Does anyone regret leaving the work force?
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Anonymous
Cool. Yes, I know that plenty of kids do. But there are lots of parents out there -- both those that SAH and also those that WOH or WFH -- who do not want to put their young kids, particularly infants and toddlers, in a daycare setting, especially for long hours. (This is where flexible jobs come in, woohoo!) And there are plenty who use daycare and feel guilty about it because their kids were sick a lot, or they did not adjust well, or even if they did adjust well, they were missing out on a lot of other things, or whatever. The PP was making that SAHM sound like a wacko for voicing that sentiment when it's not really such an uncommonly held view. It's not like she was one of these moms that came on here and said, "children need a SAHM to thrive" or "if you didn't want to parent, why did you have kids", or something. |
Anonymous
I’m the pp who said I had mom guilt. We made many wonderful friends when my kids went to that daycare. My son who sobbed for the first month eventually had a BFF that we became good family friends with. We hung out all the time and traveled together. My kid wasn’t scarred or anything. I don’t think he remembers the days he used to cry. I remember. I remember his sad face and how horrible I felt. |
Anonymous
I’m the pp and my kids got sick from daycare ALL the time. They rarely ever got sick once they went to elementary. I have a younger child I had after I stayed home. I was a bit of a germophobe even before Covid. My youngest has never been really sick. Even when she had Covid, she was asymptomatic. I can’t even remember a time she had a fever and she is now 5. Sure, she has had a sniffle here and there. I’m sure she will catch all sorts of bugs now that she is in elementary. |
Anonymous
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OP, I firmly believe that all women should have a means of being self-supporting at all stages of life. I've seen far too many marriages fail, especially after the kids have grown and launched. This is when SAHM often are at the losing end of the game.
If something were to happen to your marriage, would you be able to survive? Not just near term but when you are older. I hope you have your own healthy retirement plan in place. |
Anonymous
I do agree with this and I am a sahm. I have my own financial assets. I know a few women whose husbands control all the money and seem like jerks. I don’t say anything but I would not stay home indefinitely in their shoes. There are also women whose husbands make enough to support them but likely not enough to fully fund both retirements. This does not seem like a situation where wife should continue to not work and depend solely on her husband regardless of whether marriage is in tact. |
Anonymous
Most of us do. Most women who SAH worked and saved to be able to do so and many will work again. It's rarely either/or. And there are protections in place so he doesn't get to keep all the fruits of the marriage either. The cases I've seen go bad for women are where the wife is abused and the husband screws her over with threats and outright theft. I don't think you should plan your children's care based on the likelihood of that level of crime happening to you. |
Anonymous
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Women become victims because of their own fear. They choose the wrong man to have kids with. If they are capable of having kids on their own, if they are capable of earning their own living - very often, these are the women who will end up becoming SAHMs with high earning DHs who also are equal partners. These women do not get asked to go back to work when the kids leave the nest. They may choose to do so for their own sake but these women do not get victimized.
The women who get victimized are the ones who chose the terrible men to marry (or were forced to marry them) and then chose to have a baby (or did not get aborted) knowing fully well that the DH was an a-hole. Whey do women feel that catering to men who would become InCel is their duty? Have high standards for yourself and be willing to be on your own. You will not attract the worms. |
Anonymous
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I left a very inflexible workplace when my kids were 2 and 5. I had gone down to PT which meant I was getting paid less, doing as much work, but was paying for flex (I didn't have to go in every day but I still ended up working some hours of those days). I definitely thought about quitting.
I left for a MUCH more flexible culture and it was GAME CHANGING. This was 6 years pre pandemic but the company was very WFH friendly and I'd typically go in 2-3 days a week. When I did go in, I'd often leave at 3:30 or 4 to beat traffic and finish up at home. Also had a ton of PTO. I loved that job, though after 7 years I wasn't growing anymore so found a new, totally WFH job last year and I'm enjoying it. I make around $200K a year so I feel very lucky to have the flex and a good salary. My type of work lends itself to remote work though - I do a blend of data analysis and a lot of writing. I'm sure it would be harder to find flexible jobs if you are in something like sales, or something that involves a lot of client handholding. If you can figure out a way to find more flex or go PT, I would keep your foot in the door. |
Anonymous
x1000. So many crazy things are said on DCUM pro and against being a SAHM. Shame that people can't support reasonable statements and instead jump on them because they threaten their decisions and worldviews. |
Anonymous
My three kids are ages 5-12. All three kids need me in different ways. All three have a lot of sports and activities. |
Anonymous
| It is such a weird phenomenon that in order to feel good about one’s choice, some feel the need to demean a different choice. I stayed at home and worked at different times and both were the right choices for my family at those times. I assume the vast majority of parents are making the best choices they can. |
Anonymous
| Don't quit to stay home because you hate your job...get a new job. Being a SAHM is hard. Do you actually want to be a SAHM or do you just not want to work (at this job)? Very different things. |
Anonymous
That last thing you mentioned - having conversations with people about their work - is considered the gold standard of how to find a job these days. There’s a book called Design Your Life (or similar) that describes how to do this. It was a real mind shift for me, but it’s so effective. |
Anonymous
It makes me raise an eyebrow when women decide they need to be SAHM only once all their kids start or are on the verge of going to school full-time. I get that sometimes the timing just works like that with family circumstances but it's hard to imagine being super comfortable sending an infant/toddler to daycare all day but only once they're 5 is it too much... |
Anonymous
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Your boss is a jerk for not respecting your time off, don’t go to that meeting during thanksgiving.
I would quit, if you can manage without your income I would absolutely quit. Your kids are only young once. You can find another job later in life |