Unequal inheritance

[Anonymous]

Not surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s none of your business how she divides things. You should be grateful and appreciative for whatever you get.

I'm not sure why people say things like this. Sure, it's her business. Unless she wants to be helped by a loser brother in her elderly years and have the responsible daughter be out of the picture - which is what would happen if i was in OPs shoes. Mom is clearly communicating her finances and her intentions and had discussions with the kids. Brother is likely manipulating the mom. So, yeah. It's her business.

[Anonymous]

So many DCUM women do nothing but bash their mothers yet expect them to leave them their money. I’ll bet OP brother is nicer to his mother than OP is.

[Anonymous]

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they all had different needs at different times. And when they did, we spent money on them according to their individual needs. We made no effort to make sure that we spent the same exact amount on each kid over the years, and we never felt like we had to

You are evil. Honestly, I'm 60+ with several adult children and unless one of yours has some extreme outliner condition, all should be treated fairly. And that means equally.

What on earth are you talking about? Since when does fairly mean the same thing as financially equal?

The first PP apparently has a black and white view of the world. They don't understand that most family situations are more fluid, and needs come and go.

I mean, seriously. Do she expect me to keep a spreadsheet of every cent I ever spend on each kid?

Here's an example. We had one kid who needed to go to boarding school for a year. It wasn't free. The other kids were in public school. Are we supposed to give the other kids the cash equivalent?

We had a different kid decide to go to a private liberal arts college because it had a particular major they wanted and otherwise was a better fit for their needs. The others went to state schools with similarly good reputations and programs (think UVA). Are we supposed to pay the other kids the tuition difference?

We had one kid who needed help with child care, another who needed help with a down payment, and another who needed neither. Are we supposed to pay that kid the cash equivalent of the child care or the down payment? Or, since the kid who needed neither was the one who went to boarding school for a year, do we subtract the cost of boarding school from the down payment the other kid got and make up the difference?

Your adult children needed money for a down payment or needed childcare help for their children? You’ve got to be kidding me.
When they’re all dependents that’s one thing, as able-bodied adults, that another ballgame.

Adult children don’t need inheritances either. There’s no difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is 75. My brother divorced at 38 and moved back in with her. She is widowed. My brother quit his job at 40 with plans to get another job someday. It's been 10 years and mom has been supporting him. He has an excellent degree and would easily have been employable. He just says he hates work and work is stressful. His kids who are now 19 and 20 also lived with my mom since the divorce.

My mom is worth a few million around 3-4. She previously told me the will is 50/50. She has been doing questionable things recently. So, I asked her about the will and she said " I need to protect people in the will. You have had much more success than your brother. He has not been successful and will need more money". We will meet to discuss this further. After many instances of being treated unfairly, I am done. I am punished for working hard throughout my life. If it is not equal, then I don't want any money.

Didn’t you make this exact same thread last year? I swear I’ve read it before.

[Anonymous]

I think you’d rather it go to your brother who takes care of her than be stolen by some sketchy man she begins dating or a sketchy in-home nurse — which happens often.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I will never understanding rewarding people for being lazy like you’re doing them a favor. People like OP’s brother will blow through that money, and when he’s left with nothing, he won’t even have OP to turn to because mom will have blown up that bridge.

There are times when unequal inheritances can make sense. Disabilities that require money for assistance, for example. But just because kids chose different life paths and one is “more successful”? What if OP has a debilitating car accident and can no longer work? What if OP ends up divorced and scraping by? What if the brother hits the lottery? No one knows what the future will bring. Treat your kids equally if you want them to have any relationship at all.

Again, this poster is ignoring the fact that the brother lives with and presumably takes care of many things for the money and will only do more as she ages. That's worth something. He may be professionally "lazy," but why should the mother care about that? What's important is what he's doing for the mother -- and it's HER money. She very well may see the brother as making sacrifices for her that the OP isn't doing, and as time goes on and she ages, trust me -- he will be doing a lot for her on a daily basis, simply because he lives with her, and OP won't be doing those things. In fact, OP will (or should be) happier knowing that her mother isn't alone while OP continues to live her wildly successful life free of the shackles of her mother's care.

The bold is the operative word here. And YOU are the one presuming that. Some of us have watched elderly parents with kids living with them for free and yet doing nothing, leaving the “successful” kids with families and jobs to also pick up the slack. It’s just as much projecting for me to assume that as it is for you to assume brother is managing the house, cooking and cleaning for mom 24/7. If, IF, the brother steps up and provides care and support for mom, then sure, I can see him deserving more. But for now it appears that in exchange for companionship he already gets free room and board for him AND his two children.

Some of us don't presume the worst about our siblings, and some of us aren't greedy children lusting after our parents' money.

I’m not talking about my siblings, but elderly people I’ve known whose lazy live-in kids do nothing while their other kids are constantly showing up with food and to do home repairs and clean. And the elderly parent is complaining about the child who lives for free and won’t help. Or should we assume they’re lying too so you can sit on your high horse? And I already agreed parents can do whatever they want with their money, but they should know their ruining their kids’ relationships with each other by showing such favoritism.

The siblings who don't live with the parent day-to-day simply aren't in a position to see what actually happens day to day and don't and can't know whether the live-in sibling does "nothing." Typically the other siblings simply feel guilty because they know that they're not doing as much as the live-in sibling, and often they have leftover childhood baggage when it comes to that sibling and their perceptions are distorted by that.

And how many "elderly people" have you really, actually "known whose lazy live-in kids do nothing while their other kids are constantly showing up with food?" You make it sound like an epidemic. What world do you live in? I literally know no "elderly people" living in that situation.

Wow you are mentally bending over backwards to say this brother deserves more. Think we found one of these adults who freeload off a parent and want the inheritance for themselves so they don’t have to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents did this and I have not spoken to them for 10 years. I have completely cut them off. It's not the money, it's the inequity.

bingo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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they all had different needs at different times. And when they did, we spent money on them according to their individual needs. We made no effort to make sure that we spent the same exact amount on each kid over the years, and we never felt like we had to

You are evil. Honestly, I'm 60+ with several adult children and unless one of yours has some extreme outliner condition, all should be treated fairly. And that means equally.

What on earth are you talking about? Since when does fairly mean the same thing as financially equal?

The first PP apparently has a black and white view of the world. They don't understand that most family situations are more fluid, and needs come and go.

I mean, seriously. Do she expect me to keep a spreadsheet of every cent I ever spend on each kid?

Here's an example. We had one kid who needed to go to boarding school for a year. It wasn't free. The other kids were in public school. Are we supposed to give the other kids the cash equivalent?

We had a different kid decide to go to a private liberal arts college because it had a particular major they wanted and otherwise was a better fit for their needs. The others went to state schools with similarly good reputations and programs (think UVA). Are we supposed to pay the other kids the tuition difference?

We had one kid who needed help with child care, another who needed help with a down payment, and another who needed neither. Are we supposed to pay that kid the cash equivalent of the child care or the down payment? Or, since the kid who needed neither was the one who went to boarding school for a year, do we subtract the cost of boarding school from the down payment the other kid got and make up the difference?

Your adult children needed money for a down payment or needed childcare help for their children? You’ve got to be kidding me.
When they’re all dependents that’s one thing, as able-bodied adults, that another ballgame.

Adult children don’t need inheritances either. There’s no difference.

There’s a difference when you’re leaving one child more than the other based on the adult child’s ‘circumstance.’ If you’re giving away all of your earthly possessions to a charity that’s equal too.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s none of your business how she divides things. You should be grateful and appreciative for whatever you get.

Bullshit. You would be angry if you wre treated unequally.

We are treated unequally because we are not equal. We have different capabilities, different professions, different lifestyles, etc. I keep my eye on my own life. How much money anyone else gets is none of my business.

But it's crazy for a sibling to get more because of their own poor choices.

x10000000

When will this very truthful idea come to fruition?
.

[Anonymous]

^^Seriously, why would you leave your estate to a charity? Come on. Only a fool would do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many DCUM women do nothing but bash their mothers yet expect them to leave them their money. I’ll bet OP brother is nicer to his mother than OP is.

You are clueless. Reading is fundamental.

[Anonymous]

Lesson: Never tell your kids what’s in your will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a great way to ensure these siblings will never have a relationship

+1. Absent a SN diagnosis or crazy addiction issues, I can’t understand why a parent would not split their estate equally. I’ve seen inequitable treatment in my family and my husband’s family. I am not on good terms with my sibling and my husband is not on good terms with one of his siblings — and the root of this is unequal treatment under the guise of “this person makes less money then you and we need to somehow make things equal.” This thinking perpetuates jealousy and entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a great way to ensure these siblings will never have a relationship

+1. Absent a SN diagnosis or crazy addiction issues, I can’t understand why a parent would not split their estate equally. I’ve seen inequitable treatment in my family and my husband’s family. I am not on good terms with my sibling and my husband is not on good terms with one of his siblings — and the root of this is unequal treatment under the guise of “this person makes less money then you and we need to somehow make things equal.” This thinking perpetuates jealousy and entitlement.

I agree