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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What irritates me is believing that making a choice to do something means you aren't allowed to complain about it. Becoming a parent, going to a rigorous school, getting married, taking a low-paying job, living close to family, etc. are all valid choices and they also have valid downsides. I get that it's a little off-putting to complain about a job that puts in in the top 1% of earners, but that objection is unrelated to the choice to take the job. [/quote]

You have to choose your audience.

Everyone can complain about the aspects of their lives that are hard. But THINK about the person you are talking to before doing so.

Do you think it is appropriate for an UMC person to complain to their nanny or housekeeper, who is making maybe 40-60k yr in a labor intensive job, about their work? Especially if that nanny/housekeeper can see that this is someone who has a lot of flexibility to work remotely, lives in a nice house, can afford lots of nice electronics and clothes and high quality food? No, that's incredibly rude and poor form.

As a lawyer, would you complain to the paralegals or assistants in your office about how hard your job is and how many hours you work, knowing that not only do they make significantly less than you, but they also often suffer the same consequences of a difficult business that you do? They might not work exactly the same hours and don't have the same level of responsibility so not quite as much stress, but they are working hard on the exact same projects as you, in an often high stress environment. Is that the correct audience for you to complain about the challenges of your job? No, it absolutely is not.

Well guess what, the mom from down the street who chose to leave Big Law for a much lower paying legal career is ALSO not the right audience.

The truth is that the more money you make and have, the more selective you need to be about complaining. It is a downside of wealthy, but guess what? You have a ton of resources and can use them to find people to complain to. You can complain to your spouse, you can hire a therapist or life coach, you can develop relationships with colleagues on your level that enable you to vent about these aspects of the job. But no, you cannot complain about how demanding your very high paying job is to people who make much, much less than you and don't have the kind of relationship with you that obligates them to a very high level of empathy/tolerance of complaining. And that includes friends in very different economic situations. Grow up and accept this. [b]Very few people owe you their time and bottomless empathy just because you have a very stressful, demanding job[/b].[/quote]

You are swinging against arguments nobody is making here. I know you're trying to make a point with your hyperbole here but not one person said anybody is *owed* empathy at all. I'm well aware of ring theory and the idea that complaining about golden handcuffs to your assistant is remotely like complaining to somebody who used to have a high-paying job and still an enviable standard of living is ridiculous. That's making yourself out to be some kind of victim that you are not.

Also, I've actually never complained about having a high-paying job because I've never had one, and I'd bet money I'll never earn what OP makes now.[/quote]

Literally multiple people on this thread have complained that they are owed empathy because of their feelings of being trapped in Big Law, and complained that people are not working hard enough to understand where they are coming from. But they are not owed that empathy and, more to the point, will not get it. If you make a lot of money, other people do not care if your job is hard. The end.[/quote]

Nope, nobody said they were owed empathy. That did not happen. [/quote]

Not in so many words, but this is precisely what people are asking for when they keep arguing and arguing that "no we don't have a choice" and "you don't understand" and "it's harder than you think." That's demanding empathy. The point is that if you are at this income level, you are unlikely to get it from people at a lower income level. That's all. Be selective about who you complain to and in what way.[/quote]

I posted about how hard it is to exit.

NO, I was NOT making a bid for your empathy. I don’t need it. I was pointing out the factual inaccuracy of the claim that you can just easily waltz of our biglaw into a job with better work/life balance, if you’re just willing to take a pay cut. It wasn’t true for me, and for many of my friends, it meant several more miserable years in big law while they kept scrambling for the exits. [/quote]

But see here you are complaining people took your words out of context and then saying that anyone claimed that you can "easily waltz out of biglaw into a job with better work/life balance." [b]No one said that.[/b] They said the option is there if you are willing to take it, and sure, it might take a few years to find the right opportunity, and that there might be sacrifice and a reconfiguration of priorities involved. And no matter how many times people said this, you came back with "but, but, but" and a list of reasons as to why it was super hard. That's you seeking empathy for your predicament and not really getting that, hey, a lot of us actually made those hard decisions and made that move happen, so we know exactly how hard it is, and it's not the impossible situation you are laying it out as.

You didn't want to give up the money. Understandable, but not pitiable.[/quote]

DP. I actually think you can really say that the substance of "you can easily waltz out of big law into a job with better work-life balance" is the same as "if they wanted to make it happen they could" and "it's not that hard to live on a smaller salary." You can't say that "here are the reasons why I can't leave my job" is the same as "I am owed empathy." [/quote]

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