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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What irritates me is believing that making a choice to do something means you aren't allowed to complain about it. Becoming a parent, going to a rigorous school, getting married, taking a low-paying job, living close to family, etc. are all valid choices and they also have valid downsides. I get that it's a little off-putting to complain about a job that puts in in the top 1% of earners, but that objection is unrelated to the choice to take the job. [/quote]

You have to choose your audience.

Everyone can complain about the aspects of their lives that are hard. But THINK about the person you are talking to before doing so.

Do you think it is appropriate for an UMC person to complain to their nanny or housekeeper, who is making maybe 40-60k yr in a labor intensive job, about their work? Especially if that nanny/housekeeper can see that this is someone who has a lot of flexibility to work remotely, lives in a nice house, can afford lots of nice electronics and clothes and high quality food? No, that's incredibly rude and poor form.

As a lawyer, would you complain to the paralegals or assistants in your office about how hard your job is and how many hours you work, knowing that not only do they make significantly less than you, but they also often suffer the same consequences of a difficult business that you do? They might not work exactly the same hours and don't have the same level of responsibility so not quite as much stress, but they are working hard on the exact same projects as you, in an often high stress environment. Is that the correct audience for you to complain about the challenges of your job? No, it absolutely is not.

Well guess what, the mom from down the street who chose to leave Big Law for a much lower paying legal career is ALSO not the right audience.

The truth is that the more money you make and have, the more selective you need to be about complaining. It is a downside of wealthy, but guess what? You have a ton of resources and can use them to find people to complain to. You can complain to your spouse, you can hire a therapist or life coach, you can develop relationships with colleagues on your level that enable you to vent about these aspects of the job. But no, you cannot complain about how demanding your very high paying job is to people who make much, much less than you and don't have the kind of relationship with you that obligates them to a very high level of empathy/tolerance of complaining. And that includes friends in very different economic situations. Grow up and accept this. [b]Very few people owe you their time and bottomless empathy just because you have a very stressful, demanding job[/b].[/quote]

You are swinging against arguments nobody is making here. I know you're trying to make a point with your hyperbole here but not one person said anybody is *owed* empathy at all. I'm well aware of ring theory and the idea that complaining about golden handcuffs to your assistant is remotely like complaining to somebody who used to have a high-paying job and still an enviable standard of living is ridiculous. That's making yourself out to be some kind of victim that you are not.

Also, I've actually never complained about having a high-paying job because I've never had one, and I'd bet money I'll never earn what OP makes now.[/quote]

Literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy because of their feelings of being trapped in Big Law, and complained that people are not working hard enough to understand where they are coming from. But they are not owed that empathy and, more to the point, will not get it. If you make a lot of money, other people do not care if your job is hard. The end.[/quote]

Nope, nobody said they were owed empathy. That did not happen. [/quote]

Not in so many words, but this is precisely what people are asking for when they keep arguing and arguing that "no we don't have a choice" and "you don't understand" and "it's harder than you think." That's demanding empathy. The point is that if you are at this income level, you are unlikely to get it from people at a lower income level. That's all. Be selective about who you complain to and in what way.[/quote]

PP said "literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy." So, that was wrong, and you're assuming a lot of subtext in those statements in order to interpret them as "demanding empathy," when the more likely interpretation is that they were just trying to explain to OP why she is wrong to be so sure somebody could get a more flexible job and stay in the same area.

I think we can all agree that you should be selective about who you complain to and it's likely that these people shouldn't complain about those things, but that was not the only point OP was making.

And as I said before, honestly it's really obnoxious for OP, who lives a lifestyle that the majority of the world could only dream of, to complain about somebody being tone-deaf about how much money they make. I don't feel sorry for those big law partners and I also do not feel sorry for her feeling sensitive and slighted about this. [/quote]

OP here. Where did I ever say I felt slighted? I am not asking for pity at all.

I am merely saying I find it annoying, and yes, tone-deaf, for people to make this specific complaint and it seems like lawyers do it at a higher proportion than other professions. I actually don't care about this topic nearly as much as some of you seem to.

Truly, I feel bad for someone who is unhappy and feels like they have no control over their circumstances, even if factually, they do. I have been in that position and it is not a great feeling. I am fully aware that we live a lifestyle most people could only dream of -- in fact, I said that in my OP! I am from a crappy little midwestern town and am happy to be here! [/quote]

+1, the level of defensiveness on this thread!

On the other hand, this is a great example of how lawyers will argue ANYTHING into the ground. This is why no one else likes us! Apparently we can't stand each other, either. :wink: [/quote]

Maybe if you made more of an effort to not make factually wrong statements people would argue with you less.

I personally enjoy the company of other lawyers. Maybe it’s because I take more care than you do not to invite correction.  [/quote]

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