Professional couples are on the rise, but it’s not increasing income inequality

[Anonymous]

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DP here. We live in McLean and I have a kid at Cooper. We live in an expensive neighborhood. Our house is $3m and most of the areas in our immediate neighborhood around Cooper/Langley are $2-5m.

I do not know any single moms. I do know several divorced and blended families. Dad is in the picture and we usually have a relationship with both parents. I usually text or email both the mom and dad when making plans or coordinating with the kids.

And we know plenty of high earning women. I used to be a high earning mom but I am now a sahm with 3 kids. Dh recently reminded me that I spend 10-20k on my Amex every month. I spend more now than when I actually worked.

I know there are mothers by choice but I don’t personally know any in our friend circles. In preschool, we knew one mom who was single. I never knew or asked where the dad was but she was a true single mom. She eventually moved to be closer to her family.

Please share what you spend 10-12k on monthly in McLean, I for one am enjoying these details and find them relevant.

We spend a lot on travel. Winter break was probably 20k. I just booked spring break and one summer camp for each kid.

I also just signed up my kids for spring sports and it cost a few grand each kid.

Trying to figure out our summer plans. We will travel half. Friend just sent us a camp that costs $5k.

We eat high quality foods so probably spend 2-3k on food. It all adds up.

This is so pathetic new money.

Obvi plastic surgery, laser hair removal, vaginal tightening, PRP injections, fillers, cool sculpting, , Marie Kondo/Home Edit-y thingies, etc.

How would old money spend money?

Do old money kids not travel or play sports?

We do, but we don't say omg I'm spending 3K on quality foods every month. It's kind of a given and it's not truly 3K, unless one has a ton of kids. To me, it means that you were not raised on quality foods. Also, the vacations are a give away. We barely spend $ on vacations, because we have a house in Breckenridge and my ILs have a huge house in Sanibel. When we go to Europe we stay at my brother's place in Paris or in Greece.
And I disagree about the plastic surgery part. My mom and her friends all have facelifts, the 85K ones that don't look like facelifts, and they leave some wrinkles for "character". No need for lipo or cool sculpting, because they don't eat. Carolina Herrera is their goddess.

Who would actually talk about their Amex bill in real life and tell someone how much they spend on food?

My kids eat a lot. We love food. It is very much a part of our lives. They eat a ton, are very active and all stick thin. Luckily I am naturally thin and I also enjoy working out. My mom is obsessed with healthy eating so you are wrong there.

We have a lot of friends with old money, new money and no money. We don’t pick our friends on their financial status.

🤣 this is peak DCUM

I know who this is! It's that crazy one who says she loves to keep having kids and she can't help it. She was berating people for not having 4-5 children. She gets super defensive and gets into minutiae about her uterus and stomach after each pregnancy. Let me find the post so I can link it. Same writing style and insane details.

I found her! This is our McLean mom with the 3K monthly grocery bill. It's a long thread, but if you read it from the start, you can see how she's getting out of control with the explanations. This was her response, while some Black moms wrote that they stopped at one because they almost died during childbirth.

"I’ve always wanted 4 kids, so if people want to have fewer to offset my strong drive to reproduce, it’s a win for us all. "
"That’s fine with me. I love having tons of kids around, love being pregnant, love the baby stage, love it all. Some people wanna spend their life traveling or on hobbies, I want to spend mine raising kids."
"PP. For sure there are compromises, but we’re not sending our kids to garbage schools and foraging for food in dumpsters. Kids go to a great charter school. We eat better quality food than most because I’m great at cooking and meal planning. I don’t spend 2 hours reading at night, we incorporate learning and reading throughout our day and into other activities. We’re not traveling to Europe anytime soon, but we all love camping and regularly travel to camp, which is cheap. Kids are all at the top of their class and are regularly in the 98-99th percentile on standardized tests. I volunteer 15+ hours a week at school so I can be with kids more and keep an eye on how they’re doing, and work 15 hours a week from home. H works a super flexible job with great work-life balance so he’s very involved. Pregnancy has been easy, I spent my first pregnancy reading everything I could on how to preserve your body and did tons of exercises to keep everything in working order. Now I just maintain those exercises and keep up strength training, and pregnancy is easy peasy. No prolapses or even leaking. These things were a priority for me so I did the work to make it happen. Three kids total with number 4 on the way Oh also, get rid of the screens. That made a huge difference. Guarantee my kids get more family and one-on-one time than the singleton kids I know who are on screens 3-4 hours a day because mom and dad are busy working.
And I’m not even the worst offender I know, lol. I know one family with 4 biological kids, 4 adopted kids, and at any given moment they are fostering 2-4 more. Mom is a SAHM, dad works a Fed job. Kids are all great and the family is pleasant to be around. Mom and dad even have time for dates and hobbies while still being highly involved with their kids.
There’s compromises with everything. I have a friend who has decided to prioritize travel and new experiences, so he takes overseas jobs in the Middle East that pay extremely well so he can blow $20-30k per vacation several times a year. He’d like a relationship but recognizes very few women want that lifestyle, so he’s at peace with being single. Or I have a friend who got divorced and decided to invest everything they had in their one child, so took a huge career hit, never got remarried or even dated, never had more children even though they wanted to. Or my sister, who decided not to have children so she could focus on a very challenging but rewarding career, and feel less stressed about money. You have to decide what is most valuable to you and make the necessary sacrifices."

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/345/1016518.page

[Anonymous]

Oooh. Good catch. Yes, that one is nutty.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I love how those nuts bring teen pregnancy rates in discussion. Teen pregnancy rates are at a historic lows and represent a minuscule number of live births. I'm more concerned about the SAH, religious breeders who keep popping tons of kids until their uterus is at their knees. Those are the problem, not successful single moms.

Why do these successful single women need to pop out a kid at all? Why not be happy and childless? Why not be happy with their career? Why choose loser men to have children with?

maybe they want a kid? Maybe they don't want a or need a man telling them what to do? There are tons of reasons.

Exactly - why are we policing women's bodies/fertility/happiness?

No one is policing anyone. There was a single mom or moms who acted superior to married.

I am married with 3 kids. My kids are well liked and have a lot of friends. I will happily include their friends from any family background.

Dh is an amazing dad and provider. To insult him and me because we are married is ridiculous.

I think part of your bias/baggage is asserting that someone is "acting superior" ipso facto because she is happy and successful in a life different than yours.

Ding ding ding. This poster takes everything as a personal attack.

Yes. I'm happily married, we're both trust funders, we make a great income and I DNGAF about what other women do and I don't feel superior because I'm married or because my grandfather made a lot of money for us. It was just luck that I found a great guy in college and that I was born in the right family, not some special skill.
I have the single friend who did IVF at 43, I have gay couple friends who adopted an infant girl addicted to opioids prior to the marriage equality law, one woman who has a kid with a rich married man and doesn't work anymore. I'm not superior to any of them just because I have a marriage certificate. I'm European and this whole American obsession with marriage is a relic from the 50s. It's just a sham so that the SAHMs can collect social security.

The obsession with marriage is so silly. There are so many unhappy married people.

I hate that women are fighting and degrading one another regarding this subject.

This^. There are happy singles & unhappy singles, happy couples & unhappy peoples, relived divorcee & regretful divorces. No group is in uber bless, everyone gets their set of problems.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is not a perfect solution but a great solution for lots of societal issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is not a perfect solution but a great solution for lots of societal issues.

+1

[Anonymous]

I am the pp who said I spent $2-3k on food per month. I’m not sure how or why you would think I am that mom from the other thread. I’m not even sure if $2k is even a lot to spend on food. We are a very typical UMC family living in McLean.

Every time I go to a store, I end up spending $200-500. I often get grocery deliveries so there is a premium cost. We get DoorDash, take out, cater food and eat out. We have 3 growing kids who eat a lot. Not in the past month but in general, we often host people at our house. I am happy to feed our guests.

[Anonymous]

I just read some posts of that other mom and I couldn’t be any more different besides residing in McLean and a similar food budget.

I have never asked anyone how much they spend on food per month but we live in an affluent neighborhood. I don’t think anyone would care. We may be the most low key people who live in our neighborhood.

The old money lady said her family doesn’t eat much so I guess they can frown at our monthly food costs.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre final comment you make about marriage. How does being alone help women??

Well, as a single mom making $300, I can guarantee I have far less arguments about how I’m spending my money or child raising decisions than 99.9% of married people. (Not, op).

I live in McLean and I never run into women like you.

Because you are old and live in one of those old ranchers. There are plenty of successful, single moms at Longfellow making this or more. For those who can't imagine a woman in her 30s making a high salary, you need to leave Woodbridge more. A 25 year old computer system engineer makes around 200K. A lawyer makes at least 300K. I'm a fed at a fin agency and I make over 200K. My single friend at Amazon makes 400. My H is a VP of sales in biotech and his top sales person is a woman in Atlanta making 600K.

So if you have a middle school student and in your 30s, you were a young mom. I have a middle school student and I’m 43 and I feel like one of the young moms. I also have a kid in preschool. You are a super young mom.

I am not trying to put you down but 200k is low in McLean. Sorry.

Another dumb one. Read my post slowly. Slowly. I'm not in my 30s. And I love my salary and flexibility, after spending years in IB. And some of us don't even have to work, not because we have to desperately cling on some a** husband, but because we have family money.

Does your child have any relationship with the father?
Are you divorced? Is the dad in the picture at all.

You seem to have a lot of misplaced anger.

There are a 1000 kids at Cooper and 1300 kids at Longfellow. I am sure there are single moms. I just don’t know any. I do know many divorced moms.

[Anonymous]

This thread has been strangely therapeutic. I was mad at Dh about something petty. I realize how lucky I am to have him. We have these perfect little humans that we created together. It is so nice to have someone to always be there for you. I’m looking forward to Valentine’s Day.

I don’t think anyone plans to be a single mom by choice. Sure, maybe you didn’t find Mr. Right so you can decide to have kids on your own but I don’t think you grow up thinking you want to be alone and have a baby alone.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Marriage is not a perfect solution but a great solution for lots of societal issues.

+1

+1000

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre final comment you make about marriage. How does being alone help women??

Well, as a single mom making $300, I can guarantee I have far less arguments about how I’m spending my money or child raising decisions than 99.9% of married people. (Not, op).

I live in McLean and I never run into women like you.

Because you are old and live in one of those old ranchers. There are plenty of successful, single moms at Longfellow making this or more. For those who can't imagine a woman in her 30s making a high salary, you need to leave Woodbridge more. A 25 year old computer system engineer makes around 200K. A lawyer makes at least 300K. I'm a fed at a fin agency and I make over 200K. My single friend at Amazon makes 400. My H is a VP of sales in biotech and his top sales person is a woman in Atlanta making 600K.

DP here. We live in McLean and I have a kid at Cooper. We live in an expensive neighborhood. Our house is $3m and most of the areas in our immediate neighborhood around Cooper/Langley are $2-5m.

I do not know any single moms. I do know several divorced and blended families. Dad is in the picture and we usually have a relationship with both parents. I usually text or email both the mom and dad when making plans or coordinating with the kids.

And we know plenty of high earning women. I used to be a high earning mom but I am now a sahm with 3 kids. Dh recently reminded me that I spend 10-20k on my Amex every month. I spend more now than when I actually worked.

I know there are mothers by choice but I don’t personally know any in our friend circles. In preschool, we knew one mom who was single. I never knew or asked where the dad was but she was a true single mom. She eventually moved to be closer to her family.

Honey, every time you post on here you just sound so desperate to justify your decision to leave the workforce. I know your husband’s salary, your children’s elite extracurriculars, and now your monthly credit card bill — personal details, especially financial ones, that I don’t even know about some of my friends. Are you ok?

Don't be so mean, she's just trying to feel relevant in her otherwise empty life.

Lol

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre final comment you make about marriage. How does being alone help women??

Well, as a single mom making $300, I can guarantee I have far less arguments about how I’m spending my money or child raising decisions than 99.9% of married people. (Not, op).

I live in McLean and I never run into women like you.

Because you are old and live in one of those old ranchers. There are plenty of successful, single moms at Longfellow making this or more. For those who can't imagine a woman in her 30s making a high salary, you need to leave Woodbridge more. A 25 year old computer system engineer makes around 200K. A lawyer makes at least 300K. I'm a fed at a fin agency and I make over 200K. My single friend at Amazon makes 400. My H is a VP of sales in biotech and his top sales person is a woman in Atlanta making 600K.

So if you have a middle school student and in your 30s, you were a young mom. I have a middle school student and I’m 43 and I feel like one of the young moms. I also have a kid in preschool. You are a super young mom.

I am not trying to put you down but 200k is low in McLean. Sorry.

Another dumb one. Read my post slowly. Slowly. I'm not in my 30s. And I love my salary and flexibility, after spending years in IB. And some of us don't even have to work, not because we have to desperately cling on some a** husband, but because we have family money.

Does your child have any relationship with the father?
Are you divorced? Is the dad in the picture at all.

You seem to have a lot of misplaced anger.

There are a 1000 kids at Cooper and 1300 kids at Longfellow. I am sure there are single moms. I just don’t know any. I do know many divorced moms.

One of our kids is in med school, the other one is in college and yes, he's downstairs folding clothes and watching Netflix. Also paying their tuition. There are plenty of single moms in McLean, they were probably avoiding your judgmental a**, that's why you don't know any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is not a perfect solution but a great solution for lots of societal issues.

I respectfully disagree. I found marriage useless. Much better off divorced (yes I have kids—I find marital status to be meaningless with raising kids. Two parents—whether married or divorced—is fine. Marriage is completely overrated. Wish I never did it. No benefits. All sacrifice. I am a woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre final comment you make about marriage. How does being alone help women??

Well, as a single mom making $300, I can guarantee I have far less arguments about how I’m spending my money or child raising decisions than 99.9% of married people. (Not, op).

I live in McLean and I never run into women like you.

Because you are old and live in one of those old ranchers. There are plenty of successful, single moms at Longfellow making this or more. For those who can't imagine a woman in her 30s making a high salary, you need to leave Woodbridge more. A 25 year old computer system engineer makes around 200K. A lawyer makes at least 300K. I'm a fed at a fin agency and I make over 200K. My single friend at Amazon makes 400. My H is a VP of sales in biotech and his top sales person is a woman in Atlanta making 600K.

So if you have a middle school student and in your 30s, you were a young mom. I have a middle school student and I’m 43 and I feel like one of the young moms. I also have a kid in preschool. You are a super young mom.

I am not trying to put you down but 200k is low in McLean. Sorry.

Another dumb one. Read my post slowly. Slowly. I'm not in my 30s. And I love my salary and flexibility, after spending years in IB. And some of us don't even have to work, not because we have to desperately cling on some a** husband, but because we have family money.

Does your child have any relationship with the father?
Are you divorced? Is the dad in the picture at all.

You seem to have a lot of misplaced anger.

There are a 1000 kids at Cooper and 1300 kids at Longfellow. I am sure there are single moms. I just don’t know any. I do know many divorced moms.

One of our kids is in med school, the other one is in college and yes, he's downstairs folding clothes and watching Netflix. Also paying their tuition. There are plenty of single moms in McLean, they were probably avoiding your judgmental a**, that's why you don't know any.

So your ex is in your basement? And paying their tuition.

I think there are a lot of different single moms and married moms posting on here.

I have several divorced friends. I do not judge them. We offer each other support because we are friends.

The pp was a jerk first acting high and almighty putting married people down. Then saying how she earns so much when it wasn’t that much. Then she said she had a trust fund so she didn’t need to depend on a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a bizarre final comment you make about marriage. How does being alone help women??

Well, as a single mom making $300, I can guarantee I have far less arguments about how I’m spending my money or child raising decisions than 99.9% of married people. (Not, op).

I live in McLean and I never run into women like you.

Because you are old and live in one of those old ranchers. There are plenty of successful, single moms at Longfellow making this or more. For those who can't imagine a woman in her 30s making a high salary, you need to leave Woodbridge more. A 25 year old computer system engineer makes around 200K. A lawyer makes at least 300K. I'm a fed at a fin agency and I make over 200K. My single friend at Amazon makes 400. My H is a VP of sales in biotech and his top sales person is a woman in Atlanta making 600K.

So if you have a middle school student and in your 30s, you were a young mom. I have a middle school student and I’m 43 and I feel like one of the young moms. I also have a kid in preschool. You are a super young mom.

I am not trying to put you down but 200k is low in McLean. Sorry.

Another dumb one. Read my post slowly. Slowly. I'm not in my 30s. And I love my salary and flexibility, after spending years in IB. And some of us don't even have to work, not because we have to desperately cling on some a** husband, but because we have family money.

Does your child have any relationship with the father?
Are you divorced? Is the dad in the picture at all.

You seem to have a lot of misplaced anger.

There are a 1000 kids at Cooper and 1300 kids at Longfellow. I am sure there are single moms. I just don’t know any. I do know many divorced moms.

One of our kids is in med school, the other one is in college and yes, he's downstairs folding clothes and watching Netflix. Also paying their tuition. There are plenty of single moms in McLean, they were probably avoiding your judgmental a**, that's why you don't know any.

So your ex is in your basement? And paying their tuition.

I think there are a lot of different single moms and married moms posting on here.

I have several divorced friends. I do not judge them. We offer each other support because we are friends.

The pp was a jerk first acting high and almighty putting married people down. Then saying how she earns so much when it wasn’t that much. Then she said she had a trust fund so she didn’t need to depend on a man.

Girl, you need major help and SAT course in reading comprehension. I wrote before that he's my H (look above), so yes, he lives in the house. Also, we don't have a basement, we're on a 3 level house. Just because I know several single moms who are successful and happy (imagine that!), it doesn't mean that I'm putting married people down. We're simply not better than them just because we're married.
And I'm going to repeat something else that will absolutely blow your mind - there are some married women, out there in the wild, who don't have to depend on their H for money. They make enough, they have inheritance, they have low expenses etc. They are independent. It's a great feeling, I recommend that you should try to get there in your lifetime.