Morbidly obese SIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a thought: go to hell, and look for a clue on your way.

What is wrong with people on this board?

Clearly, they are sensitive about their weight.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For any non-jerk people who are thinking an "intervention" is the right thing to do for an obese family member, please do not. It is not going to help and is only going to ruin any trust your beloved family member might have in you. Imagine the futility of trying to stage an intervention for a heavy smoker after 25 years. What do you imagine you could say that wouldn't sound ridiculous? Smoking is bad for your health? I worry about you? Let's throw those cigs out together! A smoker or fat person is not living under a rock where they somehow need information from you to break their addiction and make better choices.

No matter what you personally believe about obese people (lazy, gross, stupid, mentally ill, genetically doomed, etc) the FACT is that very, very few people manage to lose a significant amount of weight and even fewer manage to keep it off forever. (Five percent, maybe? Someone will correct me, I'm sure.) And those successful unicorns are very, very personally motivated to do it. There is no way that someone who is already resistant to discussing the subject with their physicians and spouse is going to somehow magically be enlightened and transformed by the wisdom and well meaning interference by some in-law. It's just not helpful and only creates bad feelings (shame, anger, resentment).

Please continue to love your fat relatives, build loving and caring relationships that enable them to trust and confide in you, and work through any uncharitable thoughts in a way that helps you to be peaceful and accepting. Compassion is a gift to everyone.

Don't be so sure. My husband is fat and he goes through incredible mental gymnastics to convince himself and everyone around that 1. He did not really eat it and 2. Even tough he ate it, he didn't eat that much, so it doesn't matter. Like gulping a bottle of Gatorade and being shocked that it has calories... well, it says right there on the label. Or getting something that has 50 calories per serving (it's almost nothing!), but ignoring the fact that the suggested "serving" is tiny. Or sticking a spoon into the peanut butter jar every 30 minutes, but "it's just a spoonful". So I call him out on that because while I can deal with him being fat, it's really annoying to hear how he does everything possible and still can't lose weight. My MIL is the same way - perpetually on a diet, reads all she can about diets, and eats like a 300 lbs football player because between being low carb one day and vegetarian the next day, she manages to devour a week worth of meat and potatoes.

You are exactly proving my point. Your husband and your MIL both know they want to lose weight but aren’t motivated to actually DO it. You can call your husband out all day long on the peanut butter and maybe someday that will work, but in the meantime you are continually annoyed at him and I imagine he doesn’t love having you continually watching what he is eating and drinking. Your home would be more peaceful if you would not allow diet or fat talk at all and accept your husband for who he is. I agree that it’s hard to do but letting go of the idea of losing weight and focusing on healthy lifestyles is more productive.

[Anonymous]

Man, this is one of the worst OPs I’ve seen in awhile. What a piece of work. Poor SIL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change."

"I'm team husband 100%. His wife sucks. She is a fat blob who eats pizza and junk every single day and refuses to cook for her family or figure out any solution other than living like a frat boy. Actually, frat boys eat better."

Hey PPs who were attacking OP -- don't you wish you only had OP to contend with now? You literally willed this pack of wild dogs over to the thread with your hysteria.

SIL is the wild D-O-G, not me.

Me = work
SIL = no job

Me = breadwinner
SIL = doesn't contribute

Me = cook homemade meals for my family 6 days a week
SIL = doesn't cook anything

Me = reasonable weight
SIL = morbidly obese - because she refuses to cook!!

And yet, I don’t even know you and yet I know for all of this, your SIL is the far better person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change."

"I'm team husband 100%. His wife sucks. She is a fat blob who eats pizza and junk every single day and refuses to cook for her family or figure out any solution other than living like a frat boy. Actually, frat boys eat better."

Hey PPs who were attacking OP -- don't you wish you only had OP to contend with now? You literally willed this pack of wild dogs over to the thread with your hysteria.

SIL is the wild D-O-G, not me.

Me = work
SIL = no job

Me = breadwinner
SIL = doesn't contribute

Me = cook homemade meals for my family 6 days a week
SIL = doesn't cook anything

Me = reasonable weight
SIL = morbidly obese - because she refuses to cook!!

Are you OP? I was going to try to respond in good faith, but this just shows you to be a judgmental B. It sounds like you do not actually care a bit about your SIL, but rather enjoy the fact that you can feel superior about yourself in every way.

No, that is not OP. This is the "wild dog" defending itself.

OP, you might want to ask Jeff to delete this thread, since it has brought out the ruthless, knee-jerk crazies who think no one can notice fat, much less obesity, without being judgmental misogynists. BTW, this is part of the psychological BS that goes with obesity -- no one has a right to say a word to the person getting fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter. Their obesity is literally the elephant in the room. It's part of their craziness and the craziness of any family that has an addict in it -- that everyone is sworn to silence.

You are insane. INSANE.

And I’m fit so don’t go immediately to your stupid “you must be fat” response.

You are such an awful person that I feel sorry for you. Must be terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change."

"I'm team husband 100%. His wife sucks. She is a fat blob who eats pizza and junk every single day and refuses to cook for her family or figure out any solution other than living like a frat boy. Actually, frat boys eat better."

Hey PPs who were attacking OP -- don't you wish you only had OP to contend with now? You literally willed this pack of wild dogs over to the thread with your hysteria.

SIL is the wild D-O-G, not me.

Me = work
SIL = no job

Me = breadwinner
SIL = doesn't contribute

Me = cook homemade meals for my family 6 days a week
SIL = doesn't cook anything

Me = reasonable weight
SIL = morbidly obese - because she refuses to cook!!

And yet, I don’t even know you and yet I know for all of this, your SIL is the far better person.

BAM! You nailed it, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a thought: go to hell, and look for a clue on your way.

What is wrong with people on this board?

Clearly, they are sensitive about their weight.

This.

I posted in favor of SIL not getting involved and am really not sensitive about my weight. It seems like a patently bad idea for OP to discuss SILs weight with her when SIL has never brought it up to her and they don’t seem to be particularly close.

Her DH should say something and work with her to improve their eating habits. He could actually support her on a daily basis and encourage her to seek professionals who can help.

[Anonymous]

OP, I see the only things on here you’ve focused on responding to are things that allow you to slam your SILs situation in a more negative light, and to get excited about food services.

What’s the end game with your “intervention”? Because an intervention with a meal delivery system is completely missing the point, if you’re listening to the points on here that aren’t in your favour, but actually may help your SIL.

[Anonymous]

Here is a thought that should end every single fat shaming threat started by “people just wondering.” Only ever worry about your own weight. Like there is never, ever, ever a time where you should worry about someone else’s body. EVER!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change."

"I'm team husband 100%. His wife sucks. She is a fat blob who eats pizza and junk every single day and refuses to cook for her family or figure out any solution other than living like a frat boy. Actually, frat boys eat better."

Hey PPs who were attacking OP -- don't you wish you only had OP to contend with now? You literally willed this pack of wild dogs over to the thread with your hysteria.

SIL is the wild D-O-G, not me.

Me = work
SIL = no job

Me = breadwinner
SIL = doesn't contribute

Me = cook homemade meals for my family 6 days a week
SIL = doesn't cook anything

Me = reasonable weight
SIL = morbidly obese - because she refuses to cook!!

Are you OP? I was going to try to respond in good faith, but this just shows you to be a judgmental B. It sounds like you do not actually care a bit about your SIL, but rather enjoy the fact that you can feel superior about yourself in every way.

No, that is not OP. This is the "wild dog" defending itself.

OP, you might want to ask Jeff to delete this thread, since it has brought out the ruthless, knee-jerk crazies who think no one can notice fat, much less obesity, without being judgmental misogynists. BTW, this is part of the psychological BS that goes with obesity -- no one has a right to say a word to the person getting fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter. Their obesity is literally the elephant in the room. It's part of their craziness and the craziness of any family that has an addict in it -- that everyone is sworn to silence.

News flash: nobody got morbidly obese because they didn’t notice they were getting fat and somehow nobody in the entire world pointed it out to them. That doesn’t happen. Telling fat people that they’re fat does absolutely nothing to help them. If it worked, THERE WOULD BE NO MORE
FAT PEOPLE. That’s why people are telling OP to mind her own business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a thought: go to hell, and look for a clue on your way.

What is wrong with people on this board?

Clearly, they are sensitive about their weight.

This.

I posted in favor of SIL not getting involved and am really not sensitive about my weight. It seems like a patently bad idea for OP to discuss SILs weight with her when SIL has never brought it up to her and they don’t seem to be particularly close.

Her DH should say something and work with her to improve their eating habits. He could actually support her on a daily basis and encourage her to seek professionals who can help.

+1 I'm shocked OP would remotely consider it her place to her intervene. I'm sure the way she oozes nasty judgment would be super helpful and productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For any non-jerk people who are thinking an "intervention" is the right thing to do for an obese family member, please do not. It is not going to help and is only going to ruin any trust your beloved family member might have in you. Imagine the futility of trying to stage an intervention for a heavy smoker after 25 years. What do you imagine you could say that wouldn't sound ridiculous? Smoking is bad for your health? I worry about you? Let's throw those cigs out together! A smoker or fat person is not living under a rock where they somehow need information from you to break their addiction and make better choices.

No matter what you personally believe about obese people (lazy, gross, stupid, mentally ill, genetically doomed, etc) the FACT is that very, very few people manage to lose a significant amount of weight and even fewer manage to keep it off forever. (Five percent, maybe? Someone will correct me, I'm sure.) And those successful unicorns are very, very personally motivated to do it. There is no way that someone who is already resistant to discussing the subject with their physicians and spouse is going to somehow magically be enlightened and transformed by the wisdom and well meaning interference by some in-law. It's just not helpful and only creates bad feelings (shame, anger, resentment).

Please continue to love your fat relatives, build loving and caring relationships that enable them to trust and confide in you, and work through any uncharitable thoughts in a way that helps you to be peaceful and accepting. Compassion is a gift to everyone.

Don't be so sure. My husband is fat and he goes through incredible mental gymnastics to convince himself and everyone around that 1. He did not really eat it and 2. Even tough he ate it, he didn't eat that much, so it doesn't matter. Like gulping a bottle of Gatorade and being shocked that it has calories... well, it says right there on the label. Or getting something that has 50 calories per serving (it's almost nothing!), but ignoring the fact that the suggested "serving" is tiny. Or sticking a spoon into the peanut butter jar every 30 minutes, but "it's just a spoonful". So I call him out on that because while I can deal with him being fat, it's really annoying to hear how he does everything possible and still can't lose weight. My MIL is the same way - perpetually on a diet, reads all she can about diets, and eats like a 300 lbs football player because between being low carb one day and vegetarian the next day, she manages to devour a week worth of meat and potatoes.

You are exactly proving my point. Your husband and your MIL both know they want to lose weight but aren’t motivated to actually DO it. You can call your husband out all day long on the peanut butter and maybe someday that will work, but in the meantime you are continually annoyed at him and I imagine he doesn’t love having you continually watching what he is eating and drinking. Your home would be more peaceful if you would not allow diet or fat talk at all and accept your husband for who he is. I agree that it’s hard to do but letting go of the idea of losing weight and focusing on healthy lifestyles is more productive.

They should focus on getting one of those funeral insurance plans. They can talk about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change."

"I'm team husband 100%. His wife sucks. She is a fat blob who eats pizza and junk every single day and refuses to cook for her family or figure out any solution other than living like a frat boy. Actually, frat boys eat better."

Hey PPs who were attacking OP -- don't you wish you only had OP to contend with now? You literally willed this pack of wild dogs over to the thread with your hysteria.

SIL is the wild D-O-G, not me.

Me = work
SIL = no job

Me = breadwinner
SIL = doesn't contribute

Me = cook homemade meals for my family 6 days a week
SIL = doesn't cook anything

Me = reasonable weight
SIL = morbidly obese - because she refuses to cook!!

Are you OP? I was going to try to respond in good faith, but this just shows you to be a judgmental B. It sounds like you do not actually care a bit about your SIL, but rather enjoy the fact that you can feel superior about yourself in every way.

No, that is not OP. This is the "wild dog" defending itself.

OP, you might want to ask Jeff to delete this thread, since it has brought out the ruthless, knee-jerk crazies who think no one can notice fat, much less obesity, without being judgmental misogynists. BTW, this is part of the psychological BS that goes with obesity -- no one has a right to say a word to the person getting fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter. Their obesity is literally the elephant in the room. It's part of their craziness and the craziness of any family that has an addict in it -- that everyone is sworn to silence.

News flash: nobody got morbidly obese because they didn’t notice they were getting fat and somehow nobody in the entire world pointed it out to them. That doesn’t happen. Telling fat people that they’re fat does absolutely nothing to help them. If it worked, THERE WOULD BE NO MORE
FAT PEOPLE. That’s why people are telling OP to mind her own business.

Who said she should be told she's fat? Do you consider that an "intervention"? It is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is a thought that should end every single fat shaming threat started by “people just wondering.” Only ever worry about your own weight. Like there is never, ever, ever a time where you should worry about someone else’s body. EVER!!!!!!!!!

Really? So if they're suicidal or drunk at the dinner table, that's their own business? Or is being morbidly obese taboo because it's about FAT and that just pushes your buttons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Your SIL is obviously a grommet sloth and won't change."

"I'm team husband 100%. His wife sucks. She is a fat blob who eats pizza and junk every single day and refuses to cook for her family or figure out any solution other than living like a frat boy. Actually, frat boys eat better."

Hey PPs who were attacking OP -- don't you wish you only had OP to contend with now? You literally willed this pack of wild dogs over to the thread with your hysteria.

SIL is the wild D-O-G, not me.

Me = work
SIL = no job

Me = breadwinner
SIL = doesn't contribute

Me = cook homemade meals for my family 6 days a week
SIL = doesn't cook anything

Me = reasonable weight
SIL = morbidly obese - because she refuses to cook!!

Are you OP? I was going to try to respond in good faith, but this just shows you to be a judgmental B. It sounds like you do not actually care a bit about your SIL, but rather enjoy the fact that you can feel superior about yourself in every way.

No, that is not OP. This is the "wild dog" defending itself.

OP, you might want to ask Jeff to delete this thread, since it has brought out the ruthless, knee-jerk crazies who think no one can notice fat, much less obesity, without being judgmental misogynists. BTW, this is part of the psychological BS that goes with obesity -- no one has a right to say a word to the person getting fatter and fatter and fatter and fatter. Their obesity is literally the elephant in the room. It's part of their craziness and the craziness of any family that has an addict in it -- that everyone is sworn to silence.

You are insane. INSANE.

And I’m fit so don’t go immediately to your stupid “you must be fat” response.

You are such an awful person that I feel sorry for you. Must be terrible.

How am I insane? I come from a family of addiction, including some who are morbidly obese. I know what I'm talking about. You really need to figure out what weight equals shame in your opinion.