Two siblings forced the sale of our inherited beach house and I can't get over it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you should have given them their share in cash. This is your fault, not theirs. I assume you couldn’t afford to buy them out?

We all have similar HHIs, so it would have been unfair to put the full burden on me and my husband. It was a very fair price but it wasn’t exactly a small sim; ot would have been a stretch for just us. Not to mention they likely would have tried to keep using it, right. I didn’t want that dynamic either.

So it was your decision not to buy it. Nobody to be mad at but yourself. Get over it.

+1. You had your chance, you chose not to. Wah wah wah, get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have a beach house in the Rehoboth, OC area. My husband and I have already agreed, when the time comes, we are not going to split it with our BIL and his wife as we travel to too many other places. The taxes alone aren't worth it for the 2 times a year we go.

Is this fabricated? Because you’re trying to come across as smug and well traveled but you’re bragging about putting something very stupid on record with your in-laws. Congrats on a permitting your in-laws to give your BIL and wife 100% of the beach house instead of 50% — which won’t impact the rest of the estate, of course.

I think they mean they won't buy it together with them when the ILs decide to sell. At least that's how I read it. Not taking half in an estate would be dumb.

The owners are going to sign 100% ownership of that beach house over to the son who uses it because the smug “well traveled” daughter in law ran her mouth. She thought she sounded so smart and sophisticated but she actually played herself and her husband out of a very valuable share of property.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP.

Just to be clear -- is someone really implying that you have to own a beach house to create good memories and a happy childhood for your children? Really, or am I misreading how the dichotomy is set up?

I'm not sure that people without beach houses are confined to mortgagor children. That's ... an odd take.

I assume people who did not grow up with access to family vacation homes don’t really understand, so it’s easy to be dismissive about the experiences, memories and traditions. A rental is not the same thing, not even close. And also, if you’re miserable and hate where you’re from or are estranged from family, it’s even easier to be dismissive about all of this.

What a bunch of malarkey. Family vacation homes create special and unique memories that nobody else can understand! Let's be clear: the angry person here is OP, who has allowed this house to fracture her relationship with her siblings and is holding on to that anger six years later. For her the precious memories of the family house have become a burden.

Unless you're truly wealthy, it's very difficult to hold on to the properties our parents and grandparents picked up for a song back in the 50s, 60s, 70s. We had family with houses in Lewes, DE and Leland, MI when I was growing up. Yes, we had tons of great memories, but the next generations couldn't afford to keep them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My inlaws have a beach house in the Rehoboth, OC area. My husband and I have already agreed, when the time comes, we are not going to split it with our BIL and his wife as we travel to too many other places. The taxes alone aren't worth it for the 2 times a year we go.

Is this fabricated? Because you’re trying to come across as smug and well traveled but you’re bragging about putting something very stupid on record with your in-laws. Congrats on a permitting your in-laws to give your BIL and wife 100% of the beach house instead of 50% — which won’t impact the rest of the estate, of course.

I think they mean they won't buy it together with them when the ILs decide to sell. At least that's how I read it. Not taking half in an estate would be dumb.

The owners are going to sign 100% ownership of that beach house over to the son who uses it because the smug “well traveled” daughter in law ran her mouth. She thought she sounded so smart and sophisticated but she actually played herself and her husband out of a very valuable share of property.

LOL, sounds like a bit of a reach. She just said that they like to vacation in a bunch of different places and would prefer not to throw all their vacation time and money at this one house. Not everyone likes to take the same vacation over and over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP.

Just to be clear -- is someone really implying that you have to own a beach house to create good memories and a happy childhood for your children? Really, or am I misreading how the dichotomy is set up?

I'm not sure that people without beach houses are confined to mortgagor children. That's ... an odd take.

I assume people who did not grow up with access to family vacation homes don’t really understand, so it’s easy to be dismissive about the experiences, memories and traditions. A rental is not the same thing, not even close. And also, if you’re miserable and hate where you’re from or are estranged from family, it’s even easier to be dismissive about all of this.

You ... get that my family without a beach house head living and strong traditions, too? That gathering and shucking pecans with my grandmother, her hand on mine as we rolled out the poor dough, are cherished, right?

That our giant family reunions riverside -- without a beach house -- full of games and laughing cousins were amazing, chasing fireflies and my uncle playing the violin as dusk came down?

Do you admit that you, who did not experience it, don't really understand and find it easy to be dismissive of that?

It's there any way at all you can stretch your brain to understand that even, yes even!, someone in your social circle might have married into a family with different and cherished traditions, or even -- even! -- themselves remember and cherish something different from you? Any way at all?

Or is it really that just the wealth-related traditions that you happen to like are the only ones that count?

Are you just as prone to dismissing my experience because you did not share it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you should have given them their share in cash. This is your fault, not theirs. I assume you couldn’t afford to buy them out?

We all have similar HHIs, so it would have been unfair to put the full burden on me and my husband. It was a very fair price but it wasn’t exactly a small sim; ot would have been a stretch for just us. Not to mention they likely would have tried to keep using it, right. I didn’t want that dynamic either.

Then you made a choice. Live with it.

+1 OP, you should have "stretched." You didn't. The time has passed. How did you spend your inheritance?

[Anonymous]

Those low class Bush and Kennedy families are so dumb for keeping oceanfront land in the family for generations. Don’t they know you can rent at a variety of places on Airbnb and stay in hotels?

[Anonymous]

I understand your anger but if you don't buy a property you don't get to control what happens to it.

Take your proceeds and use it as a down payment on another house at the beach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP.

Just to be clear -- is someone really implying that you have to own a beach house to create good memories and a happy childhood for your children? Really, or am I misreading how the dichotomy is set up?

I'm not sure that people without beach houses are confined to mortgagor children. That's ... an odd take.

I assume people who did not grow up with access to family vacation homes don’t really understand, so it’s easy to be dismissive about the experiences, memories and traditions. A rental is not the same thing, not even close. And also, if you’re miserable and hate where you’re from or are estranged from family, it’s even easier to be dismissive about all of this.

You ... get that my family without a beach house head living and strong traditions, too? That gathering and shucking pecans with my grandmother, her hand on mine as we rolled out the poor dough, are cherished, right?

That our giant family reunions riverside -- without a beach house -- full of games and laughing cousins were amazing, chasing fireflies and my uncle playing the violin as dusk came down?

Do you admit that you, who did not experience it, don't really understand and find it easy to be dismissive of that?

It's there any way at all you can stretch your brain to understand that even, yes even!, someone in your social circle might have married into a family with different and cherished traditions, or even -- even! -- themselves remember and cherish something different from you? Any way at all?

Or is it really that just the wealth-related traditions that you happen to like are the only ones that count?

Are you just as prone to dismissing my experience because you did not share it?

Thank you for confirming the point that miserable serial posters like you are triggered about topics like this. You like to see UMC people like OP knocked down a peg or two. And you have zero grasp of wealth, land, inheritance and family estate planning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP.

Just to be clear -- is someone really implying that you have to own a beach house to create good memories and a happy childhood for your children? Really, or am I misreading how the dichotomy is set up?

I'm not sure that people without beach houses are confined to mortgagor children. That's ... an odd take.

I assume people who did not grow up with access to family vacation homes don’t really

understand, so it’s easy to be dismissive about the experiences, memories and traditions. A rental is not the same thing, not even close. And also, if you’re miserable and hate where you’re from or are estranged from family, it’s even easier to be dismissive about all of this.

You ... get that my family without a beach house head living and strong traditions, too? That gathering and shucking pecans with my grandmother, her hand on mine as we rolled out the poor dough, are cherished, right?

That our giant family reunions riverside -- without a beach house -- full of games and laughing cousins were amazing, chasing fireflies and my uncle playing the violin as dusk came down?

Do you admit that you, who did not experience it, don't really understand and find it easy to be dismissive of that?

It's there any way at all you can stretch your brain to understand that even, yes even!, someone in your social circle might have married into a family with different and cherished traditions, or even -- even! -- themselves remember and cherish something different from you? Any way at all?

Or is it really that just the wealth-related traditions that you happen to like are the only ones that count?

Are you just as prone to dismissing my experience because you did not share it?

Thank you for confirming the point that miserable serial posters like you are triggered about topics like this. You like to see UMC people like OP knocked down a peg or two. And you have zero grasp of wealth, land, inheritance and family estate planning.

Got it. Hope you can afford the beach house of your dreams, and that everyone stays happy. Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP.

Just to be clear -- is someone really implying that you have to own a beach house to create good memories and a happy childhood for your children? Really, or am I misreading how the dichotomy is set up?

I'm not sure that people without beach houses are confined to mortgagor children. That's ... an odd take.

I assume people who did not grow up with access to family vacation homes don’t really understand, so it’s easy to be dismissive about the experiences, memories and traditions. A rental is not the same thing, not even close. And also, if you’re miserable and hate where you’re from or are estranged from family, it’s even easier to be dismissive about all of this.

This is obviously OP, right? You are insufferable and it's clear why your siblings didn't want to own anything with you. You seem to have a very inflated sense of yourself. My husband's parents own a glorious, waterfront estate as their second home. My memories, those of my husband dating back to his childhood, and those of my own children who have had countless visits to this beautiful home, are dreadful. We hate it. They are miserable, overly formal, boring visits. You see, it's the people and the experiences that we either cherish or detest. The home itself has nothing to do with it. Meanwhile, my family rented nice homes in North Carolina for decaces, often the same one year after year, and those memories are much much more meaningful for us. So please, get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP.

Just to be clear -- is someone really implying that you have to own a beach house to create good memories and a happy childhood for your children? Really, or am I misreading how the dichotomy is set up?

I'm not sure that people without beach houses are confined to mortgagor children. That's ... an odd take.

I assume people who did not grow up with access to family vacation homes don’t really understand, so it’s easy to be dismissive about the experiences, memories and traditions. A rental is not the same thing, not even close. And also, if you’re miserable and hate where you’re from or are estranged from family, it’s even easier to be dismissive about all of this.

You ... get that my family without a beach house head living and strong traditions, too? That gathering and shucking pecans with my grandmother, her hand on mine as we rolled out the poor dough, are cherished, right?

That our giant family reunions riverside -- without a beach house -- full of games and laughing cousins were amazing, chasing fireflies and my uncle playing the violin as dusk came down?

Do you admit that you, who did not experience it, don't really understand and find it easy to be dismissive of that?

It's there any way at all you can stretch your brain to understand that even, yes even!, someone in your social circle might have married into a family with different and cherished traditions, or even -- even! -- themselves remember and cherish something different from you? Any way at all?

Or is it really that just the wealth-related traditions that you happen to like are the only ones that count?

Are you just as prone to dismissing my experience because you did not share it?

OP, cherish your beautiful memories. That said, you sound totally unhinged. Your siblings are allowed to have their own thoughts and feelings and they can make their own choices. You couldn't afford to buy them out. It's frustrating, but you have got to move on or you risk wasting a life ruminating. You are going to make yourself and those around you miserable with all this negativity. Is that the legacy YOU want? Are those the MEMORIES you want to create for your family? Life is about adapting to change. Be grateful you aren't adapting to things like your own cancer diagnosis, your child having severe special needs, your spouse on life support. It's a beach house. Nobody can take your memories from you. Enjoy the memories and stop ruining the present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you can't afford to buy a second home (join the club) and are blaming your siblings for that fact? Okay.

OP wanted to buy out the uncle together with her siblings (jointly) but the siblings said no. OP and her spouse could not afford to buy out the uncle on their own. This is how I interpret the story.

Yes, the siblings said no, as is their prerogative.

[Anonymous]

There are some responses here that are certainly not classy.

It's interesting that what you have can mean more to some than how you behave.

[Anonymous]

I'm so glad my parents have nothing to inherit except maybe debt.

My wife's side of the family is more well-off and I have seen some ugly disputes over land and property. Two brothers no longer speak. The family has to balance functions - if brother A came to Thanksgiving, brother B gets to come to Christmas, etc. So crazy.