And then the day comes: Long term partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I get that she isn’t and never intended on being his caregiver, isn’t capable of being his caregiver and should not be expected to be his caregiver in the future. Geez. But clearly he’s assumed that this was the nature of their relationship. When asked by the visiting nurse, do you live alone, he answered well when I finish healing, I have a partner that I live with….

Well, if he wrongly assumed something, that is on him. And he, like you, should not base caregiving plans on an elderly woman. It's a dumb idea even if she were willing.

Sounds like your dad is in denial or feels entitled to her caring for him.

Welll he did care for her through multiple surgeries. So I don’t think an expectation of reciprocity is entirely out of place.

1) She is reciprocating socially, she just can't be the lead caregiver. Look, if he moves in with her, she's on the hook for all care during the night, every night, right? That's a lot to ask.

2) Reciprocity has to fade at some point. You can't say "Oh, but they cared for you last time" back and forth to each other for decades and decades until you're 100 years old. The only expectation any person should have is the expectation that reciprocity will NOT continue.