Wife has a lazy, procrastinator streak

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-motivation-problems-getting-started-on-tough-projects/

“One of my patients once told me: “I’ve got a sexual metaphor you can use to explain what it’s like to have ADHD. It’s like having erectile dysfunction of the mind. If the task you are faced with is something that turns you on, something that is really interesting for you, you’re ‘up for it’ and you can perform. But if the task is not something that’s intrinsically interesting to you, if it doesn’t turn you on, you can’t get up for it and you can’t perform. It doesn’t matter how much you tell yourself, ‘I need to, I ought to.’ [i]It’s just not a willpower kind of thing.”[b]”

Bump

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is me. To a T. I'm really, really organized and on top of stuff at work, btw. But I despise administrative tasks (not because I think they're beneath me, I just don't like using that part of my brain I guess). It's caused some tension at home. Especially when we were doing work on our house, merging finances, or moving. Yikes.

People like to say it's ADHD. I don't have any interest in being labeled or medicated, personally. But the one thing that changed it for me was writing *everything* down. My Google calendar is my lifeline. If it is not in my calendar, it does not get done, period. So I write everything in there. Shared calendars help, too. Whatever tech tool your spouse needs to be able to track things would help immensely.

Also: hiring tasks out when you can (if I ever rent out a home again I will 100% hire a property manager)

and

no more judging/shaming!!!! I know it's annoying. But whether it is a diagnosed clinical condition or just an irritating personality quirk, it is a part of the person you loved and married, so to some extent, suck it up!

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ooops I meant what are examples of the preferred tasks?

I love the core aspects of my job and can hyperfocus on those tasks. I’m a workaholic for my primary job and do very well. Same for school. Very high academic achiever.

It can take me weeks/months to complete “boring”/uninteresting tasks.

So external factors things like school and work get prioritized.

Meanwhile homelife and house and general schedule (not managed by secretary or spouse or mother) in shambles.

Wait, what? I don’t see any indication that anyone’s home life is in shambles.
I have ADD. I can give you more examples of my preferred activities:
- playing imagination games with kids, making up rules and stories
- cooking/baking, particularly if it’s something I haven’t made before. Love it when the kids help, even if they make a mess.
- long family dinners where we laugh and joke a lot
- swimming, hiking, sailing
- working out in the garden (particularly this time of year)
- dancing to loud music and acting silly
- reading (to myself or out loud)
- math, puzzles, puzzle games
- and, of course, working in my chosen profession and teaching adult learners about my work


Things I am not good at:
- filling out forms
- getting places exactly on time
- leaving places exactly on time (basically any transition…I always marvel at people who just get into their car and drive away. I always feel like I have shot that I need to do and adjust before I go)
- getting up in the morning
- decorating the house
- throwing parties/entertaining

Is this list a joke? The first "activities" are all fun hobbies and a good way to spend any day the second is a list of regular adult responsibilities. lol lol. SMH.

It blows my mind that so many ADD adults think ‘I like doing fun stuff I enjoy, and I don’t like doing the boring stuff I don’t enjoy” is somehow special, unique, or pathological. I know someone will quote post this and say brain chemistry, I literally physically can’t do boring stuff blah blah blah. Okay whatever. But finding boring stuff boring is called….being normal!!

I totally agree with this as one of the adults here saying I have ADHD. For me it’s not so much the boring part, but literally trying to slog through stuff just takes forever and I get all mixed up, did I do xyz already? , etc. But I try to do it anyway because I’m an adult.

[Anonymous]

OP what is the follow up here is the bank stuff taking care of yet?

[Anonymous]

If she weee smart, so would keep it separate since is it pre-marital asset.

[Anonymous]

OP, it’s not your money. Leave her alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ooops I meant what are examples of the preferred tasks?

I love the core aspects of my job and can hyperfocus on those tasks. I’m a workaholic for my primary job and do very well. Same for school. Very high academic achiever.

It can take me weeks/months to complete “boring”/uninteresting tasks.

So external factors things like school and work get prioritized.

Meanwhile homelife and house and general schedule (not managed by secretary or spouse or mother) in shambles.

Wait, what? I don’t see any indication that anyone’s home life is in shambles.
I have ADD. I can give you more examples of my preferred activities:
- playing imagination games with kids, making up rules and stories
- cooking/baking, particularly if it’s something I haven’t made before. Love it when the kids help, even if they make a mess.
- long family dinners where we laugh and joke a lot
- swimming, hiking, sailing
- working out in the garden (particularly this time of year)
- dancing to loud music and acting silly
- reading (to myself or out loud)
- math, puzzles, puzzle games
- and, of course, working in my chosen profession and teaching adult learners about my work


Things I am not good at:
- filling out forms
- getting places exactly on time
- leaving places exactly on time (basically any transition…I always marvel at people who just get into their car and drive away. I always feel like I have shot that I need to do and adjust before I go)
- getting up in the morning
- decorating the house
- throwing parties/entertaining

Is this list a joke? The first "activities" are all fun hobbies and a good way to spend any day the second is a list of regular adult responsibilities. lol lol. SMH.

It blows my mind that so many ADD adults think ‘I like doing fun stuff I enjoy, and I don’t like doing the boring stuff I don’t enjoy” is somehow special, unique, or pathological. I know someone will quote post this and say brain chemistry, I literally physically can’t do boring stuff blah blah blah. Okay whatever. But finding boring stuff boring is called….being normal!!

Said like a neurotypical person with little ability to think critically, unlike those of us with ADHD. It's very different. There's a difference between finding something boring and having the ability to stay focused on it. I have ADHD and find some highly technical, research findings to be enthralling and could read certain things all day that you may find boring. You may be able to focus on a TV show, whether it's boring or not, and an ADHD brain simply cannot. It's not just that we find things boring, when they are boring enough, our brains start filing through the thousands of other things stored there, because that one single thing isn't serving our neurons the dopamine they need to maintain focus on that one thing. You really have to live it to understand that it's different. With all that said, I agree that the PP's post just lists easy (some might call them fun, but they don't all sound great to me) in the first list and average, non-fun things in the second. I have severe ADHD and executive function disorder and I have zero problems getting up in the morning, showing up places on time, or filling out forms. I don't think her list is meant to describe what people with ADHD can and can't do. And also: his wife's bonds ae none of OP's business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ooops I meant what are examples of the preferred tasks?

I love the core aspects of my job and can hyperfocus on those tasks. I’m a workaholic for my primary job and do very well. Same for school. Very high academic achiever.

It can take me weeks/months to complete “boring”/uninteresting tasks.

So external factors things like school and work get prioritized.

Meanwhile homelife and house and general schedule (not managed by secretary or spouse or mother) in shambles.

Wait, what? I don’t see any indication that anyone’s home life is in shambles.
I have ADD. I can give you more examples of my preferred activities:
- playing imagination games with kids, making up rules and stories
- cooking/baking, particularly if it’s something I haven’t made before. Love it when the kids help, even if they make a mess.
- long family dinners where we laugh and joke a lot
- swimming, hiking, sailing
- working out in the garden (particularly this time of year)
- dancing to loud music and acting silly
- reading (to myself or out loud)
- math, puzzles, puzzle games
- and, of course, working in my chosen profession and teaching adult learners about my work


Things I am not good at:
- filling out forms
- getting places exactly on time
- leaving places exactly on time (basically any transition…I always marvel at people who just get into their car and drive away. I always feel like I have shot that I need to do and adjust before I go)
- getting up in the morning
- decorating the house
- throwing parties/entertaining

Is this list a joke? The first "activities" are all fun hobbies and a good way to spend any day the second is a list of regular adult responsibilities. lol lol. SMH.

That’s ridiculous. Both lists are regular adult responsibilities.
Filling out forms isn’t more of an adult responsibility than making and sharing meals with your family.
Decorating your house isn’t more adult than making a garden.
Getting kids to and from school exactly on time isn’t more adult than working and providing for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have diagnosed ADHD. I forget things all the time but I am definitely not lazy. I wish people would recognize it is an actual brain disorder and not something I’m doing on purpose.

This. It is so hard to even see clearly sometimes what I have to do. I can work very hard but it often feels like paddling furiously in an eddy with one oar.

Have you gotten help from an executive functioning coach or adhd therapist?
They take into account your adhd and together you come up with systems and processes that work with you and your adhd brain. You then have to practice and do them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have diagnosed ADHD. I forget things all the time but I am definitely not lazy. I wish people would recognize it is an actual brain disorder and not something I’m doing on purpose.

This. It is so hard to even see clearly sometimes what I have to do. I can work very hard but it often feels like paddling furiously in an eddy with one oar.

Have you gotten help from an executive functioning coach or adhd therapist?
They take into account your adhd and together you come up with systems and processes that work with you and your adhd brain. You then have to practice and do them.

Everyone with adhd has systems and processes. I thought everyone had them until I got married, and my husband started asking me about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ooops I meant what are examples of the preferred tasks?

I love the core aspects of my job and can hyperfocus on those tasks. I’m a workaholic for my primary job and do very well. Same for school. Very high academic achiever.

It can take me weeks/months to complete “boring”/uninteresting tasks.

So external factors things like school and work get prioritized.

Meanwhile homelife and house and general schedule (not managed by secretary or spouse or mother) in shambles.

Wait, what? I don’t see any indication that anyone’s home life is in shambles.
I have ADD. I can give you more examples of my preferred activities:
- playing imagination games with kids, making up rules and stories
- cooking/baking, particularly if it’s something I haven’t made before. Love it when the kids help, even if they make a mess.
- long family dinners where we laugh and joke a lot
- swimming, hiking, sailing
- working out in the garden (particularly this time of year)
- dancing to loud music and acting silly
- reading (to myself or out loud)
- math, puzzles, puzzle games
- and, of course, working in my chosen profession and teaching adult learners about my work


Things I am not good at:
- filling out forms
- getting places exactly on time
- leaving places exactly on time (basically any transition…I always marvel at people who just get into their car and drive away. I always feel like I have shot that I need to do and adjust before I go)
- getting up in the morning
- decorating the house
- throwing parties/entertaining

NP.

You literally support what the last two posted said: you do the fun in-the-moment stuff (games, baking cookies) but do not do the not-fun but required stuff (tidy up, clean, pay bills, manage the yard, be on time, plan or execute a holiday or bday party, take care of things).

[Anonymous]

Yeah I can see how this comes across as self centered, immature and lazy.

You can’t do adult thing and silly things. Only the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ooops I meant what are examples of the preferred tasks?

I love the core aspects of my job and can hyperfocus on those tasks. I’m a workaholic for my primary job and do very well. Same for school. Very high academic achiever.

It can take me weeks/months to complete “boring”/uninteresting tasks.

So external factors things like school and work get prioritized.

Meanwhile homelife and house and general schedule (not managed by secretary or spouse or mother) in shambles.

Wait, what? I don’t see any indication that anyone’s home life is in shambles.
I have ADD. I can give you more examples of my preferred activities:
- playing imagination games with kids, making up rules and stories
- cooking/baking, particularly if it’s something I haven’t made before. Love it when the kids help, even if they make a mess.
- long family dinners where we laugh and joke a lot
- swimming, hiking, sailing
- working out in the garden (particularly this time of year)
- dancing to loud music and acting silly
- reading (to myself or out loud)
- math, puzzles, puzzle games
- and, of course, working in my chosen profession and teaching adult learners about my work


Things I am not good at:
- filling out forms
- getting places exactly on time
- leaving places exactly on time (basically any transition…I always marvel at people who just get into their car and drive away. I always feel like I have shot that I need to do and adjust before I go)
- getting up in the morning
- decorating the house
- throwing parties/entertaining

PP. We should be friends and invite OP's wife to hang out with us, too. He's missing out!

Did you just sock puppet this two minutes after posting it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do have diagnosed ADHD. I forget things all the time but I am definitely not lazy. I wish people would recognize it is an actual brain disorder and not something I’m doing on purpose.

Exactly.

It getting help for your ADHD, ON PURPOSE, is even worse than the original brain farts.

[Anonymous]

Don’t car insurance agencies charge more for untreated ADHD people than treated ADHD people or non-ADHD peoole due to accident rates?