsibility so not quite as much stress, but they are working hard on the exact same projects as you, in an often high stress environment. Is that the correct audience for you to complain about the challenges of your job? No, it absolutely is not.

Well guess what, the mom from down the street who chose to leave Big Law for a much lower paying legal career is ALSO not the right audience.

The truth is that the more money you make and have, the more selective you need to be about complaining. It is a downside of wealthy, but guess what? You have a ton of resources and can use them to find people to complain to. You can complain to your spouse, you can hire a therapist or life coach, you can develop relationships with colleagues on your level that enable you to vent about these aspects of the job. But no, you cannot complain about how demanding your very high paying job is to people who make much, much less than you and don't have the kind of relationship with you that obligates them to a very high level of empathy/tolerance of complaining. And that includes friends in very different economic situations. Grow up and accept this. Very few people owe you their time and bottomless empathy just because you have a very stressful, demanding job.

You are swinging against arguments nobody is making here. I know you're trying to make a point with your hyperbole here but not one person said anybody is *owed* empathy at all. I'm well aware of ring theory and the idea that complaining about golden handcuffs to your assistant is remotely like complaining to somebody who used to have a high-paying job and still an enviable standard of living is ridiculous. That's making yourself out to be some kind of victim that you are not.

Also, I've actually never complained about having a high-paying job because I've never had one, and I'd bet money I'll never earn what OP makes now.

Literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy because of their feelings of being trapped in Big Law, and complained that people are not working hard enough to understand where they are coming from. But they are not owed that empathy and, more to the point, will not get it. If you make a lot of money, other people do not care if your job is hard. The end.

Nope, nobody said they were owed empathy. That did not happen.

Not in so many words, but this is precisely what people are asking for when they keep arguing and arguing that "no we don't have a choice" and "you don't understand" and "it's harder than you think." That's demanding empathy. The point is that if you are at this income level, you are unlikely to get it from people at a lower income level. That's all. Be selective about who you complain to and in what way.

[Anonymous]

All you need to say to a parent at the bus stop is "huh, yeah, that's why I left" or "sounds hard!" and repeat as necessary. If it's that onerous, wear headphones and say you're catching up on a podcast.

But if someone is your friend, a significant fact about their life is that they work very long hours, and you can't do a certain amount of listening, you are petty and this will limit your friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am surprised this thread took off. To be clear, I did not mean that people in big law should never complain to anyone about their jobs, or that it is not an objectively tough career, or that I made perfect choices in my life (far from it!). I am actually a pretty empathetic person and will frequently serve as a sounding board for my friends and neighbors.

Everyone complains about things that are hard sometimes!

However, complaining and then following up with how despite how miserable you are, there is no way to change your circumstances is another thing entirely. It's especially egregious when your audience is a person or group of people who undoubtedly make way less money and you are specifically saying you can't do something different because it's impossible to live on less money, so you have no other options. I do not live in a super expensive neighborhood for DC so I challenge the notion that people would need a big law salary to pay their mortgage, though I get that everyone's finances are different. I am not saying it's easy to make a lateral move but most attorneys in this area have tons of options, especially compared to people without advanced degrees.

That's all!

Yup, the issue is not "I don't like my job" or "My job is stressful."

The issue is "I can't leave my job [because then I'd have to live the way you do, and YUCK]." Which, for the record, is actually what some people who complain about this issue actually mean. Some people don't mean it explicitly but may simply not be self-aware enough to realize it's implied. And some people don't mean it at all but still lack self-awareness in how it is interpreted.

Oh you don’t like feeling looked down on for your choices? Then I am sure you’re absolutely fastidious to NEVER make a comment that could be construed as thinking parents working biglaw being hard for kids, or implying that “I could never raise my kids with that schedule, YUCK.” That would just completely lack ANY self-awareness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What irritates me is believing that making a choice to do something means you aren't allowed to complain about it. Becoming a parent, going to a rigorous school, getting married, taking a low-paying job, living close to family, etc. are all valid choices and they also have valid downsides. I get that it's a little off-putting to complain about a job that puts in in the top 1% of earners, but that objection is unrelated to the choice to take the job.

You have to choose your audience.

Everyone can complain about the aspects of their lives that are hard. But THINK about the person you are talking to before doing so.

Do you think it is appropriate for an UMC person to complain to their nanny or housekeeper, who is making maybe 40-60k yr in a labor intensive job, about their work? Especially if that nanny/housekeeper can see that this is someone who has a lot of flexibility to work remotely, lives in a nice house, can afford lots of nice electronics and clothes and high quality food? No, that's incredibly rude and poor form.

As a lawyer, would you complain to the paralegals or assistants in your office about how hard your job is and how many hours you work, knowing that not only do they make significantly less than you, but they also often suffer the same consequences of a difficult business that you do? They might not work exactly the same hours and don't have the same level of responsibility so not quite as much stress, but they are working hard on the exact same projects as you, in an often high stress environment. Is that the correct audience for you to complain about the challenges of your job? No, it absolutely is not.

Well guess what, the mom from down the street who chose to leave Big Law for a much lower paying legal career is ALSO not the right audience.

The truth is that the more money you make and have, the more selective you need to be about complaining. It is a downside of wealthy, but guess what? You have a ton of resources and can use them to find people to complain to. You can complain to your spouse, you can hire a therapist or life coach, you can develop relationships with colleagues on your level that enable you to vent about these aspects of the job. But no, you cannot complain about how demanding your very high paying job is to people who make much, much less than you and don't have the kind of relationship with you that obligates them to a very high level of empathy/tolerance of complaining. And that includes friends in very different economic situations. Grow up and accept this. Very few people owe you their time and bottomless empathy just because you have a very stressful, demanding job.

You are swinging against arguments nobody is making here. I know you're trying to make a point with your hyperbole here but not one person said anybody is *owed* empathy at all. I'm well aware of ring theory and the idea that complaining about golden handcuffs to your assistant is remotely like complaining to somebody who used to have a high-paying job and still an enviable standard of living is ridiculous. That's making yourself out to be some kind of victim that you are not.

Also, I've actually never complained about having a high-paying job because I've never had one, and I'd bet money I'll never earn what OP makes now.

Literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy because of their feelings of being trapped in Big Law, and complained that people are not working hard enough to understand where they are coming from. But they are not owed that empathy and, more to the point, will not get it. If you make a lot of money, other people do not care if your job is hard. The end.

Nope, nobody said they were owed empathy. That did not happen.

Not in so many words, but this is precisely what people are asking for when they keep arguing and arguing that "no we don't have a choice" and "you don't understand" and "it's harder than you think." That's demanding empathy. The point is that if you are at this income level, you are unlikely to get it from people at a lower income level. That's all. Be selective about who you complain to and in what way.

PP said "literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy." So, that was wrong, and you're assuming a lot of subtext in those statements in order to interpret them as "demanding empathy," when the more likely interpretation is that they were just trying to explain to OP why she is wrong to be so sure somebody could get a more flexible job and stay in the same area.

I think we can all agree that you should be selective about who you complain to and it's likely that these people shouldn't complain about those things, but that was not the only point OP was making.

And as I said before, honestly it's really obnoxious for OP, who lives a lifestyle that the majority of the world could only dream of, to complain about somebody being tone-deaf about how much money they make. I don't feel sorry for those big law partners and I also do not feel sorry for her feeling sensitive and slighted about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What irritates me is believing that making a choice to do something means you aren't allowed to complain about it. Becoming a parent, going to a rigorous school, getting married, taking a low-paying job, living close to family, etc. are all valid choices and they also have valid downsides. I get that it's a little off-putting to complain about a job that puts in in the top 1% of earners, but that objection is unrelated to the choice to take the job.

You have to choose your audience.

Everyone can complain about the aspects of their lives that are hard. But THINK about the person you are talking to before doing so.

Do you think it is appropriate for an UMC person to complain to their nanny or housekeeper, who is making maybe 40-60k yr in a labor intensive job, about their work? Especially if that nanny/housekeeper can see that this is someone who has a lot of flexibility to work remotely, lives in a nice house, can afford lots of nice electronics and clothes and high quality food? No, that's incredibly rude and poor form.

As a lawyer, would you complain to the paralegals or assistants in your office about how hard your job is and how many hours you work, knowing that not only do they make significantly less than you, but they also often suffer the same consequences of a difficult business that you do? They might not work exactly the same hours and don't have the same level of responsibility so not quite as much stress, but they are working hard on the exact same projects as you, in an often high stress environment. Is that the correct audience for you to complain about the challenges of your job? No, it absolutely is not.

Well guess what, the mom from down the street who chose to leave Big Law for a much lower paying legal career is ALSO not the right audience.

The truth is that the more money you make and have, the more selective you need to be about complaining. It is a downside of wealthy, but guess what? You have a ton of resources and can use them to find people to complain to. You can complain to your spouse, you can hire a therapist or life coach, you can develop relationships with colleagues on your level that enable you to vent about these aspects of the job. But no, you cannot complain about how demanding your very high paying job is to people who make much, much less than you and don't have the kind of relationship with you that obligates them to a very high level of empathy/tolerance of complaining. And that includes friends in very different economic situations. Grow up and accept this. Very few people owe you their time and bottomless empathy just because you have a very stressful, demanding job.

You are swinging against arguments nobody is making here. I know you're trying to make a point with your hyperbole here but not one person said anybody is *owed* empathy at all. I'm well aware of ring theory and the idea that complaining about golden handcuffs to your assistant is remotely like complaining to somebody who used to have a high-paying job and still an enviable standard of living is ridiculous. That's making yourself out to be some kind of victim that you are not.

Also, I've actually never complained about having a high-paying job because I've never had one, and I'd bet money I'll never earn what OP makes now.

Literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy because of their feelings of being trapped in Big Law, and complained that people are not working hard enough to understand where they are coming from. But they are not owed that empathy and, more to the point, will not get it. If you make a lot of money, other people do not care if your job is hard. The end.

Nope, nobody said they were owed empathy. That did not happen.

Not in so many words, but this is precisely what people are asking for when they keep arguing and arguing that "no we don't have a choice" and "you don't understand" and "it's harder than you think." That's demanding empathy. The point is that if you are at this income level, you are unlikely to get it from people at a lower income level. That's all. Be selective about who you complain to and in what way.

I posted about how hard it is to exit.

NO, I was NOT making a bid for your empathy. I don’t need it. I was pointing out the factual inaccuracy of the claim that you can just easily waltz of our biglaw into a job with better work/life balance, if you’re just willing to take a pay cut. It wasn’t true for me, and for many of my friends, it meant several more miserable years in big law while they kept scrambling for the exits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I am surprised this thread took off. To be clear, I did not mean that people in big law should never complain to anyone about their jobs, or that it is not an objectively tough career, or that I made perfect choices in my life (far from it!). I am actually a pretty empathetic person and will frequently serve as a sounding board for my friends and neighbors.

Everyone complains about things that are hard sometimes!

However, complaining and then following up with how despite how miserable you are, there is no way to change your circumstances is another thing entirely. It's especially egregious when your audience is a person or group of people who undoubtedly make way less money and you are specifically saying you can't do something different because it's impossible to live on less money, so you have no other options. I do not live in a super expensive neighborhood for DC so I challenge the notion that people would need a big law salary to pay their mortgage, though I get that everyone's finances are different. I am not saying it's easy to make a lateral move but most attorneys in this area have tons of options, especially compared to people without advanced degrees.

That's all!

Yup, the issue is not "I don't like my job" or "My job is stressful."

The issue is "I can't leave my job [because then I'd have to live the way you do, and YUCK]." Which, for the record, is actually what some people who complain about this issue actually mean. Some people don't mean it explicitly but may simply not be self-aware enough to realize it's implied. And some people don't mean it at all but still lack self-awareness in how it is interpreted.

Oh you don’t like feeling looked down on for your choices? Then I am sure you’re absolutely fastidious to NEVER make a comment that could be construed as thinking parents working biglaw being hard for kids, or implying that “I could never raise my kids with that schedule, YUCK.” That would just completely lack ANY self-awareness.

I definitely never say stuff like that to any of my friends in Big Law, especially not women working in those jobs because I think the industry desperately needs more women working in those firms and at that level.

I will say that most of the Big Law lawyers I know, if someone made comments like that to them, they would (1) snap right back, and (2) think that person was a jerk.

So it runs both ways here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What irritates me is believing that making a choice to do something means you aren't allowed to complain about it. Becoming a parent, going to a rigorous school, getting married, taking a low-paying job, living close to family, etc. are all valid choices and they also have valid downsides. I get that it's a little off-putting to complain about a job that puts in in the top 1% of earners, but that objection is unrelated to the choice to take the job.

You have to choose your audience.

Everyone can complain about the aspects of their lives that are hard. But THINK about the person you are talking to before doing so.

Do you think it is appropriate for an UMC person to complain to their nanny or housekeeper, who is making maybe 40-60k yr in a labor intensive job, about their work? Especially if that nanny/housekeeper can see that this is someone who has a lot of flexibility to work remotely, lives in a nice house, can afford lots of nice electronics and clothes and high quality food? No, that's incredibly rude and poor form.

As a lawyer, would you complain to the paralegals or assistants in your office about how hard your job is and how many hours you work, knowing that not only do they make significantly less than you, but they also often suffer the same consequences of a difficult business that you do? They might not work exactly the same hours and don't have the same level of responsibility so not quite as much stress, but they are working hard on the exact same projects as you, in an often high stress environment. Is that the correct audience for you to complain about the challenges of your job? No, it absolutely is not.

Well guess what, the mom from down the street who chose to leave Big Law for a much lower paying legal career is ALSO not the right audience.

The truth is that the more money you make and have, the more selective you need to be about complaining. It is a downside of wealthy, but guess what? You have a ton of resources and can use them to find people to complain to. You can complain to your spouse, you can hire a therapist or life coach, you can develop relationships with colleagues on your level that enable you to vent about these aspects of the job. But no, you cannot complain about how demanding your very high paying job is to people who make much, much less than you and don't have the kind of relationship with you that obligates them to a very high level of empathy/tolerance of complaining. And that includes friends in very different economic situations. Grow up and accept this. Very few people owe you their time and bottomless empathy just because you have a very stressful, demanding job.

You are swinging against arguments nobody is making here. I know you're trying to make a point with your hyperbole here but not one person said anybody is *owed* empathy at all. I'm well aware of ring theory and the idea that complaining about golden handcuffs to your assistant is remotely like complaining to somebody who used to have a high-paying job and still an enviable standard of living is ridiculous. That's making yourself out to be some kind of victim that you are not.

Also, I've actually never complained about having a high-paying job because I've never had one, and I'd bet money I'll never earn what OP makes now.

Literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy because of their feelings of being trapped in Big Law, and complained that people are not working hard enough to understand where they are coming from. But they are not owed that empathy and, more to the point, will not get it. If you make a lot of money, other people do not care if your job is hard. The end.

Nope, nobody said they were owed empathy. That did not happen.

Not in so many words, but this is precisely what people are asking for when they keep arguing and arguing that "no we don't have a choice" and "you don't understand" and "it's harder than you think." That's demanding empathy. The point is that if you are at this income level, you are unlikely to get it from people at a lower income level. That's all. Be selective about who you complain to and in what way.

PP said "literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy." So, that was wrong, and you're assuming a lot of subtext in those statements in order to interpret them as "demanding empathy," when the more likely interpretation is that they were just trying to explain to OP why she is wrong to be so sure somebody could get a more flexible job and stay in the same area.

I think we can all agree that you should be selective about who you complain to and it's likely that these people shouldn't complain about those things, but that was not the only point OP was making.

And as I said before, honestly it's really obnoxious for OP, who lives a lifestyle that the majority of the world could only dream of, to complain about somebody being tone-deaf about how much money they make. I don't feel sorry for those big law partners and I also do not feel sorry for her feeling sensitive and slighted about this.

OP here. Where did I ever say I felt slighted? I am not asking for pity at all.

I am merely saying I find it annoying, and yes, tone-deaf, for people to make this specific complaint and it seems like lawyers do it at a higher proportion than other professions. I actually don't care about this topic nearly as much as some of you seem to.

Truly, I feel bad for someone who is unhappy and feels like they have no control over their circumstances, even if factually, they do. I have been in that position and it is not a great feeling. I am fully aware that we live a lifestyle most people could only dream of -- in fact, I said that in my OP! I am from a crappy little midwestern town and am happy to be here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What irritates me is believing that making a choice to do something means you aren't allowed to complain about it. Becoming a parent, going to a rigorous school, getting married, taking a low-paying job, living close to family, etc. are all valid choices and they also have valid downsides. I get that it's a little off-putting to complain about a job that puts in in the top 1% of earners, but that objection is unrelated to the choice to take the job.

You have to choose your audience.

Everyone can complain about the aspects of their lives that are hard. But THINK about the person you are talking to before doing so.

Do you think it is appropriate for an UMC person to complain to their nanny or housekeeper, who is making maybe 40-60k yr in a labor intensive job, about their work? Especially if that nanny/housekeeper can see that this is someone who has a lot of flexibility to work remotely, lives in a nice house, can afford lots of nice electronics and clothes and high quality food? No, that's incredibly rude and poor form.

As a lawyer, would you complain to the paralegals or assistants in your office about how hard your job is and how many hours you work, knowing that not only do they make significantly less than you, but they also often suffer the same consequences of a difficult business that you do? They might not work exactly the same hours and don't have the same level of responsibility so not quite as much stress, but they are working hard on the exact same projects as you, in an often high stress environment. Is that the correct audience for you to complain about the challenges of your job? No, it absolutely is not.

Well guess what, the mom from down the street who chose to leave Big Law for a much lower paying legal career is ALSO not the right audience.

The truth is that the more money you make and have, the more selective you need to be about complaining. It is a downside of wealthy, but guess what? You have a ton of resources and can use them to find people to complain to. You can complain to your spouse, you can hire a therapist or life coach, you can develop relationships with colleagues on your level that enable you to vent about these aspects of the job. But no, you cannot complain about how demanding your very high paying job is to people who make much, much less than you and don't have the kind of relationship with you that obligates them to a very high level of empathy/tolerance of complaining. And that includes friends in very different economic situations. Grow up and accept this. Very few people owe you their time and bottomless empathy just because you have a very stressful, demanding job.

You are swinging against arguments nobody is making here. I know you're trying to make a point with your hyperbole here but not one person said anybody is *owed* empathy at all. I'm well aware of ring theory and the idea that complaining about golden handcuffs to your assistant is remotely like complaining to somebody who used to have a high-paying job and still an enviable standard of living is ridiculous. That's making yourself out to be some kind of victim that you are not.

Also, I've actually never complained about having a high-paying job because I've never had one, and I'd bet money I'll never earn what OP makes now.

Literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy because of their feelings of being trapped in Big Law, and complained that people are not working hard enough to understand where they are coming from. But they are not owed that empathy and, more to the point, will not get it. If you make a lot of money, other people do not care if your job is hard. The end.

Nope, nobody said they were owed empathy. That did not happen.

Not in so many words, but this is precisely what people are asking for when they keep arguing and arguing that "no we don't have a choice" and "you don't understand" and "it's harder than you think." That's demanding empathy. The point is that if you are at this income level, you are unlikely to get it from people at a lower income level. That's all. Be selective about who you complain to and in what way.

I posted about how hard it is to exit.

NO, I was NOT making a bid for your empathy. I don’t need it. I was pointing out the factual inaccuracy of the claim that you can just easily waltz of our biglaw into a job with better work/life balance, if you’re just willing to take a pay cut. It wasn’t true for me, and for many of my friends, it meant several more miserable years in big law while they kept scrambling for the exits.

But see here you are complaining people took your words out of context and then saying that anyone claimed that you can "easily waltz out of biglaw into a job with better work/life balance." No one said that. They said the option is there if you are willing to take it, and sure, it might take a few years to find the right opportunity, and that there might be sacrifice and a reconfiguration of priorities involved. And no matter how many times people said this, you came back with "but, but, but" and a list of reasons as to why it was super hard. That's you seeking empathy for your predicament and not really getting that, hey, a lot of us actually made those hard decisions and made that move happen, so we know exactly how hard it is, and it's not the impossible situation you are laying it out as.

You didn't want to give up the money. Understandable, but not pitiable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What irritates me is believing that making a choice to do something means you aren't allowed to complain about it. Becoming a parent, going to a rigorous school, getting married, taking a low-paying job, living close to family, etc. are all valid choices and they also have valid downsides. I get that it's a little off-putting to complain about a job that puts in in the top 1% of earners, but that objection is unrelated to the choice to take the job.

You have to choose your audience.

Everyone can complain about the aspects of their lives that are hard. But THINK about the person you are talking to before doing so.

Do you think it is appropriate for an UMC person to complain to their nanny or housekeeper, who is making maybe 40-60k yr in a labor intensive job, about their work? Especially if that nanny/housekeeper can see that this is someone who has a lot of flexibility to work remotely, lives in a nice house, can afford lots of nice electronics and clothes and high quality food? No, that's incredibly rude and poor form.

As a lawyer, would you complain to the paralegals or assistants in your office about how hard your job is and how many hours you work, knowing that not only do they make significantly less than you, but they also often suffer the same consequences of a difficult business that you do? They might not work exactly the same hours and don't have the same level of responsibility so not quite as much stress, but they are working hard on the exact same projects as you, in an often high stress environment. Is that the correct audience for you to complain about the challenges of your job? No, it absolutely is not.

Well guess what, the mom from down the street who chose to leave Big Law for a much lower paying legal career is ALSO not the right audience.

The truth is that the more money you make and have, the more selective you need to be about complaining. It is a downside of wealthy, but guess what? You have a ton of resources and can use them to find people to complain to. You can complain to your spouse, you can hire a therapist or life coach, you can develop relationships with colleagues on your level that enable you to vent about these aspects of the job. But no, you cannot complain about how demanding your very high paying job is to people who make much, much less than you and don't have the kind of relationship with you that obligates them to a very high level of empathy/tolerance of complaining. And that includes friends in very different economic situations. Grow up and accept this. Very few people owe you their time and bottomless empathy just because you have a very stressful, demanding job.

You are swinging against arguments nobody is making here. I know you're trying to make a point with your hyperbole here but not one person said anybody is *owed* empathy at all. I'm well aware of ring theory and the idea that complaining about golden handcuffs to your assistant is remotely like complaining to somebody who used to have a high-paying job and still an enviable standard of living is ridiculous. That's making yourself out to be some kind of victim that you are not.

Also, I've actually never complained about having a high-paying job because I've never had one, and I'd bet money I'll never earn what OP makes now.

Literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy because of their feelings of being trapped in Big Law, and complained that people are not working hard enough to understand where they are coming from. But they are not owed that empathy and, more to the point, will not get it. If you make a lot of money, other people do not care if your job is hard. The end.

Nope, nobody said they were owed empathy. That did not happen.

Not in so many words, but this is precisely what people are asking for when they keep arguing and arguing that "no we don't have a choice" and "you don't understand" and "it's harder than you think." That's demanding empathy. The point is that if you are at this income level, you are unlikely to get it from people at a lower income level. That's all. Be selective about who you complain to and in what way.

PP said "literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy." So, that was wrong, and you're assuming a lot of subtext in those statements in order to interpret them as "demanding empathy," when the more likely interpretation is that they were just trying to explain to OP why she is wrong to be so sure somebody could get a more flexible job and stay in the same area.

I think we can all agree that you should be selective about who you complain to and it's likely that these people shouldn't complain about those things, but that was not the only point OP was making.

And as I said before, honestly it's really obnoxious for OP, who lives a lifestyle that the majority of the world could only dream of, to complain about somebody being tone-deaf about how much money they make. I don't feel sorry for those big law partners and I also do not feel sorry for her feeling sensitive and slighted about this.

OP here. Where did I ever say I felt slighted? I am not asking for pity at all.

I am merely saying I find it annoying, and yes, tone-deaf, for people to make this specific complaint and it seems like lawyers do it at a higher proportion than other professions. I actually don't care about this topic nearly as much as some of you seem to.

Truly, I feel bad for someone who is unhappy and feels like they have no control over their circumstances, even if factually, they do. I have been in that position and it is not a great feeling. I am fully aware that we live a lifestyle most people could only dream of -- in fact, I said that in my OP! I am from a crappy little midwestern town and am happy to be here!

+1, the level of defensiveness on this thread!

On the other hand, this is a great example of how lawyers will argue ANYTHING into the ground. This is why no one else likes us! Apparently we can't stand each other, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What irritates me is believing that making a choice to do something means you aren't allowed to complain about it. Becoming a parent, going to a rigorous school, getting married, taking a low-paying job, living close to family, etc. are all valid choices and they also have valid downsides. I get that it's a little off-putting to complain about a job that puts in in the top 1% of earners, but that objection is unrelated to the choice to take the job.

You have to choose your audience.

Everyone can complain about the aspects of their lives that are hard. But THINK about the person you are talking to before doing so.

Do you think it is appropriate for an UMC person to complain to their nanny or housekeeper, who is making maybe 40-60k yr in a labor intensive job, about their work? Especially if that nanny/housekeeper can see that this is someone who has a lot of flexibility to work remotely, lives in a nice house, can afford lots of nice electronics and clothes and high quality food? No, that's incredibly rude and poor form.

As a lawyer, would you complain to the paralegals or assistants in your office about how hard your job is and how many hours you work, knowing that not only do they make significantly less than you, but they also often suffer the same consequences of a difficult business that you do? They might not work exactly the same hours and don't have the same level of responsibility so not quite as much stress, but they are working hard on the exact same projects as you, in an often high stress environment. Is that the correct audience for you to complain about the challenges of your job? No, it absolutely is not.

Well guess what, the mom from down the street who chose to leave Big Law for a much lower paying legal career is ALSO not the right audience.

The truth is that the more money you make and have, the more selective you need to be about complaining. It is a downside of wealthy, but guess what? You have a ton of resources and can use them to find people to complain to. You can complain to your spouse, you can hire a therapist or life coach, you can develop relationships with colleagues on your level that enable you to vent about these aspects of the job. But no, you cannot complain about how demanding your very high paying job is to people who make much, much less than you and don't have the kind of relationship with you that obligates them to a very high level of empathy/tolerance of complaining. And that includes friends in very different economic situations. Grow up and accept this. Very few people owe you their time and bottomless empathy just because you have a very stressful, demanding job.

You are swinging against arguments nobody is making here. I know you're trying to make a point with your hyperbole here but not one person said anybody is *owed* empathy at all. I'm well aware of ring theory and the idea that complaining about golden handcuffs to your assistant is remotely like complaining to somebody who used to have a high-paying job and still an enviable standard of living is ridiculous. That's making yourself out to be some kind of victim that you are not.

Also, I've actually never complained about having a high-paying job because I've never had one, and I'd bet money I'll never earn what OP makes now.

Literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy because of their feelings of being trapped in Big Law, and complained that people are not working hard enough to understand where they are coming from. But they are not owed that empathy and, more to the point, will not get it. If you make a lot of money, other people do not care if your job is hard. The end.

Nope, nobody said they were owed empathy. That did not happen.

Not in so many words, but this is precisely what people are asking for when they keep arguing and arguing that "no we don't have a choice" and "you don't understand" and "it's harder than you think." That's demanding empathy. The point is that if you are at this income level, you are unlikely to get it from people at a lower income level. That's all. Be selective about who you complain to and in what way.

PP said "literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy." So, that was wrong, and you're assuming a lot of subtext in those statements in order to interpret them as "demanding empathy," when the more likely interpretation is that they were just trying to explain to OP why she is wrong to be so sure somebody could get a more flexible job and stay in the same area.

I think we can all agree that you should be selective about who you complain to and it's likely that these people shouldn't complain about those things, but that was not the only point OP was making.

And as I said before, honestly it's really obnoxious for OP, who lives a lifestyle that the majority of the world could only dream of, to complain about somebody being tone-deaf about how much money they make. I don't feel sorry for those big law partners and I also do not feel sorry for her feeling sensitive and slighted about this.

OP here. Where did I ever say I felt slighted? I am not asking for pity at all.

I am merely saying I find it annoying, and yes, tone-deaf, for people to make this specific complaint and it seems like lawyers do it at a higher proportion than other professions. I actually don't care about this topic nearly as much as some of you seem to.

Truly, I feel bad for someone who is unhappy and feels like they have no control over their circumstances, even if factually, they do. I have been in that position and it is not a great feeling. I am fully aware that we live a lifestyle most people could only dream of -- in fact, I said that in my OP! I am from a crappy little midwestern town and am happy to be here!

Well I think it's annoying and tone deaf for you to bring up little you earn in comparison to these big law partners when you probably have an HHI of over 100K with a great work-life balance. If you hadn't brought up the fact that it's tone deaf *because* they earn more, and just said that you feel bad for them that they couldn't see a way out of their circumstances, I'd generally agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What irritates me is believing that making a choice to do something means you aren't allowed to complain about it. Becoming a parent, going to a rigorous school, getting married, taking a low-paying job, living close to family, etc. are all valid choices and they also have valid downsides. I get that it's a little off-putting to complain about a job that puts in in the top 1% of earners, but that objection is unrelated to the choice to take the job.

You have to choose your audience.

Everyone can complain about the aspects of their lives that are hard. But THINK about the person you are talking to before doing so.

Do you think it is appropriate for an UMC person to complain to their nanny or housekeeper, who is making maybe 40-60k yr in a labor intensive job, about their work? Especially if that nanny/housekeeper can see that this is someone who has a lot of flexibility to work remotely, lives in a nice house, can afford lots of nice electronics and clothes and high quality food? No, that's incredibly rude and poor form.

As a lawyer, would you complain to the paralegals or assistants in your office about how hard your job is and how many hours you work, knowing that not only do they make significantly less than you, but they also often suffer the same consequences of a difficult business that you do? They might not work exactly the same hours and don't have the same level of responsibility so not quite as much stress, but they are working hard on the exact same projects as you, in an often high stress environment. Is that the correct audience for you to complain about the challenges of your job? No, it absolutely is not.

Well guess what, the mom from down the street who chose to leave Big Law for a much lower paying legal career is ALSO not the right audience.

The truth is that the more money you make and have, the more selective you need to be about complaining. It is a downside of wealthy, but guess what? You have a ton of resources and can use them to find people to complain to. You can complain to your spouse, you can hire a therapist or life coach, you can develop relationships with colleagues on your level that enable you to vent about these aspects of the job. But no, you cannot complain about how demanding your very high paying job is to people who make much, much less than you and don't have the kind of relationship with you that obligates them to a very high level of empathy/tolerance of complaining. And that includes friends in very different economic situations. Grow up and accept this. Very few people owe you their time and bottomless empathy just because you have a very stressful, demanding job.

You are swinging against arguments nobody is making here. I know you're trying to make a point with your hyperbole here but not one person said anybody is *owed* empathy at all. I'm well aware of ring theory and the idea that complaining about golden handcuffs to your assistant is remotely like complaining to somebody who used to have a high-paying job and still an enviable standard of living is ridiculous. That's making yourself out to be some kind of victim that you are not.

Also, I've actually never complained about having a high-paying job because I've never had one, and I'd bet money I'll never earn what OP makes now.

Literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy because of their feelings of being trapped in Big Law, and complained that people are not working hard enough to understand where they are coming from. But they are not owed that empathy and, more to the point, will not get it. If you make a lot of money, other people do not care if your job is hard. The end.

Nope, nobody said they were owed empathy. That did not happen.

Not in so many words, but this is precisely what people are asking for when they keep arguing and arguing that "no we don't have a choice" and "you don't understand" and "it's harder than you think." That's demanding empathy. The point is that if you are at this income level, you are unlikely to get it from people at a lower income level. That's all. Be selective about who you complain to and in what way.

I posted about how hard it is to exit.

NO, I was NOT making a bid for your empathy. I don’t need it. I was pointing out the factual inaccuracy of the claim that you can just easily waltz of our biglaw into a job with better work/life balance, if you’re just willing to take a pay cut. It wasn’t true for me, and for many of my friends, it meant several more miserable years in big law while they kept scrambling for the exits.

But see here you are complaining people took your words out of context and then saying that anyone claimed that you can "easily waltz out of biglaw into a job with better work/life balance." No one said that. They said the option is there if you are willing to take it, and sure, it might take a few years to find the right opportunity, and that there might be sacrifice and a reconfiguration of priorities involved. And no matter how many times people said this, you came back with "but, but, but" and a list of reasons as to why it was super hard. That's you seeking empathy for your predicament and not really getting that, hey, a lot of us actually made those hard decisions and made that move happen, so we know exactly how hard it is, and it's not the impossible situation you are laying it out as.

You didn't want to give up the money. Understandable, but not pitiable.

I didn’t say it’s impossible. I am saying it’s a difficult multi-year process. Which leaves lots of time to complain about feeling stuck, no matter how big a pay cut you’re willing to take.


As for the bolded, you couldn’t be more wrong, and you really outted yourself as someone who makes a lot of faulty assumptions. My personal story has nothing to do with needing the money. I planned my whole life around exiting. I bought a house that cost $500k in an exurb and never took out a car loan. I started applying for “exit” jobs as a mid level (that’s when everyone says you become marketable). Nothing ever came through (I only got one fed gov interview the whole time). I went from being promoted to counsel to a SAHM.

And heck, I’m still at it. I just applied to a trade association today.

Anyway. Try to stop making assumptions about other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What irritates me is believing that making a choice to do something means you aren't allowed to complain about it. Becoming a parent, going to a rigorous school, getting married, taking a low-paying job, living close to family, etc. are all valid choices and they also have valid downsides. I get that it's a little off-putting to complain about a job that puts in in the top 1% of earners, but that objection is unrelated to the choice to take the job.

You have to choose your audience.

Everyone can complain about the aspects of their lives that are hard. But THINK about the person you are talking to before doing so.

Do you think it is appropriate for an UMC person to complain to their nanny or housekeeper, who is making maybe 40-60k yr in a labor intensive job, about their work? Especially if that nanny/housekeeper can see that this is someone who has a lot of flexibility to work remotely, lives in a nice house, can afford lots of nice electronics and clothes and high quality food? No, that's incredibly rude and poor form.

As a lawyer, would you complain to the paralegals or assistants in your office about how hard your job is and how many hours you work, knowing that not only do they make significantly less than you, but they also often suffer the same consequences of a difficult business that you do? They might not work exactly the same hours and don't have the same level of responsibility so not quite as much stress, but they are working hard on the exact same projects as you, in an often high stress environment. Is that the correct audience for you to complain about the challenges of your job? No, it absolutely is not.

Well guess what, the mom from down the street who chose to leave Big Law for a much lower paying legal career is ALSO not the right audience.

The truth is that the more money you make and have, the more selective you need to be about complaining. It is a downside of wealthy, but guess what? You have a ton of resources and can use them to find people to complain to. You can complain to your spouse, you can hire a therapist or life coach, you can develop relationships with colleagues on your level that enable you to vent about these aspects of the job. But no, you cannot complain about how demanding your very high paying job is to people who make much, much less than you and don't have the kind of relationship with you that obligates them to a very high level of empathy/tolerance of complaining. And that includes friends in very different economic situations. Grow up and accept this. Very few people owe you their time and bottomless empathy just because you have a very stressful, demanding job.

You are swinging against arguments nobody is making here. I know you're trying to make a point with your hyperbole here but not one person said anybody is *owed* empathy at all. I'm well aware of ring theory and the idea that complaining about golden handcuffs to your assistant is remotely like complaining to somebody who used to have a high-paying job and still an enviable standard of living is ridiculous. That's making yourself out to be some kind of victim that you are not.

Also, I've actually never complained about having a high-paying job because I've never had one, and I'd bet money I'll never earn what OP makes now.

Literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy because of their feelings of being trapped in Big Law, and complained that people are not working hard enough to understand where they are coming from. But they are not owed that empathy and, more to the point, will not get it. If you make a lot of money, other people do not care if your job is hard. The end.

Nope, nobody said they were owed empathy. That did not happen.

Not in so many words, but this is precisely what people are asking for when they keep arguing and arguing that "no we don't have a choice" and "you don't understand" and "it's harder than you think." That's demanding empathy. The point is that if you are at this income level, you are unlikely to get it from people at a lower income level. That's all. Be selective about who you complain to and in what way.

I posted about how hard it is to exit.

NO, I was NOT making a bid for your empathy. I don’t need it. I was pointing out the factual inaccuracy of the claim that you can just easily waltz of our biglaw into a job with better work/life balance, if you’re just willing to take a pay cut. It wasn’t true for me, and for many of my friends, it meant several more miserable years in big law while they kept scrambling for the exits.

But see here you are complaining people took your words out of context and then saying that anyone claimed that you can "easily waltz out of biglaw into a job with better work/life balance." No one said that. They said the option is there if you are willing to take it, and sure, it might take a few years to find the right opportunity, and that there might be sacrifice and a reconfiguration of priorities involved. And no matter how many times people said this, you came back with "but, but, but" and a list of reasons as to why it was super hard. That's you seeking empathy for your predicament and not really getting that, hey, a lot of us actually made those hard decisions and made that move happen, so we know exactly how hard it is, and it's not the impossible situation you are laying it out as.

You didn't want to give up the money. Understandable, but not pitiable.

DP. I actually think you can really say that the substance of "you can easily waltz out of big law into a job with better work-life balance" is the same as "if they wanted to make it happen they could" and "it's not that hard to live on a smaller salary." You can't say that "here are the reasons why I can't leave my job" is the same as "I am owed empathy."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What irritates me is believing that making a choice to do something means you aren't allowed to complain about it. Becoming a parent, going to a rigorous school, getting married, taking a low-paying job, living close to family, etc. are all valid choices and they also have valid downsides. I get that it's a little off-putting to complain about a job that puts in in the top 1% of earners, but that objection is unrelated to the choice to take the job.

You have to choose your audience.

Everyone can complain about the aspects of their lives that are hard. But THINK about the person you are talking to before doing so.

Do you think it is appropriate for an UMC person to complain to their nanny or housekeeper, who is making maybe 40-60k yr in a labor intensive job, about their work? Especially if that nanny/housekeeper can see that this is someone who has a lot of flexibility to work remotely, lives in a nice house, can afford lots of nice electronics and clothes and high quality food? No, that's incredibly rude and poor form.

As a lawyer, would you complain to the paralegals or assistants in your office about how hard your job is and how many hours you work, knowing that not only do they make significantly less than you, but they also often suffer the same consequences of a difficult business that you do? They might not work exactly the same hours and don't have the same level of responsibility so not quite as much stress, but they are working hard on the exact same projects as you, in an often high stress environment. Is that the correct audience for you to complain about the challenges of your job? No, it absolutely is not.

Well guess what, the mom from down the street who chose to leave Big Law for a much lower paying legal career is ALSO not the right audience.

The truth is that the more money you make and have, the more selective you need to be about complaining. It is a downside of wealthy, but guess what? You have a ton of resources and can use them to find people to complain to. You can complain to your spouse, you can hire a therapist or life coach, you can develop relationships with colleagues on your level that enable you to vent about these aspects of the job. But no, you cannot complain about how demanding your very high paying job is to people who make much, much less than you and don't have the kind of relationship with you that obligates them to a very high level of empathy/tolerance of complaining. And that includes friends in very different economic situations. Grow up and accept this. Very few people owe you their time and bottomless empathy just because you have a very stressful, demanding job.

You are swinging against arguments nobody is making here. I know you're trying to make a point with your hyperbole here but not one person said anybody is *owed* empathy at all. I'm well aware of ring theory and the idea that complaining about golden handcuffs to your assistant is remotely like complaining to somebody who used to have a high-paying job and still an enviable standard of living is ridiculous. That's making yourself out to be some kind of victim that you are not.

Also, I've actually never complained about having a high-paying job because I've never had one, and I'd bet money I'll never earn what OP makes now.

Literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy because of their feelings of being trapped in Big Law, and complained that people are not working hard enough to understand where they are coming from. But they are not owed that empathy and, more to the point, will not get it. If you make a lot of money, other people do not care if your job is hard. The end.

Nope, nobody said they were owed empathy. That did not happen.

Not in so many words, but this is precisely what people are asking for when they keep arguing and arguing that "no we don't have a choice" and "you don't understand" and "it's harder than you think." That's demanding empathy. The point is that if you are at this income level, you are unlikely to get it from people at a lower income level. That's all. Be selective about who you complain to and in what way.

PP said "literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy." So, that was wrong, and you're assuming a lot of subtext in those statements in order to interpret them as "demanding empathy," when the more likely interpretation is that they were just trying to explain to OP why she is wrong to be so sure somebody could get a more flexible job and stay in the same area.

I think we can all agree that you should be selective about who you complain to and it's likely that these people shouldn't complain about those things, but that was not the only point OP was making.

And as I said before, honestly it's really obnoxious for OP, who lives a lifestyle that the majority of the world could only dream of, to complain about somebody being tone-deaf about how much money they make. I don't feel sorry for those big law partners and I also do not feel sorry for her feeling sensitive and slighted about this.

OP here. Where did I ever say I felt slighted? I am not asking for pity at all.

I am merely saying I find it annoying, and yes, tone-deaf, for people to make this specific complaint and it seems like lawyers do it at a higher proportion than other professions. I actually don't care about this topic nearly as much as some of you seem to.

Truly, I feel bad for someone who is unhappy and feels like they have no control over their circumstances, even if factually, they do. I have been in that position and it is not a great feeling. I am fully aware that we live a lifestyle most people could only dream of -- in fact, I said that in my OP! I am from a crappy little midwestern town and am happy to be here!

+1, the level of defensiveness on this thread!

On the other hand, this is a great example of how lawyers will argue ANYTHING into the ground. This is why no one else likes us! Apparently we can't stand each other, either.

Maybe if you made more of an effort to not make factually wrong statements people would argue with you less.

I personally enjoy the company of other lawyers. Maybe it’s because I take more care than you do not to invite correction.