Pendente Lite Guideline vs Actual Spousal Support (in VA) -- How did it compare in your case? SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes at this thread. Never get married fellas!

This thread and all the others on here. Financial predators.

Then don’t. Don’t have kids, don’t get married, go play XBox. No one needs you.

Interesting how some grown women think that they should be taken care of financially. Be a feminist and get a job.

This is because you don't see work outside of the house as work. It's actual work. More work most of the time. It never ends. And yes stay at home parents have more time to shop and cook for you, take care of your kids (a nanny alone charges $15 an hour per kid around here), and pets, clean your room and do your laundry. Handle finances and pay taxes, and handle appointments and vacation planning. Buy gifts. Coordinate friend get-togethers. This is also why men want another women right after. They know they don't want to handle this work. But it's actual work. There are actually ways you can outsource this stuff and you can see how it all adds up financially.

My exH didn't even open the pool for 2 years in a row after the divorce, because he knows there is nobody to put tablets and clean it when he travels. I am a former SAHM and I can attest that my life personally on 50/50 schedule and a full time job vs full time child care is WAY easier. It's our son who was hit by divorce the most, but my life improved tremendously!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

I would want a judge tell that to my son and exH. After both of us having a phD and marital settlement agreement stipulates size of college tuition. Maybe you didn't account for such things for your kids but I did negotiate for my child at least something

My lawyer specifically advised me not to have wording that imposes obligation on either party for college tuition. I'm going to pay as much as I can for my kids voluntarily because I want to. I'm not counting on my ex to do anything. If there were any such wording, I feel sure that would be yet another obligation my ex would shirk and I'd have to face the expensive hassle of going to court over.

If you have a court fight over who pays what for tuition, that's going to cost you more than the tuition anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

I would want a judge tell that to my son and exH. After both of us having a phD and marital settlement agreement stipulates size of college tuition. Maybe you didn't account for such things for your kids but I did negotiate for my child at least something

My lawyer specifically advised me not to have wording that imposes obligation on either party for college tuition. I'm going to pay as much as I can for my kids voluntarily because I want to. I'm not counting on my ex to do anything. If there were any such wording, I feel sure that would be yet another obligation my ex would shirk and I'd have to face the expensive hassle of going to court over.

If you have a court fight over who pays what for tuition, that's going to cost you more than the tuition anyway.

No this is not what my lawyer told me (and it was a pretty well known attorney with lots of litigation experience). He drafted it in a way that tuition is part of "property settlement", which is not possible to reduce/change. If my exH doesn't pay it, it would be pretty easy to get a judgement, and then file for collection and place a lien over his house, his pension etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

No they don't but at the same time why are we encouraging our offspring to be in lower paid positions than we are in? It doesn't make sense and even if you are in a trade there are trade costs and low pay in those fields to start. And for instance, we had done 3 years of prepaid tuition for each of our kids, so obviously the plan was for the kids to go to college in Virginia, so I think child support should have been covered for those years.

You want your kids to go to college and you encourage it but this is not a need in the same sense as providing food/clothing/shelter, which is the intent of child support, and therefore college should not be covered in child support. You might as well argue that piano lessons and travel soccer should be automatically covered in child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

No they don't but at the same time why are we encouraging our offspring to be in lower paid positions than we are in? It doesn't make sense and even if you are in a trade there are trade costs and low pay in those fields to start. And for instance, we had done 3 years of prepaid tuition for each of our kids, so obviously the plan was for the kids to go to college in Virginia, so I think child support should have been covered for those years.

You want your kids to go to college and you encourage it but this is not a need in the same sense as providing food/clothing/shelter, which is the intent of child support, and therefore college should not be covered in child support. You might as well argue that piano lessons and travel soccer should be automatically covered in child support.

No dum dum. Piano lessons are not part of child support. Basic necessities are and that’s all that child support covers. I’m saying that kids should be supported with basic necessities till 21 since at a minimum most kids need at least community college to get a job. It is really upsetting that men just want their kids to have no skills but most jobs these days will not hire you without an associates and so kids should be covered in living expenses till then

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

No they don't but at the same time why are we encouraging our offspring to be in lower paid positions than we are in? It doesn't make sense and even if you are in a trade there are trade costs and low pay in those fields to start. And for instance, we had done 3 years of prepaid tuition for each of our kids, so obviously the plan was for the kids to go to college in Virginia, so I think child support should have been covered for those years.

You want your kids to go to college and you encourage it but this is not a need in the same sense as providing food/clothing/shelter, which is the intent of child support, and therefore college should not be covered in child support. You might as well argue that piano lessons and travel soccer should be automatically covered in child support.

Which is why in my MSA college tuition is tied up to property settlement (to avoid it being reduced if exH argued it's not a NEED).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Living expenses are way above $7k/year. My ex is spending high on his girlfriend (Caribbean vacations, jewelry etc_) and on his house (a custom gym, added pool etc). But he told son to go take loans or work flipping burgers.
That same father told son a few years ago to drop a sport because he didn't want to drive him to practices on 50/50 custody schedule. My son is 6'3 and very athletic, he could have had his room &board completely free as a college athlete.

My exH is bitter I got 50% assets and am relatively ok. He wants ME to pay for the son's college living expenses, out of a spite

I don't really mind a child having to pay for a degree or college, but it just seems unfair that they also have to pay for their room and board if instead they could be working but are doing this so they will be more self sufficient in the future. And often that becomes a parent's job to finance. I just think if we are basically requiring kids to go to school longer for most jobs in the US that their clothing and food and basics should be covered just like medical and insurance also covers through this time. DC obviously agrees.

When I was in college I worked to pay room & board. My rent (circa 2005) was $225/mo for my share in a weird 1BR apartment where we turned a dining room into a sleeping nook. I paid for it working $10/hr part time. Today in my college town a 1BR runs more like $1500 and all the weird crappy buildings were long ago torn down and replaced with more expensive housing. And good luck finding anyone willing to do a weird housing share with you.

Childcare expenses in Virgina are max. $1000 per child per month. They probably max out before this amount. It doesn't even cover food and clothing and toiletries.

in DC when you divorce 50% of the mortgage is considered the "child expense". I was eligible for around $2500/month of child support with that, but as my exH fought even the formula, I had to price in my legal costs going forward and settled for $1300 (50/50 custody, family income was close to a $1mm). Not sure where they all get these stories about SAHM partying and traveling after divorce.

Everything was cut after me and my son moved out: I told no restaurants. I cook well, so I buy food at Costco and cook at home. I always have a pot of soup for lunch. Just like I grew up and it's ok for me. BUt it was a shock to my son, after his dad shelling thousands for years on eating out.

Don't these deadbeat dads realize they are actually hurting their children and making them hostile to the next family?

If you have 50/50 custody then your son should be eating like a king when he's with dad.

If you have a job AND you're getting $1300/mo then you should be able to eat out occasionally. Sure you didn't say "no restaurants" to make him mad at his dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Living expenses are way above $7k/year. My ex is spending high on his girlfriend (Caribbean vacations, jewelry etc_) and on his house (a custom gym, added pool etc). But he told son to go take loans or work flipping burgers.
That same father told son a few years ago to drop a sport because he didn't want to drive him to practices on 50/50 custody schedule. My son is 6'3 and very athletic, he could have had his room &board completely free as a college athlete.

My exH is bitter I got 50% assets and am relatively ok. He wants ME to pay for the son's college living expenses, out of a spite

I don't really mind a child having to pay for a degree or college, but it just seems unfair that they also have to pay for their room and board if instead they could be working but are doing this so they will be more self sufficient in the future. And often that becomes a parent's job to finance. I just think if we are basically requiring kids to go to school longer for most jobs in the US that their clothing and food and basics should be covered just like medical and insurance also covers through this time. DC obviously agrees.

When I was in college I worked to pay room & board. My rent (circa 2005) was $225/mo for my share in a weird 1BR apartment where we turned a dining room into a sleeping nook. I paid for it working $10/hr part time. Today in my college town a 1BR runs more like $1500 and all the weird crappy buildings were long ago torn down and replaced with more expensive housing. And good luck finding anyone willing to do a weird housing share with you.

Childcare expenses in Virgina are max. $1000 per child per month. They probably max out before this amount. It doesn't even cover food and clothing and toiletries.

in DC when you divorce 50% of the mortgage is considered the "child expense". I was eligible for around $2500/month of child support with that, but as my exH fought even the formula, I had to price in my legal costs going forward and settled for $1300 (50/50 custody, family income was close to a $1mm). Not sure where they all get these stories about SAHM partying and traveling after divorce.

Everything was cut after me and my son moved out: I told no restaurants. I cook well, so I buy food at Costco and cook at home. I always have a pot of soup for lunch. Just like I grew up and it's ok for me. BUt it was a shock to my son, after his dad shelling thousands for years on eating out.

Don't these deadbeat dads realize they are actually hurting their children and making them hostile to the next family?

If you have 50/50 custody then your son should be eating like a king when he's with dad.

If you have a job AND you're getting $1300/mo then you should be able to eat out occasionally. Sure you didn't say "no restaurants" to make him mad at his dad?

The $1300/month doesn't cover even half of the mortgage. I don't do anything to make him mad at dad. Dad became crazy and cheap after divorce, and also started cooking at home. He takes him out maybe once a week. I take my son out once a month and now he understands but initially it was a big change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

No they don't but at the same time why are we encouraging our offspring to be in lower paid positions than we are in? It doesn't make sense and even if you are in a trade there are trade costs and low pay in those fields to start. And for instance, we had done 3 years of prepaid tuition for each of our kids, so obviously the plan was for the kids to go to college in Virginia, so I think child support should have been covered for those years.

You want your kids to go to college and you encourage it but this is not a need in the same sense as providing food/clothing/shelter, which is the intent of child support, and therefore college should not be covered in child support. You might as well argue that piano lessons and travel soccer should be automatically covered in child support.

No dum dum. Piano lessons are not part of child support. Basic necessities are and that’s all that child support covers. I’m saying that kids should be supported with basic necessities till 21 since at a minimum most kids need at least community college to get a job. It is really upsetting that men just want their kids to have no skills but most jobs these days will not hire you without an associates and so kids should be covered in living expenses till then

Yes, dum dum, basic necessities are part of CS and that’s all that CS covers. That was exactly my point. College tuition is NOT a basic necessity however much you want it to be.

Yes of course I want my kids to have skills, dum dum, but they are not entitled to go to college and no parent is or should be obligated to pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

No they don't but at the same time why are we encouraging our offspring to be in lower paid positions than we are in? It doesn't make sense and even if you are in a trade there are trade costs and low pay in those fields to start. And for instance, we had done 3 years of prepaid tuition for each of our kids, so obviously the plan was for the kids to go to college in Virginia, so I think child support should have been covered for those years.

You want your kids to go to college and you encourage it but this is not a need in the same sense as providing food/clothing/shelter, which is the intent of child support, and therefore college should not be covered in child support. You might as well argue that piano lessons and travel soccer should be automatically covered in child support.

No dum dum. Piano lessons are not part of child support. Basic necessities are and that’s all that child support covers. I’m saying that kids should be supported with basic necessities till 21 since at a minimum most kids need at least community college to get a job. It is really upsetting that men just want their kids to have no skills but most jobs these days will not hire you without an associates and so kids should be covered in living expenses till then

Yes, dum dum, basic necessities are part of CS and that’s all that CS covers. That was exactly my point. College tuition is NOT a basic necessity however much you want it to be.

Yes of course I want my kids to have skills, dum dum, but they are not entitled to go to college and no parent is or should be obligated to pay for it.

When noone is obligated to pay by anything upon divorce, nobody usually pays for it! I chose to negotiate and was able to grab at least the tuition for my son. Who knows what would have happened in 4 years after divorce, maybe by then my exH would remarry and his new wife tells him dont' pay tuition. Now he's on hook for it potentially would loose his house if he doesn't pay. Property settlements are strong agreements.

If I was a mom like you, then I would have said "oh f..k I am not spending extra $30K on good divorce attorneys just for my kids to get their college tuition"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Living expenses are way above $7k/year. My ex is spending high on his girlfriend (Caribbean vacations, jewelry etc_) and on his house (a custom gym, added pool etc). But he told son to go take loans or work flipping burgers.
That same father told son a few years ago to drop a sport because he didn't want to drive him to practices on 50/50 custody schedule. My son is 6'3 and very athletic, he could have had his room &board completely free as a college athlete.

My exH is bitter I got 50% assets and am relatively ok. He wants ME to pay for the son's college living expenses, out of a spite

I don't really mind a child having to pay for a degree or college, but it just seems unfair that they also have to pay for their room and board if instead they could be working but are doing this so they will be more self sufficient in the future. And often that becomes a parent's job to finance. I just think if we are basically requiring kids to go to school longer for most jobs in the US that their clothing and food and basics should be covered just like medical and insurance also covers through this time. DC obviously agrees.

When I was in college I worked to pay room & board. My rent (circa 2005) was $225/mo for my share in a weird 1BR apartment where we turned a dining room into a sleeping nook. I paid for it working $10/hr part time. Today in my college town a 1BR runs more like $1500 and all the weird crappy buildings were long ago torn down and replaced with more expensive housing. And good luck finding anyone willing to do a weird housing share with you.

Childcare expenses in Virgina are max. $1000 per child per month. They probably max out before this amount. It doesn't even cover food and clothing and toiletries.

in DC when you divorce 50% of the mortgage is considered the "child expense". I was eligible for around $2500/month of child support with that, but as my exH fought even the formula, I had to price in my legal costs going forward and settled for $1300 (50/50 custody, family income was close to a $1mm). Not sure where they all get these stories about SAHM partying and traveling after divorce.

Everything was cut after me and my son moved out: I told no restaurants. I cook well, so I buy food at Costco and cook at home. I always have a pot of soup for lunch. Just like I grew up and it's ok for me. BUt it was a shock to my son, after his dad shelling thousands for years on eating out.

Don't these deadbeat dads realize they are actually hurting their children and making them hostile to the next family?

If you have 50/50 custody then your son should be eating like a king when he's with dad.

If you have a job AND you're getting $1300/mo then you should be able to eat out occasionally. Sure you didn't say "no restaurants" to make him mad at his dad?

The $1300/month doesn't cover even half of the mortgage. I don't do anything to make him mad at dad. Dad became crazy and cheap after divorce, and also started cooking at home. He takes him out maybe once a week. I take my son out once a month and now he understands but initially it was a big change.

If your post-divorce mortgage is more than $2600 a month then you're nowhere near as poor as you'd like us to think or you wouldn't have qualified for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

This is what I think VA and MD should do at a minimum. It really is unfair that the child is now at college and can't pay for their own living expenses and one parent has to foot that bill entirely even just for food and other basics.

Living expenses are way above $7k/year. My ex is spending high on his girlfriend (Caribbean vacations, jewelry etc_) and on his house (a custom gym, added pool etc). But he told son to go take loans or work flipping burgers.
That same father told son a few years ago to drop a sport because he didn't want to drive him to practices on 50/50 custody schedule. My son is 6'3 and very athletic, he could have had his room &board completely free as a college athlete.

My exH is bitter I got 50% assets and am relatively ok. He wants ME to pay for the son's college living expenses, out of a spite

I don't really mind a child having to pay for a degree or college, but it just seems unfair that they also have to pay for their room and board if instead they could be working but are doing this so they will be more self sufficient in the future. And often that becomes a parent's job to finance. I just think if we are basically requiring kids to go to school longer for most jobs in the US that their clothing and food and basics should be covered just like medical and insurance also covers through this time. DC obviously agrees.

When I was in college I worked to pay room & board. My rent (circa 2005) was $225/mo for my share in a weird 1BR apartment where we turned a dining room into a sleeping nook. I paid for it working $10/hr part time. Today in my college town a 1BR runs more like $1500 and all the weird crappy buildings were long ago torn down and replaced with more expensive housing. And good luck finding anyone willing to do a weird housing share with you.

Childcare expenses in Virgina are max. $1000 per child per month. They probably max out before this amount. It doesn't even cover food and clothing and toiletries.

in DC when you divorce 50% of the mortgage is considered the "child expense". I was eligible for around $2500/month of child support with that, but as my exH fought even the formula, I had to price in my legal costs going forward and settled for $1300 (50/50 custody, family income was close to a $1mm). Not sure where they all get these stories about SAHM partying and traveling after divorce.

Everything was cut after me and my son moved out: I told no restaurants. I cook well, so I buy food at Costco and cook at home. I always have a pot of soup for lunch. Just like I grew up and it's ok for me. BUt it was a shock to my son, after his dad shelling thousands for years on eating out.

Don't these deadbeat dads realize they are actually hurting their children and making them hostile to the next family?

If you have 50/50 custody then your son should be eating like a king when he's with dad.

If you have a job AND you're getting $1300/mo then you should be able to eat out occasionally. Sure you didn't say "no restaurants" to make him mad at his dad?

The $1300/month doesn't cover even half of the mortgage. I don't do anything to make him mad at dad. Dad became crazy and cheap after divorce, and also started cooking at home. He takes him out maybe once a week. I take my son out once a month and now he understands but initially it was a big change.

If your post-divorce mortgage is more than $2600 a month then you're nowhere near as poor as you'd like us to think or you wouldn't have qualified for it.

I am not saying I am poor my mortgage is $2800. My income is $150K - in DC it's not much. I am fine, but my child's standards of living dropped significantly upon divorce. Also, with this income I am not in a position to pay college living expenses out of state; my exH makes well over $1mm/year and I will take him to court for higher CS. It will cost me $15K to try revise the CS, and it's worth trying as college expenses would run over $40k/year and our MSA states that living expenses in college should be paid from the child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

No they don't but at the same time why are we encouraging our offspring to be in lower paid positions than we are in? It doesn't make sense and even if you are in a trade there are trade costs and low pay in those fields to start. And for instance, we had done 3 years of prepaid tuition for each of our kids, so obviously the plan was for the kids to go to college in Virginia, so I think child support should have been covered for those years.

You want your kids to go to college and you encourage it but this is not a need in the same sense as providing food/clothing/shelter, which is the intent of child support, and therefore college should not be covered in child support. You might as well argue that piano lessons and travel soccer should be automatically covered in child support.

No dum dum. Piano lessons are not part of child support. Basic necessities are and that’s all that child support covers. I’m saying that kids should be supported with basic necessities till 21 since at a minimum most kids need at least community college to get a job. It is really upsetting that men just want their kids to have no skills but most jobs these days will not hire you without an associates and so kids should be covered in living expenses till then

Yes, dum dum, basic necessities are part of CS and that’s all that CS covers. That was exactly my point. College tuition is NOT a basic necessity however much you want it to be.

Yes of course I want my kids to have skills, dum dum, but they are not entitled to go to college and no parent is or should be obligated to pay for it.

When noone is obligated to pay by anything upon divorce, nobody usually pays for it! I chose to negotiate and was able to grab at least the tuition for my son. Who knows what would have happened in 4 years after divorce, maybe by then my exH would remarry and his new wife tells him dont' pay tuition. Now he's on hook for it potentially would loose his house if he doesn't pay. Property settlements are strong agreements.

If I was a mom like you, then I would have said "oh f..k I am not spending extra $30K on good divorce attorneys just for my kids to get their college tuition"!

I'm not obligated in my settlement to pay college tuition, but I am absolutely going to pay for it. I'm not even mad that my ex probably won't pay anything.

No amount of spending on attorneys can make your STBX agree to pay college tuition if he or she doesn't want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

No they don't but at the same time why are we encouraging our offspring to be in lower paid positions than we are in? It doesn't make sense and even if you are in a trade there are trade costs and low pay in those fields to start. And for instance, we had done 3 years of prepaid tuition for each of our kids, so obviously the plan was for the kids to go to college in Virginia, so I think child support should have been covered for those years.

You want your kids to go to college and you encourage it but this is not a need in the same sense as providing food/clothing/shelter, which is the intent of child support, and therefore college should not be covered in child support. You might as well argue that piano lessons and travel soccer should be automatically covered in child support.

No dum dum. Piano lessons are not part of child support. Basic necessities are and that’s all that child support covers. I’m saying that kids should be supported with basic necessities till 21 since at a minimum most kids need at least community college to get a job. It is really upsetting that men just want their kids to have no skills but most jobs these days will not hire you without an associates and so kids should be covered in living expenses till then

Yes, dum dum, basic necessities are part of CS and that’s all that CS covers. That was exactly my point. College tuition is NOT a basic necessity however much you want it to be.

Yes of course I want my kids to have skills, dum dum, but they are not entitled to go to college and no parent is or should be obligated to pay for it.

Child support DOES NOT cover private school or college. It covers basic necessities. I’ve told you this now about five times. It should be continued till a kid has a job that can cover these.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends. I got alimony for life. I was married for 24 years. I was a SAHM. My ex is a doctor with a high salary.

Which state and percentage of his salary were you awarded, age at the time of divorce?

Age, 48. I get $120,00 a year tax free for the first 8 years. My alimony goes down every year till I reach the age of 65. After that I get $36,000 a year tax free.

He makes $650,000 a year.

My a..hole exH was "fired" just as I filed for divorce. Then went back to the same company as a "consultant", right after signing the settlement agreement.

How do you plan for your retirement? It's a nice alimony but without assets or savings after 65 y.o. it will be tight..

You need to work. There’s no reason an able bodied 48 year old can’t get a job.

I work and happy without his alimony. But I was just lucky to secure a job after 10 years SAHM. This doesn't change the fact that he's a a-hole. Who "fires" himself and gets severance at 54, just so he didn't have to pay alimony and higher CS? He basically ripped off his own child.

His income 1st year after divorce was settled is $2mm/year. I am taking him back to court for a different child support in the fall. If I make 150K and he makes $2mm, there is something wrong with him paying only $1300/month in CS!

Most judges would not have called him out on the timing of his "firing." Also, most lawyers would have hired a professional to determine his earning potential. I'd go back to court on this one.

Meant: Most judges would have called him out

My salary is higher than what his alimony would have been, and I am building my resume. Going to court back than trying to call him out meant missing another 2 years of my life, work history and health, in addition to $200K in legal fees. He also could had forced sale of marital assets causing me even higher financial harm vs me just loosing his alimony. So I settled and got marital assets I wanted intact.

I know that alimony cannot be changed after I signed MSA, but I am taking him back to court for the child support. He's incredibly cheap with our son, and refuses to pay his college expenses.

What state did you divorce in?

DC

Oh I thought DC covers college? Or is it just that CS continues through 21?

No DC doesn't cover college, only CS through 21. But as everyone goes to college and CS is based on the child's needs, the college becomes a need. That's what I am going to argue when I take my ex back to court this fall. Son is finishing HS next year

You don't need to go to college. Everyone does not go to college. No child is entitled to go to college, not even the children of DCUM parents.

No they don't but at the same time why are we encouraging our offspring to be in lower paid positions than we are in? It doesn't make sense and even if you are in a trade there are trade costs and low pay in those fields to start. And for instance, we had done 3 years of prepaid tuition for each of our kids, so obviously the plan was for the kids to go to college in Virginia, so I think child support should have been covered for those years.

You want your kids to go to college and you encourage it but this is not a need in the same sense as providing food/clothing/shelter, which is the intent of child support, and therefore college should not be covered in child support. You might as well argue that piano lessons and travel soccer should be automatically covered in child support.

No dum dum. Piano lessons are not part of child support. Basic necessities are and that’s all that child support covers. I’m saying that kids should be supported with basic necessities till 21 since at a minimum most kids need at least community college to get a job. It is really upsetting that men just want their kids to have no skills but most jobs these days will not hire you without an associates and so kids should be covered in living expenses till then

Yes, dum dum, basic necessities are part of CS and that’s all that CS covers. That was exactly my point. College tuition is NOT a basic necessity however much you want it to be.

Yes of course I want my kids to have skills, dum dum, but they are not entitled to go to college and no parent is or should be obligated to pay for it.

When noone is obligated to pay by anything upon divorce, nobody usually pays for it! I chose to negotiate and was able to grab at least the tuition for my son. Who knows what would have happened in 4 years after divorce, maybe by then my exH would remarry and his new wife tells him dont' pay tuition. Now he's on hook for it potentially would loose his house if he doesn't pay. Property settlements are strong agreements.

If I was a mom like you, then I would have said "oh f..k I am not spending extra $30K on good divorce attorneys just for my kids to get their college tuition"!

I'm not obligated in my settlement to pay college tuition, but I am absolutely going to pay for it. I'm not even mad that my ex probably won't pay anything.

No amount of spending on attorneys can make your STBX agree to pay college tuition if he or she doesn't want to.

Good for you that you can afford college tuition. I could not, and thus I fought for it. There are ways of legal pressure during the divorce negotiations and discovery when you can get things you need. My exH didnt want a disclosure of his extra marital affairs in open hearing. So he signed it