Budgeting for Private School -- Convince my spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to have a choice between the big house, the close in commute, or the school you want.

If you choose the house and the commute, you don’t get the school you want. You can’t afford private school and you don’t like your public school. I don’t think dropping cleaning is going to save you that much and your husband doesn’t want to give up the travel since it involves seeing family. Or you have to go into debt for college and not save as much for retirement.

If you really want a better school you probably need to move and increase your commute. You go in to the city 3 days a week, any way to adjust that to 1 or 2 days a week. The pro is that you can move to a nice size house and maybe save some money on your home but get the school you want in either public or private.

So you are willing to go into debt for college and delay retirement but you don’t want to commute or look at how you might be able to decrease your time in the city for work?

Commutes suck but does the commute suck more then the school?

Yeah that’s the fundament disagreement. I’m fine with a worse commute but spouse is not.

Is spouse okay with the public school at your current location? Or not, then perhaps push him/her on what we've pushed - you can't have it all so what do you prioritize?

If spouse is okay with public school you're current at, you just fundamentally value different things. Which brings us back to the suggestion from a couple of pages ago - consider a few sessions with a good couples counselor to help you work through this. This sort of disagreement, where fundamental values don't just differ but actively clash, can be hard to navigate without a third party. And divorce would be more expensive by far (said tongue in check...but also not really.)

There is no way to reduce days in office other than finding new jobs and as said we have both been looking but no luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to have a choice between the big house, the close in commute, or the school you want.

If you choose the house and the commute, you don’t get the school you want. You can’t afford private school and you don’t like your public school. I don’t think dropping cleaning is going to save you that much and your husband doesn’t want to give up the travel since it involves seeing family. Or you have to go into debt for college and not save as much for retirement.

If you really want a better school you probably need to move and increase your commute. You go in to the city 3 days a week, any way to adjust that to 1 or 2 days a week. The pro is that you can move to a nice size house and maybe save some money on your home but get the school you want in either public or private.

So you are willing to go into debt for college and delay retirement but you don’t want to commute or look at how you might be able to decrease your time in the city for work?

Commutes suck but does the commute suck more then the school?

Yeah that’s the fundament disagreement. I’m fine with a worse commute but spouse is not.

There is no way to reduce days in office other than finding new jobs and as said we have both been looking but no luck.

Oops, quoted that wrong. Let's try again...

Is spouse okay with the public school at your current location? Or not, then perhaps push him/her on what we've pushed - you can't have it all so what do you prioritize?

If spouse is okay with public school you're current at, you just fundamentally value different things. Which brings us back to the suggestion from a couple of pages ago - consider a few sessions with a good couples counselor to help you work through this. This sort of disagreement, where fundamental values don't just differ but actively clash, can be hard to navigate without a third party. And divorce would be more expensive by far (said tongue in check...but also not really.)

[Anonymous]

You could do it if your mortgage and other expenses weren't so high.

[Anonymous]

-op has nothing but excuses when people point out solutions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are living in a $1.2 million home and make over $300,000, based on your posts. Why would you think that you would get aid for private school? You are probably not going to get anything for college.

You have options, you just don’t like those options.

Yet everyone hear says that we will? I had to do it because spouse made it contingent on applying at all.

What option gives us rigorous schools and reasonable commutes with a 4 bedroom SFH? Pretty achievable middle class life.

Close-in four bedroom single family home in an expensive metro area plus private school for three kids isn’t middle class. Your definition of middle class is off.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Your budget is insane!! No private! You’ll be school poor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are living in a $1.2 million home and make over $300,000, based on your posts. Why would you think that you would get aid for private school? You are probably not going to get anything for college.

You have options, you just don’t like those options.

Yet everyone hear says that we will? I had to do it because spouse made it contingent on applying at all.

What option gives us rigorous schools and reasonable commutes with a 4 bedroom SFH? Pretty achievable middle class life.

Silver Spring 20910

[Anonymous]

You want to send them to private HS but then make them take out loans for college and put your retirement savings at risk?

Foolish, foolish decision.

The best gift you can give your children is to launch them debt-free and to not make them worry about supporting you financially in your old age.

If you can find a way to pay for private while achieving that, then have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are living in a $1.2 million home and make over $300,000, based on your posts. Why would you think that you would get aid for private school? You are probably not going to get anything for college.

You have options, you just don’t like those options.

Yet everyone hear says that we will? I had to do it because spouse made it contingent on applying at all.

What option gives us rigorous schools and reasonable commutes with a 4 bedroom SFH? Pretty achievable middle class life.

You are not middle class. And you need to make sacrifices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose pointing out that there are houses available in the Reston Herndon area that would be less expensive, saving money on the mortgage for more travel and the like, and feed into some great MS and very good HS with AP classes.

There are some excellent public schools in FCPS that provide a great education and experience and you don't have to buy a million dollar home, but they don't have the prestige that I suspect the OP actually wants. I don't know MCPS but I would guess that there are some very good public schools there. But OP has decided that all the public school are awful or will be awful and that the only why her kids can get a great education is to go private.

And that is cool. OPs problem is that her husband knows that she is wrong and sees that the cost of the private schools are not worth it for their family. And people here are saying the same thing. But this isn't about economics, it is about prestige and being able to say that the kids went to school X and that they are so much better then those kids who had to go to public schools and aren't we the best parents ever because we scrimped and saved to pay for our $1.2 million house and private schools for the 3 kids.

Kind of ridiculous.

WTAF I could give a rats tail about prestige. All I want is my kid to be learning my for most of the day in school, have a reasonable size house for my family, and not have a 2 hr commute. HERNDON?? To Capital Hill?? Do you own a private helicopter??

I personally like a lot of FCPS and MCPS, but the ones with decent commute are way way more expensive now and represent taking on debt NOW vs the slow pain of private and college. Neither option is great, though I am surprised we seem to be too poor for private but got zero aid.

Okay OP, I’ll play. What do you want here? You’ve gotten commiseration about the fact you’re facing hard choices that feel unfair. You’ve gotten practical suggestions for cutting your budget, either by changing to public schools or to free up some budget space while you stay with private. You’re unlikely to get affirmation that you’re right except for the tongue-in-cheek version. You’re still engaged here (and kiddos for that). But what do you want? No one can magically make you richer or private school (or anything else) cheaper. No one can make the budget balance better without you making sacrifices and choices. So how can we help?

Unclear what cuts in budget make private school work — they keep saying move some where cheaper like a condo, but I know long term that also would be a huge hit on savings by reduced appreciation/condo fees. Did I miss something else?

I agree with PP that there are lots of places to cut. Travel (current at $16,000 per year), kids activities and camps are over $13,000 per year. House cleaners are a luxury you’re spending $3,600 per year on. You’re paying a lot for mobile devices, when a shared Basic Verizon family plan for five is $150/month.

But even if there were nothing to cut from your budget, that doesn’t change the question - beyond agreement that it’s hard and you have hard choices to make, what do you want?

Camps act as childcare and will sunset as kids get older.

We pay for parents mobile phones.

Parent mobile phone is a drop in the bucket. You could still get a family plan, but that’s not what is eating your budget.

Not so sure you are right about camps. What if your kid has a special talent or interest? Sports, music, theater, the outdoors, anything, summer camp is where they foster that. It’s not childcare when your kids get just a pinch older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can't move, can you or your husband consider potentially higher paying jobs?

Is the $1500 inclusive of ALL of your savings contributions?

We have both been ACTIVELY looking for new jobs, but NONE have come through with higher pay despite 3 years of looking. I think we are just too old/niche/lame to swing any more income than we have (which in principle is a decent income, at least outside DCUM/private school circles)

Old/niche/lame?

How old are you? Field?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose pointing out that there are houses available in the Reston Herndon area that would be less expensive, saving money on the mortgage for more travel and the like, and feed into some great MS and very good HS with AP classes.

There are some excellent public schools in FCPS that provide a great education and experience and you don't have to buy a million dollar home, but they don't have the prestige that I suspect the OP actually wants. I don't know MCPS but I would guess that there are some very good public schools there. But OP has decided that all the public school are awful or will be awful and that the only why her kids can get a great education is to go private.

And that is cool. OPs problem is that her husband knows that she is wrong and sees that the cost of the private schools are not worth it for their family. And people here are saying the same thing. But this isn't about economics, it is about prestige and being able to say that the kids went to school X and that they are so much better then those kids who had to go to public schools and aren't we the best parents ever because we scrimped and saved to pay for our $1.2 million house and private schools for the 3 kids.

Kind of ridiculous.

WTAF I could give a rats tail about prestige. All I want is my kid to be learning my for most of the day in school, have a reasonable size house for my family, and not have a 2 hr commute. HERNDON?? To Capital Hill?? Do you own a private helicopter??

I personally like a lot of FCPS and MCPS, but the ones with decent commute are way way more expensive now and represent taking on debt NOW vs the slow pain of private and college. Neither option is great, though I am surprised we seem to be too poor for private but got zero aid.

Okay OP, I’ll play. What do you want here? You’ve gotten commiseration about the fact you’re facing hard choices that feel unfair. You’ve gotten practical suggestions for cutting your budget, either by changing to public schools or to free up some budget space while you stay with private. You’re unlikely to get affirmation that you’re right except for the tongue-in-cheek version. You’re still engaged here (and kiddos for that). But what do you want? No one can magically make you richer or private school (or anything else) cheaper. No one can make the budget balance better without you making sacrifices and choices. So how can we help?

Unclear what cuts in budget make private school work — they keep saying move some where cheaper like a condo, but I know long term that also would be a huge hit on savings by reduced appreciation/condo fees. Did I miss something else?

I agree with PP that there are lots of places to cut. Travel (current at $16,000 per year), kids activities and camps are over $13,000 per year. House cleaners are a luxury you’re spending $3,600 per year on. You’re paying a lot for mobile devices, when a shared Basic Verizon family plan for five is $150/month.

But even if there were nothing to cut from your budget, that doesn’t change the question - beyond agreement that it’s hard and you have hard choices to make, what do you want?

Camps act as childcare and will sunset as kids get older.

We pay for parents mobile phones.

Parent mobile phone is a drop in the bucket. You could still get a family plan, but that’s not what is eating your budget.

Not so sure you are right about camps. What if your kid has a special talent or interest? Sports, music, theater, the outdoors, anything, summer camp is where they foster that. It’s not childcare when your kids get just a pinch older.

+1 camp is replaced by sports, instrument, Sat tutors, car insurance, prom dresses….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are living in a $1.2 million home and make over $300,000, based on your posts. Why would you think that you would get aid for private school? You are probably not going to get anything for college.

You have options, you just don’t like those options.

Yet everyone hear says that we will? I had to do it because spouse made it contingent on applying at all.

What option gives us rigorous schools and reasonable commutes with a 4 bedroom SFH? Pretty achievable middle class life.

Silver Spring 20910

So Blair has differentiation starting in 9th grade? If you are in the magnet does that mean your Honors English and Honers Social Studies are magnet only students? Is it a completely separate school within a school? How easy is it to attend magnet if we move there over the summer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose pointing out that there are houses available in the Reston Herndon area that would be less expensive, saving money on the mortgage for more travel and the like, and feed into some great MS and very good HS with AP classes.

There are some excellent public schools in FCPS that provide a great education and experience and you don't have to buy a million dollar home, but they don't have the prestige that I suspect the OP actually wants. I don't know MCPS but I would guess that there are some very good public schools there. But OP has decided that all the public school are awful or will be awful and that the only why her kids can get a great education is to go private.

And that is cool. OPs problem is that her husband knows that she is wrong and sees that the cost of the private schools are not worth it for their family. And people here are saying the same thing. But this isn't about economics, it is about prestige and being able to say that the kids went to school X and that they are so much better then those kids who had to go to public schools and aren't we the best parents ever because we scrimped and saved to pay for our $1.2 million house and private schools for the 3 kids.

Kind of ridiculous.

We have a family plan. that was my point, just with 7 phones

WTAF I could give a rats tail about prestige. All I want is my kid to be learning my for most of the day in school, have a reasonable size house for my family, and not have a 2 hr commute. HERNDON?? To Capital Hill?? Do you own a private helicopter??

I personally like a lot of FCPS and MCPS, but the ones with decent commute are way way more expensive now and represent taking on debt NOW vs the slow pain of private and college. Neither option is great, though I am surprised we seem to be too poor for private but got zero aid.

Okay OP, I’ll play. What do you want here? You’ve gotten commiseration about the fact you’re facing hard choices that feel unfair. You’ve gotten practical suggestions for cutting your budget, either by changing to public schools or to free up some budget space while you stay with private. You’re unlikely to get affirmation that you’re right except for the tongue-in-cheek version. You’re still engaged here (and kiddos for that). But what do you want? No one can magically make you richer or private school (or anything else) cheaper. No one can make the budget balance better without you making sacrifices and choices. So how can we help?

Unclear what cuts in budget make private school work — they keep saying move some where cheaper like a condo, but I know long term that also would be a huge hit on savings by reduced appreciation/condo fees. Did I miss something else?

I agree with PP that there are lots of places to cut. Travel (current at $16,000 per year), kids activities and camps are over $13,000 per year. House cleaners are a luxury you’re spending $3,600 per year on. You’re paying a lot for mobile devices, when a shared Basic Verizon family plan for five is $150/month.

But even if there were nothing to cut from your budget, that doesn’t change the question - beyond agreement that it’s hard and you have hard choices to make, what do you want?

Camps act as childcare and will sunset as kids get older.

We pay for parents mobile phones.

Parent mobile phone is a drop in the bucket. You could still get a family plan, but that’s not what is eating your budget.

Not so sure you are right about camps. What if your kid has a special talent or interest? Sports, music, theater, the outdoors, anything, summer camp is where they foster that. It’s not childcare when your kids get just a pinch older.

+1 camp is replaced by sports, instrument, Sat tutors, car insurance, prom dresses….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can't move, can you or your husband consider potentially higher paying jobs?

Is the $1500 inclusive of ALL of your savings contributions?

We have both been ACTIVELY looking for new jobs, but NONE have come through with higher pay despite 3 years of looking. I think we are just too old/niche/lame to swing any more income than we have (which in principle is a decent income, at least outside DCUM/private school circles)

Old/niche/lame?

How old are you? Field?

Late 40s. tech but not software, and spouse is policy analyst for HUD.