Son pledging there’s definitely hazing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. We are heavily encouraging him to drop. I am pretty sure at the same school there are fraternities that don’t do this. This one is supposedly a very popular one, but who the bleep cares?! I am sad for him to the extent he wanted it to be a good experience and a place of belonging and friendship, but I think he’s realizing these are not his people. I’m not anti-Greek. I was in a sorority, had serious boyfriends in fraternities and I just feel like he drew a bad hand with this one. I think he can look at other houses next round once he gets a better lay of the land m, if he wants to even do that.

I hope you are successful. You might suggest a few counseling sessions to process what he’s been through already. It sounds really hideous and traumatizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many posters think it doesn't happen in their dc's fraternity when it really does.

Because my DS was initially against the idea of joining a frat and VERY nervous about hazing, he told me everything when he did decide to join. We also talked alot before he accepted the bid. Literally he would call me after they had their pledge meetings and tell me all about it. I know every single thing. He never once had a situation where he was uncomfortable, though he was nervous about what he had heard might happen, nothing ever did.

Unfortunately the more popular the frat, the more hazing because they think they can get away with it. When he was rushing, he was assured that this frat does not haze and they were very honest and front about it, and as a result got guys who did not want to deal with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks. We are heavily encouraging him to drop. I am pretty sure at the same school there are fraternities that don’t do this. This one is supposedly a very popular one, but who the bleep cares?! I am sad for him to the extent he wanted it to be a good experience and a place of belonging and friendship, but I think he’s realizing these are not his people. I’m not anti-Greek. I was in a sorority, had serious boyfriends in fraternities and I just feel like he drew a bad hand with this one. I think he can look at other houses next round once he gets a better lay of the land m, if he wants to even do that.

It absolutely sucks and I'm sorry that he is experiencing this. Unfortunately the more popular the house, the more hazing they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder how many posters think it doesn't happen in their dc's fraternity when it really does.

Because my DS was initially against the idea of joining a frat and VERY nervous about hazing, he told me everything when he did decide to join. We also talked alot before he accepted the bid. Literally he would call me after they had their pledge meetings and tell me all about it. I know every single thing. He never once had a situation where he was uncomfortable, though he was nervous about what he had heard might happen, nothing ever did.

Unfortunately the more popular the frat, the more hazing because they think they can get away with it. When he was rushing, he was assured that this frat does not haze and they were very honest and front about it, and as a result got guys who did not want to deal with that.

Right. I get that. I am sure most fraternity experiences are not lead by psychos or physically unsafe.

My point was that I am sure there are posters out there who have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Go ahead and name the school and the frat here. It's anonymous after all.. It's not like they are going to sue you. It will end up helping a lot of other kids/parents.

FWIW, my DS (at Michigan) considered a Frat last year but realized most of them are predominantly White and filled with a bunch of racist a-holes. His decision to not keep going was validated when he saw other kids that persevered being abused, crying in the dorms, etc. He's moved on and now has plenty of friends and activities he's part of. The familiar argument about "brothers" after college and 'network' is all BS. Do you really want your son to have racist, a-hole brothers and benefit from their network?

Sounds like you need to educate yourself on fraternities, because not all of them are "predominantly white." In fact some of the most violent and abusive hazing occurs in Black fraternities. I haven't watched it, but from what I've read about the PBS documentary linked earlier in the thread, it goes into detail.

I responded to this but looks like someone reported it and removed.. Weird.

Anyways.. I don't care if the frat is White or Black. Most of them are prejudiced in their own ways. Not worth it at all IMHO. Don't need to educate myself on frats because I don't care about them any longer, now that my DS is not going to be involved in one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Contrary to many other posts, there's really no way anyone can advise you on a course of action without knowing what "pretty bad" means.

Agree, if the pledge is uncomfortable and in danger, report and drop. If the kid is just pissed for having to clean up the house after a party or drive a drunk brother home (the right thing to do) than a whole other story...technically "hazing" but part of the deal and if it bothers him than a fraternity probably is not for him.

He was fully prepared for that kind of thing. No this is forced eating of horrible stuff with vomit of 40 guys for hours ensuing that were allowed only the floor to do so then “activities” in the vomit. Literally all day everyone yelling at you you’re a piece of shit, etc. yes stupid stuff like driving he could care less about that. He actually believes one guy is psychotic/sociopath. It’s 7 weeks. Severe, dangerous sleep deprivation. 10 guys left after first night. I want him to quit but has to come from him. We’d wholeheartedly support him and he has the confidence to quit. He is well- liked, has a lot of friends, a girlfriend, has a good future ahead of him

The comment about, if he stays, doing this to others was something we talked about last night. He’s worried about that. He also said he’s “mentally tough” but I reminded him none of us know where are breaking point may be.

Those kids screaming at pledges are losers and the quicker your son realizes it the better.

[Anonymous]

I posted earlier in the thread about a parent posting anonymously in my dc college parent facebook group with serious concerns about her dc safety during pledgeship right now based on what he told her.

She didn't get many responses except from moms telling her to stfu because 1) she could affect her son's experience and 2) it was just silly stuff anyway. And then the thread got deleted.

This is how this stuff continues. It is enabled by the adults with screwed up priorities that are then reflected in the actions and decisions of their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. Go ahead and name the school and the frat here. It's anonymous after all.. It's not like they are going to sue you. It will end up helping a lot of other kids/parents.

FWIW, my DS (at Michigan) considered a Frat last year but realized most of them are predominantly White and filled with a bunch of racist a-holes. His decision to not keep going was validated when he saw other kids that persevered being abused, crying in the dorms, etc. He's moved on and now has plenty of friends and activities he's part of. The familiar argument about "brothers" after college and 'network' is all BS. Do you really want your son to have racist, a-hole brothers and benefit from their network?

Sounds like you need to educate yourself on fraternities, because not all of them are "predominantly white." In fact some of the most violent and abusive hazing occurs in Black fraternities. I haven't watched it, but from what I've read about the PBS documentary linked earlier in the thread, it goes into detail.

I responded to this but looks like someone reported it and removed.. Weird.

Anyways.. I don't care if the frat is White or Black. Most of them are prejudiced in their own ways. Not worth it at all IMHO. Don't need to educate myself on frats because I don't care about them any longer, now that my DS is not going to be involved in one.

There are absolutely frats thats are innately diverse. My DS is in one. As a white guy, he is probably only just barely the majority. Half of his pledge class non-white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Contrary to many other posts, there's really no way anyone can advise you on a course of action without knowing what "pretty bad" means.

Agree, if the pledge is uncomfortable and in danger, report and drop. If the kid is just pissed for having to clean up the house after a party or drive a drunk brother home (the right thing to do) than a whole other story...technically "hazing" but part of the deal and if it bothers him than a fraternity probably is not for him.

He was fully prepared for that kind of thing. No this is forced eating of horrible stuff with vomit of 40 guys for hours ensuing that were allowed only the floor to do so then “activities” in the vomit. Literally all day everyone yelling at you you’re a piece of shit, etc. yes stupid stuff like driving he could care less about that. He actually believes one guy is psychotic/sociopath. It’s 7 weeks. Severe, dangerous sleep deprivation. 10 guys left after first night. I want him to quit but has to come from him. We’d wholeheartedly support him and he has the confidence to quit. He is well- liked, has a lot of friends, a girlfriend, has a good future ahead of him

The comment about, if he stays, doing this to others was something we talked about last night. He’s worried about that. He also said he’s “mentally tough” but I reminded him none of us know where are breaking point may be.

Those kids screaming at pledges are losers and the quicker your son realizes it the better.

Well, some of them are psychos who go on to lead hedge funds or what have you so those are the risks you take if you wanna be connected, kwim?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Contrary to many other posts, there's really no way anyone can advise you on a course of action without knowing what "pretty bad" means.

Agree, if the pledge is uncomfortable and in danger, report and drop. If the kid is just pissed for having to clean up the house after a party or drive a drunk brother home (the right thing to do) than a whole other story...technically "hazing" but part of the deal and if it bothers him than a fraternity probably is not for him.

He was fully prepared for that kind of thing. No this is forced eating of horrible stuff with vomit of 40 guys for hours ensuing that were allowed only the floor to do so then “activities” in the vomit. Literally all day everyone yelling at you you’re a piece of shit, etc. yes stupid stuff like driving he could care less about that. He actually believes one guy is psychotic/sociopath. It’s 7 weeks. Severe, dangerous sleep deprivation. 10 guys left after first night. I want him to quit but has to come from him. We’d wholeheartedly support him and he has the confidence to quit. He is well- liked, has a lot of friends, a girlfriend, has a good future ahead of him

The comment about, if he stays, doing this to others was something we talked about last night. He’s worried about that. He also said he’s “mentally tough” but I reminded him none of us know where are breaking point may be.

Those kids screaming at pledges are losers and the quicker your son realizes it the better.

Well, some of them are psychos who go on to lead hedge funds or what have you so those are the risks you take if you wanna be connected, kwim?

mmm.. no! That's a myth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd anonymously report to the college/university's student life office (not specifically to whomever supervises Greek life, they are often enablers.) I'd also try to get the info anonymously to any student newspaper - they might be more enterprising in trying to publicize any issues.

reporting wont do anything. the schools are looking the other way or the houses are off campus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd anonymously report to the college/university's student life office (not specifically to whomever supervises Greek life, they are often enablers.) I'd also try to get the info anonymously to any student newspaper - they might be more enterprising in trying to publicize any issues.

reporting wont do anything. the schools are looking the other way or the houses are off campus.

Correct. Most of the worst offending fraternities have alums who are big donors.

[Anonymous]

Schools have been looking the other way for decades. I don’t think reporting it will do a thing, sad to say. I hope your son walks away.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Just fyi, as I think people think this kind of thing is only at big SEC type schools, he’s not at a school like that and he’s in the NE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just fyi, as I think people think this kind of thing is only at big SEC type schools, he’s not at a school like that and he’s in the NE.

Why not list the school? This is an anonymous forum---if there are 40+ pledges it's a larger school so your kid wont be identifiable in any way