Do not bring a sibling to a birthday party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't care how much money anyone has but it is absolute lunacy to have a birthday party for a child where the cost is $75/per child.

I am busy trying to figure out what kind of gokarts allow kids young enough to need parents at the party.

The place we go is 8 and up.

[Anonymous]

Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

The idea that I am supposed to spend $80 for a babysitter and a gift so my kid can attend a 3 year old party is one that is very specific to upper class bubbles.

During the preschool years, it is fine, a little rude, but fine to ask to bring siblings.

It is during the elementary years where you can drop off that it is rude.

I went to a party recently where one family brought 4 kids AND grandparents to a pay per head birthday party. I’m sure the 4 kids would have enjoyed the activity. I think this party would have cost $30 per person so this guest cost the host $150 extra.

It’s not fine to ask to bring along someone who isn’t invited, preschool or not.

How does one even know who is invited these days? In the world of evites, I've never seen one where *only* one of my kids is specified as the invitee. I wouldn't even know how to do that with evite. Paper invitations are discouraged by my kids' school.

That all being said, I've found that basically all DCUM rules don't apply in my working-class majority-minority inner city neighborhood in Chicago. All birthday parties are gift parties, half of the invitations include a gift registry, and whole families typically attend. Oh, and people typically have no issues inviting some portion of the class that isn't 100% or all boys or all girls or whatever.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Same. And it has nothing to do with cheapness. It just isn’t worth the hassle for me to find a babysitter so I can spend 2 hrs standing around in a bounce house warehouse.

If you are going to require parents to stay at your child’s party then you shouldn’t book it at such a place that siblings will be a huge problem. If you want to do this, just expect more no responses than otherwise

Where is the other parent?

I always tag teamed with Dh when kids were younger. If we didn’t know the family and kid was just a random classmate, we would decline. If it was a close friend, both boys would have been invited. Most of the time, I would take turns with Dh taking invited kid to party.

Now I have 3 kids and parties are drop off.

What bubble do you live in that you can’t conceive of a family that doesn’t have two adults who are willing and able to center their work and their lives around getting a three year old to a birthday party?
I mean, yes, some people can and do. But it blows my mind that you cannot imagine anyone having a life or a job that doesn’t revolve around your child’s birthday party.

Most of our friends don’t work weekends. Dh is a physician and is on call on weekends sometimes. Of course parents are busy with other plans sometimes.

I just said that if it was a random classmate we don’t know, we would just decline and that if it was a good friend, sibling would have been invited.

We are actually a very busy family with 5 social family members. If it is a close friend, we prioritize. My 2 older kids are drop off age so even if we are not available, we can usually find them rides even if the birthday family picks up my child.

When we have a party, we check with closest friends for time and date. Some people can’t make it. Some people don’t rsvp at all. Some are single parents. Some parents can’t open an Evite. Some parents are divorced and the parent who had the kid that weekend didn’t know about the party. I’m well aware of all the types of parents out there.

Most professional people (which DCUM is full of) don’t work every weekend, except for healthcare, some (not all) law enforcement, truck drivers (doubt there are many of those on DCUM) and a small number of others. Most of these people are 9-5 paper pushers. They’re just making excuses because they’re APPALLED that anyone suggests their entire brood isn’t welcome at another kid’s birthday party.

Healthcare, big law, consultants, first responders, restaurant business, retail, military, teachers/coaches. Lots of people work weekends.

Feel free to decline.

I don’t decline. I’m not invited. I host parties that are convenient for my guests, and the people I choose to associate with do the same.

You should feel ashamed to teach your child to include only the most privileged of children in her super special party. No three year old needs twenty kids, each with their own adult attendant, at her birthday party. It’s ridiculous.

Agree. What kind of parities are these anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Great! Everyone wins! You don't have to go to a party you don't want to attend, and the host doesn't have to deal with uninvited guests!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Great! Everyone wins! You don't have to go to a party you don't want to attend, and the host doesn't have to deal with uninvited guests!

Aren’t you embarrassed to say things like this? It’s so childish. Who tells someone that they are uninvited to a preschool birthday party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, yes it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, yes it is.

Why? Because you're upping the guest count? Sibling-included parties are the norm where I live but I think it's good manners to confirm that this is the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

The idea that I am supposed to spend $80 for a babysitter and a gift so my kid can attend a 3 year old party is one that is very specific to upper class bubbles.

During the preschool years, it is fine, a little rude, but fine to ask to bring siblings.

It is during the elementary years where you can drop off that it is rude.

I went to a party recently where one family brought 4 kids AND grandparents to a pay per head birthday party. I’m sure the 4 kids would have enjoyed the activity. I think this party would have cost $30 per person so this guest cost the host $150 extra.

It’s not fine to ask to bring along someone who isn’t invited, preschool or not.

How does one even know who is invited these days? In the world of evites, I've never seen one where *only* one of my kids is specified as the invitee. I wouldn't even know how to do that with evite. Paper invitations are discouraged by my kids' school.

That all being said, I've found that basically all DCUM rules don't apply in my working-class majority-minority inner city neighborhood in Chicago. All birthday parties are gift parties, half of the invitations include a gift registry, and whole families typically attend. Oh, and people typically have no issues inviting some portion of the class that isn't 100% or all boys or all girls or whatever.

The person whose name is on invitation is the only person invited. Here is an example;

Johnny Johnson is invited to attend Michael Anderson's 4th birthday party.

If siblings are invited, then invitation would read:. "All Johnson children invited to Michael Anderson's 4th birthday party."

Do you understand the difference?

Here's another invitation etiquette:. Only the people's name written on both outside and inside are invited to wedding and reception
Example:. Outside envelope:. Mr. and Mrs. John Joseph Anderson, if family is invited inside envelope will say Mr. and Mrs
Johnson and family. Any one over age 16 should be sent a separate invitation. If no card is enclosed about reception then you are not invited to reception and no wedding present is expected.

The upshot is ONLY THOSE NAMED ARE INVITED!!!!!!!!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

Great! Everyone wins! You don't have to go to a party you don't want to attend, and the host doesn't have to deal with uninvited guests!

Aren’t you embarrassed to say things like this? It’s so childish. Who tells someone that they are uninvited to a preschool birthday party?

If I were paying per child then I would have no qualms. Also, a six year old does not want a three-year old at his/her party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We always rsvp no to any party that doesn’t include siblings. DH works on weekends and I’m not hiring a babysitter for a birthday party.

You should RSVP no in this case. The host family shouldn't have to pay for another kid because you are too cheap to pay for a babysitter.

This. Your inability to take care of your own kid is not my problem, and he doesn't need to be at a party he's not invited to. Keep it up and it will impact your other kid too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, yes it is.

OF course it's rude. Why would a bunch of 6 yr olds want kids 3 and under around? Answer: they don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't bring a sibling who has not been invited. Full stop.

It is actually important for siblings who were not invited to learn how to deal with not being invited. Also, it teaches siblings to deal with the fact that their brother or sister have their own friends. It is a way of teaching boundaries. I have watched moms argue that both their kids should go to a party when only one was invited because they want to "always keep things equal forever" between their kids. That is delusional thinking.

Ok. This is crazy. Most people I know work (some) weekends and both parents aren’t home in the middle of the day to babysit a three year old and an infant while the four year old goes to a party.
I assume that most people asking are asking because they don’t have other childcare. If people are asking because they feel that you need to accommodate their own weird neuroses, that’s a different story.

Then try harder, because millions of other parents find childcare just fine.

The idea that I am supposed to spend $80 for a babysitter and a gift so my kid can attend a 3 year old party is one that is very specific to upper class bubbles.

During the preschool years, it is fine, a little rude, but fine to ask to bring siblings.

It is during the elementary years where you can drop off that it is rude.

I went to a party recently where one family brought 4 kids AND grandparents to a pay per head birthday party. I’m sure the 4 kids would have enjoyed the activity. I think this party would have cost $30 per person so this guest cost the host $150 extra.

It’s not fine to ask to bring along someone who isn’t invited, preschool or not.

How does one even know who is invited these days? In the world of evites, I've never seen one where *only* one of my kids is specified as the invitee. I wouldn't even know how to do that with evite. Paper invitations are discouraged by my kids' school.

That all being said, I've found that basically all DCUM rules don't apply in my working-class majority-minority inner city neighborhood in Chicago. All birthday parties are gift parties, half of the invitations include a gift registry, and whole families typically attend. Oh, and people typically have no issues inviting some portion of the class that isn't 100% or all boys or all girls or whatever.

The person whose name is on invitation is the only person invited. Here is an example;

Johnny Johnson is invited to attend Michael Anderson's 4th birthday party.

If siblings are invited, then invitation would read:. "All Johnson children invited to Michael Anderson's 4th birthday party."

Do you understand the difference?

Here's another invitation etiquette:. Only the people's name written on both outside and inside are invited to wedding and reception
Example:. Outside envelope:. Mr. and Mrs. John Joseph Anderson, if family is invited inside envelope will say Mr. and Mrs
Johnson and family. Any one over age 16 should be sent a separate invitation. If no card is enclosed about reception then you are not invited to reception and no wedding present is expected.

The upshot is ONLY THOSE NAMED ARE INVITED!!!!!!!!?

Ok, thanks for screaming, it really made the point.

I have *never* received an invitation to a child's birthday party in an envelope. Every one my son has ever been invited to has been an email invitation and those all go to the parent's email. The name of the "invited" child has never been specified.
They always give you the option to specify the number of attendees in the RSVP. When my kid is older and the parties shrink in size and become drop off parties, I expect that will change. But right now, invitations take the form of the parent being invited via email to celebrate "Larlo's Sixth Birthday party at Skyzone."

But, maybe that's just because my local community is too poor to afford to send out paper invitations in envelopes? Or, too ignorant to invite people one by one? /s

Rich people baffle me sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, yes it is.

OF course it's rude. Why would a bunch of 6 yr olds want kids 3 and under around? Answer: they don't.

It's rude to you. But, as OP pointed out, that is *not* universal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait what? Asking the host is rude?

My 6 year old was recently invited to a birthday party and I asked the hostess if my 3 year old daughter could come and she said of course, that she was happy I asked, and that she wanted all the other parents to know they should bring siblings but didn't know how to say that and that she wasn't sure which other kids had siblings.

Yes, yes it is.

OF course it's rude. Why would a bunch of 6 yr olds want kids 3 and under around? Answer: they don't.

Aren’t most parties drop off by 6 years old?

I’m not saying that every parent is comfortable dropping off their 6 year old, but you really can’t handle one unaccompanied first grader? Does every child really need a parent with them?