Tell me about adoption

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did international to avoid the whole "open" adoption thing. Not for our family.

Lol. DNA will decide this for you in short time, dear.

Said by someone who obviously has no idea what open adoption is. Even if the DNA test can identify a birth parent, that isn't the same thing at all.

Sure we understand. But you should know there's really no more closed adoptions, even if you think there are. Sealed paperwork, secret identities, all that. That ship has sailed. You only bought 18 years, if that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did international to avoid the whole "open" adoption thing. Not for our family.

Lol. DNA will decide this for you in short time, dear.

Said by someone who obviously has no idea what open adoption is. Even if the DNA test can identify a birth parent, that isn't the same thing at all.

The point is for the parent who adopted and is threatened, if the kids are interested, there. Are ways to find out. Many states when kids are adults allow for records to be unsealed.

[Anonymous]

In my opinion, adoption is trauma, for the mother and the child, at least the way it was practiced in the 1920s-1970s, conservatively. I have a father and husband who were adopted. Maybe the trauma gets balanced out in some cases. But there is trauma.

Some people have this crazy idea of adoption that they "save" a poor infant. There are some stories like that. But mostly, for the majority of recent past, young women were forced into giving up babies they loved to people who were better positioned. Babies as commodity. And now, you barely get a baby unless you hire someone to gestate for you.

Today it's hard to adopt an infant, but easier to adopt an older child who comes with emotional problems, special needs, etc. Those kids are waiting for homes while most prospective adoptive parents want a perfect infant.

I feel bad for people who want to adopt and are waiting. But not sure I could make the same choice. I respect you for it, if you understand the trauma and are not in a fantasy world of creating a family without considering what went on before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion, adoption is trauma, for the mother and the child, at least the way it was practiced in the 1920s-1970s, conservatively. I have a father and husband who were adopted. Maybe the trauma gets balanced out in some cases. But there is trauma.

Some people have this crazy idea of adoption that they "save" a poor infant. There are some stories like that. But mostly, for the majority of recent past, young women were forced into giving up babies they loved to people who were better positioned. Babies as commodity. And now, you barely get a baby unless you hire someone to gestate for you.

Today it's hard to adopt an infant, but easier to adopt an older child who comes with emotional problems, special needs, etc. Those kids are waiting for homes while most prospective adoptive parents want a perfect infant.

I feel bad for people who want to adopt and are waiting. But not sure I could make the same choice. I respect you for it, if you understand the trauma and are not in a fantasy world of creating a family without considering what went on before.

Troll or narrow-minded?!

[Anonymous]

We adopted our kids privately though our attorney. There is no planned contact wit the birth fmaily unless the kids want to on their own when they are 18.

[Anonymous]

^^
we adopted our kids as newborns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We adopted our kids privately though our attorney. There is no planned contact wit the birth fmaily unless the kids want to on their own when they are 18.

I think this is often the least traumatic. We're seeing problems with our family member's open adoption and the full inclusion of the child's birth family. There are real concerns arising about how this will affect both the adopted child and other children in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion, adoption is trauma, for the mother and the child, at least the way it was practiced in the 1920s-1970s, conservatively. I have a father and husband who were adopted. Maybe the trauma gets balanced out in some cases. But there is trauma.

Some people have this crazy idea of adoption that they "save" a poor infant. There are some stories like that. But mostly, for the majority of recent past, young women were forced into giving up babies they loved to people who were better positioned. Babies as commodity. And now, you barely get a baby unless you hire someone to gestate for you.

Today it's hard to adopt an infant, but easier to adopt an older child who comes with emotional problems, special needs, etc. Those kids are waiting for homes while most prospective adoptive parents want a perfect infant.

I feel bad for people who want to adopt and are waiting. But not sure I could make the same choice. I respect you for it, if you understand the trauma and are not in a fantasy world of creating a family without considering what went on before.

So to summarize, you were not adopted yourself, and you are not a parent by adoption. Are you a social worker? Or an adoption attorney? Have you ever thought to ask yourself whether you're qualified to tell others about adoption? Lots of people have opinions about adoption, some strongly held, but without actual experience to fall back on, they are simply opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion, adoption is trauma, for the mother and the child, at least the way it was practiced in the 1920s-1970s, conservatively. I have a father and husband who were adopted. Maybe the trauma gets balanced out in some cases. But there is trauma.

Some people have this crazy idea of adoption that they "save" a poor infant. There are some stories like that. But mostly, for the majority of recent past, young women were forced into giving up babies they loved to people who were better positioned. Babies as commodity. And now, you barely get a baby unless you hire someone to gestate for you.

Today it's hard to adopt an infant, but easier to adopt an older child who comes with emotional problems, special needs, etc. Those kids are waiting for homes while most prospective adoptive parents want a perfect infant.

I feel bad for people who want to adopt and are waiting. But not sure I could make the same choice. I respect you for it, if you understand the trauma and are not in a fantasy world of creating a family without considering what went on before.

So to summarize, you were not adopted yourself, and you are not a parent by adoption. Are you a social worker? Or an adoption attorney? Have you ever thought to ask yourself whether you're qualified to tell others about adoption? Lots of people have opinions about adoption, some strongly held, but without actual experience to fall back on, they are simply opinions.

You are triggered by a post that literally begins with "In my opinion." However, all you need to do is google the words "adoption" and "trauma," and you'll see that what I've said here isn't even really all that controversial. There IS trauma in adoption. Can it be overcome? Sure. Is it overcome, most of the time? I don't know. And here comes another opinion: If you're the kind of person who can't broach the idea that there is trauma in adoption, or can't hear anything negative about adoption without becoming defensive, you probably shouldn't adopt. My opinions are informed by my close relationships with two people who were adopted, and a lot of reading on the subject.

[Anonymous]

Another private adopter here. We had our bio son, and then we adopted our younger sons. We looked into agency adoption, but in the end we went privately with an adoption attorney. Our boys were under one (but not newborn) and we adopted them 2.5 years apart.

I strongly suggest the OP carry on with her plan. Be fearless!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion, adoption is trauma, for the mother and the child, at least the way it was practiced in the 1920s-1970s, conservatively. I have a father and husband who were adopted. Maybe the trauma gets balanced out in some cases. But there is trauma.

Some people have this crazy idea of adoption that they "save" a poor infant. There are some stories like that. But mostly, for the majority of recent past, young women were forced into giving up babies they loved to people who were better positioned. Babies as commodity. And now, you barely get a baby unless you hire someone to gestate for you.

Today it's hard to adopt an infant, but easier to adopt an older child who comes with emotional problems, special needs, etc. Those kids are waiting for homes while most prospective adoptive parents want a perfect infant.

I feel bad for people who want to adopt and are waiting. But not sure I could make the same choice. I respect you for it, if you understand the trauma and are not in a fantasy world of creating a family without considering what went on before.

So to summarize, you were not adopted yourself, and you are not a parent by adoption. Are you a social worker? Or an adoption attorney? Have you ever thought to ask yourself whether you're qualified to tell others about adoption? Lots of people have opinions about adoption, some strongly held, but without actual experience to fall back on, they are simply opinions.

You are triggered by a post that literally begins with "In my opinion." However, all you need to do is google the words "adoption" and "trauma," and you'll see that what I've said here isn't even really all that controversial. There IS trauma in adoption. Can it be overcome? Sure. Is it overcome, most of the time? I don't know. And here comes another opinion: If you're the kind of person who can't broach the idea that there is trauma in adoption, or can't hear anything negative about adoption without becoming defensive, you probably shouldn't adopt. My opinions are informed by my close relationships with two people who were adopted, and a lot of reading on the subject.

Funny you are basing your opinions on googling and two people. You have no clue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We adopted our kids privately though our attorney. There is no planned contact wit the birth fmaily unless the kids want to on their own when they are 18.

I think this is often the least traumatic. We're seeing problems with our family member's open adoption and the full inclusion of the child's birth family. There are real concerns arising about how this will affect both the adopted child and other children in the family.

It’s more traumatic for kids not to know as well as the birth family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion, adoption is trauma, for the mother and the child, at least the way it was practiced in the 1920s-1970s, conservatively. I have a father and husband who were adopted. Maybe the trauma gets balanced out in some cases. But there is trauma.

Some people have this crazy idea of adoption that they "save" a poor infant. There are some stories like that. But mostly, for the majority of recent past, young women were forced into giving up babies they loved to people who were better positioned. Babies as commodity. And now, you barely get a baby unless you hire someone to gestate for you.

Today it's hard to adopt an infant, but easier to adopt an older child who comes with emotional problems, special needs, etc. Those kids are waiting for homes while most prospective adoptive parents want a perfect infant.

I feel bad for people who want to adopt and are waiting. But not sure I could make the same choice. I respect you for it, if you understand the trauma and are not in a fantasy world of creating a family without considering what went on before.

It’s not the adoption that causes the trauma; it’s the circumstances that lead to birth parents placing their children for adoption. Don’t blame adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion, adoption is trauma, for the mother and the child, at least the way it was practiced in the 1920s-1970s, conservatively. I have a father and husband who were adopted. Maybe the trauma gets balanced out in some cases. But there is trauma.

Some people have this crazy idea of adoption that they "save" a poor infant. There are some stories like that. But mostly, for the majority of recent past, young women were forced into giving up babies they loved to people who were better positioned. Babies as commodity. And now, you barely get a baby unless you hire someone to gestate for you.

Today it's hard to adopt an infant, but easier to adopt an older child who comes with emotional problems, special needs, etc. Those kids are waiting for homes while most prospective adoptive parents want a perfect infant.

I feel bad for people who want to adopt and are waiting. But not sure I could make the same choice. I respect you for it, if you understand the trauma and are not in a fantasy world of creating a family without considering what went on before.

It’s not the adoption that causes the trauma; it’s the circumstances that lead to birth parents placing their children for adoption. Don’t blame adoption.

For the scoop era babies, there was no actual situation was traumatic. An unwed pregnancy is not trauma. An affair isn't traumatic, a young mother isn't traumatic unless the society says it is and removes the child because of misogyny. Now? It's more often than not elitism. Why should a well to do couple have a baby over a poor mother who can't raise a child and continue to educate herself and survive, regardless of what country the mother is from? Why not help the mother? It's still an industry- look at how the GOP fuels it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did international to avoid the whole "open" adoption thing. Not for our family.

Lol. DNA will decide this for you in short time, dear.

Said by someone who obviously has no idea what open adoption is. Even if the DNA test can identify a birth parent, that isn't the same thing at all.

The point is for the parent who adopted and is threatened, if the kids are interested, there. Are ways to find out. Many states when kids are adults allow for records to be unsealed.

Most states do not now, but that is changing. DNA solves it in a matter of minutes- which is why the sealed records are not the problem, in this country anyway. It's definitely more tricky with international adoptions, but there are literal "boots on the ground" helpers to find birth families in all countries with a fair amount of success.